Sex Repulsion is not the same thing as, or an excuse for, Sex Negativity

non-negotiable!

I am a sex-repulsed asexual. This means that I am uncomfortable and repulsed by the idea of engaging in sexual acts. This does not mean that I have an excuse to be repulsed by other people's sexual attraction or the right to police how other people engage in or express sexual acts or attraction.

Young queer people need to learn the difference between sex repulsion and sex negativity, and actively work to unlearn sex-negative attitudes. Asexuality, even sex-repulsed asexuality, is and should be fully compatible with sex positivity.

Honestly, seeing these kinds of questions even being asked is… exhausting. They’re invasive, they’re entitlement wrapped as “curiosity,” and they put actors in a position they should never have to navigate publicly. Jacob handled it incredibly well — but he shouldn’t have had to.

What gets me is how quickly people forget the basics:

No one owes their sexuality to the internet. Not actors, not creators, not anyone.

We don’t interrogate straight actors when they play queer roles or vice versa. We didn’t demand Matt Bomer, Noah Reid, or countless others to justify anything when they crossed orientation lines in their casting. And honestly — have we learned nothing from the Kit Connor situation?

It’s especially ironic because the LGBTQ+ community has fought for decades for the right to choose if, when, and how you share your identity. That includes choosing not to. That includes privacy. That includes not labeling yourself for strangers who think they’re owed something.

We can’t preach “don’t force people to come out” and then turn around and demand real-life personal disclosures from actors simply because we’re attached to their characters.

Just appreciate the performance. Appreciate the story. Enjoy Shane and Ilya for who they are without dragging the real people into parasocial expectations. And maybe take a breath — the entire story is literally about closeted athletes terrified of being outed. Are we missing the point?

Talent doesn’t equal access. Admiration doesn’t equal entitlement.