#paraules

“What a pretty thing,” one of them says as they cross my path. Thing. I’m a thing. A pretty thing is not less a thing than an ugly one and things are made to be used.

One of them actually reaches out and grabs my elbow as he passes close to me. I jank my arm away and keep walking.

“What are you doing all alone this late at night?” The first one calls.

My veins run cold, my soul nearly leaves my body. “Fuck off,” I hiss as I walk away, but I keep my voice carefully low so that they can’t hear me. I’m afraid of what will happen if they do.

They are skinny, younger than me, I could probably take them down if I tried. And if I couldn’t? There’s people nearby, eating dinner outside, enjoying the night. They would hear me scream, they would surely try to help. And I am two blocks away from my place, I can get there safely in under a minute.

I’m not thinking of any of that. Right now, all I can feel is the fear eating away my nerves, the crud realization of what his words meant. A threat. A promise. A statement that, if he wanted to, he could have power over me. He already does, because he managed to make the night shift around me, from a welcoming walk to a nightmareish persecution.

It’s the first time someone has done something like this to me since I live here.

Well, maybe not the first, because the second day after I arrived I went to the bank wearing a dress and had to hear a grown ass man whistle at me.

And maybe not the second, because the next day on my walk home a kid on his bike felt the need to say to his friend “look at that ass” and then slowly pedal next to me for three blocks as I tried to reach home.

And maybe not the third, either, because two days ago I went out dancing with a friend and some guy at the club felt the need to ‘dance’ with me, his arm trapping my waist like a snare, holding me against him even as I tried to push away.

And maybe… maybe I’ve never felt safe, but I also had never felt so at risk as I did tonight, straight out threatened by someone who is not afraid of any repercussion.

I get home and lock myself in, shaking and nervous and furious that just a few words could undo me with fear. I remember a sticker I saw on my way to the metro station to days ago: Women are not merchandise.

Hi ha una necessitat de posar paraules a allò que sentim. 

Look, guys, we’re all lazy and busy and more often than not anxious about the state of the world, so cleaning up around you may seem like a task that can be pushed for later and later and later. Letting mess and clutter build up is always easier than facing it. That being said, there’s something extremely satisfying about waking up/arriving to a clean and put together home. If you’re overwhelmed by the amount of work, though, here’s my 3 step way of making it all better. 

Here’s the thing, you want to divide cleaning up in smaller tasks like: 

Making your bed. Be honest, it takes you about 2 minutes at most and will make you happier when you’re about to sleep at night having a fresh looking bed.

Picking up/putting away clothes and stray stuff laying around. Just throw whatever needs washing on your laundry basket, put away the things that are clean, any shoes laying around and then some other stuff that needs putting away.

Doing the dishes. No one likes doing the dishes, but it’s actually pretty quick if you don’t let days and days of work pile up. Also, when you do your dishes, don’t let them laying around, dry them and put them away as soon as you’re done. This will declutter your space and make it all seem cleaner. Run a wet cloth over the counter when you’re done to get rid of any sticky stuff and then dry it. 

Here’s a couple seemingly obvious things I did not get and didn’t realize I needed until I was standing there alone like an idiot and needed them:

Napkins

A drying cloth for your dishes

Cleaning cloths

Toilet paper

Salt

Aluminium wrap paper

Opened a bank account

Tried to register myself as a city inhabitant

Was given a date to do so because you can't do it freaking whenever

Did some groceries

Met the people at the local food market next to my residence

Started figuring out the subway

Had a beer alone at a bar

Met some people who live here (pretty forcibly introduced myself out of anxiety) ended up going out with them

Handed over the remaining papers for the master

Was told by the secretary I apparently handed over "too many" documents in my effort not to miss any

Thanks anxiety

Figured out fastest metro route to my classes

Managed to sneak in a bit of gym time

Accidentally walked into a protest.

Purposely walked further into the protest out of curiosity.

Made plans to go out tonight to some cool bar or something with other residents most of which are like 3 or 4 years younger than me.