#penbound

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Atticus Li

I began spilling my every waking thought onto paper, writing about thoughts that scare me. And, like the very best monsters in all the most thrilling films, the things I fear the most are the demons who hold me under their spell. And now, after a lot of spilled words and stray thoughts, I am able to reach an uneasy conclusion: I have a disease. I am full of shit. I looked in the mirror and realized — in no small or uncertain terms — that I was full of shits. I suppose this as an atonement. Or a correction. Or an acknowledgment, at the very least. Whatever it is, it’s all I have to say: I don’t know what else to do. For a long time, I quenched this thirst by posting incessantly to social media. And Alhamdulillah I recieved much love from 40k+ followers including platforms of Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest and YouTube. I did it because I was lonely, and also because of the idea of talking to people in real life scared me — because in real life I can’t edit or correct myself the way I can on my touch-screen. I could always be different. I could always be liked, adored, envied and admired. But I shared too much of myself —maybe  the wrong parts of myself — and then I lost my actual sense of self. I have become lonely, because I realized that the real me had vanished and fled to unreachable, unknowable depths. I couldn’t even remember my life before I started filtering it through the lens of status updates. And now, I have developed an insatiable desire to reconnect with myself. So, I’m making this decision —I want to stop posting to Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, and YouTube. I want to work on becoming more secure in the way I relate to people. I’m hoping with this social-media retirement that my brain will kind of recalibrate itself - go back to my life pre-social media. I hope to become more focused, more productive, for my brain to be a little less scattered and all over the place. Be You, Love you all, Good bye. ~~Sana Afreen~~ #poetsofinstagram #poetrycommunity #writersofinstagram #writing #poets #quotesandtales #poetryhive #wordswithqueens #prettypurepoetry #poemsporn #poetryisnotdead #writersconnection #writingcommunity #penbound #runawaywriters #quit #theend

twitter.com/A_Sea_Of_Words instagram.com/aseawords 📷: Jana Luo

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