#phi.vent

God I genuinely don't know what to do. Hopefully my grandma and i can just move into our own place but I kinda have my doubts so I'll be stuck living with my dad but I don't wanna have to move across the whole fucking country but the price of living in california is fucking insane and i won't be able to live on my own in this fucking state and living with my dad for over a few weeks is too much of a risk for me and my cat, who I can't just up and ditch for her own saftey. My dad has talked about potentially throwing her outside if she claws anything and if she's thrown out IN THE FUCKING CITY she'll fucking get killed. If my dad pulls any bullshit I won't forgive him. I wanna give him a chance, I really honestly do, but i already know that one way or another it'll end probably in a fight

Back.to feelings of overwhelming hopelessness. Maybe things will be ok and my dad isn't as much of a prick as i expect him to be but I would be surprised

I know that putting a curse on this bastard who dared to consider himself family was more than justified, but i can't help but feel bad about it. After all he did raise me, but what he's been doing to my grandma, me, and the rest of the family just isn't right and i can't just let him get away with it.

This whole realization kinda uhhh,,, is fucking with me highkey bc like,,, if my brain made me and I'm not the original,,, then does that my past lives/past incarnations are fake??? That shit ties heavily into my spiritual beliefs but like??? Maybe my past life memories n shit are fake and I need to rethink my wholeass spirituality. idk I just really wish I wasnt a fictive or just an alter in general and like, its not just something I can wish away or pretend never happened because ha ha trauma makes alters split and/or form!! Cant change that shit!!! Its like my entire world as I know it has been flipped upside down

I fucking hate trauma and would sell my soul to get rid of it

I know the nsfw ban fuckin sucks but at least on here I won't be randomly shown shota/loli/cub porn and sent into trauma hell, unlike twitter.

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