#phil pepperman

In this AU, Peppino works as a cook on a train. He’s still the same stressed-out guy—still hates his job and gets paid next to nothing. He used to work in a second-class carriage, but after Pepperman sold it, his position changed.

Gustavo is a conductor in a third-class carriage. He’s the last one to join the train crew.

Brick was originally just a stray rat, but Gustavo took pity on her when he saw her hungry and dirty at a station, so he snuck her onto the train. Eventually, Pepperman even gave her a chance to work as a waitress.

Pepperman is, somewhat unexpectedly, the train’s master—or rather, the one in charge of keeping order and supervising the conductors. He’s also a major, though rumor has it he earned that rank in the rear, not on the front lines.

Here, Vigilante is the officer in charge of keeping order on the train.

Noise is the bartender in the dining car, and Noisette is the waitress.

Mr. Stick is a fare dodger who was about to ride on the tail of the train. Luckily for him, Pizzahead—who just wanted a quiet smoke—let him into first class so he wouldn’t freeze to death. Pizzahead is a first-class conductor, a personal servant to the fastidious bourgeoisie, a buffoon, a masseur, and, supposedly, even a serial killer (not really). In reality, he’s awful at his job and a total parasite, which is why he manages to get the most out of his superiors. Despite all that, he actually gets along with almost the entire crew.

Pizzaface is the head chef in the kitchen and is basically Peppino’s "boss."