#parent!lolly

"Daddy?"

"Hm?" Sherlock hummed, his eyes still closed, hands stapled in his thinking pose.

"Will you remember me in an hour?" His son asked in a most serious voice.

Sherlock opened his eyes to look at him. "Yes, of course."

"Will you remember me in one day?" The little one inquired.

"Yes," Sherlock confirmed with a nod.

Still persistent, the boy followed. "Will you remember me in a week?"

"Of course."

"In a month?"

"Yes, I will."

"Good." William nodded to himself, then asked. "Knock, knock."

Sherlock blinked and automatically answered. "Who's there?"

"See?!" William pointed triumphantly. "You forgot me already."

Baby Holmes: *examining a menu*

His Date, Ryan: *reading a menu* Hey, Will, not that I have a problem with this place but isn't there an Italian right near yours?

Baby Holmes: *sighs* Yeah. My Dad goes there a lot. You don't want to be hearing about dead bodies and violent murders.

Ryan: *nods* So, is it likely he'd follow you?

Baby Holmes: *shrugs* I don't know. Depends if he has a case. Why?

Ryan: *amused* Well, I'm not an expert but the last time I looked, dessert carts didn't have feet.

Baby Holmes: *turns around* Oh my God!

Sherlock: *pulls back the cloth; lying on the bottom of the dessert cart* She made me do it!

Molly: *hiding behind the cart; looks around* What? No, it wasn't!

Baby Holmes: *blushing* Mum!

Ryan: *smirking*

Sherlock: *crawls out of the cart; stands up, brushes himself down* I'm sorry, Will. We wanted to make sure his intentions are honourable.

Baby Holmes: *embarrassed* Dad! Oh my God, you’re so embarrassing.

Molly: *innocently* I’m only here to keep an eye on your father, my darling.

Sherlock: *incredulous* What? This was your idea!

Molly: *folds her arms* Do you want to sleep on the sofa?

Sherlock: *thinking* Can we still have sex?

Baby Holmes: *quickly* Okay we’re leaving *stands up*

Molly: *anxious* What? Where are you going?

Baby Holmes: *leaving money on the table* The cinema! *hurriedly ushers Ryan away*

Ryan: *awkward* It was nice meeting you.

Sherlock: *calls* Be in by ten at the latest.

Molly: And wear your jacket. It’s cold outside.

Baby Holmes: *muttering as they leave* ...so embarrassing.

A follow up to A Tangled Web (go read that first):

———

March 2015

“It’s not too late to get married before the baby comes, you know.”

“Yes, perhaps we can get Greg Lestrade to stand over me during the ceremony with a shotgun. Properly set the mood. Then I can give birth during the reception, really give everyone a show.”

“I’ve had worse ideas. There’d be a minister on site to perform the christening. It would save us money, really. We’d only have to order one cake.”

April 2015

Official birth announcement posted on the twitter pages of both Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper. It’s possible that Molly’s was hacked by an unknown person. *cough* Sherlock *cough*.

‘Alexander William Jonathan Holmes was ripped screaming from his mother’s womb at 8:16 PM on April 8th weighing a robust 8 lbs 12 oz.

Alexander was sensibly less than eager to be born into a world rife with problems and had to be evicted from his mother’s womb. We were admitted to the hospital on the evening of April 7th where a medication was applied to Molly’s cervix <the following medical description is censored at the moronic request of the pusillanimous individuals who flagged this message as inappropriate>. In the morning, the doctor came in to break the bag of waters, commiting us to the birth and officially voiding the warranty.

Labor proceeded slowly, and the doctors began to grow concerned that Alexander’s heart rate was slowing. A C-Section was deemed necessary, and thus the doctors prepared to carefully retract <the following is again censored, you cowards>. As soon as the initial incision on the womb was complete, Alexander thrust his hand out of the womb, presumably to finish the job himself. The surgeon explained to him that, as an infant, Alexander was unqualified to participate in the procedure. Alexander reluctantly allowed his appendage to be placed back into the womb.

We eagerly awaited his cries and a scant few minutes later, we were not disappointed. Alexander was born with a full head of hair and superior lungs which he used to excellent effect.

He engaged eagerly in nursing and is losing a minimum of birthweight. I’m told I’m not allowed to report the state of Molly’s nipples, but suffice to say that breastfeeding is going swimmingly. The family is tired, but doing well.

William Sherlock Scott Holmes and Molly Elizabeth Hooper (her name certainly could be Holmes if only she agreed to marry me, but I respect her independence and sense of timing) welcome our first child, Alexander William Jonathan Holmes, into the world.’

AN: OK, I have been bitten by the Parent!lock bug and the Sherlolly bug and I’ve been bitten badly. This silly one-shot came to me last night and I know it’s not overly realistic as a first word but the idea amused me and I hope you enjoy it.

“He needs more snacks.”

“This is perfectly fine as it is, Molly,” Sherlock countered as they both stared into the little box.

“It might not be, he might get hungry!”

“This is already a varied, healthy, and might I say artful array of five different food choices for our son. I imagine it’ll be more than he can consume during two snack periods!”

Molly continued staring intensely at the thoughtfully arranged box, absently chewing her nail.

“Besides,” Sherlock added gently, laying an arm over her shoulders. “Perhaps he’d rather not stuff himself during school. Digestion may slow him down as well.”

Molly cracked a smile in spite of herself, giving him a playful wack on the chest. “I can’t help it,” she said softly, shaking her head. “It’s his first day. And he’s only five.”

“Exactly,” Sherlock replied. “So let’s be honest with ourselves and make a little deduction, shall we? He’s going to eat the baggie of ginger nuts...and everything else will be exactly as you see it now.”

There was a moment of silence as both mother and father let that statement sink in.

Baby Hooper: *examining a shoe*

Sherlock: *watching* It was the only thing I could get hold of to bring. You should solve it from that.

Baby Hooper: *shrugs* it's a girl's shoe.

Sherlock: *smiles* It is.

Baby Hooper: *frowns* But it's not the victim's shoe.

Sherlock: What makes you say that?

Baby Hooper: *shrugs* It's not interesting. This is someone elses.

Sherlock: *nods* So what does it mean?

Baby Hooper: *blinks* Someone lost a shoe.

Sherlock: Yeeees, who?

Baby Holmes: *delighted* The killer! *confused* But why would they run off without their shoe?

Sherlock: *proud* It's the murder weapon.

Baby Hooper: *staring at the shoe* Wooooow...

Molly: *standing in the doorway, glaring at him* Can I have a word?

Sherlock: *still watching the boy; waves a hand* In a minute...

Molly: *hisses* Now!

Sherlock: *quickly scurries over; smiles innocently* Molly, you're looking-

Molly: *folding her arms* Why is my son looking at a murder victim's shoe?

Sherlock: *mutters* Our son.

Molly: ...

Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* Oh, come on. They took the evidence, I had it cleaned *pauses* ...once it was removed from the victim's chest-

Molly: He's seven.

Sherlock: *excited* I know. He's on track to beat my record.

Molly: *trying not to smile*

Sherlock: *smirks* So I'm forgiven?

Molly: *sighs* No murders, not yet. We agreed.

Sherlock: *nods* I'll make it up to you. Dinner at Baker Street? Just the three of us.

Molly: *smiles* Okay.

Baby Hooper: *hands over the shoe* I don't know very much. It's just a shoe, really. Can I come with you to see the dead lady?

Sherlock: *glances at Molly* Um, maybe next time. But I'll tell you what *crouches in front of him* we can go to the lab and use the equipment. I might even let you see the morgue. How does that sound?

Baby Hooper: *delighted* Yay! Thanks, Dad *hugs him*

Sherlock: ...

Molly: ...

John: *enters*

Sherlock & Baby Holmes: *sitting cross-legged on the floor, opposite each other*

Baby Holmes: *happily* Uncle John! We've been doing spellings.

John: *smiles* Really? Can I see?

Sherlock: Clara. Spell 'Mummy'.

Baby Holmes: *thinking* M-O-L-L-Y.

Sherlock: *proud* And 'Daddy'.

Baby Holmes: *concentrating* Err...S-H-E-R-L-O-C-K.

John: *impressed* Hey, that's really clever. Your teacher is going to be really impressed. You got one for me?

Baby Holmes: *glances at Sherlock*

Sherlock: *mutters* Uncle Moron.

Baby Holmes: Oh yeah. J-O-H-N.