#paperboi

I had heard nothing good about this movie. 

NOTHING! I heard that there was an unnecessary sex scene, but I didn't hear anything good about that either. Don't worry... I mean the sex scene is there, but it's nothing for the parents to be concerned about - concerning nudity. It does feel like the sex scene goes on longer than it actually is. I’m picturing families around the globe all awkwardly watching Disney’s dull, unnecessary sex scene. At least if it was Disney’s loud, graphic, nasty sex scene that horrified children, that would be something to talk about - BUT NOTHING! Nothing good!

Putting that (which is nothing good) aside, perhaps it'll still be good. Just think about this cast:

Kumail Nanjiani (Buff AF)

(seriously, the veins in his arms are ridiculous)

They resurrected Angelina Jolie (bonafide ass-kicker)

Salma Mutha Bleepin Hayek!

My main man,  Brian Tyree Henry, known by "Atlanta" fans as "Paper Boi"

That sexy ass dude from "Game of Thrones" that your wife would admit to your face that she'd leave you for

And did I mention Salma Mutha Bleepin Hayek??!

Eternals - Who are they? And why should we care?

They're pretty much like any other team that has issues, but always unite just in time to save the day: The X-Men, The Avengers, The Muppets

- just more powerful then those groups.

There's always someone with super speed, one with strength, one who's a psychopath and skilled with weapons, a Superman wannabe. They're all here, and more; even Sexy GOT Guy 

- although he doesn't have any revealed powers YET, unless you count being charming. That's not all that useful in battle though. Probably why he's not in the movie all that much. The woman he's with in that pic is one of the main characters, and everyone knows a person's side-action can't be involved in your main story.

We should care about them, because they're earth's protectors. They've been protecting mankind from creatures called "Deviants" The people at the party who get too drunk.

The people who don't cover their mouth when they're feeling sick, and walk around wiping snot on their sleeves.

Those people putting boogers underneath of tables and on walls.

Real nasty stuff!

But, they look like this -

The Eternals find time to get some messages across between fighting Deviants as well. Upfront, there's a diverse cast. There's a message about protecting your family. There's a mental illness part of this story too, that I appreciate. And some climate change action. They've even got Greta Thunberg up in here :) 

I thought it really was her at first. I was like "Oh shit! Greta is tired of all the bureaucracy. She dun collected the infinity stones and crew, and is PISSED!" (actually 14 year old actress Lia McHugh. She's really good in this!).

The Greta plot line would have been better, cuz even with this talented cast (all good btw), the monsters, the messages, and the Marvel budget - this movie is kinda boring. Not “I’m about to fall asleep” boring, but a “oh that’s cool, so is that... that’s ok.... cool I guess.... ok, let’s get on with it” kind of boring. The production and cast are great, but... I found myself watching this with a “meh” expression for most of it.

I mean look at this picture again. 

None of them are even doing anything. At least get your pose on or flex, smirk, give me the finger... SOMETHING! Convey any emotion at all! Nope. They're just going to stand there.

Not just boring, but gloomy.

It has a "GOT" vibe to it - that could be good news or bad, depending on who you are.

I don't say this just because of the look, the dragon looking deviants,  Kit (the sexy GOT side-action), Magic, a character named Sersi (tho spelled diff) banging a person they call family, or someone sitting on a throne. It's the constant war-mode. Even when they're not fighting, they're still emotionally fighting, and scheming. There's some funny here and there (mostly provided by Kumail and Paper Boi), but not enough, and not enough time for the audience to see relationships forming. Even with the sex scene, to the audience, the two people just met. "Didn't y'all skip some steps?! Are you THAT horny?! Don't you have a mission?!"

There's brief levity and then back to the doom and gloom. And like "GOT" they've got no shortage of scenes with the background music of creepy monks, sopranos, and an ominous string section.

Ultimately, this movie is ok. I'm glad it exist. I'm glad I saw it, but I'm not in a hurry to see it again. There are those who criticize this movie, saying it has the dark, sad feel of a DC movie, and those people are mostly right.

It just feels like a waste of talent:

You had Jolie, fresh with frustration concerning her ex. You could have named one of the Deviants "Brad". Let an action scene between her and him get brutal, and really announce that she's back!

Kumail is very funny, but he needed a partner in comedy, and more scenes.

This guy 

- not funny. He looks tired. There’s no funny in that face. That face says “Shoot me.”

Let's replace him with... idk, this guy has been making me laugh, recently.

  Why can't Tim Robinson be an Eternal? He's not quite in shape, but he's hilarious, and that's what this movie needs. On that note of being "in shape", why did Kumail get so buff? I thought that he was going to have some shirtless scenes or have super strength, and some badass fighting scene moments... nah, he hangs back and shoots energy balls from his hands. You don't need to be fit to do that.  My man T.Rob here could have done that! They could have at least brought Buff Kumail in for the sex scene!

They probably had some Marvel money left over that had to be spent, and he raised his had first. Imagine if Greta here, got the chance to be Marvel-buff.

There's apparently  a big deal being made (in Gulf Nations) over a gay couple in here who kiss. I think Marvel should have leaned into it... literally, and made the unnecessary sex scene an unnecessary gay sex scene. All kinds of close-ups, as an F U to the Gulf.

I will say that this movie will make you feel some things.  As I said, the acting is very good. If this flick had more emotional-ups in it, the harsh feelings in here would have it even harder. 

Grade: C+

Idk if there's going to be a sequel. They've certainly set it up to have one. I'm reminded of Thor. The 1st movie was good enough. The 2nd - yuck, but then they found their way to some fun adventure and comedy in the 3rd. Perhaps Eternals just needs some time to evolve. Maybe get a sequel with Kumail, Paper Boi, and Greta going on a wacky, comedic adventure. Perhaps they get bored with saving the world and decide to simply have fun all of the time. Like, aggressively fleeing opportunities to save the day, and preferring debauchery instead. Then, maybe you’ve got something.

It could be Marvel's "The Hangover".

Donald Glover in ‘Atlanta’ Season 2 Episode 9

Directed by Hiro Murai