#pg 50

I was diagnosed with autism just one year before meeting Jake. It's easy for him to forget that those events happened so close, since talking about each other's brains is an important part of our relationship, and I'm always analyzing mine through the lens of autism. The timing is more salient to me, however, since I believe that discovering my autism gave me tools to build a good relationship. One day, when Jake was reminded of the timing and surprised by it anew, I said "Yeah, I think a lot of my problems with previous relationships were caused by me not knowing—" I was going to say, "common pitfalls of my communication style," or "how to identify and articulate my unique needs," or "how vastly different other brains can be," or something else that I didn't understand in the preceding years of consecutive heartbreaks. "—not knowing how great you are?" he interrupted. It took me a while to recover from the overwhelming sweetness of that response, but when I did, I recognized the wisdom in it. For so long, I had clung obsessively to the objects of my affection, mentally if not physically, afraid that I would never be exactly what they wanted. That kind of fear, while difficult to control, is not conducive to the kind of open conversations that form the bedrock of a secure relationship. Through learning about autism, I came to know myself. Through knowing myself, I came to accept myself. And through accepting myself, I was more prepared to enter a healthy relationship when an amazing person for me came along.

“By the Lord Ruler...” Camon whispered. “The Survivor of Hathsin!”

Carol: I like this.