#penelopy garcia

You were reading through some case files with Spencer when he noticed your coffee cup was empty. He had gotten up to get you a refill, which you smiled and thanked him for. You watched as his tall, lean body walked over to the coffee machine. He brushed his dark curls out of his face as he waited for the mug to fill. You knew you should be working to find the unsub, but you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the man in the purple cardigan. You softly chuckled to yourself as you scanned down to his dirty converse, where his mismatched socks peeked through the bottom of his mahogany pants. You bit back a smile as you took in the sight of your adorable boyfriend. You were so lucky to have him. He knew about your mental health struggles and always supported you, which you were thankful for. But, that still didn’t relieve any of the guilt you had at making him put up with you. That’s why, when you saw him laughing the way he always laughs with you, due to something that extremely beautiful cop just said to him as she placed her hand on his arm, your world shattered.

You know Spencer did nothing wrong and that he was just being his quirky, lovable self, but, seeing how she made him smile caused you to think how much better off he would be with someone like her. She probably didn’t have panic attacks at night that made his tired eyes sulk into his head even more. She would probably love to wear a beautiful dress out to dinner so he could show her off. She could probably make him so much happier than you ever could. Your mind swarmed with voices telling you how you weren’t enough and that Spencer probably resented you. You tried to focus on the papers in front of you and reassure yourself that you were being irrational and that it was all your head, but it was no use. Your anxiety consumed you, drowning you in all of your insecurities. You tried to gasp for air, but all you could do was sit idly by as you watched the man of your dreams flirt with a beautiful woman through the tears that swelled in your eyes.

When Spencer returned with your coffee he set it down and placed a kiss to the top of your head. You wanted nothing more than to hug him and feel his reassuring body consume you, but you didn’t want him to see your tears, so you remained silent with your head down.

“Hey, is everything okay?” he asked, concern lacing his voice. You bit your lip and couldn’t think of anything to say. “(Y/n), talk to me. What’s up?” He reached out to touch your arm in hopes of getting you to answer him, but you flinched at the contact. “I’m-I’m sorry”, he stammered, terrified he had done something wrong.

“I-I have to go help JJ”, you said softly, as you bolted out of the room, making sure he couldn’t see your tear-stained cheeks.

“(Y/n)...”, he called after you, standing up. You couldn’t bring yourself to put all of your problems on him, just to make him feel bad for doing nothing wrong, so you kept your head down as you walked out of the precinct. Spencer followed you, calling out your name, but you got into the black SUV and sped away before he could even make it to the door.

You avoided Spencer for the rest of the day. You hated yourself for ever letting your mind convince you Spencer would cheat on you, and you hated yourself even more for how guilty you were making him feel by not talking to him about how guilty you felt for thinking it. Spencer tried to talk to you, but you kept brushing him off, his devastated face making you hate yourself even more. You didn’t deserve him. He deserved someone who made him feel as amazing as you knew he was. He didn’t deserve to be treated like this, but you didn’t know what to do. You would hurt him if you talked to him about it, but you were hurting him by saying nothing too.

“Hey, is (y/n) okay?” Derek asked Spencer as they were on their way to the most recent dumpsite.

“I don’t know. She was fine one second and then all of a sudden completely shut me out. She won’t even look at me… I don’t know what I did. I just, I need to make sure she’s okay.” Derek gave him a sympathetic smile as he placed a reassuring hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

“I’m sure she’ll come around. I know she struggles with some stuff, but, you are the only person I’ve seen make her smile as big as she does when she’s with you”, Spencer gave a thankful nod in return. “And in any case, I always find flowers and some chocolate are always a good idea when a woman is giving you the silent treatment”, Spencer rolled his eyes as Derek chuckled.

When you all regrouped at the station later that night, Hotch had told everyone to head back to the hotel so you could start fresh the next morning. As everyone was leaving, Spencer chased after you, reaching for your hand, but you pulled it away. In defeat, he let you go and the two of you rode in separate cars back to the hotel for the first time since you joined the team three years ago. On the way there, Spencer replayed every moment from the day in his head over and over, trying to figure out what happened to make you so upset. He hated seeing you hurt like this, and all he wanted to do was take away your pain.

Once at the hotel, everyone went their separate ways to get some much-needed rest. You walked about ten paces ahead of Spencer, not daring to let him see you. When you made it to the room, you tried to use the key card, but the door wouldn’t open. Ugh! I can’t even work a stupid door! you mentally yelled at yourself. Seeing your struggle caused Spencer’s face to fall and his heart to clench.

“Here, you just have to-”, he said softly as he took the card and opened the door. Without acknowledging him, you pushed through into the room. Spencer slowly closed the door, before turning around to face you. You had your back to him, sitting on the edge of the far bed, opening your bag to get ready for bed. “(Y/n), please talk to me”, he begged. After not receiving any form of a response, you heard him walk towards you and, without thinking, you snapped.

“Just leave me alone!”, you said, definitely loud enough for the entire floor to hear.

“(Y/n)...”, he chocked out, tears running down his face.

“Just go! I don’t want to talk to you.” Your enraged voice hid the sadness you felt, and your heart sunk even lower as you heard Spencer huff as he closed the door behind him. You finally let the tears fall that you had been holding back the entire car ride. You walked into the bathroom, not wanting him to see you like this in case he came back. That’s when you realized it: if he came back. Your stupid self had pushed Spence away for no reason and now he was gone. You cursed yourself for hurting the man who had done nothing but love you and care for you. At least now you knew the voices were right. You didn’t deserve Spencer. At least now he could find someone whose beauty complemented his. Someone who was confident, smart, and made him feel loved. You sank down on to the cold tiles and wished that you could have been enough for him because he deserved the world.

You didn’t notice when the hotel door opened, because all you could hear were your loud sobs and the voices telling you how much happier Spencer must be now that you weren’t there to bother him. You only noticed he was standing in front of you when you heard his gasp at the sight of you on the floor. You looked up to see him standing there, tears streaming down his face matching yours, with a box of your favorite chocolates and the most beautiful bouquet of flowers you had ever seen in his hands. A pit formed in your stomach and you began to cry even harder. You were so undeserving of this man. After you had ignored him for the whole day and yelled at him to leave, he decided to go out and buy you gifts, and all you could do was cry. He came and sat next to you, causing you to shift away from him, not wanting to meet his gaze. 

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me, and that’s okay. But, please, just listen to me”, after not receiving any form of response from you, he continued, “(Y/n), I have been replaying everything that happened today, trying to figure out what I did. I’m so sorry for whatever it was that hurt you this bad. I want you to know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I love you so much. You mean the world to me.” He paused for a moment to quickly wipe a tear off his cheek. “I got you these because Derek said it always worked for him. I just- I want you to tell me what’s wrong so I can apologize and try to fix it.” You closed your eyes, his words making you feel even worse about yourself. After all the pain you put him through today, he was the one apologizing to you. You didn’t understand how someone so perfect could say they love someone who was anything but.

“Spencer…”, he looked up at you with his big, sad eyes, “I’m so sorry”, you choked out. “I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry”, you cried.

“Hey, no no no. Don’t say that”, he said as he brought you into his arms, grateful that you finally let him touch you. “I love you so much, and you deserve everything and more, okay?”

“No, I don’t! I’m a terrible girlfriend, and I hurt you and made you cry. I ignored you and you repaid me by bringing me gifts.” You pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. “Why are you even with me when you deserve so much better?”

“How could you even say that”, he looked genuinely hurt.

“Because! I’m stupid and annoying and I’m no fun to be around, and you are so great and you should be with someone who is pretty and likes to go out and have fun and doesn’t get anxious, or-”, at that, Spencer knew what was really going on.

“(Y/n), why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this. You know I would have been there for you. I know it’s hard, but you can’t listen to the voices telling you lies okay? They are wrong, they are so so wrong.” He cupped your face and ran his thumb across your cheek, “I know you don’t always see it, but you are the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. You are the only person who will listen to my rambles and you are my favorite person to spend time with. You are my entire world, (y/n). You are more than enough.”

“But that’s not true!” “Yes. It is.”

“What about that police officer today. The really beautiful tall one? She made you laugh and your eyes lit up the same way they do when you are with me.” 

“(Y/n)-” Spencer was about to interject but you continued over him.

“And I know you would never cheat on me or do anything to purposefully hurt me. And you did absolutely nothing wrong and I’m so sorry for hurting you when you did nothing to deserve it. It’s just, whenever I see you with another girl, I think about is how easily she could take you away for me. All I’m saying is that I would understand if you did leave me for someone prettier and more fun, like her, because you deserve someone who makes you happy and not someone like me who makes your life harder.” You were both silent for a moment before Spencer took your hands in his.

“Please look at me”, you did as he asked and painfully met his gaze, “I don’t want anyone but you. You are a ray of sunshine in my life. You make me the happiest I have ever been, even when I know you struggle to see yourself how I see you. You are never a burden to me, okay? I want you to always tell me what’s going on in your head because your problems are my problems, and nothing would make me happier than helping you and supporting you through them. I don’t care that sometimes we change our plans and just stay in because my favorite place in the world is snuggling with you on the couch. I don’t care that sometimes you wear my sweatpants and t-shirts because you don’t like how your clothes look on you because I think you look adorable and I feel so lucky to have a girlfriend as beautiful as you. I don’t care that we don’t always take a picture every time we go out on a date because I have an eidetic memory and don’t need a physical picture to get to see all of our memories together whenever I want. And I don’t care that sometimes you get anxious and your mind convinces you that you aren’t good enough because I know how amazing you are and I’ll always be there to help you through it and remind you of much I love you.” By now you were sobbing again, but this time they were happy tears. Spencer pulled you into his chest, as you breathed in his warm scent that instantly comforted you. 

“I love you”, you mumbled into his shirt.

“I love you. So much”, he said, placing a kiss to your cheek.

“And Spence?” You asked, lifting your head up, placing your hands in his hair.

“Yeah?”, he said, looking up at you with lust-filled eyes as he rested his hands on your hips.

“Thank you for loving me”, you smiled, your heart so full you thought it would burst.

When the jet landed Emily gently shook her shoulder, causing you to groggily awake from your sleep. “Morning sleeping beauty”, she joked. You took in a deep breath, lifting your head and taking in your surroundings. It was dark, save for an amber halo peeking through Spencer’s deep curls. An inaudible gasp left your lips at the sight of him smiling down at you with his dark eyes that still managed to shine brighter than all the stars in the night sky. To quell the augmented flutter of your heart, you quickly turned away, hiding your flushed cheeks, before putting your head back down on Emily’s shoulder.

“Mmm, goodnight”, you sighed, closing your eyes as a smile crept its way to your lips.

“Nice try”, she laughed as she took her arm out from under you, placing a teasing pout across your face, “I’ve hit my sleeping (Y/n) quota for the week”. You reluctantly sat back up and were face to face with the man you had been hiding from. Your eyes met, and you lingered slightly too long looking at each other, completely unaware of Emily’s smirk.

“Right”, you cleared your throat, standing up. Spencer jolted his eyes back down to his book as he turned to place it in his satchel. You took this opportunity to make your way off the jet, not daring to look back at the man you were hopelessly in love with.

As you rode the elevator up to the sixth floor, you were hyper-aware of Spencer’s presence behind you. You kept sneaking glances at him, only to see he was looking at you each time you did. And each time you would both avert your eyes, just to look back a moment later.

After the team debriefed in the conference room, everyone went back to their respective desks to finish up some paperwork for the case before heading home. Luckily for you, this meant having to sit across from Spencer and using every fiber in your body to not look up at him. Spencer, however, couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He watched as you flipped through the files on your desk, and admired how you ran your fingers through your hair, a habit of yours when you were deep in thought. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when you began to chew on your lip, and he couldn’t get the idea of kissing your tender, plump lips out of his mind. You were killing him. He couldn’t focus on his work, and all he wanted was to hear your voice, he needed to.

“So, are you doing anything for your birthday this weekend?”, Spencer inquired. Your head shot up from your desk, your mind having gone blank at his question. He furrowed his eyebrows at you, while his musky brown eyes searched your face. Spencer’s face fell as he slowly turned back to the open file on his desk, figuring he said something to make you uncomfortable. Your eyes were fixated on him, as his words, that hung in the awkward silence, finally caught up to you.

“Uh, h-how did you know it was my birthday?”, you questioned, genuinely confused. You had been at the BAU for seven months, after having transferred from the San Francisco office, and you were sure your birthday, of all things, had never been the topic of conversation. It’s not that you hated your birthday, but seeing as your family lived on the other side of the country, you felt silly celebrating it beyond a text from your mom. Truth be told, you had almost forgotten it was coming up with how hectic everything has been at your new job. It was a lot different than your previous job in California, which mostly consisted of doing paperwork at your desk. But, you couldn’t be happier than where you were: doing your dream job with people that were slowly becoming your family. Emily quickly became your best friend, and your crush on the very man sitting across from you formed not long after. So, imagine your surprise when he looked at you, through dark circles that framed glazed over eyes, hazy from sleepless nights during long cases, and asked you if you had any plans for your birthday.

“Oh, um, well”, he looked away from you and scratched the back of his neck as his plump lips formed a slight smile, “i-it was in your file from when you joined, and you know, eidetic memory”. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled innocently at you before staring back down at his desk.

“Right, of course”, you forced a smile as his head shot back up and nodded. “Well”, your face brightened in an attempt to break the palpable awkwardness that had formed between you two, “probably just going to spend it watching David Tennant on my tv while curled up on the couch with some ice cream.”

“What? For your birthday? You aren’t going out to celebrate?”, he questioned, appearing genuinely concerned.

“Well, normally I would, but drinking at a bar alone doesn’t scream ‘Happy Birthday’, you know”, you chuckled.

“You should at least have cake, everyone should get to have cake on their birthday. Actually, birthday cakes date back to ancient Rome, where people would have cakes made out of flour, nuts, yeast, and honey. However, birthday cakes became popularized in the 15th century in Germany when bakeries began making one layered cakes for people to buy to celebrate birthdays”, he said as he raised his eyebrows while his lips formed a thin smile. You couldn’t help but look at him with complete adoration as he rambled. “But, um, you aren’t even doing anything with Emily or Garcia?”, he hesitantly questioned. Your lips pressed together as you shrugged your shoulders.

“Emily treated me to lunch earlier in the week because she has plans this weekend”, you reassured him and he nodded, “Plus, it’s the first year I won’t be with my parents and I just miss them so I don’t really feel like celebrating alone”, He gave you a sympathetic smile as you shrugged. “But, I promise I’ll at least get cake batter ice cream”, you smiled while winking, eliciting a laugh from him.

“Okay good”, he said, smiling back. His warm chuckles still reverberated throughout your chest, swirling around your heart. Once again you found yourself frozen, knowing you should turn away, but not finding an ounce of strength to do so as you both just gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Well uh, goodnight”, you said, forcing yourself to look down to grab your bag and head towards the elevator. Your stomach clenched as you kept your gaze ahead, not daring to look back at him. Spencer, however, couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as you left. His eyes caressed each of your curves as you walked further and further away from him. He bit his bottom lip, smiling to himself as he watched you leave. 

“Goodnight”, he murmured to an empty room with an obnoxious smile plastered on his face. 

You woke up the next morning, the sun glaring in through your blinds. You turned over in your white, crinkled sheets, shutting your eyes in an effort to avoid the intruding rays. The ding of your phone pierced the quiet room as you sighed and rolled back over to check your phone. You groaned as you squinted at the screen, the harsh light it emitted illuminating your face. 

From Derek: Hey sweet cheeks, sorry to bother you on our day off, but Hotch called a meeting. He said it’s urgent. 

Great, you thought, Happy Birthday to me. You forced yourself out of bed and wasted no time getting ready before heading over to the BAU. You grabbed a granola bar on your way out, rolling your eyes, dreading having to spend your birthday working instead of sleeping all day. 

When you walked into an empty bullpen, you were even more confused. You got out your phone, ready to text Morgan, but you got a text from Garcia.

From Penelope: Good morning and happy happy birthday my sweet sweet (Y/n). Everyone is in the conference room! :)

When you opened the door to the conference room, instead of seeing grotesque crime scene photos of victims, you found the whole team there, each sporting a very cliché party hat. You couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face as everyone shouted Happy Birthday! You made your rounds hugging and thanking everyone, however, you couldn’t help but notice that someone was missing. 

“Hey, Pen, where’s Spence?”, you asked as everyone else was distracted in conversations.

“Oh, he um, he had something to do today, so he couldn’t make it”, she said sympathetically, noticing that the smile you were trying to force was gradually falling.

“Oh okay”, you said, looking around trying to appear happy. 

“But um”, she said, turning to Derek, who raised his eyebrows and shook his head before stepping out of the room, “he gave us very special instructions on what to do”, she reassured. Your heart fluttered at her words, knowing that Spencer did this for you. Just as you were about to ask her what he said, the lights turned off. Derek came in holding a cake adorned with candles as everyone sang “Happy Birthday”. When he held the cake in front of you, you read what it said: Outside those doors, we might see anything. We could find new worlds, terrifying monsters, impossible things. And if you come with me… nothing will ever be the same again! Happy Birthday (Y/n)! You felt a tear slip down your cheek as you blew out the candles. The tenth doctor was drawn on the cake and you couldn’t stop rereading the quote of his that was written on top. You smiled back up at your team and thanked them for such an amazing birthday.

Despite the love and appreciation you felt from the rest of the team, you couldn’t help but spend the rest of the party overthinking, hiding it behind a façade. You didn’t want to read too much into the quote, but Spencer, who could probably, no definitely, recite every line from Doctor Who, had chosen this one for your birthday cake. You desperately wanted it to mean something, but if he hadn’t even shown up to your party, clearly you weren’t that important to him. When everyone had finished eating, you thanked them again and gave your hugs goodbye. You drove home and blasted your music, loudly singing along, in hopes of drowning out the thoughts of Spencer that swarmed your head.

When you reached your door, there was nothing you wanted more than to put on your sweats and sink into your couch. You slid your key into the deadbolt and pushed open the door. Expecting to walk into your desolate apartment, tears were brought to your eyes at what you found when you walked in. The lights were off and the windows had trash bags taped over them to prevent any sun from breaking the barrier and entering your apartment. You looked all around and were met with string lights adorning your ceiling as if there were a thousand glass stars littering your apartment. A projector sat on the floor near the entryway, projecting galaxies that were currently orbiting around the room. The twinkling lights drew your gaze onto the figure standing in the middle of the dimly lit room. You couldn’t make out his face, but you could tell who it was by the way his dark curls were illuminated by the intertwining auburn and cream-colored swirls of Jupiter that spun around him. 

“Spence…”, you whispered, his name slipping out as you felt yourself being pulled towards him. You had missed him so much today, and at the sight of him, you couldn’t contain the relief that washed over you. You placed your hands on his arms, the soft fabric of his pinstriped suit felt so right under your light grasp. You looked down at his converse, laughing as you realized he was dressed as the tenth Doctor. Looking up at him and meeting his gaze, you suddenly realized how close you two were and that you were practically holding him in your arms. “This is amazing”, you chocked out as you quickly pulled away, wiping the tear that rolled down your cheek as you sheepishly smiled. 

“That’s Doctor to you”, he teased, matching your smile tenfold. 

“Sorry”, you laughed, “this is amazing, Doctor.” You looked around your apartment again, still stunned at how captivating it was. “Um, how did you do all this?”, you asked amazed.

“W-well, you mentioned you were going to spend your birthday watching David Tennant on your television, and I figured having the Doctor in person would be an even better way to spend your birthday… And then I figured what kind of Doctor would I be if I didn’t show you outer space”. You opened your mouth but were swiftly cut off by him, “And, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to celebrate with everyone, but, I had to get you out of here and I thought you would enjoy spending some time with the team. Oh!”, he abruptly interjected, “did you um, get your cake?”, he timidly asked with a sheepish smile.

“Yes, I-I did. It was delicious by the way”, he nodded, “I missed you, but thank you for the party”, you said, just above a whisper, “but um, this, is amazing. I-It’s beautiful, Spence”, you smiled, admiring all the twinkling lights and planets that orbited the two of you, “really. Thank you”, you said, finally looking into his eyes that bore into you. 

“You are beautiful”, he said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. You were speechless. Your mouth opened a few times as you struggled to find a response. “I just thought you should know”, he added after your prolonged silence. 

“The quote, on the cake. Did you um…”, you broke the silence between you two looking up at him expectantly.

“Yeah um”, he scratched the back of his neck as he smiled to the ground, “I uh, that line always makes me think of you”, your eyes widened at his words, “At work, we come across the most ‘terrifying monsters’, but, when I’m with you, I feel safe and when I look at you, I’m reminded that there are still amazing, beautiful things in the world, because, I-I think”, he cleared his throat, trying to hold back tears, “Because you are beautiful and amazing, and I am so lucky to have you in my life”. You were stunned. Your heart was beating so fast you feared he could hear it. Your silence, however, scared Spencer, because he didn’t want to lose you just because he had decided to spill his heart to you after breaking into your apartment. “I thought we could watch Doctor Who together”, he paused, still looking for any hint of a reaction from you, “but if not, I can just go. I didn’t mean to barge in like this and-”, he was cut off as you flung yourself into him. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he latched onto you, breathing a sigh of relief.

“No! Um, that, that sounds amazing”, you whispered into his neck. “I’d love nothing more than to be th-the Doctor’s companion”, you said, smiling against his soft skin.

“Good”, he laughed, “that’s, that’s very good”. You lifted your head off his shoulder, just enough to look into his eyes. Your smile slowly dropped as you moved in closer to his mouth, lightly brushing your lips against his. His eyes fluttered shut as you spoke against his mouth.

“But, as much as I love the Doctor, I would much rather be with my favorite doctor,” you smiled against his lips as you looked up, searching his eyes. 

“I think that can be arranged”, Spencer mumbled against your lips, opening his eyes as your noses brushed up against each other. You looked into his velvet eyes and swore you could see the entire universe in them as they reflected the warm glow of every star hanging above your head. You moved in closer, finally connecting your lips. Warmth rose within you, radiating out through your chest as his lips moved against yours. His arms moved up and down your back, mapping every curve of your body as if he were drawing constellations onto your flushed skin. Your fingertips ran across his supple skin as you cupped his cheek, deepening the kiss. His tongue grazed your bottom lip and you gladly opened your mouth, granting him more access. With every breath you took, you inhaled him in even deeper, getting high off the notes of cinnamon and coffee that flooded your senses. He pulled you impossibly closer, pushing you flush against his chest, and the moan you elicited only intensified his grip. Your thighs clenched and your knees felt week as he began to kiss along your jaw. The warmth of his mouth trailing its way down your neck, caused your eyes to roll to the back of your head. “So beautiful”, he murmured against your sensitive skin, saying it to himself more than anything else. Each kiss caused a string of electricity to shoot throughout your system, as you ran your fingers through his deep curls, tugging lightly. His kisses gradually became less intense, and your breathing began to even out. He gave a final peck to your neck and then to your cheek and finally your lips, before leaning back to look you in the eyes. “Happy Birthday”, he said smiling at you, while his eyes gleamed with adoration.

“Thank you”, you replied, your brain still fuzzy from the kiss you two just shared, “for, um, everything.”

“Of course”, he smiled, still holding your gaze, “So um, do you want to watch Doctor Who…”.

“Yeah, yes”, you nodded, finally getting some grip back on reality. You walked over to the couch, Spencer’s hand still laced in yours. You sat down first and Spencer sat next to you, still grasping onto your hand as if you would disappear if he let go. You grabbed the remote from the coffee table and leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder as you both relaxed into the couch. As you were getting Doctor Who set up on the tv, Spencer took your hand into both of his and ran his fingers over your knuckles.

“I know I’m no David Tennant”, he said, causing you to turn and look up him, “but um, I-I just wanted to be clear that I, I like you, a lot”. 

“I like you too Spence”, you smiled, “a lot”, you teased. “And, Dr. Spencer Reid is way better than any other Doctor in my book”, you kissed him on the cheek, causing him to blush.

“Really?”, he asked, biting his lip.

“Really”, you reassured him.

“Even Matt Smith?”, he joked.

“Oooh I don’t know about that”, you said coyly, raising your eyebrows. Despite your joking manner, Spencer’s face still fell.

“Oh. Sorry. Yeah, he’s um-”, he rambled, looking down at his shoes.

“Spence”, you stopped him and put your hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up at you, “I was just joking”, you said earnestly, making sure he understood. You searched his eyes as he slowly nodded. “When I said I like you, I meant I really like you, and only you, okay?”, he nodded again but remained silent, “I’ve kind of had a crush on you since my second day at the BAU”, you said smiling as a blush found its way to your cheeks, “and there is no one I would rather be with than you”. Spencer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Your angelic voice echoed in his head as he pulled you towards his chest, enveloping you in a hug.

“You are the only person I want to be with too”, he said, pulling back so he could see your beautiful face. “And I’ve liked you since your first day at the BAU”, he smiled, crinkling his eyes. You let out a breathy laugh as you gave him a quick peck before snuggling back into him on the couch.

“Always have to one-up me, don’t you doctor”, you teased, and this time he laughed as he pulled you in closer to him, running his fingers along the side of your hip. As the episode began, you turned up to him again and pondered, “Speaking of one-upping, you took me to outer space on our first date, so I am very excited to see what you plan to do for our second”. You both giggled as he kissed the top of your head. 

Finally feeling confident after your many reassurances, Spencer quipped back, “Someone’s eager, and who said anything about a date?”, he smiled, “this is just a birthday present”. You feigned being hurt by his words as you laughed.

“Dr. Spencer Reid”, you shook your head, “I told you, I’m your companion”, you smirked, causing him to laugh, “you are stuck with me”.

Left you in the sky with the fire below

Thought I had it right, but I'm still

Lost in the light

As you drove home you replayed the events of the night over, and over again in your head, trying to make sense of what just happened. He kissed you back. That had to mean something. 

Spencer rode the subway in silence, just staring out the window, reminiscing how your lips felt on his. He was beating himself up for running away like that, but he couldn’t handle the thought of you rejecting him. When you kissed him his mind went blank and when you pulled away he put his lips right back where they belong. The only problem was, as he was kissing you, your words finally registered in his head: I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. He knew kissing you back was a mistake and he couldn’t bear look you in the eye after you had apologized for kissing him. 

When you got home, you looked at the screen of your phone through tear-filled eyes. You made out Spencer’s blurry contact in your texts.

To Spencer: Hey, can we talk about earlier?

Spencer heard his phone buzz and blinked back the tears welling in his eyes. It was a text from you asking to talk. Great, he thought to himself, you probably wanted to apologize again because kissing him was just that horrible. Spencer opted to save himself anymore hurt and ignored your text. He threw his phone on the couch and went to bed.

To Spencer: Can you at least let me know you got home okay?

To Spencer: Spence, please?

The tears streaming down your face became too much, so you decided to just leave him be. Fine, if he wants to be a jerk who just kisses you and runs away then so be it. You left the ball in his court, so it was his move. You had no energy to do anything else.

The only problem was, Spencer was never good at sports, or confrontation for that matter. This led to the two of you not speaking the following morning, or the following two weeks and six days. The team knew something had happened because normally you two were inseparable, but now they were lucky if you could even stay in the same room for more than 30 seconds. You avoided each other, not wanting to be faced with the devastating truth. You came to the conclusion that Spencer’s lack of response was his response. He clearly wanted nothing to do with you. Spencer on the other hand felt so guilty about ignoring you, but he knew he would break down if you told him kissing him was a mistake, and for a man who relied on facts and statistics, he wasn’t willing to face the truth.

And I don't know what night it is

You're somewhere else, I'm drinking not to guess

It had been three weeks of avoiding each other and the team knew that they had to do something.

“Hey! Why don’t we all go and get drinks!”, Penelope suggested after a taxing case. It had been a long time since the whole team did something fun together, and they thought this way they could get you two drunk enough to finally tell them what was going on.

“I-I don’t really feel like it…”, Spencer said softly as he grabbed his coat and bag.

“Oh come on pretty boy! It’ll be fun!”, Derek said as he patted Spencer on the back.

“I could definitely afford to get wasted”, you huffed, sneaking a glare at Spencer. He avoided your glance and reluctantly agreed to go for a little while.

When you all got to the bar, you and Spencer sat as far away from each other as possible. He slowly sipped on a beer as you, JJ, Emily, and Penelope went to the bar to order. He watched as you downed a line of shots, and he sunk further into his seat. 

You did four shots, gaining amazed, and slightly concerned looks from the girls. They knew whatever happened must have been really bad because you clearly wanted to forget everything.

“Whoo! Come on! Let’s dance!”, they couldn’t say no to that, so the four of you made your way to the dance floor. Penelope traded a knowing look at Derek who joined her. Spencer sat and watched as you all danced and jumped around, a light sheen of sweat forming on your forehead. You looked so beautiful and free, he thought to himself, but he quickly pushed the thought away and took a swig of beer.

You wanted so desperately to forget about Spencer, who discarded your entire friendship over one stupid night, but you couldn’t. The way the dim lights outlined his face made your heart race. All you wanted was to kiss him again. You had to do something to get your mind off of him. You thought the alcohol would help, but your intoxicated state was only making your feelings stronger.

Blurry bodies, but you're on my mind

We let it go now I'm full of rum and regret

I go out just so I can reforget

You jumped as you felt a hand on your waist. You turned to see a tall, handsome man with smirking eyes. Normally when in this situation you would tell the guy to fuck off because honestly you were repulsed by any guy who felt the need to grab a random woman’s waist at a bar. However, tonight, you found the unwarranted touch empowering. This is what you needed, you told yourself, some guy to help you forget about Spencer. 

Spencer’s eyes grew with anger as he saw the guy, who wasn’t him, dance up against you. He ran his hands all over your body, causing Spencer’s blood to boil. The worst part was that you seemed to be enjoying it. Normally when a guy approaches you at the bar, you find Spencer so he’ll give up and move onto some other girl. You always made Spencer feel special because he knew you trusted him to keep you safe. But now, seeing you grind against that arrogant man, in a way he has never seen you move before, was more than he could handle.

You hated yourself for what you were doing, knowing you would regret it in the morning, but it felt nice to be desired after three weeks of Spencer ignoring you. That’s why, when the guy pressed his lips against yours, you reciprocated will full force. 

“Do you want to get out of here?”, he whispered in your ear. You nodded, using all your willpower to not turn around and look at Spencer. He didn’t want you. He made that very clear. Why shouldn’t you go home with this guy? He was hot, a good kisser...not as good as Spencer...No! Stop! This is good. This is what you need.

Spencer felt a single tear roll down his cheek as that man kissed you. The salty taste consumed his mouth as he watched you leave the bar, your hands interlocked. He watched your blurred silhouettes leave as he broke down in tears. 

Two more footsteps on the wood floor, but it ain't you

I'm faded so I bring someone home

You opened the door to your apartment and he pushed you up against the wall, tracing your body with kisses. You moaned at the sensation, but when you closed your eyes, all you could see what Spencer. 

The guy, whose name you still hadn’t even bothered to find out, began to lift your top, running his fingers on your bare waist. At this, all you could think about was how much you wished that this guy was Spencer. Fuck, you thought, as tears brimmed your eyes. 

“Hey, I’m sorry, I’m just really tired…”, you said as you pushed the guy off of you.

“Oh, okay”, he forced a smile to hide his disappointment.

You walked to your bedroom, tears running down your cheeks, hoping he would just take the hint and leave. As you closed your bedroom door, you heard your front door close. You laid down on your bed and let yourself do the one thing you wouldn’t let yourself do all night: think about Spencer.

Already paying for tonight

Head spins like a carousel, over and over

Spencer had left not long after you. He made his way back to his apartment, where the only images protruding his brain were of you under that guy and him making you feel the way Spencer wanted to make you feel. He couldn’t get the thought of you moaning some other guy’s name out of his head. 

He tried to sleep but it was no use. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was you. That’s it, he thought. He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to go see you. He looked over at his alarm clock: 3:28 am. Well, at least at this point he wouldn’t interrupt whatever activities the two of you had gotten up to. God, he hoped he wouldn’t walk in on that.

The short drive to your apartment felt like a lifetime. He thought about what he would say, how he would explain himself. He wanted you to know how much you mean to him, even if you didn’t feel the same. 

I never thought a sunrise

Could burn more than a midnight without you

You had been trying to sleep for hours, but it was no use. Images of Spencer filled your head. You were still pissed at him for ignoring you for the past few weeks, but to be honest, what hurt more was how empty you felt without him next to you. You missed how he would lay his head on your shoulder when he would fall asleep on the jet after long cases, you missed hearing his laugh every time you made a stupid joke at your desks, but mostly, you just missed talking to your best friend.

Spencer finally made it to your apartment and was relieved to not be greeted with any muffled moans. He stood at your door for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He scrounged up an ounce of courage and put his knuckles to your door. 

You jolted up as you heard a knock at your door. Confused, and exhausted from crying, you quickly wiped away your tears and headed for the door. Shock set in as you saw who it was.

When you opened the door, Spencer was met with your red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. His hair was more disheveled than normal, like he had been running his hands through it, which he always did when he was overwhelmed on a case. 

“What are you doing here?”, you croaked out, annoyance lacing your voice, after a few moments of silence. Spencer looked you up and down and his eyes softened at your current state. His heart twinged at the sight of you so upset. He secretly hoped you were only upset because of him and not because that idiot guy did something to hurt you when he wasn’t there for you.

“I just, I needed to tell you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ignored you like that, and I’m sorry”, he paused, waiting for your reaction. When you just stood there, unsure of what to say, he continued, “Are you okay? You-”

“Okay?!”, you cut him off, “Am I okay?! I don’t know Spence! Would you be okay if your best friend ignored you for three weeks just because of one stupid mistake?!” The pain in your voice broke through the anger as you choked back tears. It hurt him to see you in this much pain, especially because of something he did, but, what sent a sharp twinge through his heart, was hearing you admit that it was a mistake. He knew you would regret it. He should never have come. He turned to leave before you could see his own tears forming.

“Oh that’s it! Just leave me again!”, you sobbed. He snapped his head back around.

“Well, I’m sorry! But don’t you get it! I didn’t ignore you just to be a jerk! I can’t stand to look at you without breaking down. I’m- I’m sorry that I love you so much that it physically pains me to know you don’t feel the same.” You just stare at him, your eyes growing wider. “God, (y/n), I’m sorry but you can’t blame me for not wanting to talk to you after you realized kissing me was such a horrible thing. I’m sorry I’m not as hot or good of a dancer as that guy at the bar. And I’m sorry that seeing you leave with him and do who knows what literally kills me inside”, by now Spencer was sobbing. You still couldn’t bring yourself to react, still shocked by what he had said: he loves you.

Spencer let out a sigh and turned to leave again, only this time you grabbed his arm, just like that night three weeks ago, and placed a kiss to his lips. He quickly pulled away, not knowing whether you did it out of pity or to make fun of him.

“Spence…”, you looked into his eyes, “I never said kissing you was a mistake. C’mon, you’re the one who has an eidetic memory”. You expected him to at least let out a chuckle, but he replied sternly.

“You just said that night was a ‘stupid mistake’”, he huffed. Your face softened and you took a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean kissing you was a mistake”, you whispered, “I just-when you left after kissing me, I just-I thought”, you sighed, “I was so confused Spencer, cause that was the best kiss of my entire life, and then when you left and wouldn’t respond to my texts, I just assumed you didn’t want anything to do with me.” When he still didn’t say anything, you asked, “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”, he sheepishly asked.

“That you love me”, you said with a small smile. He finally looked you in the eye and mirrored your grin.

“Of course I love you, (y/n)”, he admitted matter of factually. You were about to kiss him again when he backed away and asked, “Wait, what exactly happened between you and that guy from the bar…”

“Oh”, you let out a coy laugh, “Sorry you had to see that… We came back here, but nothing happened. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how much I wished it was you instead of him-”

“Really?”

“Of course… Spence...I love you too. That’s why I kissed you. When I pulled away at first it wasn’t because I was sorry I did it, I just was sorry in case I made you uncomfortable because I- I didn’t want to lose you…”

Spencer stared at you before enveloping you in a hug and wrapping one hand around your waist and the other in your hair. You placed your arms around his shoulders and rubbed your thumb on the back of his neck.

“I promise, you’re never going to lose me again”, he said as he kissed your head. You looked up at him and brought him in for a kiss. This one was just as passionate as the one you shared all those weeks ago, only it was gentler and more sensual. You grasped each other as if your lives depended on it. You continued your kiss as your salty tears mixed with the taste of alcohol in your mouths, but neither of you cared. When you finally broke apart for air, you embraced each other in another hug.

You had just finished up an extremely taxing case and all the team wanted was to sleep. After you assumed your usual spot on the couch next to Spencer, everyone slowly drifted off to sleep in hopes of forgetting the horrors you had witnessed for the past week. You let your eyelids fall and quickly succumbed to deep sleep. You were usually very careful not to move too much in your sleep on the plane, for fear of kicking Spencer, which you were told by your college roommate you do quite violently. However, your utter exhaustion made you unaware of your head sliding down onto Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer, however, was very much aware.

His eyes shot open as he felt the weight land on his shoulder. His heart began to race as he looked over at you, with your eyelids fluttering and barely audible snores escaping your mouth. Your mouth…. “No”, Spencer thought to himself. He desperately wanted to pull away from you but he couldn’t stop staring at your lips and thinking how perfectly they would fit on his. Spencer was no stranger to the fact that you would never think of him as more than a friend. He knew he couldn’t live up to the strong, handsome men you dated in the past. He knew he couldn’t let himself get too close to you, because he knew he would never be able to let you go. He knew he couldn’t let himself love you because your rejection would break him and he couldn’t lose you. So he knew he had to keep his distance.

But you looked just like an angel, gracing your head upon his shoulder, so he let himself give in this once, and he rested his head on yours and got the best sleep he has had in months.

When you woke up, you looked around the jet and noticed everyone else was still fast asleep, you quietly hummed to yourself and readjusted your head, only to become acutely aware of the soft purple pillow you had just slept on for the past couple of hours. You looked up to find it belonged to Spencer’s cardigan, which was on his body, which you were laying on. His eyes met yours as you looked up at him, into his beautiful amber eyes, terrified you had made him uncomfortable.

“Hi”, he said calmly.

“Hey…”, you responded, with a hesitant waver to your voice.

“Did you sleep well?”, he asked.

“Yeah.. you?”

“Best sleep I’ve gotten in a while”, he responded with a slight smirk.

You had no idea what to do. Spencer Reid, the man you were madly in love with, who had always acted repulsed at the thought of your touch, had just let you sleep on his shoulder and admitted to having enjoyed it. You didn’t dare move for fear that this would be the only time you would get to be this close to Spencer, and you cautiously awaited him inevitably shifting out from under you.

Spencer, however, had no such plans to do so. He wanted to savor every minute of your touch before you realized he wasn’t worth it in the first place. You both just sat there, sessile, afraid to move. You melted into each other’s touch, awaiting the other to make the first move to leave.

When the plane had finally landed, the two of you just sat there and stared at one another, lost in each other’s eyes. You wanted to say something, to tell him how you felt, but as you opened your mouth to say something…

“Hey! You two lovebirds coming?”, Morgan yelled from the front of the plane. You shifted off of Spencer as he hopped out of the seat and grabbed his bag and left. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you as he felt his cheeks burning up from Morgan’s comment. He felt so guilty for letting himself relish in your touch when its something he knows he doesn’t deserve. He hurried out as fast as he could before making an even bigger fool of himself, but as he left, he heard you whisper.

“Spence…”, you choked out as a tear slid down your cheek as you saw the love of your life run away from you. You sat there for a few moments, harshly brushing the tear away with your hand and collecting your things to leave.

The whole team regrouped in the conference room to debrief before heading home. As you entered, you took your usual seat by Spencer, hoping to catch his attention to talk about what just happened, but as you sat down he inched farther and farther away from you. You felt the tears well up again as you turned your attention to Hotch who had given you all a well deserved weekend off. Spencer was the first to leave and practically sprinted to the elevators. You tried to catch up to him but were too late. Emily and JJ found themselves by your side and asked if everything was alright as you waited for the elevator to return.

“Yeah I’m fine”, you reassured them. They gave each other a knowing look and turned back to you.

“We know you’re not fine, (y/n)”, JJ said as she rested her hand on your shoulder. The elevator dinged as the doors opened and you walked forward, brushing her hand off your shoulder saying nothing in response. All you wanted to do was go home and cry. So that’s what you did.

Spencer finally made it back to his apartment, the cold, empty feeling surrounding him. This was the first Friday night he has spent alone in a long time and all he wanted was to feel your head on his shoulder again and to take in all of your warmth as you gently dreamed on him. He would give anything to see your beautiful, (y/c/e) eyes shining up at him as he was telling you some obscure fact about popcorn as he waited for the microwave to beep as you were setting up the movie. He made his way to his bed, where he didn’t even bother removing his beat-up converse and just collapsed on the covers. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he fell asleep, picturing you in his arms with your warm cheek smushed against his, an idealistic fantasy that would never materialize into his reality.

As you drove home you replayed the events of the night over and over. Spencer had said he slept great, and he didn’t move away from you when you landed. You knew it was too good to be true. How could you be so stupid? How could you do the one thing you knew would jeopardize your friendship? You didn’t even remember how you got up to your apartment, only that you were now there, staring at the movie Spencer had rented for this weekend siting on your coffee table that should be playing right now as the two of you sat together on your couch laughing. Your eyesight became blurry as tears poured out of your eyes. You let out a loud wail as you collapsed onto the floor, crying out all of your love for Spencer Reid.

On Monday, you made sure to wake up early so you could stop to get your coffee because you had a feeling after Friday’s events, Spencer would not be bringing you your coffee like he did every morning. However, as you walked into the bullpen, you saw a cup of coffee on your desk, and a smile crept its way to your face. You whipped your head around looking for Spencer, but he was nowhere to be found. Confusion consuming your face, you sat down at your desk and grabbed a sticky note from your drawer. Instead of your usual arbitrary fact, you wrote down, “thanks for the coffee :) i missed you”. You left the note on Spencer’s desk and left to find Hotch to get your paperwork.

Spencer returned to his desk after he saw you had left. He felt so guilty for ignoring your texts all weekend, but he couldn’t bring himself to face you. When he got back to his desk and saw the bright blue sticky note his heart skipped a beat. You weren’t mad at him and that relieved some of his anxiety at least. He was about to sit back down when he heard the clanking of heels down the hall and knew it meant he would be needed in the conference room. Garcia appeared and called the team in for a case.

Spencer hesitantly entered the conference room, his eyes falling on you. He waited a moment and then took his spot beside you. You looked up at him with a shy smile and said, “Did you get your daily fact?”

“Yeah I did, but it wasn’t so much a fact as it was a statement”, Spencer teased with a smile adorning his face.

Your smile grew and his followed suit, causing your heart to release some of the pain that had been built up over the past few nights. As long as Spencer was smiling because of you, things couldn’t be that bad.

“Well, it was a fact, because I did miss you…a lot” you responded, the confident teasing tone hiding all of your true feelings for him.

“I missed you too…a lot”. His eyes shined at yours and you both knew you would be okay, you hadn’t lost the other, and for that you were grateful.

“Wheels up in 30”, Hotch said after Garcia had finished introducing the case.

You left the room with Spencer while catching up on your missed discussion about the latest Doctor Who episode, since you didn’t get to watch it together, and everything felt normal again.

You sat next to each other on the jet and worked the case as normal.

When you all got to the hotel that night, you and Spencer roomed together as normal. As you were each laying in your respective bed, Spencer turned to face towards you.

“Hey (y/n), are you awake?”, he whispered.

“Mhhmmm”, you mumbled, turning to meet his gaze. You felt your cheeks flush at the sight of his disheveled hair and bare chest, and you were grateful he couldn’t see how red your cheeks got due to the only light source being the moonlight seeping in through the blinds.

“I’m really sorry about last weekend. I didn’t mean to ignore you… I-I just..”

“Hey, it’s okay”, you interrupted, “I get it. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable on the jet, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you, and I’m sorry”, you said while looking at the ground.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable! Well I mean… I was, but not because of you.” At this, you were very confused. “It’s just that when Derek said”, he continued. Oh, you thought to yourself, he was uncomfortable at the thought of being with you.

“Look I get it”, you cut him off, “you don’t have to explain yourself. I’m sorry the thought of being with me is that repulsing.” You came off much harsher than you intended and gave Spencer a sheepish look. Spencer’s mind was racing. Surely you were only offended because no one had ever not wanted you and this came to a surprise. You were (y/n) (y/l/n). You were beautiful. Any guy would be crazy if he didn’t want you. There was no way you actually wanted to be with him. Was there? You were both quiet for a minute until he spoke up again with an ounce of newfound confidence.

“I meant what I said, that was the best sleep I had gotten in a while.” You gave him a small smile, still not sure if he was turned off by the thought of the two of you together or not.

“Me too,” you said.

You both stared up at the ceiling unsure of what to do, and slowly you both succumbed to sleep, wishing you weren’t separated by two different beds.

The case had been quick, which the whole team was thankful for, and Hotch decided to fly out that night so you all could at least sleep in your own beds. When you got on the jet you and Spencer found your way back to the couch where you had shared many flights together. This time, however, when Spencer sat down, he sat so close to you that he was practically in your lap. You stared at him with wide eyes and he just looked forward with a hesitant smirk lacing his face. After a few minutes of silence and trying, unsuccessfully, to keep your eyes open, you let out a yawn. Spencer took this opportunity to tell you what he had wanted since the last time the two of you were in this position.

“You can lean on me…I-If your tired…I mean.. You don’t have to. But…I-I. I’d like it if you did”, he let out a breathy laugh and looked up at you, hoping not to find you looking at him with disgust. Much to his surprise, he lifted his head and was met with the biggest smile he’s ever seen on your face.

“Y-Yeah…Okay, I’d like that too”, you bit your bottom lip, but couldn’t help the stupid grin that took over your face as you slowly lowered your head to Spencer’s shoulder. As you did, he wrapped his arm around you, hovering his hand over your waist. You took noticed and your smile grew even bigger. You took his hand in yours and placed it on your hip and leaned in closer to Spencer, who returned the favor. You both relaxed immediately at the feeling of the other’s warmth and you both drifted off to sleep the happiest you have been for years.

Spencer woke up to the sound of giggling and opened his eyes to find Emily, JJ, and Morgan standing above the two of you. He looked over at you and felt his cheeks burning up again as he saw that the two of you had migrated to laying down in your sleep, you wrapped in tight to Spencer’s chest and your legs all intertwined. Instead of running away this time Spencer gently nudged you awake. You groggily awoke in the arms of the love of your life and were so fixated on the way he was smiling at you that you didn’t even notice your friends smirking above you. They decided to leave you guys be because they wanted to get back to their own beds, but rest assured you would hear all about in the morning. You and Spencer were left on the jet, still holding each other in your arms.

“Hi”, Spencer said, his smile so big it hurt. You swore you were dreaming because there is no way you are this lucky. The Spencer Reid is holding you in his arms smiling at you. You are so happy a tear slips down your cheek. “Hey, hey, hey, are you okay?”, Spencer asks as concern creeps onto his face.

“Yeah, yeah”, you laugh, “I couldn’t be better”.

“As much as I could literally stay here forever with you, this couch really isn’t helping my back pain…”, Spencer says rubbing his neck.

“Oh god! Sorry!” you jump off of him and he laughs.

“No, no it’s okay!” he says following you up, “You’re worth a little bit of back pain”, he grabs your hands and rubs his thumbs over your knuckles. You smile up at him and stare into his glistening, amber eyes. You both stand there for a moment until you finally speak up.

“We could, um, go back to mine, like usual, if you want”, you say almost hesitantly.

“Yeah, sounds great”, Spencer beams back.

On the drive back to your apartment Spencer can’t help but stare at you. You are the most beautiful person he has ever seen and he would look at you for eternity if he could. He is mesmerized by the cute slope of your nose and your adorable rosy cheeks. You always complain about how red they are, but Spencer always tells you how much he loves them and that he takes offense to how you could hate something he finds so endearing. You always brush him off when he compliments you, thinking he’s just trying to be a good friend, you really hoped you were wrong, especially after what happened on the jet.

When you got into your apartment you both stood in the entryway unsure of how to proceed. Given Spencer’s track record, you weren’t sure if you should offer him sleep in your bed with you, you didn’t want to assume anything or risk doing anything that might push him away now that you finally have him so close. Spencer on the other hand desperately wanted to continue your previous activity in your bed but didn’t want to push to his luck. You both ended up speaking at the same time.

“Do you…”

“Would it…”

“You first”, Spencer insisted.

“Um oh, okay. Would you want to- I mean… you can… you could… I mean I’d”, you let out a breath and stare at the ground.

“I would like to sleep in your bed with you if- if that’s okay with you”. You looked up at Spencer, pure joy exuding from your face.

“That would be very much okay with me”. You grabbed his hand and took him back to your room. You gave him one of your old, big t-shirts to sleep in and went into the bathroom to change.

You returned in a t-shirt and shorts and Spencer was in his boxers and your old t-shirt.

“I-Is this okay?”, he asked, gesturing to his lack of pants. Although you had seen him in his boxers before when you shared rooms on cases, it had never been while sharing a bed.

“Yeah, of course”, you replied with a smile. You both got into the bed, cautious to keep your distance. Despite the more intimate position you had been in before, this was the first time you had ever shared a bed, which was a big step for both of you. You got into your respective sides and got comfortable. Spencer turned to you and brushed his hand across your cheek, causing you to blush even more.

“Is it okay if I come closer?”, he asked. You nodded, and he came so close that his arms wrapped all the way around you and your foreheads were touching.

“Can I ask you something?” You asked while staring at his plump lips that were inches from your own.

“Yeah of course.”

“Okay, so, not that I am not totally loving this right now, because trust me I am”, you both let out a little laugh,” but, how come you never let me touch you before? I mean, not even like this, but like just as friends, like a quick hug or even a reassuring nudge?”, terror sprung in your eyes,” I mean, not that this isn’t just as friends, but…ugh, you know”. Spencer looked down, avoiding your gaze, and took a deep breath.

“I guess I just… I don’t know. I thought that if I set boundaries for myself to not get so close to you, I would save myself the pain of losing you when you found someone else to spend all your weekends with who you actually liked, like, romantically.” Spencer still couldn’t meet your gaze.

You lifted his chin up with your hand and said, “Spence…Why would I ever want to spend my weekends with someone else? Why do you think I go with you to every history exhibition and foreign film that I can’t even understand?”

“I don’t know, you’re just being a good friend?”

“Well, yeah. But, it’s more than that”, you grab his hand and bring it to your cheek, “I do it because the way your face lights up at each museum we got to makes my heart flutter and when you whisper the translations in my ear during films you send shivers down my spine, in a good way. Spence I’m not going to leave for some random guy I like ‘romantically’. You are the guy I like romantically”. And with that Spencer couldn’t help himself but touch you. He cupped your cheeks and finally connected your lips. Your legs intertwined again, as they had been on the flight home. You finally separated for some much-needed air. You stare at each other with the biggest grins on your face, still panting from your mind-blowing kiss.