#panzermensch

paraphilias / fetishes include but are not limited to:

thanatophilia / necrophilia. emetophilia / vomit. snuff / gore / torture. intoxication / addiction. rape / incest / ageplay. dubcon / noncon. medical kink / iatrikophilia. sadism / masochism. hierophilia / blasphemy. dacryphilia / degradation. corruption / power imbalance / abuse of power. abuse / manipulation. autoassinophilia / suicide. erotophonophilia / murder. knives / rifles / guns. objectification / age gaps. strangulation.

You were sure, Eric didn’t want to tell you that, to not make you worry, but knowing the possible consequences, you decided to be extra careful around him, so no one would get any suspicions.

You really envied Ven and Liz, who were able to just openly walk around, hand in hand. They kissed in the pit, were playful with each other and very obviously in love, while Eric, of course, had to treat you like any other initiate when you weren’t alone.

Four had sent you and Ross into the ring, during one of the afternoon trainings, which had come to quite a surprise to everyone, as he was usually not one to just throw people together who obviously wanted to kill each other at any given moment – that was Eric’s job. With all the mental training of the recent days, though, you managed to keep yourself in check, constrain your anger and not lose control, when you beat Ross into the ground, stopping yourself before going too far.

Eric let his mask slip for a mere second, as he watched the fight, awarding you with a proud nod, when you stepped off the mat.

You were not entirely sure what kind of problem Four suddenly seemed to have with you, as he had never shown any significant emotion towards you before, but after he gave you another glare when the fight was over, you were sure that something was going on.

Maybe it was time to talk to Eric about it. He knew Four, and he had his own beef with the other instructor. Maybe.. maybe Four had noticed something.

The next morning, all of you were woken up as usually: by a metal pipe being banged against the metal railing of the stairs, leading down to the dorms. But instead of Four, who usually woke everyone, it was Eric.

“Alright, listen up.” He said, looking almost bored, as he looked down at all of you.

You sat up, running a hand over your head, looking up with a light frown at the other man.

“Today is a special day. Your families will have the ability to visit you.” he paused. “Of course there is a good chance they don’t want to see you, so don’t get your hopes up. And remember.. Faction before blood.” With that, Eric turned around and left, while around you people started to immediately talk amongst each other.

You let yourself drop back onto your cot with a sigh. You didn’t even consider your parents coming to visit you. Not after you had lied to them about the aptitude test, and had chosen Dauntless, without even looking back at them. Frankly, you thought they were probably glad to finally be rid of you, the embarrassing son who could not keep his temper, and that they were unable to control.

On the other side.. that meant that you had the day off. The day to yourself, in the dorms, relaxing on your cot, and maybe getting around to read that sci-fi book that you had found in the library, ‘Roadside Picknick’. Something told you that it was probably another one of Eric’s additions.

You and the other initiates got ready, heading to breakfast, where the excited and also a bit nervous mood was very obvious. Your friends were all quite excited, but gladly knew better than to ask you about your own feelings.

After breakfast, you headed back to the dorms – alone – grabbing a tablet and a bottle of water, making yourself comfortable on your bed, and started to read. You were quickly lost in the book, following the conversation of two scientists talking about a ‘Zone’, when you were pulled out of your thoughts by footsteps on the stairs.

You looked up, spotting Eric, dressed in his usual combat trousers and vest combination, tilting his head at you when he saw you lying there on your cot.

“What are you doing down here?” He asked, jumping down the last step, and walking over to you.

“Reading.” You simply said, putting your tablet down on your bedside table, sitting up a bit. “Don’t really feel like watching other people’s family reunions, to be honest.” You joked, but pursed your lips when Eric’s face remained serious. He came to a halt in front of you.

“Your parents are here.” He said, his blue eyes mustering your face for a reaction.

A high pitched sound, like a tinnitus, was in your ear, cold sweat on your hands. You were not quite sure what you felt.

Surprise?

Anger?

Disappointment?

Confusion?

Maybe all of that together in a horrible soup of emotions that was impossible to detangle.

“You don’t have to see them, if you don’t want to. But I thought I should tell you that there is the option.” Eric frowned, mustering you with concern in his eyes. He clearly noticed how you tensed up, how colour had drained from your face.

Also.. Eric had seen your fear landscape, multiple times at this point. He had seen almost first hand how your parents had treated you.. how they had locked you up in a sterile, small room, like a rabid animal. The rest.. you had told him about.

You chewed the inside of your cheek, eyes unfocused on your bedding, as you tried to consider your options. On one hand, you never, ever wanted to see them again, after everything they had done to you. On the other hand.. and that was maybe a petty part of you.. you kind of wanted to make them see how you’ve blossomed since coming to Dauntless, outside of their influence, and how you had found a place for yourself to be who you wanted to be.

It was silent for a while, a long while. Eric was patient, waiting for you to make up your mind, for making a choice.

“No, I’m.. I’m going to meet them. “You finally said, standing up, and pulling your shirt over your head, turning to where you kept your clothes. You were not quite sure what you were looking for, but you wanted to look.. intimidating. Impressive.

Eric raised an eyebrow, taking a step back to give you some room.

“You sure?” He asked.

You were indeed not sure. Not at all. But you had made a decision, and you didn’t want to rethink your choices.

“Either I manage to restrain my anger, which will be a great exercise, or I will end up punching my dad in the face. All in all, a win-win situation, don’t you think?”

You pulled a tight shirt over your head, together with a mean looking vest that showed off your muscular arms and your new tattoos, turning around to see Eric smirk at you.

“Not really surprised to hear you say that.” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s go.”

You managed to overplay your growing nervousness on the way with cockiness, causing Eric to chuckle and shake his head a few times, but when you finally reached the pit.. it felt as if there were ice cold stones in your stomach.

You spotted them immediately.

Dressed sharply in blue, tense expression on their faces, as they looked around, clearly uncomfortable. Your parents looked down on most of the other factions, but Dauntless – in their opinion – was filled with brute idiots who were no better than a pack of apes.

You clenched your jaw, but felt Eric’s hand squeeze your shoulder for a moment, giving you enough strength to take a deep breath and head down the metal stairs with a confident looking step.

It didn’t take long for your parents to notice you, and they turned around, watching you come towards them. You could see your mother mustering you with something akin to shock in her eyes, as she clutched her handbag and pressed her lips together.

You knew you had changed a lot in the past weeks. Your hair, your muscles, the tattoos and piercings, your scars.. all that together with the black faction clothes, instead of sharp blue, and the new confidence Dauntless had made you feel, made you appear like a completely different person.

Eric also descended the stairs behind you, keeping a distance to let you talk to your parents on your own. You were not quite sure if that was really reassuring, but you made sure that your face didn’t give away any sign of your insecurity.

“Hey.” You said as you reached them, casually putting your hands into the pockets of your combat trousers. You tilted your head at the two people in front of you, mustering them from top to bottom, before you continued to speak. “Didn’t expect you to come, to be honest.”

“Oh, Y/N.. [if you have chosen a different name at the beginning, they are using the old one]” Your mother managed to bring out, her voice strained. She shook her head. “You.. you look so different, we.. we were worried about you, we-”

“Bullshit.” Now it was you, who shook his head. “You were worried about how it looked to the other families. Your only son, defecting to the brainless faction. I know how it is.” You tilted your head to the other side.

In a way.. this was freeing. There were no consequences now, nothing they could do to you. You could – for the first time ever – just say exactly what you were thinking.

Your mother pursed her lips, not denying what you had said. She looked over at your father for a moment, for help. But he looked just as overwhelmed as she did.

“You..” She looked back at you, her hands fidgeting with each other. “You told us your aptitude test said Erudite..”

“Yea, well, I lied. To get you off my back.” You raised the corner of your mouth for a moment, seeing their shocked faces. “Half expected you to lock me in for good, if you would get the smallest hint that I would try and leave.”

“Y/N!” Your mother exclaimed again, taking a step forwards. “With all your reading, we just hoped-”

“Why are you here?” You interrupted them, feeling the familiar anger rising inside of you, even though you tried your best to sound bored and unbothered.

You didn’t want to show them, that you still got angry, that you were still struggling with that part of you. You wanted them to see how much you had blossomed here at Dauntless.

But then again.. and that was the anger speaking.. part of you didn’t care, and would not mind punching them.

“We just wanted to see how you were holding up, son..” Your father spoke up, earning a raised eyebrow from you.

“He’s holding up great.” A voice behind you caused your parents’ attention to shift, as Eric came up next to you with a charming smirk. He was tall and intimidating, and even though the smirk, still used his appearance to his full advantage. “One of our top ten in the ranking. Best shot too. We are very happy with him, he’ll go far.”

“And you are..?” Your mother asked with confusion, looking from you to Eric and back, taking a step back again.

“I’m one of the leaders, here at Dauntless. And Y/N’s instructor. Eric.” Eric said, crossing his arms.

The demeanour of your parents changed in an instant, as they realised that the man in front of them – however young he was – was a person that they had to respect. Even if they didn’t think much of Dauntless, a leader was a leader.

“Eric is right, I’m doing great.” You smirked.

With him at your side, facing your parents, confidence flooded through your system. Even though you could not show that you were together, you felt like a ‘power-couple’.

“Not being locked up and treated like an animal, you know? Does wonders, really.” You could not hold back and add.

The level of embarrassment on your parents’ face after you said that caused a surge of satisfaction to run through you. Finally. Finally you could speak your mind. It was such an incredible feeling, so..freeing. That must’ve been what Candor people felt like all the time, and you had to admit, you kind of envied them for it. Especially after all the secrecy of Erudite, where no one was supposed to know what went on behind closed doors.

“’Faction before blood’ is a really neat concept, isn’t it?” You smirked. “I would say ‘thanks for dropping by’, but that would be a lie, because I’d rather liked you wouldn’t have come.”

You let out a sigh, having to look away, as their expressions had grown a bit too much for you to handle. You didn’t want to feel bad for them – they deserved every mean word out of your mouth, and more. You let your walls wander through the Pit, the place that had grown so familiar to you over the past weeks. The stone, the concrete, the metal.. it was comforting, it was home. It gave you a feeling of safety and security, just as the man next to you.

“But anything to ease your minds, eh?” You continued, looking back. “As you can see, I am happy. Very happy. I am finally where I belong, and I am finally far away from you, which is ideal. Optimum est.”

The Latin words brought tears into your mother’s eyes, and this time it was her, who had to look away.

“Son..” Your father started, but you just waved him off.

“No, thanks.” You shook your head, not interested in hearing an excuse, a justification, or even an apology. It was too late for all of that now. “Have a nice rest of your day.”

And with that, you turned around, swaggering back through the Pit towards where you had come from, feeling as if a massive weight had been taken off your shoulders, that you had not even been aware of carrying. Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest, and you could hear the blood rush through your ears, and it was that moment that you actually grew aware how stressful the whole situation had been.

You kept walking, not looking back, your mind playing the confrontation over and over again. You were pulled out of your thoughts halfway back to the dorms, when Eric caught up with you.

His hand was on your shoulder, turning you around to him, and you felt some of the tension finally leave your body.

“Well, that was..” Eric started, but stopped himself, as if he was not sure what to say.

“That felt.. strangely amazing. Shitty, but also amazing.” Your brought out, an unintentional laugh leaving your throat, and you were not quite sure what caused it. Nervousness? Relief? Delayed panic? Maybe all of those. You went through quite the assortment of emotional cocktails today.

“I think you handled it well.” Eric smiled softly, squeezing your shoulder. “This could’ve gone much worse.”

“Thanks..” You smirked back, rolling your shoulders. You felt like working out until your mind was quiet. “It feels.. good. Baggage lost. Baggage that.. I kind of should have known was there, but.. I didn’t realise how much was actually there.” You tried to word it.

“I know, it is.. it gives you closure..” Eric’s voice made you look up at him, mustering his face.

“Did.. your parents..?” You were not sure what you were even trying to ask him.

“They also came, yes. To see how I was doing. I didn’t tell them either that I was going to defect, so it was.. it gave me the opportunity to show them that it was the right thing, the right choice, and that this was where I belong.” It seemed to you as if Eric had never talked about this with anyone before, as the words came out slowly, hesitantly.

“Were they.. angry?” You asked, tilting your head. Eric was.. strong. He was the one to push you, to hold you up when you were failing, when you were on the ground, so seeing him.. almost vulnerable right now was something entirely new to you.

Eric nodded slowly. His hand moved from your shoulder to your upper arm, and he pulled you along, instead of going to the dorms – like you had intended – pulling you into a different direction, that you by now knew would lead to his apartment.

You let him, not fighting it, understanding that this conversation didn’t need any people drop by, by chance. Also, the thought of sitting on Eric’s soft sofa, instead of your uncomfortable cot, was also a nice bonus.

After some minutes you arrived, and Eric opened the door, letting you in.

The apartment didn’t feel.. familiar, as of yet. It wasn’t as strange to be here as it had been the first time, but still, it was a rare occasion. You sat down on the sofa, while Eric grabbed some water from the fridge, before joining you.

“My parents.. were very.. ambitious.” Eric said, sitting down and taking a sip from his water. “We were.. five generations of continuous Erudite members on my father’s side, which.. as you know is quite the prestigious thing.”

You nodded, well aware of that. Family lines like that had a good chance of being important people in the faction, with a legacy of successful scientists and good connections.

“My parents had already planned it all out. Wanted me to go into chemistry, to work on more serums. Kind of a family thing too.” Eric sighed. “I always knew, I wasn’t really that passionate about shit like that but.. I thought that is maybe something you grow into. But then the aptitude test told me I’m Dauntless, so..” he bit his lower lip. “I knew I would disappoint them.”

You mustered Eric, never having seen him this.. vulnerable. It was new to you.

“But you still transferred.” You said, as he didn’t speak on.

“Yea, of course.” Eric huffed. “Don’t want to waste my life doing chemistry shit, when I can be here.”

You had to laugh, as Eric was back to his normal self.

“When they came to visit, they were furious. Telling me how embarrassing it was that I went to the idiots at Dauntless, and all that bullshit.” Eric continued. “But then I told them that I was number two in the ranking. That I was considered a good candidate for leadership. That I had found my purpose here. That I would have ended up a shitty scientist, bringing them even more embarrassment.” He paused, taking another sip of his water.

“What did they say?” You asked, tilting your head.

“They.. understood.” Eric said, chuckling. “And now they had something to brag at home about, that their son was going to be a big thing in Dauntless. It gave them closure, just as it gave it to me.”

The two of you were quite for a moment, just sitting there, both a bit lost in memories. You, of what had happened just a few minutes ago, and Eric in his own last meeting with his parents.

You were.. glad that Eric was also an Erudite transfer. It meant that he understood you on a level that Ven or Orion never could.

You mustered his face again, the pale eyes, the strong features, the dark piercings. The tattoos on his neck. You could not really imagine how he would have looked like before, in Erudite, probably a lot less muscular, and dressed in all blue.

You found Ven and Liz in the pit, sitting on one of the boulders in the centre, playing a game of cards. You let yourself drop down next to them, and Ven immediately turned her attention towards you, a curious, yet worried expression on her face.

 “So? How did it go?” she asked.

 You could not supress a grin, that immediately appeared on your lips.

“I did it! I got through it.” You brought out. “I took.. it took a hell of a time, and I definitely won’t be the fastest at the test in the end, but at least I got through it.”

 Before you could react, Ven threw her arms around you, hugging you tightly.

“I knew you could do it! I am super proud of you, Y/N!”

 You could not even begin to describe how it felt to hear these words coming from her mouth. She was proud of you. You could not remember when someone had ever said that to you before. Certainly not your parents.

 “Couldn’t have done it without you, Ven. Thank you.”  You hugged her back, your voice betraying your feelings, as it broke away slightly at the end. The kind words, the physical affection.. it made you tear up, but you didn’t even feel embarrassed about it.

 Ven let go of you, a toothy grin on her face.

“Oh, Y/N. Can’t leave you hanging, can I? You, Orion and I, we only work together when it is the three of us. Like a family.” She giggled.

 “Definitely a better family, than the one I came from..” you wiped your moist eyes with the back of your hand, starting to chuckle. “Ah, fuck.. don’t make me cry, Ven.”

 The young woman giggled even more, patting your shoulder.

 “An also, don’t forget Liz and Calder, they are part of out team now too. A big, happy family.” You threw a smile at the red head, who returned it broadly.  

 “Happy to be accepted already.” The girl looked at her hand of cards for a moment, wiggling her head. She was a bit odd, but you liked her.

 “And I’m happy you two found each other.” You said honestly, getting up from the boulder again before all these feelings and sentimentality really managed to make you cry. “I’m going to grab something to eat now. I guess I see you later, good luck for the afternoon!”

 With that you left the two of them to continue their game of cards, which probably was their own kind of distraction for the fear landscape later in the day. Your stomach was rumbling audibly, as it was lunch time already, and next to the two cups of coffee this morning, you had not really managed to bring anything down. The rest of your afternoon you spent working out again, though not as hard as usually as you didn’t want to spend all your energy before.. well, before tonight.

 You hit the showers before dinner, and tried to make yourself look decent, despite the still healing scars on your face, but only received a mean remark from Ross, who had gotten quite cocky again, as the memory of your last fight seemed to fade.

 “Going out tonight, Y/N? No one’s going to be impressed by ‘that’.” He snarled, nodding his head at you, as if to imply that with ‘that’, he meant your appearance. You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed, trying your best to keep your emotions under control. No one would profit from you beating his face in, unfortunately.

 You hated Ross so fucking much. You had never had that much contact back in Erudite, thank fuck, but already there he liked to pick on the ‘different’ ones, and he knew well aware how different you were. He knew about how your parents kept you away, almost treating you like a wild, untamed animal. How you had to see someone from a very young age, and how you had picked fights with other kids, whenever they teased you too much.

 Thanks to him, a lot of the other initiates, Erudite transfers or not, also knew about these little details from your past, as the other boy could not keep his mouth shut, gossiping every chance he got. Gladly, not everyone really cared, most of the transfers knowing what it was like to live in a faction that you knew you didn’t belong in.

 “How about we discuss that on the mat again, eh? Feeling lucky, mate?” you turned around to him, sending a glare his way. Apparently, Ross had not forgotten your last encounter after all, as he paled visibly, and left the dorms without another word. The few days he had to spend in the infirmary were probably not too nice to remember.

 Dinner was gladly uneventful, but your nerves were already running wild, leaving you unable to focus on what your friends around you were talking about.

 “Is everything alright?” Calder asked in a low voice, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Heard your fear landscape went well.”

 You nodded a bit absently.

“Yea, yea it went well. Your breathing exercises helped a lot. Thinking about how to improve, though, I’m taking way too long.” You lied, but gladly it seemed as if the other one believed you.

 “Relax, you are done for today. You can think about that stuff tomorrow.” He said with a smirk.

 You felt bad lying to your friend. You really liked Calder.

Of course, at first you had noticed that he had been slightly apprehensive of you, when you had first talked to each other when playing capture the flag. He had always been a rather shy guy in Erudite, keeping out of the limelight and in the background, and you would never have guessed for him to choose Dauntless. He had, probably just as Ross, only known you as that weird, aggressive kid, but in contrast to Ross, he had actually made the effort to get to know you, instead of just believing all the gossip and going with it.

 “Some things need time. Better to master your fears, than to rush it, and not master them at all.” Calder added, but left it at that.

 ---------

 It was a few minutes to nine, when you made your way to Eric’s apartment. Your friends did not even question you leaving, being used to you wandering off at night to head to the training halls for some late-night work out.

 You had to admit, you felt a bit nervous about all of it. Eric wanted to celebrate, but you had no idea what that would include. Would you just fuck again? Or was this something different? You kind of had the feeling that this was more, not just a physical thing, but you still could not be sure. Eric was difficult to read, especially if other people were around, and you had not really the guts to just ask him openly. Maybe you should though, just for your own mind.

 You knocked on his door, and a few seconds later he opened it, dressed in just a casual t-shirt and a pair of combat trousers. A slight smile was on his lips, as he stepped aside to let you in. You fidgeted a bit with your hands, turning to him after he had closed the door. Eric immediately noticed your nervousness and stopped in his movements, as he was about to approach you.

 “Is something wrong?” he asked, his voice concerned and soft.

 “I..” you started, licking your lips and not really knowing how to word it. “I just.. I’ve been thinking.” You turned away, taking a few steps further into the room. Your eyes wandered towards the windows, where you could make out some lights in the darkness. “I need to know what.. what this is.. between us. Is this just a.. physical thing? Is this more? I need to know, and I need to hear it from you, before this goes any.. further.” You stumbled over your words, but they were finally out.

 You heard Eric sigh behind you, before you felt his hands on your shoulders, turning you around. You did not resist, facing the other man again.

“I thought my actions were clear enough, to show you that this is more. You are not just some random initiate, that I decided to fuck.”

 Goosebumps appeared on your arms, just hearing him talk like that. You were not quite sure what you had expected him to say.

 “I think about you, a lot. At first I thought it was just because of that.. of that stupid fucking way you decided to jump off that building. I was really impressed.. but..” Eric swallowed, looking past you and out of the window. “I don’t know what it is. You just constantly draw my attention to you, and I want you to make it through all this. You make me feel things, and that is not something that happens that often to me.”

 You had to smile at his words, and as his eyes found yours again, you could not but put a hand on his cheek. Eric closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into the touch.

 “Thanks for spelling it out for me.” You had to chuckle.

 “And I thought an Erudite transfer would be smart.” Eric laughed, before his face got a bit more serious again. “Nevertheless.. This can’t be public.”

 Your hand froze on his cheek, your brows furrowing. Of course, you kind of had expected that, no? But a secret relationship? Were you ready for that? Did you even want that? Secret affairs that were only about sex were something different, but this?

Eric noticed you tense up, because he quickly continued to speak.

 “Not for now, at least. It’s not good for an instructor and an initiate to have any kind of relationship that is not purely professional. I don’t want this to affect your initiation in any way, if people doubt my objectivity. So, at least until you are a full Dauntless member, this can’t be public.”

 You let out a breath, you didn’t even know you were holding.

“Ok.. I can do that.” You said. Then after a beat. “And then?”

 “Then we..” Eric closed up to you a bit more, his strong arms wrapping themselves around your shoulders. “Then we can do whatever we want. Make it public. Or not.”

 You thought about it for a moment, when another pressing question came into your mind, that was kind of important to clear up.

“Are you.. out?” you asked. It sounded weird.

 It was kind of an odd situation, with the factions being so distant to each other most of the time, that they were all like their own, distinct cultures. They all had their different social norms, and different things that they did or did not accept. Ven had once told you how about it was in Candor, where it was not a big deal and that coming out was not even a thing. Monika had mentioned roughly the same thing when it came to Amity, where they were happy for who you loved, regardless of gender.

 Erudite had been very different, where it was more of a.. personal thing, not everyone knew. You knew a few same sex couples who lived together, but never spelled out in front of anyone what relation they actually had to each other. Your emotions were not important, so feelings and love and sexuality were nothing openly spoken about, if it was not in a scientific sense.

You had never come out in Erudite, but you also had no one to really come out to, as you never really had any friends, and your parents were out of the question anyways. The few encounters you had during your time there, it obviously had not been necessary, and neither of you had ever acknowledged it publicly anyways, especially considering your reputation.

What the stiffs thought, and how they handled this topic, you had absolutely no clue about.

 Here in Dauntless, no one had batted an eye at Liz and Ven, when they were holding hands or kissing in public, so you assumed that it was also not that big of a deal here. Still, you were not 100% sure, as you had to admit, you had not really paid that much attention to it.

 “No.” that was the simple answer from Eric to your question, causing your heart to drop a bit. “But no one here cares about that sort of thing anyways.” He then added.

 “Aftermath of Erudite?” you asked, and Eric nodded.

 “Aftermath of Erudite.” He repeated in confirmation, with a smirk. “So, with that out of the way, do you care for a drink?”

 You nodded, and Eric pressed a short kiss onto your lips, before letting go of you, wandering over to the living room part of his loft, where he pulled two bottles out of a small fridge next to the wall. He handed you one of them, as you sat down, sighing as you sank into the far too comfortable sofa.

 “I can’t wait to have one of those for myself.” You grinned, clinking your bottle together with Eric’s, before taking a sip.

 “Yea, the cots are horrible.” Eric agreed with a smirk.

 “At least they have blankets.” You murmured, not really thinking, faintly wondering what kind of apartment you would have, when initiation was over. You only noticed the weight of your words when Eric kept silent, and your eyes wandered over to him.

 He frowned at you, concern on his features.

“You didn’t have a blanket?” he finally asked, realising that you were not about to elaborate.

 You closed your eyes for a moment, sighing once more, not quite knowing if you should just tell the other one to forget about it. On the other hand.. you trusted him. And maybe it was not too bad to talk about it, to help you get over your fears.

 “I was always kind of.. well. Let’s say I was a rowdy kid, pushing over the other kids when they tried to tease me. I got angry really quickly, and when angry.. I often lost control. My parents could not handle me, and just started to lock me into my room whenever I got out of hand, going as far as pulling me away from other kids as soon as they sensed that I might not be in the best mood. Did nothing for my reputation, of course, and I think you noticed the things Ross says.” You started, and Eric listened to you patiently. One of his arms rested on the back of the sofa, his fingers starting to lightly scratch the back of your head.

 “Being locked into a small room, while burning up with rage is of course.. well.. I started to smash things, letting out my anger, so they removed more and more things. Everything that I could break, everything that I could use to hurt someone, or myself. I mean, you saw what was left, right?” you raised an eyebrow at him, and he nodded. “From there.. well. They started to lock me in as a punishment too, even though I got my anger more and more under control. I hated being home, so I was out constantly, sneaking out at night, climbing around the compound or outside the faction buildings.. meeting other boys who wanted to experiment.. when I got caught, I was locked in again, and my parents avoided talking about me the best that they could, thinking they were doing me a favour.”

 It was difficult to talk about it, difficult to admit it. You always gave yourself the blame for how they treated you, that it was your anger that made them act this way.

 “I’m sorry.” Eric’s voice was soft.

 “It’s alright. Now I’m here. Now I am learning how to deal with my anger more.. productively.” You frowned at your drink. “Working out helps a lot, and here I have more chances for it than in my prison cell.”

 “You experimented?” Eric then suddenly grinned, raising an eyebrow. You gaped at him for a moment, but then chuckled, trying to hide your embarrassment by taking a sip of your bottle.

 “Yea, well.. I mean..” you shrugged. “Didn’t you?”

 “Oh, I did, of course. I just thought I would get some details out of you.” He winked, shifting a bit so he was closer to you.

 “A gentleman never kisses and tells, you should know that.” You put your bottle down on the small coffee table in front of you, where Eric’s bottle was already standing.

 “A gentleman? Didn’t take you for one.” His words were not offensive, and you had to laugh, subconsciously moving towards his form.

 “Even though I’ve been so nice?” you asked, your lips only an inch apart.

 “You are cocky, not nice.” Eric grinned. “But I like that better anyways.” His lips finally met yours, and you melted into your kiss, your worries and thoughts pushed into the back of your head, as Eric’s hand wrapped around you, pulling you on top of him.

 His arms were around your waist, pulling your body flush against his, as he deepened the kiss. You grabbed the back of his head, trying to move against him, but in this position, the layers of your combat trousers made it very difficult.

 “Oh, fuck that.” Eric murmured, and before you could react, he had simply gotten up, still holding you. You stretched out your legs to find ground again, but Eric started to move, walking backwards away from the sofa and towards his bed, pulling you along. Your body reacted immediately, and you felt yourself harden in your trousers. It was insane what kind of effect this man had on you.  

 Eric’s fingers moved underneath your shirt, lifting it and pulling it off you in a swift motion, casually dropping it onto the floor. You had to grin, as you rid him of his own shirt, before the two of you almost simultaneously started to open each other’s trousers.

 It took some effort to struggle out of your boots, but when you were finally naked, Eric let himself fall back onto his bed, making himself comfortable as he pulled you on top of him. You crawled over his magnificent body, littering his skin with kisses on the way. His hand found your hair, stroking over your scalp, as you kissed his chest, and bit his shoulders, leaving red marks on his skin, careful to choose spots that were not too obvious to see. Eric’s other hand wrapped itself around your hard cock, starting to stroke it and causing you to moan against him.

 “Can you grab something for me? Nightstand.” Eric murmured, and you looked up to see a bottle of lube standing there, just waiting to be used.

 You chuckled.

“Optimistic, aren’t we?” you said, as you stretched over to grab it, feeling Eric’s hand moving over your torso, feeling every muscle, every curve and every edge of your body.

 “Let’s call it hopeful, and stricken.” He winked, and you kissed him as you handed him the lube. You started to move off him, but he held you in place, his blue eyes finding yours. “No, I want to see you this time.. if that is ok.”

 The last time had been.. hot and fast, but a tad unpersonal with him behind you, and the darkness around you. Not that that was a bad thing, it had been amazing, but it was something completely different than sitting on tip of him, illuminated by the soft, orange light of the standing lamp in the living area, where he would see every single reaction, every emotion on your face.

 “Ok..” you said breathlessly.

 Eric kissed you again, before letting go of you and distributing the lube on his fingers. Your heart pounded in your chest, and for some reason you grew a bit nervous.

 You supported yourself against his strong chest, as you felt his fingers at your entrance, automatically closing your eyes when he pushed in, a wave of arousal washing through your body. Your breath escaped you shakingly, as he started to prepare you carefully, your fingers digging into his skin.

 You had not even realised that you had started to moan softly, and suddenly there were Eric’s lips again, kissing you deeply, but slowly, not rushing anything. He sat up, removing his fingers, before he lined himself up with you. He broke the kiss and you opened your eyes, looking at him, and the ineffable expression on his face. You understood, and slowly let yourself sink onto him, your head dropping onto his shoulder with a groan.

 Eric did not immediately move when you bottomed out, letting you adjust to his size, before he started to litter your neck with kisses. His strong arm wrapped itself around your waist, shifting you a bit, before he started to move his hips.

 You moaned loudly, turning your head to find his lips, to pull him into a deep kiss. In contrast to the other night, his movements were slower, but still strong. You moved with him, rising and falling, to meet him in the middle, completely lost in the sensation.

 There was nothing but pleasure, skin on skin, your moans and breaths becoming one in the heat of the moment. You never wanted this to end, wanted to stay like this forever, but with Eric’s strong movements, and your erection rubbing against his stomach, your felt yourself edging closer and closer to the end.

 “Eric..” you moaned, unable to word your need, but the other man seemed to understand well enough.

 Without letting go of you, he turned the two of you around, so you were now underneath him, your legs automatically wrapping themselves around his hips, as he picked up the pace, slamming into you hard and quick, while his hand grabbed your cock.

 You threw your head back, moaning and cursing the other man’s name, until it finally became too much and you came, closely followed by Eric, who again collapsed on top of you.

 With a slight groan he heaved himself up, pressing one more kiss onto your swollen lips before he pulled out of you, letting himself fall onto the bed next to you again.

 You looked over to him, a tired grin on your face, as the last waves of your orgasm subsided, leaving behind nothing but bliss.