#partyallthetime

Ok. I will start by saying this is NOT Eddie Murphy’s fault... not at all... ohhhh Rick jaaaa-aaaames....

Rick James: oh fuck...

Kari: yeah... why would you make Eddie Murphy sing this song? Eddie is NOT a stick in the mud! The man, is fly! And not, for a white guy. He is fire in the hole of the ass of life! He entertains, and talks about life in a way that makes me shit the corn flakes that I had for breakfast when I’m watching him after dinner, ok? And to have him sing/complain about how his girl, who sounds like an absolute delight by the by, who wants to “party all the time” while he stays home, and is bitter about the fact that she’s having a great time in her life, is ridiculous!

Rick James: cocaine is a hell of a drug...

Kari: I wouldn’t know about that, Rick, as I’ve never touched the stuff, but I do know that having a “party mindset” is a better way to live than sitting there complaining about someone who does. Why is he not partying with her? Why doesn’t he put diamonds on his own fingers too?

Rick James: (whispers) diamonds on his fingers too...

Kari: ok, Rick, I’m not singing this song, ok? You don’t have to “repeat whisper” after I say the line...

Rick: yes, I do.

Kari: fine, whatever. The point is, Eddie is a fun, amazingly talented human being man, that enjoys people, and parties, and life. So the fact that you have him singing, upset about partying, is ludicrous.

Rick: no, he’s a rapper. Eddie doesn’t rap, he sings.

Kari: looooord....

The lord: nope. You’re on your own here...

Kari: right. Fine. Rick, you clearly can’t go back in time and fix what has been, but let’s rewrite this shit, ok? Cause it’s whack.

Rick: fine, but he won’t sing it again.

Kari: good point. No rebuttals for past hits... fine. Then I have a few more questions about this video, if you’ll be so kind to indulge me...

Rick: nope.

Kari: good, I’ll ask anyway, because I’m the one having this conversation with myself. Rick, you and Eddie came in very late to this video, where were you? This is your song. And you kept everyone else waiting. I blame you for that.

Rick: yes. I like to make an entrance...

Kari: it’s rude.

Rick: yes, it is.

Kari: then, Eddie had to smooth it over with the guys in the corner. He shook their hand. The one guy said, “party all the time?” Cause he wanted to make sure that you guys weren’t mad, cause you were very late. And Eddie agreed, internally, with his Eddie smile, and implied, “yes, party all the time. We’re still good.” And the guy was happy. But Man, if that was MY ass that was waitin on YOU, I would’ve said, “oh! Party all the time?! No! Where have YOU been? The party is supposed to be yours, and it’s already started for like 2 hours now. So no! But yes, cause now the video is finally gonna start. And I have a fuckin nail appointment that I may miss because of your late ass, so pick up the pace next time. And I’m not talking about the salsa, which is generic, and also if you’re gonna get salsa, go to a fuckin Mexican restaurant and support the families and shit! And you, do neither! And now everyone here is all confused, so much so, that they forgot why they were even there. The one guy that shook Eddie’s hand was like, “wait a minute (that was implied)” and then he had to ask Eddie, “party all the time?!” Like saying, “ Am in the right studio?! Are we still doing this?! Cause it’s been 17 hours and my ass hurts from sitting on whatever the hell I’ve been sitting on… ok, it’s a window sill and it sure as hell isn’t a lazy boy or any sealy postupedic shit so now my ass is asleep, and has developed yet another crack and maybe even the beginnings of a new asshole cause pain, but see, I’m polite as fuck, and I won’t ask you like Kari would, so I’m going to politely ask you, “party all the time? Just to get my point across, but still be the nice guy I am.!” Now, you see, Rick, you are making Eddie have to make things right with everyone because of your wackaschmoo behavior.

Rick: yes, yes, he did.

Kari: Eddie Murphy is a pleasure, and you have to be more cognizant of the way you make him look. He loves people. Now, what do you have to say for yourself?

Rick: well, say “no” to drugs.

Kari: if you say no to drugs, you are drawing attention to drugs, therefore saying yes to drugs by talking about drugs. So don’t think about drugs. That’s how you eliminate drugs.

Rick: you are a ball buster.

Kari: what can I say? I am. Because nut and ball are 2 separate words, that when put together, make a ball sack. Sometimes you have to dissect the shit to get the meaning of what you’ve been saying flippantly for years... & I yes, I happen to like to party all the time, in my own mundane way, and you’re not down with that.

Rick: I am now. Wanna go get some coffee? Cause I know that’s how you like to get down...

Kari: yes to both.

Scene.

Kari: Now Rick… it’s been over 2 years since I wrote this about you, and I blamed you for making Eddie late in this video waaaay above☝️ up there.

Rick: yes, you did.

Kari: But you didn’t do that. You were working in the studio when Eddie came in.

Rick: yes. Yes I was.

Kari: why didn’t you just say that it was that white dude’s fault? He’s the one that ran down the stairs with Eddie.

Rick: what white dude?

Kari: the white dude that had on the Cosby sweater.

Rick: I’m Rick James bitch.

Dolemite: who is this bitch ass mf-er talking like me trying to steal my act?! Bitch, are YOU for REAL?!

George Carlin: Carl Sandburg could’ve have written a better tag.

Kari: but he’s a baseball player…

Carlin: exactly.