#play practice

pros:

spelling it 'theatre' 

jazz shoes are the comfiest shoes

singing and dancing all the time

costumes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hairspray 

Hairspray™

h a r m o n i e s 

pre-show sing-along 

that one musical that is Yours

looking your theater friends dead in the eyes and saying one line from a musical you all love and then immediately breaking into song

live action versions of musicals

type-casting

that Feeling you get on stage 

that one show where everything possible goes right 

cons: 

it's not play practice it's rehearsal 

spirit gum

superstitions 

can't eat, drink, breathe, live a life, be a human, etc. in your costume

live action versions of musicals

type-casting

when someone else sings your solo backstage or ever and you have to kill them to appease the muses

eMOTIONS

mic tape

stage...no, house right?

upst––DOWNSTAGE 

nobody wants you to have the aux cord

nobody knows who you're talking about

everybody knows you are a theater kid

Camila’s face is flushed and glowing as Lauren pulls her hand out of her underwear. They’re kissing before either of them can get any words out, which Camila’s thankful for because she’s not sure what the hell she’s supposed to say after Lauren made her come in their high school dressing room.

Lauren pulls back and kisses her neck, her chin, her cheeks, her forehead. She pulls back, and says, “Have I told you how happy I am that you’re in this play?”

Camila smiles, so Lauren smiles, and they stay like that for a second before Lauren gets that feeling again.

Everything closes in on her. Everything she feels is for Camila. She wants to do everything for her and she wants to be everything for her, and she’s only sort of felt this before with Keana. But that was nothing compared to this.

This scares her. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. Like at the concert. She got this feeling for the first time, and it was like she had to look at Camila and had to touch Camila and had to worship Camila or else her heart would break. It wasn’t scary because she felt like she had control over the situation. She doesn’t now.

Camila’s starting to know the soft spots of Lauren that Keana never bothered to know. Camila looks at her like Keana never did.

And Lauren thinks that if Keana could hurt her that badly before without even knowing Lauren, the thought of what Camila could do to her makes her sick.

Lauren clears her throat, her smile fades away, and she breaks eye contact. She steps away to find Camila’s pants, leaving Camila sitting on the makeup counter. She finds them and turns back around, and she tries her absolute hardest not to be affected by the expression on Camila’s face.

At first the younger girl’s eyebrows are furrowed, but then the hurt travels down to her eyes, and Camila lets out a quiet sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Lauren avoids her eyes.

When Camila doesn’t say anything, Lauren looks up to search her face. Camila opens her mouth, but closes it again, as if she’s learned to just stay quiet.

“Nothing,” Camila shrugs her shoulders.

Lauren tosses Camila her pants, which she catches. “You should get dressed. The janitor usually cleans the theatre department a little after rehearsal.”

“Yeah…” Camila hops off the counter and pulls her jeans back on. “I have to go anyway. Hailee wants to hang out tonight, so I’ve gotta get some homework done first.”

Lauren freezes in the middle of putting her jacket back on. “You’re actually doing that?”

“My homework?”

“Hanging out with Hailee.”

“Am I not allowed to hang out with Hailee?”

Lauren clenches her jaw as she finishes putting her jacket on. “Never said that.”

“Then what are you saying, exactly?” Camila tries to keep her tone light as she puts her shoes on.

“I just didn’t know you were the type to play the field, that’s all.”

“Play the field?” Camila narrows her eyes. “We went over this. We’re just friends.”

“It’s fine,” Lauren says shortly, collecting her backpack. “I don’t really care.”

Camila’s throat pretty much closes up, but she knows Lauren too well. She knows she’s putting on a front to protect her feelings. “I don’t have feelings for her, Lauren.”

Lauren scoffs. “She has feelings for you. She’s practically obsessed with you. It’s all over her face.”

“At least someone isn’t afraid to have feelings for me,” Camila grabs her backpack. “At least I can actually tell what she’s feeling without having to analyze every word.”

Lauren sighs and forgets about her anger for a second. “Camila–”

“I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow, Lauren.”

Camila leaves, slamming the door behind her, and the sound rings in Lauren’s ears for minutes. It radiates through her head just like the pain radiates through her chest.

She realizes she’s just hurting herself by hurting Camila, but it’s all she knows. After what happened with Keana, she’s sure this pain doesn’t compare to the pain of letting herself fall.

-

Hailee and Camila are sitting in Hailee’s living room watching Mean Girls, and Camila’s seething. She’s sure Hailee can feel it too because she’s sitting about three feet away from Camila, putting lots of distance between them.

Camila didn’t realize how much of a hypocrite Lauren was being until she left the school. Lauren hasn’t even ended her thing with Zayn, but she thinks it’s okay to give Camila shit for hanging out with Hailee. It’s ridiculous and cruel and it’s taking everything in Camila not to cry in front of Hailee.

She realizes that Hailee totally sees this as some sort of date, but Camila’s so upset at Lauren that she can’t find it in her to tell her otherwise. It’s selfish, but she doesn’t want to shut her down. Because even though Camila would choose Lauren over anyone in a heartbeat, there’s still the fact that Hailee is putting herself out there. And Camila feels too guilty to ignore that.

“Um, Camila?” Hailee’s quiet voice breaks Camila away from her thoughts. She sounds nervous, and she won’t stop fiddling with her fingers.

Camila can’t help but feel a little bad for her. “Yeah?”

Hailee hesitates, obviously not sure if she should say what’s on her mind. She looks back at the TV. “Are you planning on going to prom?”

Camila lets out a small laugh. “I can’t. I’m not a senior.”

“I know,” Hailee sighs before continuing. “But what if a senior asked you?”

Camila furrows her eyebrows. “Hailee–”

“I know. We’re not dating. But all of my friends have prom dates, and I just thought you and I would have a lot of fun together. Plus Shawn, Troye, and Ally will all be there, so. And maybe even Dinah will go because I know a ton of senior guys who–”

“Hailee,” Camila interrupts her with a smile.

“What?”

“I’d love to go with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s just…” Camila hesitates, looking for a different way to say, ‘I just need to talk to Lauren first since we’re kind of hooking up.’

“What is it?”

Camila runs her hand through her hair. “It’s kind of short notice. Prom is only in like two weeks. I don’t have a dress or anything.”

Hailee studies her face for a moment, like she’s catching her in a lie. “Are you worried because you haven’t come out yet?”

This takes Camila by surprise. “What?”

“I mean, you’re pretty much out to the theatre department but not to the rest of the school.”

And Hailee’s right. But realizes she hasn’t even worried about her sexuality being exposed since her and Lauren started seeing each other. Camila is so infatuated with her, she’d announce her feelings for Lauren over the school intercom if she could. But Hailee’s giving her the perfect excuse, so she goes with it.

“Yeah. The entire school pretty much thinks I’m straight.”

“Then we’ll tell them we’re just going together as friends, if you want. Lots of people do that.”

Camila’s at a loss because going to prom with Lauren would be a dream come true, and her feelings for her are so intense, and it’s not fair to lead Hailee on in any way.

On the other hand, Lauren is still a big question mark, and Hailee seems to have the purest intentions out of anyone Camila knows.

So Camila says yes.

-

That night, disappointment fills Camila to the brim. She’s disappointed that Lauren still feels the need to push her away. Disappointed that she said yes to Hailee. Disappointed that Lauren hasn’t even mentioned prom. It’s all just a big, shitty disappointment, and the panic starts to set in when she realizes there may not be anything she can do.

She tries to fall asleep to the image of her and Hailee slow dancing at prom because maybe she’ll end up dreaming about her, and she’ll wake up with a new outlook on things.

But all she dreams about that night is waking up next to Lauren and running her hands through her dark hair. Over. And over. And over.

-

“I don’t think I’m gonna come to rehearsal today,” Troye mentions as he and Camila catch up on some late math homework in the library.

“Why not?”

He shrugs. “Just need a day off.”

Camila puts her pencil down, and she’s a little concerned at how exhausted Troye looks and sounds. “Won’t Lauren be mad? Tech week’s coming up.”

“They can work on Beauty School Dropout without me. The dancers are the ones who need to rehearse.”

“Is everything okay?”

Troye gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment while looking at his textbook, drumming his pencil against the page. “Yep.”

Camila hopes with her whole being that he’s telling the truth because Troye is the last person to deserve any sort of pain. But she knows something’s up.

She tries to change the subject. “Hopefully Shawn shows up, then. Lauren will probably throw a fit if you both skip,” she laughs.

“Yeah. Hopefully.”

The short answer throws Camila off a bit. She also notices his eyes aren’t sparkling like usual. And she’s already mad at whoever did what they did to him.

Camila desperately tries to come up with another subject, theatre obviously being a touchy subject for some reason. Her eyes dart around looking for something to make conversation about. It’s then that she sees the purple, glittery splotches on Troye’s shirt, near the collar. It’s the same color as the new polish on his nails.

Camila smiles. “Manicure mishap?”

Troye furrows his eyebrows, but then quickly realizes what Camila’s staring at. His eyes immediately fill with something that resembles panic, and he looks down at his shirt.

Camila was not expecting this reaction at all. She just wanted to make small talk. “What?”

“I, uh…” Troye stutters.

“Don’t worry. It’s not embarrassing. No one’s gonna care about some nail polish on your shirt,” she tries to reassure him, although she has no idea why it would bother him. Troye’s never been one to care about superficial things like this. That’s one of the reasons why she loves him so much.

Troye quickly composes himself and shakes his head, forcing a laugh out. “Yeah, I was painting my nails this morning, and my dog jumped on my lap out of nowhere and got it all over my shirt,” he explains, and it sounds rather rehearsed. “Totally forgot it was there.”

Camila laughs at the story, but something’s off. She’s not sure what, though.

-

Camila gets to rehearsal early, and she sees Dinah first.

“Dinah!”

Dinah holds her hands up to protect herself as Camila practically sprints towards her in the auditorium. “What? What do you want?!”

Camila rolls her eyes as she comes to a stop in front of the taller girl. “Jesus, I’m not going to attack you.”

“Well, it looked like it! I haven’t seen you run that fast since we trick-or-treated in sixth grade!”

“Whatever. What’s going on with Troye?”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s skipping rehearsal and was acting super weird at school.”

Dinah crosses her arms and leans against the stage. “Why is everyone acting so weird today?”

“What do you mean? Who?”

Dinah starts listing them off. “Well, Shawn’s been moping around all day. Lauren’s grumpier than usual. And Hailee is extra bubbly,” Dinah rolls her eyes. “It’s like everyone forgot to take their meds today…”

Camila runs a hand through her hair. “I know why Hailee’s being weird.”

“Why?”

Camila shrugs, avoiding eye contact. “I kind of, well, told her I’d go to prom with her.”

Dinah shoves her but then immediately pulls Camila in for a tight hug, and she scolds Camila for not telling her right away, but she’s extremely happy for her. But Dinah is her best friend, and Camila couldn’t keep anything from her if her life depended on it.

“Why aren’t you as excited as me?” Dinah pulls back.

Camila could go on and on about what she loves about Dinah and how she doesn’t know where she’d be without her, but she really hates how well they can read each other sometimes. Like now.

Camila panics. “I just wish you were going.”

And she’s not really lying. Dinah makes everything better, and she honestly can’t imagine going to prom without her best friend. She just leaves out the part about how she’s kind of in love with Lauren, and how she wants to slow dance with her, and how she wants announce to everyone that Lauren Jauregui is her prom date, and how Hailee is the sweetest girl in the world but Camila just can’t match her feelings.

Just a minor detail that Dinah doesn’t need to know.

But, God, Camila wants to tell her. She told Troye, but that’s because he gets it, and he doesn’t have a mouth as big as Dinah’s, unfortunately. She knows Dinah would get so excited about her and Lauren that she’d spill it to everyone. And Camila loves that about her, but that wouldn’t really help the situation.

So, yeah, she decides not to tell the secret that she’s dying to share. The same secret that Lauren’s dying to keep.

-

They have a fifteen minute break, and Camila walks into the dressing room to find Lauren.

And she has so much to say to her but nothing at all because there are other people in the room. She’s ready to tell her off, brag about Hailee, end it between them. That all changes when Lauren gives her a shy smile and nods her head towards the empty hall so they can speak in private.

So Camila follows her. She thinks she does it because she wants to. But she’s slowly realizing she doesn’t really have a choice in the matter anymore.

“I’m sorry.”

The sincerity in Lauren’s voice almost causes Camila to stumble back. “About what?”

Lauren sighs. “About being… weird, I guess. After yesterday. I don’t know why I do it.”

Camila wants to tell her, no, it’s not okay. Because it hurts, and it happens too often, and she doesn’t get it, and she just loves her so much. And she really, really doesn’t want to hate Lauren for making her love her this much. But all that comes out is, “It’s okay.”

Camila almost faints after what happens next.

Lauren looks both ways down the hall, then looks at Camila, and she gives her the softest, shortest kiss on the lips.

And maybe that’s absolutely nothing compared to the way Lauren fucked her in the next room yesterday, but it’s big because everyone’s here and because it’s Lauren.

Usually, Lauren acts as if she’s touched a hot stove if Camila so much as grazes her skin around the others.

So it’s a step. One step.

It makes Camila feel bold, which is a rarity around Lauren.

It makes her bold and it makes her forget about her to promise to be Hailee’s date.

“What are you doing for prom?”

Lauren furrows her eyebrows. “Prom?”

“Yeah. Aren’t you going?”

“Of course I’m going, I’m a senior. Why are you asking?”

Camila already feels the regret bubbling up in her chest. “Were you planning on going with anyone?”

Lauren shrugs, face still screwed up in confusion. “If someone asks me, I guess. If not, I’m just going with Normani and Lucy. Why?”

It’s then that Camila’s regret turns into sadness and anger. She’s suddenly over the moon that Hailee asked her.

“I guess I’ll see you there then,” she says as she folds her arms to hide her shaking hands.

“Camila…” Lauren lowers her voice and makes sure no one is in the hall, again.

It makes Camila roll her eyes.

Lauren continues. “We can’t go together. You know why.” The younger girl scoffs. “I didn’t mean I was going with you. Hailee asked me. But thanks for the rejection that I didn’t even ask for.”

Lauren’s face falls. “Why are you going with Hailee?” Her voice is so quiet, but it’s so, so loud in this empty hallway.

“Because she asked. And like you said, she’s practically ‘obsessed’ with me. I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and reject her without even giving her a chance.”

The anger is rising up in Lauren’s eyes, Camila can see it. “Fine. I’ll see you there. And so will Zayn. Because he’s probably going to ask me. I was going to say no, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Don’t lie to me. We both know you would’ve said yes, regardless if I was going.”

Lauren just walks away.

It feels as if they just took another ten steps backwards.

-

“Oh, good, you’re here,” Camila finds Shawn alone in the choir room after rehearsal, fiddling with his guitar. She’s also pretty sure she heard singing too, but he shut his mouth and widened his eyes as soon as she opened the door.

“What is it?”

Camila sits down.

She may not be able to fix Lauren, but maybe she can fix Troye. So that’s what she’s gonna worry about for now.

“I was wondering if you know what’s going on with Troye.”

He doesn’t move and his eyes don’t blink. “What? Why would I know?”

“Because you’re friends and you hang out with him…” Camila says hesitantly, narrowing her eyes.

“Not really.”

“Okay…”

It’s then that Camila spots the purple, glittery splotches on Shawn’s jeans. Her eyes don’t move from the spots as she puts it together. Everything freezes.

When Shawn sees what she’s looking at, he immediately covers it up with his guitar. “What?”

He only says one word but Camila can hear the shakiness and the defensiveness in his voice. It sounds a lot like the time Lauren told her don’t overcomplicate this.

Camila is stunned. “The nail polish on your jeans… is that…?”

“My sister’s,” Shawn cuts in, and he attempts to cover up his panic with a laugh.

Kinda like Troye did in the library.

Oh, no. Camila’s heart breaks for Troye. “Your sister’s?”

“Yeah. She left it open on the edge of the kitchen table, and I accidentally knocked it onto my lap this morning.”

Camila gets up. “Gotta go. See you tomorrow,” she says it bluntly because she’s already mad at Shawn for putting Troye through the same exact thing Lauren is putting her through. Because it hurts like hell, and Troye’s the last person who deserves it.

-

It takes serious willpower for Camila to not just barge in through the door when she arrives at Troye’s house about ten minutes after her little conversation with Shawn, but she patiently waits for his mother to let her in.

His mom warns Camila about Troye’s moody behavior.

Camila says she knows, that’s why she here. His mom thanks her with a rub on the arm and an invite to dinner.

She doesn’t even knock on his door, which could’ve been a bad idea in the long run, but Camila doesn’t really care. She’s glad she did, because her sudden outburst causes Troye to quite literally jump out of bed. She knows if she had knocked, he would’ve ignored it and stayed in bed.

She’s done it many times before.

“Camila! I could’ve been naked!”

“Well, you aren’t,” Camila sits down on the middle of his bed, criss-crossing her legs.

Troye stands uncomfortably, just looking at her. “What are you doing here? Not that I’m not totally thrilled to have company right now.”

“I know.”

Troye’s mind races. “Know what?”

“Shawn.”

“He told you?!” His volume level raises significantly. But it isn’t anger. No, he’s not mad that Shawn could’ve told Camila about them. He’s shocked. Utterly shocked. Shawn has made it absolutely, painfully clear that this has been and will be a secret.

Camila scoffs. “Yeah, right. Like he’d ever tell me this.”

Troye wishes he wasn’t so disappointed with that statement. “Then how do you know?” He pauses. “Wait, what is it that you know exactly?”

“Not much. I know that you and Shawn are two of my favorite people to be around, but not lately. I know that Shawn acts like he’s never even spoken to you whenever I bring you up. You do the same thing with him. I also know that Shawn suddenly reminds me of Lauren.”

Camila suddenly smirks. “I also know that you were together this morning. By the nail polish.”

The color in Troye’s face drains. “Oh. Shit. You weren’t–”

“Supposed to see that? Yeah, I figured when you both had the same exact nail polish on your clothes today, and you both gave me completely different stories when I asked about it.”

Troye, numb with uncertainty and fear, sits down on the bed. “Does he know that you know?” It comes out in a whisper.

Camila’s face softens, and she’s suddenly reminded why she came here. She is hurting, and Troye is hurting for the same exact reason. And if Troye can be the person that understands, then she can be that person too.

And she’s here because it’s Troye. And Troye is sweet and lovely and understanding and so talented and amazingly beautiful. She’s never trusted someone after knowing them for such a short amount of time.

It’s hard to find people like that.

She sighs sadly and heavily. “No, he doesn’t know. As sad as it is, I didn’t want to scare him away from you.” She knows what Lauren would do if she found out that Troye knew.

“Thanks,” Troye says quietly. He didn’t want to cry. He hasn’t cried yet.

But Camila’s here, and she knows. And as scared as he is that his secret, Shawn’s secret, is out, he so fucking relieved that someone finally knows. And it’s someone who understands entirely. So tears start rolling down his face, and he doesn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“For what?”

“Getting it.”

Camila reaches out to rub his shoulder. “I kinda wish I didn’t get it.”

They look at each other after she says that, and they’re both crying, and they know neither of them deserve this, and it’s so unbearingly pathetic that they kind of start to laugh.

“Wait,” Camila says after a minute. “Can I ask how the hell you both got nail polish on your clothes?”

Troye’s face gets red. “He was here this morning. He spent the night. Told his parents he was at a friend’s house.”

Camila nods.

“Anyway, I was putting on a fresh coat of nail polish, as I do once a week.”

“Nice color, by the way.”

“Thanks. So, next thing I know Shawn takes his shirt off and, well, tackles me onto the bed, basically. And then we made out for a while.”

“Yeah. I get the picture,” Camila stops him.

“So, yeah. When he tackled me, he ended up knocking the bottle onto my shirt. And then some got onto his pants, somehow. And we were already running late so changing wasn’t an option.”

“I see.”

“But after that happened, I thought I’d try asking again if this meant anything. Him spending the night. I hadn’t asked for a while.”

“And?”

“Got mad at me. Stormed out. It’s what always happens.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Since last year.”

“What? I assumed it’s only been a month or something.”

“Nope,” he says regretfully. “It wasn’t really anything for a while. I was out and he was curious. Over the summer, it became more than just hooking up. We actually hung out. Did stuff. Like talking, watching movies, going on long car rides. I don’t know. I didn’t mean for it to go this far.” 

“None of us do, I guess.”

Troye puts his head in his hands. “I don’t get it. I don’t get why he’s so scared. He has to know that one will care if he’s gay. Or bi. Or whatever he is.”

“Does he even know if he’s gay?”

Troye clenches his jaw. “He says he doesn’t get why he has to put a label on it.”

“Sounds familiar.”

They’re silent for a minute before Camila speaks up again. “Troye?”

“Yeah?” “Why are you putting up with him? After this long? After he hasn’t made any progress?”

“Same reason that you put up with Lauren. I love him.”

And Camila’s heart breaks for what feels like the tenth time today. It breaks for her and Lauren and Troye and Shawn, and even Hailee. All of the hurt and the love crammed into her chest feels so heavy, and she’s not sure if she’s strong enough to bear the weight for much longer.

-

a/n: yeehaw play practice is back! new year new me

talk to me on tumblr! let me know what you think! ask me questions about life! I am bored. hope you all had a great holiday season and as i’m writing this i am realizing that camila has left 5h and all i have to say is

so yeah! that’s how I’m feeling! how are you feeling? comment below! message me on tumblr! we’ll chat about it.