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Granted, it was a polyamorous relationship since she was married to a husband who was 29, and they had an almost 1 year old daughter at the time. They were both positive minded about open dating.

She and I knew each other for over a year and a half before we got together and started dating during June of 2024. We stayed together until New Years Eve of 2024. We had a high compatibility rating, as we have a lot of the same hobbies and interests like gardening, cooking, baking, astronomy, physics, esotericism, ancient history and mythology, tarot cards, astrology, sword and knife fighting, traditional boxing, martial arts, that and Celtic Paganism, as well as the fact we are both Wiccan. Her and her Sisters are part of a Sisterhood Coven of Witches, and they mean business when it comes to things like that. Plus, since I was 13 when I left the Catholic church, I have only dated Wiccans and Pagans since the 7th grade, and have never deviated from that.

What really broke us up wasn't age difference, it was the fact that we had to keep our relationship a secret from her In-laws, her parents, her sisters, and her friends, since none of her older sisters would have approved us being together, the main issue being that she was the second youngest sister of the bunch and the age gap was staggering, where I am older than all of their husbands and boyfriends.

As time progressed, she was hanging out with her parents and sisters more, and couldn't risk talking to me on the phone in front of them, and so I would be left with zero communication for days on end, hanging on until she would just randomly show up at my apartment unannounced after days of not even being able to speak to each other to check in with one another. I was always happy to see her, but she had to duck her family just to be able to see me for the night and to sleep over until morning.

After a while, she was unable to see me for weeks at a time since she would be out working with her mother and going on road trips with her.

It just turned out, that even though I wanted things to work out between us, being in a poly relationship just wasn't for me. I craved monogamy and something exclusive, and was willing to be faithful to her, but completely had to come to terms with the fact that was not going to happen. She ended up encouraging me to date other women and to start looking for a full time girlfriend. At one point she even tried hooking me up with her best friend who is the same age as her, and they had experimented with each other romantically and sexually and loved each other, and that's why she was trying to match us together. We were going to go for it, until she and her best friend had a falling out, and now they no longer speak to each other. Sadly, she and I never got to meet each other or speak on the phone, but heard everything about each other through my exgf.

So long story short, she is a very mature and reasonable human being, who is kind, considerate, nurturing, a caregiver, as well as a good mother, and while the love between us was the most passionate and tender I have ever known, it was fleeting and over way too fast, when she finally drew the line and decided to part ways. I took the breakup rather hard, and have stayed single since then, and that was the beginning of 2025. I have not been ready to start dating again, and probably will get back out there once again, when I have regained my sense of direction as far as where I want to be in life.

But this brings me to a point, if i were ever going to make one. Younger women in their early 20s have a lot of different standards compared to when my generation grew up and came of age. They are more mature, pragmatic, they grew up with the internet and learned things quickly as hard lessons at a young age. Also a huge majority of them have traumas from abuse during childhood, whether physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, or even sexual. A lot of them did not have positive male figures in their lives during childhood, and had absent father figures and bad male role models.

So a lot of them grew up craving relationships with older men, not because of financial or material reasons since these ladies have a strong work ethic and work full time and sometimes two jobs, but because they were seeking to heal their traumas from past experiences from when men took advantage of them at an early age. Which is why a lot of ladies in their 20s look to date older guys, especially if they have found a "Good one".

Having an older male romantic partner helps them to feel safe and secure, and they can feel comfortable knowing that their wants and needs are being tended to by a man who understands them, and who won't take advantage of or exploit them. Someone to be there for them and to protect them, like they were lacking all that time in their childhood and formative years. Younger Women sometimes need older stable guys who can be there for them through thick and thin, in order to be able to heal emotional and psychological wounds as well as the spiritual ones.

Granted, she did take advantage of me financially. Her husband's truck needed a new battery, and her vehicle needed a new throttle valve, and I had a good job at the time, so I pitched in to pay for new ones. I also paid for groceries, and then covered her cell phone bill.

During this time, I had lost my job after a racism incident at work, where my boss filed a faulty police report on me after I vented to him about how racism isn't cool, and how my coworkers calling the only black guy in the company a "filthy N-word" and bragging about hanging entire Black families in the woods along with their children was unacceptable. Not only did the operations director side with the racists, he also tried to have me probated. The program director from mental health collaborated with him and lied to the probate judge about some facebook posts I had made of the incident, and had falsified testimony in order to get me institutionalized for 3 months. I had who I thought was still my girlfriend at the time, as my emergency contact, and had tried to call her every chance I got, but she just never answered the phone, and refused to return my calls. I was in the dark at this point, and was worried that something had happened to her or that my former coworkers had killed her to get to me. Then on Halloween night, I called and she answered on accident, and told me that she didn't have much time to talk, but told me that her husband didn't want to do open dating anymore, and left it up to me to figure out the rest. I was just glad she was okay and still breathing, but was saddened by everything she told me.

I was devastated, and in a bad place, finding this out while I was on my own, stuck in a crisis center for several months, without her even listening to what I had to say or what I had already been through. It was obvious that she didn't really care either way, and that my struggle was irrelevant to her. I was discharged from the crisis unit on New Years Eve of 2024 after having been in there since the 9th of October.

That day, I gave her money through cashapp to celebrate the holidays with her family and to be able to have gas money to get around. I didn't want her getting stuck on the side of the road. She met me at my place the same day, and only stuck around for 10 minutes before she had to pick up her sister and her mom. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she didn't love me anymore the way she had before. We had both left so much unsaid and didn't have the time to put everything on the table to understand each other.

Even so, during March, she was with her best friend, and was still trying to hook us up, and wanted to bring her over to my place to hang out and meet each other. It was all for naught though, since that day there was inclement weather and tornado sirens all over the state. I think there were 43 tornadoes in Alabama that day. I told her to hunker down at her parents house and stay put where she can be safe and near family. I just stayed home. It was like the Gods did not want this to work out at all, and did not want her and I meeting again. I should have been able to read between the lines, but I was dumb and holding out hope.

After that, she just ghosted me, and stopped answering my calls. I tried reaching out to her several times a week, just hoping to get a chance to clear the air between us, but she is stubborn and wasn't having it.

What really made things hurt for me, was when after the breakup, at one point during April of 2025 I was suicidal, and reached out to her to have someone to talk me down and keep me grounded. I asked what the problem was, and she said that she needed distance after the time I spent in the psych ward, but failed to convey that to me in the months prior. I asked her why she didn't say something sooner to let me know, and she said it was because she didn't have the courage or balls to say it until just then. Then, she got angry at me and called me "manipulative" for "using suicide as a means to get her to talk to me" and she basically gaslighted me about all of my grief and everything that went wrong between us, and asked if I "wanted closure or not". It was like a knife in my guts when I was already on the verge of ending my own life. I just broke down and cried.

A month later, I tested positive for fentanyl after having a heaping suspicion that someone was poisoning me, and she has a spare key to my apartment. At that point, I thought it was her, so I made an ultimatum for her: She had 1 week to send me back my key, by either delivering it, or sending it in the mail as a sign of good faith. When she failed to do that, I got angry and threatened to go to her inlaws with her bra as proof that we slept together, and said I would ruin her life if I didn't get my key back. It was a bluff on my part really, just to see if she would even answer back. She didn't because she blocked my number, as I found out when I had tried to call her.

So, after unfriending her, her husband, and her sisters, I left a scathing facebook post on my own page about what she did to me and how I really felt about it, calling her out for being shitty and put it out there as far as everything we did together. I figured that since I unfriended everyone, that no one would even bother to look at it, and it felt better to vent all of my frustrations and grievances. The post stayed up for two weeks.

A few days later after the post, I was in put into a Crisis Center again after getting into an altercation with people at Walmart who were saying racist shit about me within earshot and were calling me racial slurs and talking about killing me and having my family deported to El Salvador, which pissed me off because my family has lived here since the 1960s, and my relatives and mother are naturalized citizens, since my grandfather served in World War 2 for the US ARMY. I got pissed after hearing that shit, and blew my lid to my therapist, saying that I wanted those people dead.

Well, she had me probated and sent to a psychiatric facility again, this time for 4 weeks. On top of that, they gaslighted me about all of the racism and told me I was delusional and completely imagined it. This would be the second time getting institutionalized by punk ass white people covering for their racist brethren. I was even more pissed that they didn't care about what I had gone through and would lie to my face about it and call me crazy.

During this time at the crisis center, I called my ex and left a message saying that if she refused to give me back my key or at least apologize, that I would destroy her reputation. Obviously, I was still pissed off, but once again it was a bluff, and I was probing her to see if she would even budge. Well, she called me back right away, and apologized in a manner of speaking without admitting guilt.

I learned that she wasn't the one who poisoned me with fentanyl and that it was probably my roommate and neighbor at the time, and that also her and her best friend were no longer friends or on speaking terms. I told her that I forgive her, and she said she saw my facebook post as she had just looked at my page, and asked if I would take it down. I agreed to her terms, and had the program director of the crisis center give me access to my cell phone so I could "pay some bills" and at that point I hopped on Facebook and deleted the angry post.

A few months later after things simmered down, I called her at random, and spoke to her for about half an hour after she got off of work. At this point, she found out that her husband was cheating on her and seeing women behind her back, after he was the one who told her he wanted their relationship to be monogamous again. She was devastated, and because of that, she fell behind in school and ended up dropping out and going into debt with student loans.

She now works full time and another part time job, and lives on her own raising her daughter, and last I heard from her, she was filing for divorce. I asked her if she forgave me, and she said she did, but that I had lost her trust. I told her that she lost my trust as well, and that was the last time we ever spoke to each other on the phone. Everything just sucked completely for both of us, but she got hurt more than I did. After that I felt guilty for getting so angry, but was still hurt by what she did to me.

But yeah, that was my one and only time dating someone that many years younger than myself, and it ended way harder than it had to because she completely sucks at communicating with other people who care about her, and obviously doesn't care about whatever I had to go through. And that is how our relationship completely dissolved. The end of it friggin sucked. A part of me still loves her though and I think about her often, and even though the memories are painful, I still care about her, and someday when I have a family and children of my own, I was thinking of naming my first daughter after her.

Either way, I am ready to move on, after having been single for a year and a half now, and am ready to start dating again. To be honest though, if push came to shove, I would totally try another relationship with a woman in her 20s or even 30s, but never will I ever get into another polyamorous relationship with any woman ever again. Maybe this next time when I find a new girlfriend, I can find someone who is looking for something monogamous and exclusive, where we will make time for each other and stay in contact at least once a day, if not every other day. It is not that hard to fall in love with a person if you know them well enough and the two of you click and fit each other and compliment each others strengths while covering for each other's weaknesses.

All I know is, is that since I am at age 44 now, the next woman I get with will be the one I marry. I can hold out until I find the right one. And age gaps or a lack thereof won't matter to me much. I am looking for a quality relationship with someone where we have everything in common, and where we understand each other and our pasts and our struggles, and know each others likes and dislikes as well as hard and soft limits, better than our own parents and siblings and friends do. Where we can heal from past traumas together, in each other's arms, and weather any storm with one another.

So yeah. After typing that, I think I am starting to realize that I am probably over the breakup by now and should completely start dating again. Will just take a while to get out there and meet some ladies and become friends first, instead of just diving headfirst into dating right off the bat. Right now, I guess that my first step is to make some new lady friends, and get to know them better, and to earn their trust and camaraderie, where we can depend on and can lean on each other, and take care of one another. Cooking and sharing meals together, going out to venues and concerts and festivals together. Doing the heavy lifting and dirty jobs for them around the house, them taking care of my cats and plants while I'm at work, and where both sides pitch in fair and square, and where we both pull our own weight, but also pick and lift each other up, if one of us is ever down and out of commission.

After having spent my entire 30s alone, I can wait until I find the right woman, and know what to look for now and how to have healthier boundaries, and healthier expectations grounded in reality, and based off of past experiences know better than I did before.

So yeah, I'm ready to start dating again, and once that happens, I hope it will be a relationship that lasts, and if not, even if it ends, hopefully it will be on better terms than my last one, where we can still be friends.

Anyhow, sorry for writing so much about all of this in a long winded rant. I guess I just had a lot to say.

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