#personal ramblings

August, 17 of 2013 i have read a fanfic that sealed the fact that holmescest is a one true pairing for me. It is now deleted, but it was Pomegrante Noir (a misspelled name of a jo malone fragrance).

There has been a whole life inside of thia pairing for me, friends, lovers, relationships, things that i wrote myself, things that were created because of me and dedicated to me, numerous concepts discussed, almost all of the fanfic in english and russian read. The uk hyperfixation. The "god save the queen" mugs and birthday cakes with the union jack design. I was scared that i may stop loving it, that i will move on elsewhere, but gradually i came to understand that it is so deeply entwined in me at this point that there is no breaking up, no leaving it, no giving it away - it is just a part of me, of my history, an integral part of what and who i am. I cannot loose that, not ever.

And then the beginning of 2026 came.

I have broken up with my ex, who i considered my Sherlock, a billionth time (like, 8th-ish). I saw an art that reminded me of them, but it appeared to be from hazbin hotel. It was murdermedia. Human Vox kissing human Alastor with such fervent desire, an urgent, obsessive need, while Alastor was meek in his hands. I thought them to be Sherlock (the one kissing) and Mycroft (the one being kissed).

For the first time in years i found a thing that i enjoyed roleplaying that was not Holmeses.

Shipping radiostatic is not like shipping them.

I do not feel like i have an inner Vox and inner Alastor, they are more like dolls to play-pretend. I do have inner Sherlock and inner Mycroft, though (even if they kinda mostly merged 5ish years ago). It is not "them against the world". Radiostatic feels like holmescest blended and distributed to different characters, with Mycroft being sassy, bratty and chaotic as fuck, and Sherlock being more high-achieving, power-hungry and institutionally acknowledged.

Reading about radiostatic is not like i am using substances (metaphorically speaking). Well-written holmescest still has that effect on me.

Not every song in the world is about them. Not every picture.

I love holmescest, and i am happy to find people on tumblr who also do so. It is, honestly, way less lonely than it was for all these years, when i read your posts. When i see that someone is very into their dynamic.

So.

Happy 13 anniversary to me being in love with their love.

Amen.

I'll still put it on the main blog but it'll be easier to find stuff on the sideblog :p