#please read.

first of all, and talking to you anon, i can't blame you or take importance off from how you felt after supporting me from the beginning. but thinking i have an idea of who you are, i feel like this is very unfair.

1. you could have told me without anonymity, and 2. i've never been hypocritical with you nor have i left without answering a single message, a comment, an ask, or anything you sent me because i truly considered you a friend during those two and a half years that we shared like stays together.

second and with respect to this blog that has been left in suspense, it's not a scam, it was a new beginning. i said it when i explained that i didn't want to write any more because of fatigue; i had another blog in which i wrote since 2018 when there were very few accounts writing for stray kids. i didn't speak english, i didn't have the slightest idea of the concept of writing, i was guided by what i felt was 'smart' coming from a 15-year-old girl. i was experimenting.

after years of reading on wattpad i wanted people to value my work like any fanfiction writer, i wanted to do amazing things that went viral and all the blogs i admired talked about it, i wanted to get into the group of popular writers who felt like the very elite, i just wanted to be integrated. i gained popularity after almost a year, i always wrote the same type of content but overnight it was no longer interesting. the percentage of interactions was ridiculous compared to the amount of people who followed me, and my blog was exclusively fics, i had no other content because i focused on that.

+ 2.3k are only those that were left after deleting everything and publicly assuring that they could unfollow me.

do you know how stressful it is to turn a hobby into a job as a high school student? i spent every day on the computer writing stories in hopes that someone would read them and then they simply flopped, they didn't even reach 10 reblogs while all the others did, i felt that all the people who followed me just ignored me while my fellow writer friends succeeded.

do you have any idea how disappointing and exhausting this was?

of course i wanted to start over. many writers joined in that two year span, many had fresh and new content and i wanted to give it a try too. what was the point of saying it was me again? i wasn't moving, i wanted to erase all that failure and give it a second chance. social networks are made for that, to take refuge behind a screen. i felt safer using all that other side that i never showed on the other blog, and that was still me.

you can feel disappointed and angry because it's exactly how i felt about something that i was supposed to do because i enjoyed it and because i wanted to. when i started here i felt that satisfaction and hope again, and i do not regret having done it even though the same thing happened.

please stop spreading hate and start talking things like a mature person instead of spewing poison "like a snake". by the way, you seem to be good with words, so you could take my place. i'm going to delete the aks along with everything else and let those who have really enjoyed my content here continue to do so. i can assure you that as sweet as they are, none of them knew my previous blog and they didn't need to do so to support me in this one.

So uhm....yeah. This whole situation is fucked up. I know. I'm not going to go off in a whole essay rant because it is 2am and I really don't care enough to. So I'm going to make it clear that I have talked to the person who is also involved and have gotten a clear to address things going on personally.

This is just...fucking weird for me to come on here and explain to my 200-something followers that I'm having problems with someone who I have been friends with for a little under a year. It might upset people but please understand that this was made public way before Sh made a post and it needs to be properly addressed before people are misinformed. Alright? Alright, awesome.

From now on I will be avoiding names because you all know who you are. Mostly everyone who will be reading this knows whats going on and I don't feel like saying names because I wouldn't want that to happen to me either.

SOOOOOOOOOO

Here we go. Short and sweet. I will explain everything I will be doing from now on in this friendship and I'll be making it public. Sounds pretty good, I guess. Reply if you want, ignore me, never speak to me again if you wish. It's your choice. I gave you a chance a week ago and you didn't take it. So I'm standing up for myself because I myself have been through too much hurt and loss that I can't handle being walked all over again, alright?

This entire situation has me fucked up in so many ways that I think about it fucking constantly. It won't get out of my head. I finally got it sorted out tonight to reach out and now we can't talk on Discord. So alright. Tumblr it is. This might be my last post. I'm fucking SICK of dealing with this. I can't stomach it. There's too many stresses in my life that I can't make everyone happy, but I can be honest now. I can be more honest with everyone.

Yes. I have talked about them behind their back to you. I realize that. I explained that to him not even half an hour ago. I can't explain to them how truly sorry I am. I can't use excuses for talking about them behind their back the way I did. But they forgave me and understood. So don't believe for a second that I'm changing sides and sticking with them because they are "cool" or something......

So I will not be interacting with you anymore. I won't try. We might cross paths and I'm okay with that. You were one of my best friends. You know a lot more about me than most people do. I understand you might want to reach out to me after I post this but I don't think that I can trust you because I saw what you did to people after they stopped talking to you in the first place.

I'm taking space for myself. We have mutual friends, we're bound to be able to hear about each other. But I can't go on like this anymore. I can't go on feeling sad and wanting to help you but knowing deep down I can't even fucking help myself. So I'm trying to be the better person. Maybe you'll understand that, maybe you won't. I'm not going to be sorry about the decision that I make though. It's come to this and I should have realized sooner that I should have stopped talking about them behind their back and I should have stood up, I should have and I told you that I would not be commenting on the things that you say about them because I was friends with them and cared about them, flash forward a month and this is happening over what? A fucking name and credits, then it spiraled into emptiness and cluelessness, then some oblivious fucking post instead of coming to ME and explaining to ME what I did wrong. So yeah. I've been pissed off. I'm so sick of hurting and sick of wanting to scream so I'm ending this.

Our collabs....I don't know whats going to happen with them. I was looking forward to the continuation of them, but what else is there to do? I'm sorry to those who read them. I will still be making my own works and a collab with another talented creator might be coming up very soon, so we have that coming up.