#phew!

Little Preemie Hollanov Baby

(this will be a little vague so you can interpret it as mpreg, surrogacy, or adoption)

Shane and Ilya's baby is born early, unexpectedly and suddenly. They're in the hospital before they can fully accept that today, they become fathers.

She is born, and she is little, not quite 5 pounds (~2.2kg). Everything about her seems even smaller when Shane and Ilya get to hold her. Miniscule fingers and toes. Teeny ears. She is so, so small in their arms.

The doctors informs them that she will need to stay at the hospital longer, and based on her chest movements, her lungs are likely underdeveloped, and she will need to be in the NICU.

At that point, all Shane and Ilya can do it look at their little girl through a pane of glass, sensors taped on all of her extremities, canula pressed into her nose, incubator keeping her warm and protected. Yes, they get the hold her when they visit, but every day they go home with no baby.

Shane doesn't sleep. He's up at all hours trying to make some sort of plan to make this all go away. He's going in circles with research about premature babies, risks, recovery, growth charts, gaining weight, healthy newborn indicators, respiratory distress, NICU infection rates, home newborn medical care, caring for preemie babies, baby-parent bonding stages. All he needs is a plan. A course of action. But the doctors inform him that they need to play care by ear. If Baby responds well, then she will go home, but he can't say for certain when she will be okay to leave the NICU.

Ilya is the opposite. He retreats into himself. He sleeps almost too much. When they go to the hospital, the thought of seeing and holding his daughter nearly gives him a panic attack. He will only make it worse, do something that will hurt her or make her sick. This was probably his fault to begin with. He doesn't know what he would have done, maybe just karma, but Ilya knows he played some role in Baby's less than perfect first days of life. He finds comfort in being able to leave Baby in the NICU because she is safer there than in his arms.

They're both powerless, a feeling neither of them find any solace in.

Then the day comes. Baby is coming home.

They strap her into her car seat, and despite pulling the straps as tight as they will go, they still seem loose. Everyone is packed into the Land Rover, Shane driving and Ilya in the back with Baby. Shane drives like a grandma, and every little bump or brake, he's looking in the rearview and asking Ilya is Baby is okay.

"Yes Shane, she is okay."

"I didn't see that swell in the pavement. Are you sure?"

"She is asleep. She has been asleep entire drive."

When they arrive home, Anya is losing her mind because Dads are home! They were gone! So long! Time to play! What are you holding? What are you holding? What are you holding? What are you holding?

Ilya holds Anya as still as he can manage as Shane gingerly sets the car seat carrier on the floor. Anya is whining and stomping her feet, desperate to investigate this strange creature. Ilya continues to hold her as he slowly guides her to Baby.

And Anya is all sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff "No kisses, Anya" sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff "Gentle!" sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff

Moving her from the car seat to the bouncer is like defusing a bomb. There's a lot of "support her head! Her neck!" and "is everything out of the way?" and "slow... Slow... Is she okay?" When they finally get her safety in there, Shane and Ilya kinda just stare at her. Baby is asleep, moving occasionally. Maybe this will be okay.

Yuna and David come over of course and are so delighted with the tiny bundle of joy. They're talking about bottles and diaper sizes and kid proofing the house. Unfortunately, the majority of the baby clothes Shane and Ilya got, include Shane's handmedowns are too big for baby currently, but she'll grow! Speaking of growing, did you set up your next pediatrics appointment? Did the doctor say anything about a weight gain schedule? What about vaccines? Have you looked into preschools? The good ones have ling wait lists.

Their whirlwind conversation is interrupted when Baby starts to cry, then it's all hands on deck to check on her, prepare bottle, feed her, no not like that tip the bottle more, support her head! Okay now burps why won't she burp? Do we need to call the hospital? Does she need her diaper changed? Where are the smallest diapers? How do you swaddle? She's escaped again!!

Shane and Ilya eventually post a baby announcement picture of one of them holding Baby, and the fan base goes crazy because she looks extra EXTRA small tucked into their muscular arms.