#pandavas

But you, oh you.

You held my hand for 21 really fast heart beats

And I was addicted.

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Arjun loves monsoon.

It's a fact that's been known for years in his family. Bheem loves late night walks. Yudhishthir absolutely loves raw mangoes. Nakul loves to create colours from flowers. Sahdev is irrevocably in love with wood crafting. Arjun loves rains.

They first found out about it when Arjun was four, they were still in the forest and the little terror escaped from Pandu's side to play in the mud near their hut and was drenched in less than the five minutes it took for Pandu to realise that his middle child was missing from story time.

Of course, Arjun's play time had been cut off as a punishment for going away without informing his father and subsequently getting sick, but Arjun discovered something that day: rain isn't as bothersome as Mata Kunti thinks. Water dripping from his lashes, droplets falling on his lips, the soft cold of the weather and the smell of earth and the vibrant verdant of the rest of the forest— all of it, really, was beautiful.

The taste of rain was addictive.

However, as he grew older, he realised something else as well.

No one in his family liked the rain. Mata Kunti hated the humidity. Bhrata Yudhishthir hated the dark and gloomy weather. Bhrata Bheem hated the muddy earth under his feet. Nakul hated the rain because it meant that a lot of animals would suffer from the weather due to not having proper shelter. Sahdev hated the rain because the clouds later always hid the stars that he loved to watch every night.

Every time it rained, Arjun went out of their hut, on a walk. It was his mission to spot beautiful flowers covered in water droplets and discern their smell. Rain water drenched berries tasted much better too.

He is used to it, honestly. It doesn't really bother him anymore. He just brings his family flowers from his walks and annoys them by trying to embrace them while still wet from the rain.

Multiple times, Bheem bhaiya has threatened violence against Arjun because he keeps shaking his head near Bheem bhaiya to spray him with the water in his hair, like a wet dog trying to dry off. Each time, Arjun hides behind a progressively more amused and exasperated Yudhishthir and while the eldest tries to corral Bheem bhaiya, Arjun wipes his wet hands on Yudhishthir's angvastra.

(Yudhishthir never gets annoyed at Arjun for that. He never even changes the half damp angvastra, even if he has to attend court with his little brother's wet hand print on his arm or shoulder. Arjun gets stupidly sentimental about that fact every time it rains, too.)

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When they leave the burning palace behind them, Arjun, with calloused hands and aching shoulders, laughs as it drizzles, gradually curling all Nakul and Sahdev's hair. Nakul's hair remains in those loose curls and Sahdev's hair, not long enough to curl properly, sticks to his forehead in waves that look absolutely ridiculous.

He and the rest of the brothers annoy Sahdev about it until Mata herself has to step in and protect her favourite son from any further ridicule.

Arjun makes eye contact with Bheem and they both grin, knowing instinctively that they'll both be dragging this instance to irritate their youngest for the rest of their lives. If Yudhishthir squeezes their shoulders in silent gratefulness to lighten the mood, only the eldest three need to know that.

It's easy, after that. The ground under their feet softens because of the rain and Arjun ignores his brothers as they wonder if the rain had extinguished the fire in the palace and if the people would find out that the Pandavas and the Raj Mata are alive after all.

A part of him, older than blood and flesh, older than his years on earth, the part that shows strands of gold in his hair— it already knows. It knows the way of the rain as it sees the canines in Yudhishthir's smile. As it hears the booming voice of Bheem. As it smells the continuous smell of jadibootis from Nakul, despite the man never carrying those. As it sees the abnormally large irises of Sahdev.

It already knows the rain like the blood in his own vessels.

The palace still burns. The rain refuses to touch such filth.

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She is absolutely radiant.

Panchali is everything. She's fiery, she's intelligent, she's a great conversationalist, she laughs whenever Nakul sits grumpily in the kitchen because his newest try at cooking didn't meet his high standards, she teaches Bheem the different types of embroidery she knows because she knows he likes to keep his hands busy, she oils Sahdev's hair every time he gets a headache because he gets overwhelmed with all the information he understands from the stars, she banters with Yudhishthir over philosophy and does a little dance whenever she manages to leave him speechless, rare as it is. She convinced Mata to put on kajal for her birth anniversary— something that Mata hasn't done since Pitashree and Mata Madri passed.

He regrets his big mouth for putting her in a horrible position on the very first day of their marriage, but dear lord, he is so in love with her, he can spend a lifetime only observing her eyes crinkle with her big smile whenever anyone pays her a compliment.

He isn't a poet, but he thinks she's poetry in motion and he wishes he could encapsulate what she means to him in words but all the words in the world couldn't describe a miracle such as her.

The first rain after their marriage comes when she still isn't entirely comfortable in the role of the wife and is just settling as a friend first. It was something that they had decided mutually. Panchali's fate had been forced enough. She deserves time to get to know them all first and then be a wife, the expectations of the society be damned.

So when, Arjun, grinning ear to ear, tells them that he'll be back, the rest of his family doesn't react much, except the warning Mata gives him to be careful because it's twilight now and the night will soon swallow the village they're staying overnight in and with the rain, no fire will be possible to be a source of light for him to see anything.

(She doesn't see the world as clearly as he does when it rains. When thunder strikes the sky and all Arjun sees is a bright day despite dark clouds. When there's rain drops clinging to his eyelashes and his vision is ten times sharper and he can see all land where any rain touches.)

Panchali looks up from the flowers she's weaving into Bhrata Yudhishthir's hair and frowns at him, asking him where he is off to, what cannot wait until it stops to rain.

Bheem bhaiya shows all the exasperation of a man who already knows he's about to be annoyed to death when Arjun returns as he tells her about his love for rain.

Panchali raises her eyebrows, half impressed and half incredulous. She asks him if she can accompany him on this walk.

Elation rushes through his veins and he doesn't even think for a second before he says yes, his heart pounding in his chest much faster than the thunderclaps in the clouds that are not half as alluring as Panchali's eyes.

As they walk under the rain, Panchali walks beside him, matching each of his steps. The sound of rain against the earth is nothing compared to the sound of her payals tinkling and her bangles hitting the thick silver bracelet he wears. It's a harmonious sound that he wants to swallow. He wants to twist his heart so that his heart beats sound like their jewellery brushing against each other.

As the rain slowly but surely drenches them both, they come to stop under a gulmohar tree, which looks like there are rubies littered on the leaves, such is the brightness of the redness of those flowers.

"You know," she says, grinning as she wrings her hands to rid her hands of the extra water on her fingers,"I do suspect that you are quite right about this rain, husband. I have never felt so... exhilarated. The rain on the balcony of the palace and the rain under an open sky are two widely different things."

Arjun laughs, because he knows she is half truthful but half determined to not compliment him since she has learnt that he preens too much at every compliment.

(Every compliment given by her, that is. Sahdev teases him ceaselessly about being completely and ridiculously transparent in his worship of their wife. Arjun does not hesitate to remind him that he knows that Sahdev has forged his favourite delicate chain into a ring for their wife, who wears it every day and Sahdev preens much more than Arjun whenever he sees her fiddle with the ring.)

"You can admit that you enjoyed the rain, dear wife. I promise, I will not preen for the compliment you pay to nature."

Panchali laughs and moves closer to him, intertwining their arms and grasping his forearm in her hand. "Of course not, husband. I do enjoy the rain. Satisfied?"

Arjun looks down at her— she is almost a head shorter than himself— and sees that she is already looking at him.

Thunder strikes. She jumps slightly before pretending nothing happened and slipping her hand into his, slotting their fingers together.

The drops of rain cling to her eyelashes, a rivulet rides from her nose to her lips, sliding down to her throat and merges into the necklace she wears. Her cheeks are flushed and hair is stuck to her forehead and her tilak is smudged.

Arjun's stomach tightens.

All he can think is that he's seen all types of flowers covered in the rain, except the lotus.

Now, he has seen his wife's eyes under the rain. They are much better than any lotus in any water body in any land.

"And I enjoy you, sweet wife." He says, gently pushing away a wet strand of hair from her forehead so it does not fall into her eyes.

Panchali smiles, the one where her eyes crinkle, the smile she smiles when someone compliments her, and ducks her head.

It is then she realises that they are holding hands. She takes a breath sharply, squeaking as she does when she is embarrassed and the hollow of her throat is even more pronounced for a single second.

She leaves his hand immediately, but does not move away, standing shoulder to shoulder.

When they return home, Arjun and Panchali both wring their hair near Bheem. This time, Bheem almost catches and pinches Arjun for teaching Panchali his "absolutely uncivilized and annoying" habits. Panchali is about to be tickled, too, because Bheem bhaiya is nothing if not good at retribution.

They both hide behind Yudhishthir, who does placate Bheem bhaiya while Arjun wipes his hand on his angvastra and Panchali wipes hers on his dhoti, leaving their hand prints on his shoulder and waist respectively.

Sahdev pinches Arjun for stealing away Panchali from braiding his hair and Nakul grins at him because after coming back from the rain, Panchali beelined to Nakul immediately to request his help in cooking and he, at his core, is an opportunitist.

I've been an ardent fan of Mahabharata, but now that I think about it, except for Draupadi, Amba etc. getting their rightful revenge, it actually normalises rape and materialising women during several instances... Here are a few I remember:

Sage Parashara sleeps with Satyavati, in spite of her unwillingness, his only assurance to her that she will go back to being a virgin after giving birth to his child and she gets a “divine fragrance” (because apparently trauma is fine if you get perfume out of it; wth?)

Bheeshma "ACQUIRING" Ambika and Ambalika from their swayamvar for Vichitravirya....

Salva refusing to marry Amba, because he got defeated by Bheeshma.

Satyavati later calls on Vyasa to impregnate her daughters-in-law (who are clearly repulsed by him) by something called "niyoga", which does not make the term rape better in any way. And mind you, they were not even asked for consent. It is nauseating to think that Satyavati, herself, who went through something similar, did this. Oh, also after, Ambika, one of the victims, sends her maid to Vyasa, when he comes to impregnate her again... Ik it was a desperate move, Ambika, but way to go👏

Kunti accidentally calls upon Surya to test her powers, when she's still a child, and poor Lord Surya, bound by his duty, rapes her and leaves her to have his kid.

Pandu having no issue with the fact that multiple gods are sleeping with his wives, just so that he can have a son, which is obv not his.

Dhritarashtra impregnating Sugadha, Gandhari's maid, because Gandhari did not deliver her child past usual due... Apparently, being desperate for a child (i mean, a SON), is a valid reason to rape a maid

And yes, Draupadi is powerful. She questions the court. She refuses silence. But she and Bhanumati are both gambled away like property before anyone suddenly remembers morality exists.

Basically, Lineage > women. Sons > consent. Dynasty > dignity.

Droupadi had her faults, but she never once insulted Karna OR Duryodhan. Not at her swayamvar, not in Indraprastha. The dyutsabha happened over men's egos and their fights over property, not as "revenge" for droupadi insulting them.

Like, I get it, they were giving her more agency or whatever. But that kinda undermines the point of how an innocent woman who had nothing to do with any of this became collateral damage. Instead we get "well... The Kouravas were wrong, but she was casteist and arrogant ykwim?? 🤷"

No. She wasn't.

And that's not all.

Kunti and Madri had their squabbles and jealousy. Madri did admit she could never love kunti's sons they way kunti could love madri's. But the serial wanted to really drive it in that Kunti is the saint and Madri is the bitch, so they somehow went and managed to make Pandu's curse Madri's fault. The poor woman wasn't even present when the guy went and shot random deers. But nope, better make him an innocent victim who only hunted the deer cause his bitch wife threw a tantrum.

Oh, and Subhadra. This is another problem I have with the "giving women agency" take they did.

The original story went that Arjun got absolutely smitten with her and Krishna suggested taking her with him so they won't have to deal w a swayamvar. We don't actually know what subhadra thought about all this, but we do know she loves the guy.

So a truly "feminist" version would've had Arjun speak to Subhadra first and then had the two of them decide.

But what we got was poor unwilling Arjun who totally did NOT want to marry her getting coaxed into agreeing by Subhadra and Krishna. And he marries her for the super noble cause of saving her from marrying Duryodhan (never happened btw. Y did they even make that up?), NOT because he wants her.