#paratise

got a LOT of thoughts about paratise. i feel like we're finally getting to hear more of ivan's Inner Freak(TM) rather than just seeing it animated. it's raw and and twisted like nowhere, but also kinda sexy and so desperate. he's not just lamenting the cruel reality of his existence, he's yearning. you almost get the sense that his shitty upbringing has messed up his mind so severely that he doesn't even know how to love till without feeling this.. freakish obsession with him. he's never had the safety to feel out his emotions for till healthily, so they've culminated into this all-consuming desire to be — well, consumed — by till. the lines "my wish, to live in you like parasite / you, be my own private paradise" are so full of desire, but they also come from a place of such pain. like he yearns to wholly lose himself in till, because there's no other way to love him in their fucked up little world. because of alien stage they are all constantly brushing hands with death, and their concepts of love end up equally severe. the song constantly mentions wounds, pain, darkness, shadows — and yet, it still manages to be an impassioned declaration of desire. for ivan, pain and love have always been one and the same. and as long as it continues, the way he wants till will remain just a liiiittle bit masochistic.