Anyone else has this thing where its their INTERNAL body schema that is wrong and not their physical vessel?
I read about people saying how their physical body doesnt match their internal sense of what their body should look like/doesnt match their non-physical body
but so far Im the only I know one where its my internal body schema that is wrong. What my brains understand as its body is wrong, its not how my body schema should be. If you struggle to understand, imagine you have a limb that doesnt belong, but instead of it being a physical limb its a phantom limb. You have a phantom limb that doesnt actually belong to you (I don’t have phantom limbs, but suppose I had PLs with my current body schema it would be a PL that shouldnt be there)
Im curious about anyone who has a similar experience
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having an identity crisis and your blog is helping me out, ty! i've had piss poor sex education and i never bothered to learn more about it as an adult who is asexual agender with almost no libido, who dislikes physical intimacy, and has disabilities.
i've seen shows, documentaries, and heard personal accounts of intersex people. but i never looked deeper into what different characteristics look like until i stumbled across an informational blog post on tumblr that opened my eyes.
i've experienced mild gender dysphoria all my life and something what i can only describe as having a "phantom penis" feeling. but i never bothered to look much into that because i ignorantly thought if i still had a period, that means my sex is 100% female.
one of the worst experiences of my life was going to a gynecologist. the pap smear was unsuccessful. she wouldn't tell me why, but recently i learned gynecologists won't tell you if you're intersex either… so i'm spiraling.
i have a vitamin d hormonal deficiency, past struggles with UTIs/infections, lack of sensations, irregular cycles, etc., all my life. others, including doctors, have commented on my androgyny.
my build is "masculine" and i can't wear a lot of women's clothing or accessories. i never automatically saw these traits or struggles as being intersex. they might still be a result of something else.
now that i researched and educated myself a little more on how female and intersex anatomy compare, it's obvious, at least on the visual grading scales and comparison photos, that i lean towards the middle.
i'm not sure if this explains that phantom/imposter feeling i've always had. rather than phantom… it's sort of real? i'm not seeing if other intersex people identify with this "phantom" experience, so i wonder.
sorry to blabber but again thank you! i'm still not 100% certain, but i'll look into CAH more to see if i need to seek medical advice. i don't think this will change much of how i'll go about life socially either, but it's eye opening.
i hope in the future intersex people can talk about their experiences more freely without fear of their rights being taken away or face horrific medical discrimination. open sources are life saving/confirming.
I really don't know how else to word it right now besides just saying it, I've in fact definitely heard of the phantom limb feeling with intersex people... who've experienced IGM. "intersex genital mutilation" if you don't know what the acronym means, since I have a feeling you might not. TL;DR clinically-unnecessary genital surgeries (clinically necessary under intersex context and thus not IGM would mean "physically cannot effectively expel urine or feces from body, and needs surgery to create an opening") performed on intersex individuals with atypical genitalia in order to create perisex-appearing genitalia. Specifically the phantom penis feeling may be an indication you had a larger phallus, but it was reduced to become a "normal"-sized clitoris.
There's dozens of resources by intersex advocacy groups for finding this out but I'll try and shorten it for this post because I would think you're already a bit "freaked out" as is and what I said almost Definitely wouldn't help with keeping a 100% logical mind and searching for this information yourself— if you know the hospital you were born at (if you don't and you Can try to find out where, do so) contact them to try and obtain your records, since IGM is likely to happen during that period in early infancy. Contacting the pediatrician/s who treated you and if applicable any other medical buildings you may have had to visit (possibly for unexplained or vague reasons?), with the same inquiries about wanting your records, should also be effective in case you might miss something somewhere. Note that doctors love not documenting IGM as IGM, a very common excuse is hernia surgery, another could be internal bladder repair, I've heard shit as wild as kidney or lung surgeries as stand-ins for IGM documentation. And even if you don't find anything even slightly suspicious on the records, that sadly doesn't mean something didn't happen either, as medical staff straight-up destroying records of intersex medical violence (IMV) also happens and it isn't rare by any means.
You may find usefulness from this google drive (link) showing drawn examples of some IGM types, along with common scar placements and highlighted areas of potential pain/numbness associated. And uh, get used to getting a good look down at your bits if you can? Like yea extremely useful for pointing out different intersex traits you may not have noticed before investigating, but also just generally good advice to learn closely what your genitals (and anus) look like and understand your body more wholly. You can get skin cancer down there too, y'know!
A phantom limb is the vivid perception that an amputated or missing body part is still attached to the body. It is a very common phenomenon, affecting 50% to 80% of amputees, and while sometimes painless, it can also manifest as severe chronic pain known as phantom limb pain.
Phantom Sensations: The feeling that the missing limb is still present. Individuals may feel the shape, position, temperature, or texture of the limb, or feel like they are wearing a piece of jewelry like a ring or watch. [1, 2]
Phantom Limb Pain (PLP): Sensations of pain originating from the missing part. This can range from mild tingling and itching to severe burning, aching, or intense cramping. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Telescoping: A sensation where the missing limb feels as if it is shrinking or retracting towards the stump. [1]
Causes: Phantom limbs occur because the brain maintains a neurological "map" of the entire body. After an amputation, the severed nerve endings at the stump continue to send signals to the brain, and the brain’s neural network continues to expect feedback from the missing area. Additionally, the brain undergoes "remapping," where surrounding areas of the brain adapt to take over the territory of the missing limb, sometimes misinterpreting other sensory inputs as coming from the lost appendage
Treatments and Management
Treatment can be challenging and often involves a combination of therapies tailored to the severity of the symptoms:
Physical and Psychological Therapies: Techniques like Mirror Therapy use reflections to trick the brain into "moving" and relaxing the missing limb. [1, 2, 3]
Medications: Over-the-counter pain relievers, anticonvulsants (like gabapentin), and certain antidepressants are frequently prescribed. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Nerve stimulation: Non-invasive or surgical methods like TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) or spinal cord stimulation can help intercept abnormal pain signals before they reach the brain. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Consulting a healthcare provider or a pain management specialist is essential for establishing an effective treatment plan. For more detailed information on living with or treating these symptoms, you can visit the Canadian Cancer Society or read the comprehensive guide on Cleveland Clinic. [1]
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He's a charcuterie nut. He'll make himself these elaborate boards with like,,, rare dried meats and nasturtium flowers and stuff.
He's quite obsessive. Once he gets an idea formulated his brain will not let it go and he struggles to think of anything else. It makes him a great strategist as long as at some point he starts doing something, othewise he starts playing like,,, 3D chess in his mind to the point where he assumes everyone has thought out his plan this much (which they obvs havent).
Phantom limb considers Hunter his biggest enemy and has spent a crazy amount of time thinking about her. When she transitioned he got so weird and psychosexual about it that he started wondering if she did it just to screw with him (she didn't). He ended up doing a bunch of research into transitioning just to figure out what her plan could be because he is convinced shes as obsessed with him as he is with her (she's not).
He went to Japan one time in the 60s and loved it (think old James Bond films in that period) and still brags about "The Orient".
Hamilton is so not a team player and struggles to work with anyone else as he considers it beneath him. The exception here is Richard whos super intelligence and lack of care for others impressed him just enough.
He's the kind of guy to have hyperspecific cutlery and dinnerware... Like spoon warmers.
