#phyrst

MAY 16, 2014 / 9:00 P.M.–MIDNIGHT

SUDSY: Although this wasn't my first time at the Phyrst, I tried to approach the evening with a clean mind, untainted by my previous experiences. I was pleasantly surprised! I was able to approach the bar with no trouble, get the attention of one of the many barmaids, and receive my drink, all within a couple minutes after paying my cover; granted it was summertime. We found a table with ease and were tended to, semi-frequently, throughout the night by a couple of female servers. The atmosphere was tolerable; not very bright (fine by me) with the music only being a tad loud. All was well until I tripped myself outside and stumbled into a cigarette receptacle resulting in my dismissal from the bar. Pretty lame; however, I'm sure the bouncer felt like a big man that night. OVERALL SCORE: 15/30 (Selection: 3, Noise: 2, Aesthetics: 2, Comfort: 2, The Crowd: 3, The Staff: 3)

HOP GOON: It actually wasn't as bad as I truly expected it to be. The Phyrst is known for being the only place in State College that won't sharpie your hands with X's on the night you turn 21—in other words, it's the place to get wasted for State College's virgin legal drinkers. The serving staff, made up entirely of attractive females, definitely perpetuate that vibe with ridiculous low-cut ripped shirts (do they have to get each other to tie them in the back?).  Don't get me wrong, they're hot and all, but I actually felt kind of uncomfortable ordering drinks! (But there was some staff revolving around on the floor, doing a pretty good job of delivering drinks to us.)

I don't know too much about the selection of drinks because once I discovered they had Bell's Two-Hearted Ale for a reasonable (for a bar—five or six dollars a bottle—not great, but acceptable) price, that's basically what I stuck to. However, Dr. Tequila ordered a round of tequila shots, which did arrive with salt and lime slices, so that was an impressive touch.

I was delighted to run into a friend and coworker who frequents The Phyrst. He about shit his pants when I explained we were going on a 30 bar bar tour—no, no, not all tonight! (And I was briefed on something called a golf bar tour, which sounds fun.) Regardless, he actually knew one of the wait staff who was chilling out on her night off, and she claimed to generally like working here. My pal also taught us the rules to Table Wars, which basically consists of chanting melodically: "WE ARE TABLE NUMBER FIVE, NUMBER FIVE, NUMBER FIVE! WE ARE TABLE NUMBER FIVE! WHERE THE FUCK IS TAAAAAABLE....NINE?!?!?!" and passing it off to another table. (Tables that don't respond get booed.) (We were "Table at the Wall," which was cool.)

In other words, if you want to go to a bar that makes you feel like you're in boy scout camp, go to The Phyrst. Really, we had a pretty good time.

'Til Sudsy got kicked out, anyway. The doormen sure have a stick up their ass! That knocked this a few points down the ladder. And the cover band was pretty annoyingly loud by that point, anyway. But all in all... I'd go back. OVERALL SCORE: 17/30 (Selection: 4, Noise: 2, Aesthetics: 3, Comfort: 3, The Crowd: 3, The Staff: 3)