hello hello. first of all, i'm sorry to the people who literally have nothing to do with this postāthat's basically everyone lolāfor clogging your dashboard since this message is very targeted (yes, you know who you are). i'm not used to bring any drama to my blog, i've never done it and this is probably going to be the last time i will, you'll understand that i've reached my limit. that said, for anyone who doesn't want to hear this, please feel free to ignore this, it's not directed at anybody but one single person. i love you guys so much.
first of all i just want to say a few things about how this all started just because maybe itās the only way you can possibly understand how fucked up everything is. thereās no right way in the world where youābeing ten years older than me, in a relationship for nine whole yearsācould possibly send me anon asks claiming to be in love with me. not only thatās emotional cheating as iāve already tried to explain to you countless times, but thatās also just something i canāt comprehend in the moment you know absolutely nothing about me, my values, how i am in real life, and iām not only talking about looks.
saying that you know someone deeply just because you read their writng not only feels diminishing of my whole entire personality but is parasocial. you donāt know me, never interacted with me before beyond sending those asks. not to mention that the moment you actually decide to interact with me off anon you chose to do it while pretending not to know anything in order to gain my trust, saying that you were unaware about the whole situation just to justify yourself later saying that if you really never wanted to be found out you wouldāve made sure that was the case. oh, and letās not forget that you explicitly offered yourself to āfind who it is and have a talk with themā when i told you i found all those asks kind of creepy.
but then again, maybe there is something i need to blame myself for, because still i decided that we could be friends, that you were going through a hard time ending a relationship so long because of meāyour words, not mineāand i gave you the benefit of the doubt you could be someone that could respect boundaries when set. maybe i was too naive, because not only you overstepped them once, but twice, three and multiple other times: by claiming that you know me; that if i ever met you in real life i would fall for you; by saying that iām ājust some girl who got hurt and that doesnāt know what good love looks likeā and youāre the one who can fix me because you can love me right; by deactivating your account just because āyou couldnāt handle it anymoreā, that i was making you too sad, but at the same time making new ones so you could send me more asks on anon asking me for my socials AFTER i had told you to please not lurk if you had decided to step away from this app, because if you didnāt i wouldāve preferred blocking you. but of course you decided not to tell me that, only when i eventually found out that you were stalking me and justifying yourself by sayingāonce againāthat if you ever wanted to remain anonymous you wouldāve made sure of it. and please, letās not forget when i literally told you this whole thing was unhealthy and blocked you on every possible platform that i knew you had my username of, youāre stillāas of nowāfindind ways to creep your way in and find and stalk my social medias.
and the fact that i canāt possible trace them so there's no way for me to block them, it's creeping me out beyond measure. i don't feel safe on posting about my personal lifeāwhich i'm already careful aboutāit makes me feel watched and stalked. i'm not that active with my actual writing becauseāas it's already been doneāi fear that each one of the things i say will be seen, stored and over-interpreted as made specifically for you while on every other platform i've already pressed that "block" button, and for a reason. the boundaries i keep setting are constantly being ignored like they don't exist and as if it's okay for them to be treated that way. it's not. it's creepy, weird and i'm genuinely scared and uncomfortable.
i love being here and i want to feel at peace and safe in my personal space, even if it's on the internet, and you saying it's MY fault for not having certain privacy settings toggled off, such as allowing my blog to appear on a google search because that allows people to find me more easily, is something i find concerning, treading into victim blaming territory when i have been harassed for months while trying to be nice, keep a certain distance, and just trying to be friendly while not letting things escalate. and maybe i'm responsible for not pressing on that block button sooner, for engaging with someone although i didn't know it would've led to being lurked upon, but i won't be guilted for saying that i'm not comfortable with having you in my personal space and/or life anymore. again, if i've pressed that block button there's a reason for it.
i have no other way of saying this and it honestly makes me so angry that i have to make this post, polluting my own space with this crap to tell someone to stop stalking me, but just know that i'm aware of what you're doing, i'm not stupid. i'm once again asking to please stop making new accounts i have no way of finding just to see what i'm doing, saying, and thinking. i just want to feel safe in my own space again without sacrificing something i'm passionate about because someone who i'm legitimately scared of keeps finding ways in knowing it's something that creeps me out.
this is the last time iām asking nicely: please, leave me alone, donāt read my blog, donāt look for my social medias, donāt reach out to my friends. what you did goes beyond every kind of limit i could possibly have. please, donāt force me to take actions that i really donāt want to take.
