#personal advice

I'm gonna tell you a few things it took me a long time to internalize.

You do NOT stop feeling mentally ill when you turn 20. I know, bud- I was disappointed, too.

The mental illness never really goes away. If it's in a word or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the babadook.

BUT. And this is VERY important. You CAN learn to live with it. Learning is gonna be different for everyone- what works for you isn't gonna work for someone else and vice versa.

With trial and error, you will find stuff to help you. It will get easier.

Bit of context, my disabilities don't make me immunocompromised. The 3 times in my life that I've gotten anything intestinal it's been pretty similar to the average person (throw up once and be able to eat more or less anything I like again by lunchtime) but I still don't want to get sick obviously. Plus I imagine stuff on under washed forks is probably worse than anything I've had thus far.

First of all, based on my very limited legal knowledge: you can absolutely get Adult Protective Services involved if you feel your mother is neglecting you while acting as your primary caregiver. Social Services can still get involved in adult cases in the case of disability.

Secondly, it depends on what foods are are being used and if her using a cleaning wipe is removing all of the residue before anything harmful like molds have the ability to grow. Though even then, I would still try to talk with Adult Protective Services. You deserve to be treated with dignity no matter how much you are able to help yourself and your caregiver should not be making you feel guilty for needing more care. If your mother doesn't want to do the duties of primary caregiver, she needs to either hire someone else to do it or get the state involved to make a plan for your care.

so earlier today, my mom admitted that she can see how its hard to tell what gender I am if someone doesnt know me

and I've used the men's public bathrooms multiple times with no issues

and I've been called sir and other male names without asking anyone to call me them.

so, id say I pass and im pre-T and pre-surgery.

anyway, this is basically my tips on passing as a trans guy:

first, I will say that passing shouldnt always be the goal of a trans person. you should be able to express yourself however. but if you are desperate to pass, this is just what i do. in general, I'm pretty hypermasc id say? tho I don't exactly know what someone would deem as hypermasc.

short, masculine hair. i have like a shaggy almost mullet-y cut? my ears show, I have like a curtain bang sometimes?? idk something like this:

2. my clothes. I wear mainly men's clothes, even men's underwear like boxers. I try to wear men's shoes or masculine looking shoes as well. I style masculine looking fits even still looking "stylish." here's an idea of some of the outfits/clothes I personally wear:

im a big socks and sandals/birks person lol. but you can take this advice and put into your own style.

3. confidence is a big part of appearing masculine. now, im not saying that you should change your entire personality, in fact I advise against that, be yourself, but men have much... bigger personalities. I am loud, confident, talkative, leaderly I suppose, assertive. but some men can be more shy and quiet. honestly, this might be my worst advice, cause im trying to fight toxic masculinity rn where im scared of appearing more "sensitive" but basically don't do what I've been doing. BE YOURSELF and BE CONFIDENT.

4. physical actions. take up space. I manspread a lot. I hit stereotypical "male poses." assert yourself.

5. speech. I basically talk like an idiot. brainrot, I verbally abbreviate things, I talk like an idiot.

6. binding SAFELY. obviously bind your chest if needed. if you dont have a binder, look for safe alternatives. I personally use a sports bra with a bra tank top over top. I've also used Trans tape before and its worked really well.

7. packing. I have bottom dysphoria so I pack from time to time. you can make packers from socks otherwise you can buy them too.

8. dont shave. I dont shave my legs nor armpits and my grandma thinks I look like a hair man gorilla so

9. wear/use masculine scents. cologne, body spray, deodorant. I wear old spice deodorant and use masculine scented lotion.

i just turned 19 and, to be as vague as possible, got offered my dream job. i auditioned and was offered to be apart of a musical theatre-centric residency for 6 months in another state on the other side of the country from me. i would get a lot of pay as well as housing, and also get to be paid as a performer, which is what i'm leaning towards anyways.

THE ISSUE: i am currently a musical theatre major at my dream school right now. the residency is from april-october but i would have to take a leave of absence from my program at college, which would entail a LOT of flack from the faculty and might be stressful on getting my B.F.A. i would never be expelled, per say, i would just be very, very harshly graded for the rest of my 4 years based on absences ALONE.

on the other hand, we're being taught so we can literally take opportunities like this, and i feel so grateful and INCREDIBLY lucky to have this in reach!

should i take the job or stick in school?

okay, first of all, THANK you for even asking me this question. this question is not just a serious situation. this is a life-is-working with you kind of hard choice. and the fact that your asking me?! i feel sooo honored.

this reply will be a little messy, because this is such a big choice, and i want to make sure to prioritize my advice over aesthetics.

okay so basically whats going on is two of your dreams which are supposed to be aligned are actually kind of colliding. and please don't panic. it sounds worrisome. but i assure you YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

everything feels a lot more confusing because both of your dreams showed up sooner than expected. and let me tell you... the universe is working OVERTIME for you.

another thing to note getting offered this at the same time is NOT normal at 19 years old. you really have some luck on you and i can tell you put effort and hard work into your dreams, and they're paying off. this is a very big sign this is your life's work, your life's PURPOSE. so please keep that in mind, and don't ever dim down your ambition.

school is meant to prepare you for the real thing; NOT punish you for stepping into it. so, what you mentioned in your ask about your school acting harsher towards you doesn't sound so good. but, sometimes institutions get weird when students actually start succeeding OUTSIDE their walls without their degree/certificate they'd be granting you.

okay, so six months sounds huge right now, but in the grand scope of your life? that's a chapter, and along with the other benefits this job is offering you? (good pay, HOUSING?? doing what makes you the happiest, performing) it sounds amazing. SHCOOL WILL STILL EXSIST, your talent does NOT disappear. and your worth doesn't evaporate because you took a leap. what DOES matter is how alive you feel when you imagine yourself saying yes.

the purpose of a b.f.a: to get paid, perform, book real work. right?

so, if the program penalizes students for succeeding, what does that say?

it wouldn't make sense for a program to penalize a student based off of something the program is supposed to help you do once you complete it, the fact that you got it PRIOR to completing it just shows your effort, success, and talent. but your program penalizing you for it? doesn't sound like something that will support you.

i need you to know that my friend is a ballerina and she currently resides in new york right now, doing her dream. her, along with many successful performers she knows have took leaves, paused school or even never finished.

TIMING MATTERS, OKAY? you are not 29 with a mortgage, you're 19! with so many opportunities and more ahead of you.

residencies + paid housing + real credits are OFTEN, not always... OFTEN age and timing sensitive. school will likely still be there; this exact offer MIGHT not be.

faculty backlash does happen, i promise you, it's real, and i'm glad you noticed that and took that into consideration while deciding your choice. but please separate emotional discomfort (like awkward meetings, or judgment) from actual long-term damage.

being "harshly" graded for absences is VERY awful, but is it survivable? does it outweigh real-world credits, connections and income?

this question is very important and it's only here to guide you on your choice: do i want to be a good student or a working performer?

answer that, consider that, and add it next to your pros and cons list.

neither is wrong, but CLAIRTY matters. sometimes institutes reward compliance more than calling, okay?

this may be a little more intense, but the whole goal is to assist you with your choice: imagine yourself at 25. which regret stings more? "i delayed my career for safety" or "i took a scary leap and learned something huge"

even if it's super hard, it's information NOT failure.

okay so about your school/program, i want you to try and talk to program advisors and disability/leave offices. sometimes policies are more flexible than faculty attitudes. and please try to get advice from your advisor or counselor, GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING. SUPER IMPORTANT. and ask alumni quietly how they handled booked work if you feel comfortable. also, you may be able to frame this as PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT rather than "absence". really try to negotiate here with your school. i think the way you say it can reflect their judgment and attitude towards it.

please, please understand you are not betraying your school. you are NOT "ungrateful", you are allowed to choose momentum, fear does not mean wrong choices, it means GROWTH.

there is no perfect answer, but there is a BRAVE, ALGINED one, and it's only your choice to make. whichever you decide, you are not behind, reckless or ruining anything, you are making choices that define your future.

i'm not here to tell you what to choose. i just want you to notice where your body leans when you picture each option. one might feel scary but expanding. the other might feel safe but shrinking. YOU ARE A 19-year-old gifted artist being trusted by the universe with real work. that's not a problem, that's a gift.

i'm so soooo proud of you. no matter what you choose. please don't let my response decide your choice, just let it help guide you with YOUR OWN choice.

if you ever need any more personal advice, feel free to direct message me on here, all your info will be completely private <3 thank you so much for asking me this 🤍🤍

xoxo mindy 🤍

Depending on your F/O or even yourself, you might get harassed, ignored, look down, compared to or just random ass hate for no reason or a petty reason.

People getting too possessive, racist, homophobic or transphobic, etc. too many to count.

As someone who met wonderful people on Instagram, I recommend it. Of course, Instagram isn't perfect and yes, there are a few toxic yumes there. I'm not going to lie. But, I will say it's calmer and relaxing there (at least, to me it is.) being there is up to you. I'm just saying MY experience.

Of course, no matter what platform you are on. You will get hate regardless of anything. Selfshipper or not.

I have seen a nice few yumes/selfshippers leave the community on Twitter because of these things happening and they didn't do anything wrong. Again, I don't blame them. Does anyone remember the Yume burnbook?

I would say to anyone who has REALLY thick skin can try the yume community on Twitter.

I did meet people there who were genuinely sweet. But, due to the re: zero community and me being a ferris selfshipper isn't for the weak or probably any character from that show. (Personal experience from myself.) Unless you wanna keep getting compared over and over again. Also, obviously I'm talking about western Side.

Not even just that. Just the re: zero fandom AS A WHOLE.

This kinda made me not trust a re zero fan to a certain degree. Especially if they are from Twitter. Yume or not. NOT EVERYONE, but a nice chunk.

Again, I'm not surprised because it's Twitter. And I should've known and left once I started to see drama.

I have a habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt, I always been like this. Then, after me having that (somewhat??) crashout, it was the best decision for me to leave. Yes, I might come back for artwork since finding ferris fanart is difficult or anything related to them. But, would I come back to the community? Hell no.

Something else I wanna talk about, especially as a non-sharing selfshipper.

Leave Doubles ALONE.

I don't care about how popular or not popular they are or that character is. That selfshipper is still human just like you.

We already have a bad reputation for being non-sharing enough.

I get it, Doubles make me uncomfortable. Yeah, I get jealous sometimes. But, I block/mute and move on. And you should too. Do you want that harassment to happen to you?

I have seen people who drop their F/Os because of this. Not because they don't love them anymore but the fact they have been through a lot where looking at their F/O is uncomfortable.

Basically what I'm trying to say is: STOP harassing doubles, Use the block and mute button, take a break or get help if it gets too unhealthy.

You can marry, see them as real or whatever.

But, if you are trying to hurt someone because they have the same F/O as you. You are hurting yourself and them.

Also, important note to leave off. Yes, re zero community and the selfship community is hot garbage sometimes BUT, there are some people who are the kindest and you might become actual friends with them. There are people who will be supportive of your Ship.

And I will still say watch Re Zero regardless if that's your Tea. I fell in love with the series and I think tappei (author) has some extremely good writing. You might actually see some Fans who are actually sweet. If it wasn't for this series, I wouldn't have made a wonderful friend and take my relationship with ferris seriously.

If you are going to selfship with fictional characters: do it safely. Don't harass ANYONE. Keep fiction and reality to a certain balance.

Never stop. Just keep drawing. No matter what your evil brainworms whisper in your ear, no matter what the public or the internet says about it, no matter what you do, do not stop. Take breaks, of course, stretch and refresh yourself with water, but never GIVE UP on drawing. The more you do it, the more you study and watch and learn and the more time you spend actually drawing, the more progress you will make. Hitting a wall? Does what you draw look bad to you? That's GREAT!!! Study what you made, and figure out WHAT and WHY it looks bad to you. Are the eyes wonky? Get to the grindstone and study different styles of eyes, from toony, to realistic, find something that looks and feels good to you, and practice practice practice. Is the hand looking off? Look at your own hand! Look at hands other people have drawn, study and watch and learn and replicate, even tracing and reference is okay so long as credit is given when and where necessary! As long as you are taking steps to learn what you are doing *wrong* then eventually you will find solutions and ways to make them look right! It may take you days, weeks, months, even years, but if you never give up, you will eventually continue improving. My personal art history below the cut for context, I hope it helps and brings some form of inspiration to everyone, even non-artists trying to learn or get into hobbies or new skills <3