#physica

Own edit of flowers and a human rib cage from Victorian naturalist books. 

Ok, so In a nut shell (my mom is a Greek Orthodox and my dad is Catholic) I’m baptized Greek Orthodox but I follow mostly the catholic religion/calendar. It’s basically the same to be perfectly honest, some things are different but not huge. Both Christianity.

FAST FOWARD,

I’m supposed to be a complete vegan for the next 40 days. I’ve tried that before and I can’t get through it, sorry. So instead of doing the fast with my mom I’ll at least be practicing Lent.

For Lent I’ve given up alcohol.

Now, I know that you’re thinking. Oh great another empty promise of some dumb bitch who’s giving up something she “can’t live without” etc.

ie: Chocolate// tv // carbs //

This isnt that.

I mean... not fully.

I’m giving up alcohol because I just feel like I’ve been using it as a crutch honestly. I haven’t been my best self, I can tell you that whole heartedly. Mentally, physically, emotionally... I’m barely 50% right now.

This was a tough year.

A really tough year.

As I found myself literally having the most relaxing day off, in bed, watching Netflix.... I started crying my eyes out because the fact that my grandmother isn’t here anymore finally hit me even though it’s been months. I think it’s been something I’ve been letting build up ...and I finally cracked. Once I cracked then I started thinking about everything that’s ever happened— you know, the usual downward spiral I put myself into.

Well I popped a bottle of wine, smoked a joint and calmed myself down and then I realized... why did I just directly pop a bottle of wine to try and get myself to stop crying? Then I thought about any other time this past week/month/year (2017/2018) I’ve popped a bottle of wine or beer or vodka to get myself to stop crying.

No bueno.

I need to give up alcohol for Lent for my health and because , if I can’t do it ... then therein lies the problem.

I’m hoping through Lent I’ll start to take care of my body the way I should be. I’m hoping it’ll help kickstart this healthier lifestyle I want to live for my own mental and physical health.

Anon: (1!!) Okay, so I have like a q about parental abuse again and if you would class this as such. Ever since i was small my parents would hit me for punishment, right up until i was 14/15 where my dad hit me so hard once after i hit my sister (she was tormenting me but i know thats no excuse) that i actually peed myself and had a huge bruise across my face that i had to cover with makeup for weeks. They have also always called me fat and made fun of me for my weight and looks -c-

(2!!) -c- they have always ridiculed the way things look on me, the outfits i choose, pointing out spots and fat rolls and saying they think i'm disgusting. But whenever i get upset they say i 'take it too personally' or i'm 'over-exaggerating' or i'm 'stupid' for feeling hurt. They ridicule my interests in dance, theatre and sport, and my choice of academic study (physical geography which is actually v hard as and has a A*AA requirement at my prestigious university) saying that its for -c-

(3!!) -c- people who are 'boring' and they constantly praise my younger sisters for everything they do, always saying how beautiful they are, how proud they are of them etc. I once heard my Dad saying to my Mum that he's 'never loved me' since i was 5 (wtf) bc i'm difficult and argumentative etc etc (i'm not, we just clash bc he's v controlling after being in the army etc). I have BPD+PTSD and i'm too scared to even tell them bc 1) most likely caused bc of them and 2) they'll tell me i'm faking

hitting children is always always physical abuse. especially leaving a bruise and making you wet yourself. even if you and your sister were fighting and you hurt her, hitting you is not acceptable. ultimately, he is bigger, older, and has more power than you. hitting you is never ever okay. this is physical abuse.

belittling your interests, calling you names, saying he does’t love you and telling you you’re being too sensitive are all examples of emotional abuse. all these things are done to make you doubt your mistreatment and value.