#palosverdesestates

“Something interesting up there?” She went to lay next to him, the towel she dried off with lay abandoned on the floor.

“Mmmm. Not more interesting than this.” He reached behind her and grabbed a handful of her bare ass. He laughed, carefree, and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t deserve her, was the pervasive thought. Always an undercurrent in this mind.

“Come on, I have to get dressed. Food will be here soon.” She attempted to wiggle her way out from him. He gripped her tight, not letting her escape.

“You don’t have to do anything. Including getting dressed,” he challenged with a rougish smile and flipped her underneath himself.

“Jiiiim,” she couldn’t help but smile herself. “Not now, baby. Later, for sure,” she laughed and pecked him on the lips, but he leaned in and started deepening the kiss.

“Not now?” He pressed his hardness into her, still covered by his sweats. “I’m sorry I can’t help myself sometimes. I have this girlfriend who is absolutely the most stunning creature. And she walks around in a bikini all day. So you can imagine what that does to me.” His mouth moved downward and starting sucking on her neck, collarbone, leaving small bruises in their wake. She let out a small hum and tangled her fingers in his hair directing him further down to her breasts. He took a nipple in his mouth and toyed with it between his teeth. He suddenly stopped. “Oh, but you’re busy, so,” he said sarcastically and went to get off the bed.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and held him in place, pulling him closer to her. “You’re a tease. You know that?” she mumbled kissing the side of his head while he went back to work kissing her neck.

“Me? A tease? Nah,” he said and ground his hips into her. He felt her buck up, seeking any friction.

“Jimmy,” she whined and he had to restrain himself from absolutely wrecking her right there. She could play him like a violin and knew exactly what made him tick. He went back to sucking on her sensitive breasts, avoiding the nipple. A tease, indeed.

He continued down, kissing the flat plane of her tummy, her hip bones, and when he got to her inner thighs he gave a particularly hard bite. She let out a small whimper.

He knew he had her.

“Baby, let’s go out tonight.” He nuzzled into the soft skin relishing the feeling on his lips.

She picked her head up off the pillow to eye him. “Is this bribery?” She nodded at his current position between her thighs while he started to give her folds the smallest kitten licks. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her center. He pulled back and gave her the softest expression she had ever seen. God, he knew how to get her to do anything.

“Is it working? The bribery?” He leaned back down, starting to apply some pressure to his licks, teasing her entrance, but not enough for satisfaction. He licked a stripe up her and she shuddered.

“I wanted you all to myself tonight,” she whimpered and looked at his boyish face from between her thighs. She loved seeing him there, but much preferred it when he was at work down there rather than giving her little puppy dog looks. But then again, he knew that.

“You can have me. All of me...at Aaron’s. He’s having a thing. Small group of us. It’ll be really chill,” he mumbled against her cunt and she knew he was going to win. Between the looks and his persuasion techniques, he could have the world. He moved back to her kissing her thighs and she immediately missed his warm mouth pressed into her, tasting her.

She let out a sigh, desperate for any sort of real pressure. “Okay, whatever, we’ll go. Please just touch me.” Her hips attempted to grind into his lips but he pulled back again. She let out another dejected cry.

“...And you’ll wear that skirt? You know the one.” He couldn’t hold back his grin, head now resting on her thigh, looking up at her.

“Yes, Yes. I know the one.”

“Then we have a deal.” He said and quickly went to make good on his promise. He pressed his mouth to her wet folds, gliding his tongue through. He let out a small moan, loving her taste. Her back started to arch off the bed and he brought a hand up to tease her breasts, pinching and grazing over them.

He continued to lap at her wetness. “Babe. God, Jim,” she gasped out when he trapped her clit between his teeth, applying the smallest pressure. Her hands started pulling his soft brown hair from the root, pressing him further into her. He loved it, being completely surrounded by her, only able to breathe her in.

Changing course, he teased her entrance with his tongue, nose buried in her clit. She couldn’t help but feel warmth pool in her stomach, seeing him like that- her wetness spread over his mouth and chin. He continued like she was his last meal, his groans sending vibrations up her spine. She swept over the hair that fell in front of his eyes, she wanted to see him, always.

His tongue went back to her clit, then licking up and down. Her breaths were coming faster, eyes closing and her head falling against the pillow submitting herself to him completely.

“Babe,” she warned but he already knew she was close, knowing her body almost as well as his own. He hummed and slid a finger into her, slowly pumping it in and out. Another was added shortly thereafter. Her cries were high pitched and music to his ears.

She really started moving her hips in time with him, grinding down onto his lips and fingers. He pulled back and she whined from the loss of contact. “Are you gonna come on my tongue for me, babygirl?”

A loud cry escaped her lips and she nodded. “Yeah, yes.” He went back to sucking on her swollen clit mumbling, “That’s my good girl,” against her warm cunt.

It was the combination of his voice joined with the vibrations they created that took her over the edge, crying his name and throwing her head back. “Jim, Jim,” she chanted like a prayer as he continued to lap at her, riding out her orgasm with her, wanting everything she had to give him. He moaned throughout, catching every drop of her.

She gently started to pull him away, oversensitive to his touch. He smiled and licked her wetness off of his swollen lips. God, he really could never get enough of her. She lay gasping, eyes still closed, trying to slow her breathing. He laid next to her, brushing stray pieces of hair off her forehead, pressing small kisses to her temple. She let out a small giggle, something she often did when a little blissed out. He didn’t know why but it always made his heart melt, seeing the small smile cresting across her lips. She was completely relaxed, carefree.

She opened her eyes to look up at him, still smiling. “Let me…” she said as she went to cup his length in her hand. The doorbell interrupted and she let out a small sigh of disbelief. Jim just smiled, happy to see her happy. Running to the closet, she put on a bathrobe. “I owe you, I swear. Tonight…” She winked as she left the bedroom.

“Oh tonight I’m getting more than just that. So are you- that was the appetizer, honey,” he called after her and he palmed his cock through his pants.

“Good. I’m starving.” Her laughter echoed upstairs and he really wished his mind wasn’t on the dime bag of coke that would be waiting for him later.

--

He could feel it, the pull. It was like a magnet or gravity or whatever else controlled the universe. It was one of those forces that he could feel but not see. Nobody could see it. A force of nature, uncontrollable.

It wasn’t his fault that things were starting up again. Or probably not starting up, more like continuing, but his current coping mechanisms of ‘run away with Y/N and try to forget about things’ wasn’t flawless.

Parties had been a regular occurrence in his life, as well as Y/N’s. She was no angel, he came to learn. She had her own demons to fight and he was more than prepared to fight them with her-but when he couldn’t even face his own, what place did he have to tell her to do the same.

It was coming up, the day. He refused to call it what he supposed it really was, but Medina wouldn’t let him forget about it despite however many little pills he swallowed. He had started seeing Chad more frequently again who was more than happy to start selling to him regularly. “There he is! Our Jimmy’s back, boys!” They had clapped him on the back and shoved another beer in his hand when he had asked to start his regular pickups again. His eyes rolled but he gladly took the tablet, winking at Alex and the others.

Were things getting bad again? Yeah. Did he know that? Yes. Did he care? Not at all. After all, that could all be forgotten with a line, a pill, a pull-he didn’t give a single fuck.

And that was the plan for the evening. To forget everything. Everything except Y/N because honestly, that’s all he could handle. He’d managed to convince her to go to the party and he felt dirty for having to do it. He almost made himself sick watching her get ready-curling her hair and painting her lips in a soft pink, for what was more or less a glorified drug deal.

What was worse was that he knew that she would get high with him and it continued to break his heart a little more every time she leaned down for a line or would lick a pill from his hand like she had all those months ago. She was smarter than that. He knew it. Jim knew he was holding her down but he was also a selfish man. If he wasn’t he’d have given up the drugs and Y/N a while ago. If he was being honest, he probably should have never talked to her. She was too good, too smart.

He took a sip from the water bottle he was holding-trying to loosen the knots in his stomach- while sitting on Y/N’s bed, waiting for her to get her things together.

“Keep drinking that,” she eyed him. “You don’t want a hangover.”

He looked at her curiously.

“Hydration prevents hangovers. Come on, that’s rookie shit, Jim.” She smirked and walked over to him. She placed a delicate kiss on his full lips and he felt some of the lipstick transfer. They laughed as he rubbed it off and headed over to what Jim knew was going to be a good night.

It wasn’t a small gathering and both of them knew that it wouldn’t be. Jim and Y/N were funny, other people would say. They were both perfectly content to be away from one another, Y/N not hanging off his arm like a showpiece, both of them feeling a little freer.

Jim vowed to himself to start off slow. He didn’t want to hit a wall halfway through the night, not when he could extend it for as long as possible-until the sun rose and reminded him of everything that was waiting for him in the light.

He had taken two of the small pink pills Alex had offered, not exactly sure what they were, but really ready for anything. Y/N had escaped him a while back, probably to go find some of the girls she was slowly becoming the ringleader of. He knew that was certainly not intentional, the girls just tended to flock to her despite her constant indifference to them.

A few shots in mixed with those pills had him feeling a pretty good buzz, he realized as he leaned against the outside of the house where guests were now spilling onto the front lawn. He could start to feel the vibrations moving through the air onto him. The colors around him looked a little brighter and his conversations flowed more naturally. He had a nagging suspicion that it was acid or some shit he was rolling on but he couldn’t be bothered to find out.

Y/N’s voice rang in the back of his head about staying hydrated and he decided to head the warning. He found himself in the kitchen, but didn’t exactly remember how he got there. He dumped the warm beer in his cup and filled it with water, grumbling to himself about he wished it was that vodka monstrosity someone had convinced him to have earlier. Tasted like shit, but certainly got him fucked up in record time.

Thinking of Y/N had set him on a mission. Those girls can’t be with her all night. He started to meander through the house starting on the ground level. He found himself caught in a few mundane conversations before he would suddenly remember his goal and start up on looking for her again.

He felt himself smile when he heard her laugh coming from upstairs. Immediately he headed up there to see her for himself. The thought of her in those jeans, the skirt was unfortunately in the laundry, was already making his head spin and he knew how much she liked to fuck while they were tripping together. He had imagined that she already took something, never one to hesitate.

When he saw her he had to suppress a groan as she was surrounded by some of her groupies as well as the bay boys. With the drugs running through his system, he found that he could care less. Walking up to her, pushing one of the guys out of the way, he cornered her against the wall of the hallway.

“Mmmmmm,” he hummed and started nibbling at her neck, already marking her as his. “Y/N, let’s go.”

She mumbled, “Jim, I was talking to people,” but still threaded her fingers into his soft hair, pulling him closer.

“Don’t care. Just need you.” He gripped her ass and brought her center to grind against his hardening cock.

“Baby,” she mumbled. “I can tell you’re on some shit right now, but I’m not there yet.” He pulled back, disappointment decorating his eyes. “Maybe an hour?”

“But I want you now, God. Look at you.” He started slipping his hand down the front of her jeans, unable to contain himself.

“Jim,” she warned, her voice sobering him a little. Her eyes darkened just enough for him to get a rush, however, and he knew she was up to no good. “If you’re a good boy and wait, maybe there will be an extra surprise for you,” she whispered so faintly he could barely hear her over the thumping music and cacophony of voices.

With that, she took his wrist and guided his hand a bit further so his fingers became slicked in her wetness, grinding onto him a few times to be thorough. She then pulled him out of her and guided his hand to her mouth, gently sucking herself off of him. Jim swore he could have cum just from that image, alone.

When Y/N was satisfied, she dropped his wrist, cupped his length through his jeans and mumbled, “Be good for me, and I’ll be good for you.” Y/N turned on her heel and bounded towards the end of the hall. She heard Jim groan, wholly unsatisfied. “One hour!” He heard her call over her shoulder and smile with a girlish giggle.

--

It must have been about an hour later that Jim realized that he should start looking for Y/N. Strange, he didn’t think she’d last the full hour.

“Jim!” He heard in a voice he didn’t expect to hear ever again. Heather was calling over to him from the top of the stairs.

“Uh, hi,” he hesitated, whatever he took not helping the awkward air that had suddenly fallen over him. He didn’t think anything could have fixed the Heather situation.

“You need to get Y/N. She’s….” Heather trailed off and Jim couldn’t help the perplexed expression that crossed his face, looking up at her.

“What?” Maybe he didn’t hear right. Y/N and Heather certainly weren’t friends. Probably quite the opposite, in fact. Why were they hanging out together?

“Jim, I’m not doing this for you. I could literally couldn’t care less about you. But Y/N really isn’t good right now so could you maybe come figure this out?” she snapped.

Something clicked and Jim started bounding up the stairs to find Y/N. No no no no no. It was impossible. She wouldn’t.

He swore he heard Heather going off about how he was the reason for this-how he was going to get Y/N killed. That he was going to get himself killed, not that she cared of course. But he couldn’t pay that any attention as he could literally feel his high fading, adrenaline taking its place.

“Baby,” he was already saying despite not being anywhere close to the group of people standing around the open bathroom door, where he imagined she was. “Move, move.” He shoved the couple people that hovered, demeanor already telling them to leave. “Baby, Y/N, Y/N,” he called out to her.

She was propped up on the sink by one of the Aaron, one of the bay boys Jim was closer with, and he was trying to get her to drink some water. Her skin was pale and she was visibly shaking while suppressing the urge to retch again.

“Jim,” Aaron said a little firm, hoping to snap Jim out of whatever stupor took hold. Jim’s eyes snapped to his friend and he could feel himself actively trying to stay as sober as he could. “She’s been asking for you.” Aaron gestured to Y/N, still in his arms.

Jim stepped over and took her, holding her close to his chest on instinct. “What happened?” He couldn’t hide the panic in his voice. She was mostly asleep, or passed out more likely. Her head lolled over and he brushed the hair out of her fluttering eyelids. “What happened?” Jim said, more forcefully, demanding the answer when Aaron hesitated.

“Alex...he uh. He gave her some new shit.” The pink pills. Fuck. He knew they felt suspiciously familiar but Alex had claimed it was some new designer drug from Europe or whatever.

Y/N had mentioned to Jim that she had bad experiences with certain pills and she was usually careful to only take what she knew would have the desired effect. Alex wouldn’t tell him what it was so he doubted that she knew. She wouldn’t have taken it if she knew. Did he force her? Did she want to take it? Was this something else? One of those date rape things? His mind whirled, unable to keep up.

“Go get Heather,” he managed to choke out. Everyone looked at him like he had lost it, well aware of the bad blood between the two. “She’s a nursing student-go get her!” His raised voice caused Y/N to stir.

“Please, can you just go get Jim, I want to see-”

“Baby, it’s me. I’m here.” She didn’t relax like he hoped she would have. He started to maneuver them onto the ground so she was cradled in his lap, his chest pressed against her back.  “Did anyone go get-”

“God, yah I’m here. Calm down.” Heather walked over to the pair and closed the door behind her, keeping prying eyes out. Jim was grateful for that small mercy.

He could feel Y/N starting to get warm under his touch, her breaths coming faster.

“I told you she looks like shit,” Heather said too nonchalantly for his comfort.

“I think she’s allergic or something. I don’t know-she said she doesn’t do molly because she always has a bad trip but- I just- I don’t...” Jim stumbled over his words, trying to get things to happen faster. He could feel his own heart starting to race. Y/N was still unconscious, but starting to make slight twitching movements.

“She took too much. I don’t know what to tell you.” Heather stood above them, looking down, her sneer visible over her rhinoplasty nose.

“Heather, come on. This isn’t about us,” Jim begged through gritted teeth. He was trying to hold his tears back. This was the first time in a long time that he could say that he genuinely was scared. Because this was something that actually mattered.

He saw Heather’s dark eyes soften a fraction after looking at Y/N’s small movements and shivering breaths. His ex crouched next to Y/N and started taking her pulse, her eyes looking anywhere but at Jim.

“She’s warm. And her heart rate is too fast. So’s respiration. Jim, she’s overdosing.” Even Heather was starting to feel bad for the guy. After things ended, no matter how terribly, she was able to see him from a distance. She saw the changes in him.

Jim nearly passed out himself. “Overdosing?” His tone higher than he would have liked. “What am I supposed to do,” his voice cracked and Heather’s heart almost broke from seeing him like that.

“She’s going to be okay. I asked around and they’re pretty sure it’s glorified E. Even if this is a reaction or a bad trip or OD, E is probably the best way for it to happen. Just make sure she keeps breathing and have her drink some cold water when she wakes up.” She turned to leave the cramped bathroom but Jim’s small voice stopped her.

“Please. Stay.” She turned to look at him. “I’m scared,” he admitted and she could tell he was choking on his own tears, she had seen it enough when they dated.

“Jim,” she started but he interrupted by asking again. She sighed and resigned herself to sitting in the furthest corner from the couple. They heard the party start to die down outside as they sat in uncomfortable silence.

Jim couldn't take his eyes off Y/N. He watched her chest rise and fall, counting every time. ‘Make sure she keeps breathing’ he repeated in his head to make sure he stayed on task-terrified of what would happen if he didn’t. She’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay, she’s going to be okay--

“You have to stop eventually, you know?”

He was pulled out of his trance like state of rocking himself and Y/N, mumbling, and running his fingers through her hair. Heather looked at him for the first time. “You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“What?” Jim looked back at her thinking that maybe he had missed part of the conversation. It had happened often enough when he was high.

“If you keep this up. I see what’s happening.”

Jim was still confused. “What’s...happening?” he managed.

“Jim,” she scoffed. “Everyone knows what’s going on. We all know what you’re doing and it’s worse than last time.”

“You don’t know shit,” he bit out, perhaps too hard.

Heather moved to stand up and Jim almost apologized. “She’s going to be fine. Just cold water when she’s awake. If in doubt, call an ambulance, please don't be stupid, okay?”

Jim only found himself to smally nod, looking back at Y/N’s peaceful, now flushed, face.

“Hey,” Heather said softer than he thinks she’s ever said to him before. He looked up to her dark eyes. “Just quit that shit, okay?” And with that she left the small room and gently clicked the door back shut.

A few moments later, Y/N started blinking her wide eyes. She immediately tried to grab Jim’s arm that was holding her to him, sensing it as a threat but when she heard the familiar voice and felt gentle touches, she knew it was Jim.

“Y/N?” his voice cracked.

“Hi,” she breathed out, trying to remain calm, knowing exactly what was happening.

“Are you okay?” he asked at a complete loss of words.

“No. But I will be.” She closed her eyes and felt unexpected tears fall. Seeming to take her cue and their privacy, he started softly cry, pressing his face into her hair.

“I could have lost you,” he sobbed out but she was still distant-feeling far and detached, poison still in her blood.

“You didn’t.” She knew she was saying these things but they felt like they completely bypassed her brain-going on reflex. Unable to feel. Numb.

“I didn’t.” He tightened his arms around her.

She mumbled something that he didn’t quite hear. “Hmm?”

“I’ve gotta stop this shit.” She looked at him, his pupils still blown, eyes red and puffy, face drawn. “We’ve gotta stop this shit.” She closed her eyes but the sight of him was still behind her eyelids. There was no room to judge because she knew she probably looked worse.

She felt him press his hand to her cheek and she turned to place a kiss in his palm. He didn’t know how to respond or if he even should considering how her eyes were glazing over again. “We’ve gotta stop this shit. He knew she was right. Of course, she was. She always was.

He should stop. And Heather had noticed-well she’s always been a nosey bitch, anyway- but even she was worried. Probably the person that hated him the most was worried about him. And he knew he still wouldn’t stop. He knew that this should scare him, and it did-for her. But had be been in her place, he couldn’t care less. In fact, something about that was almost a comforting thought.

Y/N’s eyes were shut but her lips moved softly. “It’s too much for me.  All this.”

Jim still didn’t know if he should answer. But he did, anyway. “It’s not enough for me. It never is.”

--

Medina squeezed herself into the pastel pink dress chosen for her by the not-so-blushing bride. It wasn’t tight like the embrace of a warm wetsuit, but instead the snug fit of  a noose around her neck.

Jim wasn’t home but she still hung his tux on the outside of his closet as a gentle reminder that today was the day.

Things had been good until they weren’t.

Medina saw the way his clothes started to fit looser, the way he would shake when trying to text. His jaw was clenched so hard half the time she thought his teeth would snap. Sometimes she would hear him try to stifle cries and screams while the shower ran.

Things were good. But they were horrible, too.

Y/N fell into his orbit and made him secure, safe. She wasn’t there though, not that day. The day was Phil’s wedding. Phil and Rebecca. Rebecca was some redhead nurse that had starting working at his practice a year ago. The upcoming date was having a snowball effect on both Jim and Sandy, who was currently locked in her bedroom, holed up with the blinds shut.

Medina still didn’t know if she wanted to go despite her already dressing and carefully applying makeup. She was still his daughter. A deep part of her still wanted to make him proud even if she was too embarrassed to admit it.

She and Jim had countless conversations about their father’s wedding, each worse than the previous.

“We have to go, Jim. We’re his only children,” Medina said kicking a rock off the cliff edge they were balanced on.

“I’m not going.” Final. She knew she shouldn’t press, but since when did Medina listen to limits.

“Just do it. It’s one day and then you never have to see him again,” she tried to reason.

His face was contemplative but his teeth still ground together-jaw tight. “Medina. I don’t think me being there would make it a better day. I don’t give a fuck about him and his new whore,” Jim’s words were scathing and she was happy their dad wasn’t there to hear them. She tried to convince herself that he didn’t mean them. “I’m on mom’s side, remember?”

“There are no sides in this,” she whispered, the crashing waves almost silencing her.

“Yeah. There’s always sides. And mom and I obviously know whose you’ve chosen,” he sneered as he went to stand up on wobbling legs. “Move.” He tapped her back with his foot, she still sat with her legs slung over the cliff.

She didn’t. She sat with her jaw almost as tight as Jim’s. “Medina, move or I’ll push you off this fucking cliff.”

She took one look at him and knew he was serious. Deciding moving was in her best interest, she did.

--

The conversations continued. Each time Medina’s comments more snappy and Jim’s pupils blown impossibly wider. He was always loud when he was like that so Medina was pretty sure their mother, and neighbors, knew exactly what was going on.

Jim was her best friend. The only person she could really talk to. The only one that understood her, and she was the only one who could understand him. But he wasn’t himself. She couldn’t think like him anymore.

“Mom,” she whispered outside Sandy’s locked door of her bedroom. When there was no response she knocked lightly.

“The fuck you want, Medina?” she screamed out, voice sounding raw.

“I’m going to head out, okay? I’ll be home late,” she still whispered.

“Where’s Jim?” The door swung open to reveal Sandy clinging onto dirty tissues, makeup running down her face, always clad in her bathrobe. She eyed her daughter with contempt.

Sandy pushed past her and continued to the living room, on the hunt for her son. “Jim!, Jim!” she started shrieking.

“He’s not here. I don’t know where he went,” Medina said gently. She was really trying her best with her mom as she could see how hard this day must be. Medina wasn’t a robot, she did have a little empathy for her. Granted that was overshadowed by an immense hatred.

“I know where he’s not. I know he isn’t abandoning me,” Sandy sneered. This was followed by a laugh that shook Medina to her bones. Sandy continued to look at her daughter as if she were under a microscope. “You look ridiculous. Flat a board, Medina.” And with that, she stomped back into her bedroom.

Medina sighed and tried calling Jim one more time before driving to the ceremony in her little yellow beetle. He didn’t answer. She was too exhausted to worry about him anymore.

--

The ceremony was beautiful, she admitted. It was full of soft colors and flowers, obviously was chosen by the new Mrs. Mason. The thought that she now shared her last name with another person made her shudder so she took another sip of her champagne.

Phil had given her a hug the moment she walked through the door to the wedding venue. When he asked if Jim was able to make it she pretended she didn’t hear him and swore that she saw him actually shed a tear. Letting herself be whisked from family member to friends of the new couple, her mind started to wander.

The Masons didn’t have much family, just some aunts from the east coast. Cooing about how much she had grown up and how much she resembled her grandmother had gotten old fast. Their next topic was worse.

Having to explain to everyone that Jim wasn’t there was horrid. She started making the stories more ridiculous as she went. “He tried to surf down the stairs.” “He’s donating his left kidney to an orphan.” “He was in a shark attack.” They all gave her strange looks. She didn’t care.

Rebecca was upset that the photographs were off center. It was supposed to be four bridesmaids and four groomsmen framing the couple in their photographs and at the ceremony. With Jim missing, she was the odd one out. The extra bridesmaid, Medina was forced to walk down the aisle alone, smiling, pretending her brother was by her side. She opted out of the photos and kicked her heels off the first chance she had.

Immediately following the ceremony was the reception which carried over the same theme of pastels and flowers. With a little champagne in her, all the colors started to blend in a sick imitation kaleidoscope. The night had passed in similar fashion to the ceremony. “Oh, yeah he’s actually really sick.” “He’s in the hospital.” “He died.” She couldn’t help but feel like now the excuses were getting closer to the truth.

Not a single person was satisfied with having just Medina there because that’s what it was, right? Just Medina. If Jim were in her place she would bet her life that they wouldn’t ask about her. Not even once. She rolled her eyes and speared another piece of her steak.

After dinner, she hid in the bathroom to avoid any more ‘Jim’ questions. She was running out of excuses for him. After taking a few shots she was starting to feel better, though.

I get it, Jim. She thought pretending he could hear her on the other end-something she had done since they were kids. Twin telepathy, or whatever. The room was fuzzy and warm where she perched on the edge of the sinks, watching videos on how to perfect your roundhouse cutback.

The liquor running through her veins did make her curious as to what those little white pills felt like. Fucking coward. That’s what he was. Unable to cope. Weak.

The thought of her twin brother suddenly made her furious. He was already everyone’s favorite, always got the attention, friends, love. He was perfect and nobody would ever let her forget it. And he still ran from it. Ran from every opportunity to be happy.

The only reason they still think he’s perfect was because of her. What if she stopped covering for him? Or was honest to their friends and family? “Why isn’t Jim here? Oh well, you see he’s probably tripping balls, high as a kite on some cliff, trying to run from all of his problems instead of manning up and handling them.”

And why the fuck was Y/N still with him? She had everything going for her-looks, personality, money, smarts. Why Jim? She was her friend first. Of course, she went to Jim. Everyone always does. Sometimes she wanted to take her friend’s pretty face and shove it in the waves. “Is his dick really that good? Or are you just desperate?” Medina smiled.

There was a sudden commotion outside and she figured it was time to cut the cake or whatever happens at weddings. She rolled her eyes and tapped on another video, not caring that she was probably using all their data plan. It was when she heard a familiar voice yelling did she decide she had to see this with her own eyes.

She couldn't’ hold back the biting laugh when she saw her lanky brother being dragged out of the building. Her legs started to follow despite her head wanting to do anything but.

“‘Dina! See! I know her!” he hollered and pointed to her over the shoulder of one of their uncles. Medina was pretty sure they didn’t recognize him. “Medina!”

He was in jeans and a tee shirt and looked like he had just been dipped in a pool he was sweating so much. Completely manic.

Medina stood, shell-shocked that this was even happening, her blood running cold. Without thinking she bunched up her pink gown in one hand, happy she lost the shoes hours ago, and stormed over to her twin. In her other hand she grabbed his forearm. Hard.

“Ow, stop that.” He pawed at her weakly as she dragged them outside near the valet parking.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she screamed, vicious. He just laughed in response, his head thrown back exposing his prominent veins in his neck.

“You’re the one that begged me to come.” He opened his arms and gestured to himself. “Well. Here I am,” and he kept laughing.

“You’ve lost it, you know that?” She moved closer to him and pushed his shoulders back, making him stumble a little. “You’ve gone completely batshit and you won’t even remember it tomorrow.” She pushed him again.

“No, no, no. I’m not the one that’s lost it, Medina. That’s you!” He pointed a long finger at her. “Going to dad’s wedding? His wedding.” He rolled his eyes so hard that he almost made himself fall backward. “Bullshit. It’s all fucking bullshit. All of this.”

“Jim. Go home. Don’t make this more embarrassing,” she demanded.

“For who? For dad? For you? Are you embarrassed by me?” He still was too loud. The valet parking workers had started to look on from the periphery. “‘Cause I’m embarrassed by you a lot but I don’t tell you that, now do I?”

She didn’t know what to say and held her breath. Maybe if she held it long enough she’d wake up and this would all be a nightmare.

She’d wake up in her childhood bed back home in Michigan and Jim would be next to her, crawling in because sometimes he was afraid of the dark. They’d be six again. A Sunday. Dad would be making pancakes. Mom would be slicing fruit. The news would be on but Jim would change it to Looney Tunes.

“You’re embarrassed,” he scoffed. “You embarrass yourself going around staring at people, being weird. I’ve had to talk you up to so many people trying to get you friends but you always scare them off. Sometimes I wish you were normal, God.” He looked at her, disgusted.

“Normal? Because this is so normal,” she gestured to him, his strung-out appearance, his too loud voice. Somehow he was still beautiful to her. “It’s not normal to stay cooped up watching your mother as a twenty-two year old man. It’s not normal to be so obsessed with her!” She was screaming now, too. Let them listen.

“Me? Obsessed with her? Oh, you’ve got it so backwards you don’t even know. It’s sad that you still have to convince ‘Daddy’ that you’re the favorite,” he mocked her. She had called their Dad ‘Daddy’ until Jim said it wasn’t cool to do that anymore. She listened to him. She always did.

“Jim, I’m fucking sick of this.”

His face took a turn. Going from pure rage into something marked of sadness. She saw tears start to well in his ocean blue eyes. “Why can’t it be different?” He couldn’t keep up with the conversation. It felt like his mind was being pulled in so many directions it was going to snap. Maybe it would and this would finally be over. Everything would be over.

“What?” she bit out, obviously still furious despite her confusion on his topic change.

“Do you remember when we went to Lake Michigan?” The questions made perfect sense in his head so he repeated it when she clearly didn’t understand. “We hid in those dunes, remember? We had to share the bed in the hotel and you twisted your ankle running on the beach?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Of course, she remembered. He knew she did.

“I only need you. That’s it. It’s you and me, whether you like it or not.” He smiled his thousand-watt smile but she could still see the hostility in his eyes, hiding behind blown pupils. “I made you laugh so hard-we laughed so hard.” His tears spilled over and fell onto his too prominent cheekbones.

“It’s never going to be like that again, Jim. It’s over. Move on.” She knew she was still yelling even though he had stopped awhile ago. They still stood facing each other, a few feet apart.

“I want it back. It’s me and you,” he repeated and he could start to feel the blackness creep into his vision. He kept nodding even though he willed himself to stop.

Medina continued as if he didn’t speak. “That’s your problem.” She had a revelation. “You don’t move on. That’s why you’re so much like mom.”

He stepped forward, fast and angry, and she shrunk back, genuinely scared of him like this. She honestly wasn’t sure if he would hurt her.

Something told her that he would.

Despite her better judgment, she continued. “You know? You’re becoming crazy like her, too. Relying on everyone except yourself.”

His eyes softened and he took a step back. He started biting at his cuticles until one bled. His head started to shake slowly, his eyes no longer seeing anything that made sense.

“Everyone is tired of your bullshit, Jim. Nobody cares anymore. We’re exhausted. This is exhausting.” She knew what she would say next would break him but to be honest, she stopped caring. “Ask Y/N.”

Jim’s eyes widened and he cocked his head. He ran his hand through sweaty hair and he kept blinking his red puffy eyes. It made Medina furious that she still loved him. Even like this.

She dropped her voice to just above a whisper. There was no reason for anyone else to hear it except him. “She’s done with you. Ask her. Everyone’s done with your bullshit. Even Y/N,” she sneered, knowing that she hit him where it would hurt long and hard.

He slid to his knees, unable to keep his vision upright. She didn’t go to catch him.

“I’m not your handler. I don’t want to take care of you anymore. I’m done.” Medina turned on her bare heel and started back into the party.

Time was different for Jim, but he knew he managed to get out, “I need you, Medina,” before he collapsed completely, his face scraping against the concrete. He tasted blood in his mouth, the copper tang grounding him to reality. The only thing keeping him there.

“I don’t need you, Jim. Not anymore,” was the last thing he heard before succumbing completely to the cocktail of pills and powders he had taken.

In his life, he had never felt more alone.

Jim in pain squad: @ccodyfern @langdonsrapture @langdonsdemon @coloursunlimited @thecinderellaposts @michael-langdon-appreciation @langdonalien @tarkofetis @stupidocupido @katiekitty261 @ovarydosed @lovelykhaleesiii @starwlkers @aveiangdon @heelsamizayn @americanhorrorstudies @sojournmichael @oneday-i-will-fight-luke17 @tickled-pinkmoodpoisoning @codysfallenangels 

His phone vibrated against the table, again. Y/N signed and snatched it up before he could. She held it so he could see “Gremlin” pop up as the contact name. Of course, it was Medina.

“Answer the phone, Jim,” she deadpanned. Medina had called a few times over the course of the day, Sandy, too. He had declined them all, repercussions be damned.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just Medina.”

“She’s worried about you. Just let her know that you’re fine,” she stopped herself from answering the phone herself, feeling that maybe that was taking things a little too far.

She could tell that Jim was a very private person despite the way he acted when all the boys were around. He seemed much smaller sitting there, pinched brows looking at his laptop and notes. He had shrugged off his denim jacket hours ago and was just in a tee shirt she had to stop herself from imagining herself wearing to bed. His arms were exposed, tan and toned from hours in the sun. She always thought he was most beautiful with the sun on him, soaking in its light and radiating it out.

“She needs to stop worrying about me. I’m fine,” he leaned over and gently grabbed the phone from Y/N. “I’ll text her, how about that?”

“Fine,” she said with a graceful simplicity. “But are you fine?”

His eyes flashed something of fear, fear of her finding out more than he had intended. “Because I’ve had you here hostage for like, hours now,” she continued and he exhaled the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Sorry your one night stand became,” she gestured to their messy table and herself, making a face.

He laughed, a little uncomfortable. Was that all that was? A one night stand? Swallowing thickly he said, “Doesn’t have to be a one-night thing.” She gave him a quizzical look, seeking an explanation.

“Jim. I can’t believe that I have to be the person to remind you, but you have a girlfriend.”

He felt his stomach tie itself in knots. If he was Phil, then this was his sidepiece reminding him of his real relationship. He tried to push his feelings down, deal with them later.

He hesitated. “I don’t think Heather is...that anymore,” he murmured, feeling his face burn. “She hasn’t answered my calls or texts for two weeks.”

“Oh,” Y/N responded, her voice small. “I’m so sorry. I would never have-I didn’t know-” she tried to find the words she wanted to say but all of them fell short.

“It wasn’t you!” he reassured her. “I’m pretty sure I said some shit earlier that night. I don’t really remember that part…” he trailed off, still embarrassed.

“Okay...I’m still sorry,” she consoled quietly.

“Don’t be,” he managed another smile and she felt her heart waver. “What is that saying? Liquor reveals true feelings or personality or whatever?” He looked to her. “And I really didn’t like her that much, anyway,” he mumbled, a little more quiet.

“Yeah, I remember you saying that,” she let out a sad laugh. “Are you going to break my heart, Jim?” her voice lilted and he couldn’t tell if she was kidding or not.

He answered honestly, anyway. “Y/N, I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

--

Somehow the conversation had turned to other things. That’s how he found himself awkwardly standing in the foyer of her massive house. Arched ceilings, high windows, sweeping staircase. He admired the architecture but chastised the luxury. I’d all be torn down in a few years anyway.

“What do your parents even do?” he shouted to her after she had run upstairs. He didn’t follow. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. No more quick and dirty fucks, at least not until he had made sure she actually liked him for him. He couldn’t bear to hurt her and he didn’t think he could take any more hurt, himself. He wanted to move slow.

“It’s just my dad. He does something for the Pentagon. Defense or something?” her voice traveled down the stairs where he could hear her rummaging around. He found himself imagining her bedroom. “Is it bad that I don’t really know?” she said reappearing at the top of the stairs, a playful smile on her lips.

He laughed and kept looking around, sort of in awe. There were family pictures scattered throughout the halls and on the coffee table. It’s just my dad. But there was a woman in some of the photos. A tall brunette with a heart-shaped face was in most of them when Y/N looked young. As Y/N aged through the photos he noticed that she was no longer there. The stoic man with greying hair, broad and stern, was in all of them with a protective gaze over Y/N’s shoulder.

What really confused him, however, was the other girl. A small one, definitely younger than Y/N. She had the same eyes and lips as her...sister? He couldn’t be sure but that’s absolutely what it looked like. Photos of them on beaches were everywhere. A sandy toddler’s hand being held by a young Y/N, waves high and rough in the background. If he had to guess there was maybe a five-year difference between the two.

The most recent looked...recent. He didn’t like that at all. It was the two of them on what looked like the same beach from when they were kids. The younger one zipped into a wetsuit, smiling at the camera while Y/N was behind her, resting her elbow on the shorter one’s head, wrapped in a knit coverup. There was only one small surfboard cast aside.

He could place some photos after that day by the young one’s noticeable absence. Like Y/N said- It’s just her and her father. He knew Medina mentioned that she was an only child and he knew almost no details, but he could piece together that something horrid had happened. His blood ran cold.

He snapped out of his reverie by her bounding down the stairs, meeting him by the front door. Acting casual, he tried to hide his new discovery. If she wasn’t ready to share he wouldn’t push her.

“So these are the ones that Chad gave me. He promised they’re pure but I don’t know if I trust him,” she opened an Altoids tin to reveal some pills and a dime bag of coke, her dwindling stash. He didn’t know why, but seeing her holding his poison of choice made his stomach drop, sadness washing over him. She placed some small blue tablets into one of the small plastic baggies, sealed the top and handed it to him.

“What did we take when,” she hesitated, obviously alluding to the night that they had become quite...acquainted. A nervous laugh escaped her. “I was rolling.” Her smile was small and he became aware of the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

Jim faltered. “I, uh. I don’t know,” he admitted and started picking at his fingers.

“It’s cool. I can ask around.” She smiled, not aware of how he was embarrassed. He couldn’t untie the knot in his stomach when he saw her pick through her collection of pills, contemplated taking one, and then decided to save it for Skeezer’s birthday later that week. “It’s going to be insane. I don’t even think I’m ready for it,” she informed him.

Truth be told, he was ready for that rager. What he was more ready for was the inevitable group of people waiting for him on the top of a cliff, ready with booze and anything else he wanted. Just a little. You’re doing so good. It wouldn’t be much, just enough. He tried to tell himself but he knew what the next few evenings would consist of.

He’d been out so often lately he owed it to his mom to stay in.

The little blue pills Y/N had gifted him would absolutely help with Sandy’s nonsense and he was grateful. He knew the tightness in his gut would disappear the second he placed it on his tongue.

“I would invite you up, but you said you have plans” She stepped closer to him and he could feel her warmth. Plans. Yeah. Go fish, shitty reality TV, and bitching about his father. Those were the plans for the evening and probably the whole week. It would be his plans for his whole life if Sandy had her way.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled leaning into her. He pressed a light kiss to her lips. He kept it innocent and slow. He was going to do it right this time. This wasn’t how it was with Heather. This time it was real, he knew it in his bones. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.

“Dinner? Soon?”

“Anything you want.” He placed another kiss on her forehead and she smirked and he started on his way out of the door. His eyes shone under the night sky-her personal universe.

“Anything? Now that could be a lot of things, now couldn’t it?” She stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he made his way down the driveway to his car.

“I’ll give you this whole world. I promise.”

And she knew he was telling the truth.

--

The next few months passed in a blur of salt water and stars. Nothing was forced or unnatural. In fact, it was the most Jim had ever felt like himself. It was unexplainable, and he had tried to explain it to Medina but he just sounded like a moron. She had told him as much.

“It’s like...she’s just,” he blew out the cloud of smoke he had been holding in his lungs. The beach was quiet that morning with mushy grey waves lapping at the rocks. It felt like he and Medina were back in their treehouse-just the two of them where nothing could hurt the two of them. “It’s like we’re the same? You know?”

“So you’re dating yourself?” She rolled her eyes.

“No, it’s like-she kinda reminds me of you.” He looked to his twin and tried to tame his hair that was tangling in the wind.

“So you’re dating me? Jim, that’s even weirder.” She leaned over and flicked his ear.

Flinching, he responded, “No! No. God. It’s just like, you know how you and me are connected? It’s kinda like that. It just works.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”

“Yeah, you really can’t.” She slapped him on the shoulder and stood up to grab her board. “Let’s go, stupid.”

He raced her into the water, now determined to get the first good wave.

--

Sandy had been an issue, of course. When she found out he had a girlfriend, and had one for six months at that point, she just about lost it on him. He found himself curled on his side in her bedroom getting the lecture she always gave when she had the slightest suspicion he was seeing someone.

“You could get her pregnant! She could force you to marry her!” Her shrieks reverberated in the house.

“I’m not getting married, mom. I’m too young,” he mumbled, head half buried in the pillow. He didn’t tell her that he would gladly marry Y/N in an instant, no thought process required. Sometimes at night, when things were getting bad, his thoughts would drift to her in an ivory dress, barefoot on the beach, palm trees creating shadows over her face.

“Well then, there’s no point in seeing her. I forbid it.” With that, he sat up and turned to face his mother.

“I’m not going to stop seeing her, mom.” He shrugged and went to stand. She pushed him back to the mattress with a press of her hand onto his shoulder. He gently removed it and stood. It felt strange, looking down at her. Sometimes he forgot that he was taller than her, and had been for some time.

Sometimes he forgot he wasn’t a kid anymore.

Medina had been standing in the doorjamb, watching things unfold. Jim couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he pushed past her while she did her weird staring thing he always begged her to stop doing, for the sake of his friends.

“The fuck are you looking at,” he hissed at her. She was the reason that Sandy knew about Y/N. He wasn’t even sure of how Medina let it slip, but she did. He briefly thought that maybe she was jealous that her friend started dating her brother, but Medina didn’t get jealous. And Y/N still spent plenty of time with just Medina. She had no reason to tell Sandy, but a small part of Jim told him that she did it on purpose, just to spite him.

“Jim!” Sandy stormed out of her room, rattling the china in the cabinets. Jim was throwing some water bottles and granola bars into his backpack. “Jimmy, what are you doing? Where are you going?” she asked, breathless. She ran up to him, balling his tee shirt into her fists, clinging to him. “Stay,” she sobbed out.

Jim, very gently, Medina noticed, unraveled her fingers from his shirt and peeled her away from him. His face was drawn and he looked exhausted, eyes burning from lack of sleep. He still wore his stress on his face.

He slipped on his jacket and pulled on the sneakers that were next to the door. Sandy was now collapsed, full tears staining her face. “Jimmy, no, no, baby. I’m sorry, mommy’s sorry, baby.”

His heart ached but he kept his face still. He looked to his twin, still watching-not moving toward their mother. “I’ll be back soon,” he said directly to Medina, avoiding Sandy.

His heart thrummed in his chest as he walked to his car, making sure the usual beach blankets were in the back. He pulled out his phone and tapped her contact name: “Snake Queen” an inside joke from when Y/N would snake every single wave from the bay boys, just to prove herself.

She answered on the first ring. “Hey!” He let out a sigh, trying to slow his breathing.

“Hi, babygirl. Get some shoes on and bring a jacket. I’ll be by in five,” he rushed out, but he couldn’t tell why he was moving so fast. Nobody cared enough to come after him, anyway.

“What? I thought you were in with Sand- I thought you couldn’t go out tonight?”

“I’ll be by in five-better be ready or I’ll leave without you,” he threatened but they both knew that for her, he would wait forever and a day.

He tore down Palos Verdes West Drive and turned onto Laurel, already seeing her house in view. According to Google, it was supposed to take six minutes to get there but if he went fast he could get there in three. He had timed it.

The outside light was on, their signal that she was home alone, father gone to DC. He beeped the horn to the rhythm of the song on the radio until she crept out of the front door, already laughing. Just seeing her smile, he already knew it was all worth it.

She locked up and slid into the passenger seat. “Jim, it’s late, be quiet!”

He just looked at her, a goofy smile on his face. He stuck his tongue out. “I do what I want,” he mocked her higher pitched voice. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, loving his silly mood.

“So, what is this? Where are we going?” She looked around the car for any hints but there were none.

“Can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.” He smiled and started to pull away from the house, driving a little too fast. “I can tell you that we’ll get pizza on the way. But after that, surprise.” The car wove in and out of traffic, always making her a little nervous, but she supposed that was where the thrill came from.

Under his good mood, she could tell that something was off about Jim that night. He wasn’t high, she could tell that immediately, all too acquainted with her boyfriend’s second personality. He was talking a little too fast, driving too reckless, eyes a little manic. There were no drugs involved, but she could tell he was high off something else. If she had to wager it was that he wasn’t with his mother.

Something must have happened. She swallowed thickly but was more than happy to be happy with Jim. Seeing him smile was really the most beautiful thing, she thought. She looked at his profile as he sped down the street. His eyes were bright, the blue shining with every headlight that shone on them. The crinkles next to his eyes told her that the grin she fell in love with was authentic. He let out a genuine laugh and placed his right hand on her thigh, thumb stroking over the soft fabric of her leggings.

“What?” He looked at her, a little self-conscious.

“Nothing.” Her eyes widened. “Sometimes I just fall in love with you all over again.”

--

They had been driving for three and a half hours, taking the long way despite his fast speed. It being so late, she had pulled her legs onto the seat and started napping while he drove, unable to keep her eyes open any longer. He kept a hand on her knee anyway.

At some point, she had put on one of his sweatshirts that he usually kept in the back seat. She pulled the hood over her eyes, drawstrings tight and he couldn’t help but giggle at her-never forgetting how lucky he was.

Finally arriving, he pulled into the dirt site, cutting the lights. “Baby,” he whispered really not wanting to wake her up. “We’re here.” He ran a thumb over her lips, the only exposed part of her face. She started to stir and he gently pulled the hood off, revealing half mass eyes.

“Where are we?” She met his quiet volume.

“Come on.” He bounded out of the car and jogged around to open her door, blankets tucked under his arm.

She tentatively climbed out and looked around. “The woods?” she guessed, sounding incredibly confused.

“Joshua Tree,” Jim corrected, throwing blankets over the roof of the car. “Climb up.” He gestured to the now padded and warm surface.

She finally understood what was going on, and she was more than happy to oblige. “You just want me to go up first so you can get a view,” she murmured, perfectly content burying her face in his chest.

“You are absolutely right. Now up,” he gave her bottom a gentle pat followed by a firm squeeze. She grumbled but listened, using the open door to boost herself up. “Mmmm,” he hummed. “That is my favorite view. You know what those leggings do to me,” he laughed and followed her lead onto the roof.

He situated himself next to her, feeling her warmth. She pressed herself to him, still feeling the chill in the air. Her gasp surprised him when she rolled onto her back.

There was the entire galaxy above them. In stunning detail, no light pollution, she felt like she could feel the stars’ light shining on them.

“I know, right?” Jim sighed next to her and turned over to look at the display of the universe. He swore if he stayed still enough he could feel the earth’s rotation. They both lay, taking measured breaths, fingers intertwining. “It doesn’t look real.”

“But it is,” she whispered to him. She wasn’t sure if he was talking about the stars anymore. She took the hand that wasn’t holding his and raised it to the sky. “Cassiopeia, right?”

He noticed Gemini wasn’t visible, a set of clouds covering it.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her temple. He curled around her, the whole universe above them but his whole universe in his arms.

--

They still partied. It was how they met, afterall and something that they both enjoyed. Jim, for the ability it gave him to become someone else, even just for a little bit. He’d wash his mind out with liquor and refill it with a poison of the night. And he knew it was bad but he enjoyed Y/N’s company when he was like that because he knew she was feeling just the same way.

Slowly though, he noticed that he was going through his stash slower, more tablets piling  up after his weekly pick up from Chad. Eventually he went to getting more every ten days, then two weeks. His mind became clearer in class, he was actually able to get a significant amount of work done on his thesis, and he started to enjoy the sun more. When he was in the waves balanced on his board he started to actually feel the sunlight rather than just seeing it, as if it were far away.

She never asked him to stop or slow down. Yes, she worried immensely but when Y/N saw that he was slowing down to her pace, that worry died down. Recreational use wasn’t all that bad, she reasoned with herself. Especially for someone coming back from true addiction, like Jim. He was doing good. And they were fine.

People around PV started noticing them always with each other. Partners in crime, Bonnie and Clyde. They’d walk around with their mischievous smirks, really just happy to be together, ready to laugh at any moment. The bay boys gave Jim shit, of course.

“The hot one, really, Jimmy? Leave something for the rest of us.”

“Medina’s friend? Come on.”

“Snake Queen? You’re just fucking her so she stops stealing your waves.”

But even the boys saw a change in Jim. He was lighter. Something about him seemed right. Less darkness behind his eyes, shoulders pressed down rather than bunched up, and always a smile after sealing a glance at Y/N during a set or at a bonfire.

It was at one of those bonfires he knew that he really was in it. The fire lit up her face, framing her from where she stood swaying to the shitty music Alex was playing on the guitar. She stole the beer out of his hand and took a small sip. In the other hand she laced his fingers to hers.

“Dance with me,” she said, hips still swaying. She looked completely in her element, nobody could tell if the confidence came from a few beers but that hardly mattered.

“No, no baby,” he laughed and shook his head, eyes suddenly fascinated with the sand between his toes.

“Pretend...that it’s the last night. That the world doesn’t exist.” She lifted his hand in hers and spun herself under his arm. He couldn’t care less what the boys though, but he knew they’d make fun of him the next day. He also knew he didn’t care.

He grabbed her hips and rocked to the music, holding her close. He rested his head on hers and pressed his lips to her soft hair. Looking out to the dark horizon he knew that it was going to hurt when it was all over. Because everything ended. But he also knew that there was no going back.

--

Deciding to get away for the day had been her idea and it wasn’t too far, but it wasn’t Palos Verdes and that’s all that mattered. Sure Manhattan beach was more crowded, less exclusive, but that was the point. To escape the judging eyes and oppressive cultures of both the bay boys and the tennis moms was a vacation in and of itself.

He had spent the night at hers, waking before dawn just to watch the moon’s light shadow over her face. Still dark, they packed up their boards and wetsuits in her Jeep and headed out.

Y/N had always loved this time of day, the dawn. Things were still except for her fluttering heart every time she looked at Jim. Jim, certainly not a morning person, felt exhilarated, escaping in a getaway car. For the whole day he wouldn’t have to be a ‘bay boy’ or his mother’s keeper. He could be Jim.

The crowd there was used to tourists, people who came and went, so the pair wasn’t questioned.

The sun rose and lit up the beach with it’s warm glow. Jim couldn’t help it-maybe he was romanticizing things, but he really didn’t care. He’d watched her all day like watching a movie-just taking in her small movements, fascinated by anything and everything she did.

Their boards were much too close for them to be properly waiting for any waves, but they were floating next to each other, intertwined fingers dipping into the water. He lifted them and kissed her palm. She leaned over meet his soft lips with hers and they just took each other in, every breath, every soft sigh until one of the other surfers told them to break it up or move somewhere where the swells sucked so they wouldn’t be hogging the good waves. They unwillingly parted, wanting to get just a few more sets in.

He did like watching her. From the start. But now she was his to watch.

Y/N cut through the water, impeccable balance, her hips shifting to accommodate the oncoming waves. He couldn’t help but appreciate her body in the skin tight, slick wetsuit. Could only be improved if she wasn’t wearing anything, or maybe just his denim jacket.

As fast as the sun rose and peaked, it started to set and the couple found themselves sprawled out on a blanket under the pier, the sand still warm under them.

“Stop it,” Y/N playfully chastised as Jim stole another piece of watermelon she was snacking on from the container.

“No,” he said simply and leaned over across the blanket to kiss her cheek. He looked out towards the water where the last of the surfers were coming in for the evening. “We could probably get one more set if…” he started but saw her sigh, a little conflicted. “But I’m exhausted, too.”

“I wish everyday could be like this,” she whispered longingly, knowing she was changing the topic but really unable to think of anything else. It was true, and her thoughts had kept returning to the fact that their day was perfect.

“Who says it can’t.” He looked to her, leaning back onto his elbows, long legs stretched in front of him. She mirrored him, sitting the same way while digging her toes into the sand. “One day, everyday will be like today,” he promised her.

He saw the tension in her face, her brows a little pulled. “Baby, what’s the matter?” he asked, a little nervous that he had taken it too far suggesting that they would share their days like this.

Maybe she wasn’t having the same ideas of a beach house and worn in surfboards and a dog and a few kids with another on the way….He had to cut himself off-knowing he was getting his hopes up for nothing. Who would ever want that with him. Nobody, his mind supplied.

Jim leaned over to her, propping himself up on one arm while the other went to rest on her thigh. She shook her head, trying to stop the negativity. Sometimes she couldn’t help it.

It was always on the best days she was reminded of her. And it wasn’t anyone’s fault-truly. It was just the idea that her sister would never have days like this. As good as this. She didn’t have any days, anymore.

By then, Jim knew what was happening. He saw the small changes in her. The pulling of her brows, the smallest frown gracing her lips. He always wanted to kiss it off-turn it into a smile.

It had only been a few years since Noel had died. Y/N mentioned to him once that it had been bone cancer, but he could tell that getting into specifics was too painful. It didn’t just ravage her sister’s body but it split her family- ruining everything they had tried to build. Their mother left shortly after Noel’s diagnosis, unable to cope. Her father became almost obsessive over Y/N’s safety and happiness until he, too decided to start distancing himself from her. Y/N had turned to pills and booze, granted in a much less spectacular fashion than Jim had. They had packed up and moved across the country to forget everything, just like everyone else in Palos Verdes, it seemed.

Jim didn’t know all the details and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. It confirmed his beliefs that every family has its own brand of fucked up, however. Y/N and Jim were the same, caught in the crosshairs of a familial dysfunction far too gone to repair. And she, like him, didn’t like to talk about it. But with him she didn’t have to, she knew he understood.

“I’m sorry,” she shook her head again, trying to clear it. “I shouldn’t be upset, I’m just-” She took a deep breath trying to steady herself. “I just wish she could be here, too. She’d love it here.”

Jim solemnly nodded, understanding but unable to process what it was like to lose a sibling. He couldn't imagine life without Medina.

“Don’t worry. You’re fine,” he mumbled, lips pressed to her cheek as he maneuvered himself closer to her, placing her in his lap.

She felt his toned arms circle around her and she was home.

“I’m sorry I get like this-I just have to spoil everything, don’t I?” She turned sideways, resting on his thighs.

“You have, in so circumstance...ever, spoiled anything. Ever,” he laughed trying to lighten the mood a little. “In fact, I think you make everything better.” Small tears started to leak from her eyes and he quickly leaned in to kiss them away, his lips brushing over her soft skin. “Baby, you always make everything better.”

He pulled away to look her in the eyes, her eyelashes still wet but the tears stopping.

Jim held her tighter, placing his lips on hers, moving slow-no need to rush. She was too pliant under his capable hands, turning to face him, thighs straddling him.

He hummed into her mouth and allowed his hands to slip lower, settling over her hips, while her wrapped around him, her fingers tangling in his hair.

Shifting their weight, Jim managed to lay her back onto the blanket, her hair fanning out around her. He thought it looked like a halo-so fitting for someone he considered an actual angel. Her legs, still wrapped around him, pulled him down onto her to tease. Not being shy of playing her game, he ground his hips into her, hard. Going by the gasp she let out, he knew she could feel him hardening.

“Jim, I don’t know about this…” She turned her head to the side to see if anyone was looking at them. A beautiful red flushed her skin and Jim smiled. He turned his attention to laying love bites across her collarbone.

They were in a relatively secluded area under the pier and because it was nearing dusk, it was quiet. Jim continued to travel southward with his little open mouthed kisses, now getting sloppy as he licked over her hip, just above her bikini bottoms. “I don’t see anyone around,” he mumbled, still fascinated by the smooth skin under his tongue. That and the little shifts and twitches he was able to draw from her. “And I just really want you, babygirl.”

He knew he had her.

He slipped her bikini to the side dip his tongue into her, desperate for a taste. He hummed and the vibrations made her tighten her hands in his soft hair. He looked up to her from between her thighs, blue eyes gleaming mischievously. He couldn’t help smile into her dripping core, nuzzling his nose against her clit as his tongue continued lapping at her not wanting to miss a drop.

But his cock straining against his board shorts was becoming an issue. He wanted to bury himself in her. Pulling away from her, her wetness on his lips, he traveled up her body and took lips in his own. “You taste that? You’re sweeter than honey,” he said against her lips, unable to separate himself from her body for even a second.

“Jim,” she sighed. “Please, I’m-”

Before she would say anymore he had slipped himself out of his shorts and pressed his cock against her warm cunt. Fucking tease.

“Please, please, please,” she whispered against his mouth.

“That’s what I like to hear.” As a reward Jim pressed into her-slow. He knew he was holding back but her reactions were priceless. The little moans and gasps, her fluttering eyelids, her arms pulling him closer because all she really wanted was him closer.

“God,” She managed to choke out when he bottomed out. He watched her head loll back, exposing her neck where he sucked a few light bruises. He was soft, but she was still his.

He moved slow, taking his time watching her come undone. “Babe, I need more,” she moaned. Jim shook his head and kept the slow pace he had set. “We’re doing this right, me and you. Slow.”

“Fuck,” she resigned as he continued to rock into her. Y/N tilted her head up to meet him in the softest kisses, him gently lapping into her mouth while she swallowed his moans that were starting to get louder. Briefly, she thought about them getting caught but as the sun went down there were even fewer people around.

She could feel Jim’s pace falter, start to get faster, more rhythmic, despite him wanting to keep a tap on things. Their kisses were sloppy, not even completely on each other’s mouths, just searching for skin.

He was getting a little rougher, hands going to her ass and squeezing all the while he continued fucking into her. She knew he was close, but holding back, savor the moment- she was too.

“Babe, I gotta-”

“Me too. Fuck,” he groaned, a little too loud.

To her displeasure, but surprise, he slowed down and pulled back. He took a full moment to take her in, her swollen lips, wet. Her hair was starting to curl from being in the water and fanning around her, her legs wrapped around him, open for him. He smirked when he saw the tanline his favorite bikini made on her smooth skin. She was practically glowing. And he really just couldn’t believe that she was his. All his.

“Jimmy,” she said to break him out of his reverie.

In two more gentle thrusts he found himself spilling into her, all of his body weight pressing them together. He watched her as she came around him while he was filling her. Her eyes rolled back a little as she threw her head back, her chest rising, back arching off the sandy blanket.

“I love you.” It wasn’t what he had planned to say. But seeing her so blissed out, clenching around him, pulling him in, chanting his name like a goddamn prayer, her cunt milking him for everything he’s worth--he said it. Not going back, now.

“I love you, too, Jimmy. God I love you.” She came down from her high, waves still rolling over her, as she nuzzled into his neck, placing kisses.

They ended the night by stargazing, deciding to move out from under the pier. Y/N fell asleep on his chest, wearing his jacket, breathing in his scent.

Jim loved the stars-loved to look at them. But he really couldn’t help but keep stealing glances at her.

Really cool people that actually enjoy my garbage: @ccodyfern @langdonsdemon @coloursunlimited @thecinderellaposts @michael-langdon-appreciation @langdonalien @tarkofetis @stupidocupido @katiekitty261 @ovarydosed @lovelykhaleesiii @starwlkers @aveiangdon @heelsamizayn @sojournmichael @oneday-i-will-fight-luke17 @tickled-pinkmoodpoisoning @codysfallenangels

Back home, she still considered it home, these parties had been a regular occurrence, except she knew almost everyone there. She was what some would call the life of the party. Here, she was still going through growing pains of transplanting across the country.

Walking into the mess of people, she headed straight to the kitchen-inevitably where the liquor would be-her first poison of the evening. Yeah, she had pregamed, a few shots here, a beer there. But she wasn’t feeling anything more than a slight buzz, a lightness in her field of vision, deepened breaths. She knew it was going to take quite a bit more to get to the level she wanted to be at.

She poured out a generous serving of tequila into one of the red Solo cups that had been conveniently placed. A few ice cubes topped her drink and she downed about half of it in one large sip. Surveying the room, she saw a few familiar faces. Some Bay Boys gave her a friendly nod of recognition while some of the girls gave withering glances. Self consciously she glanced down at her jean shorts and crop top ensemble, perhaps a bit underdressed. She rolled her eyes. Bitches. She had better things to do.

The music, some obscure trap stuff, blasted from the speakers around the house. It was strangely comforting, the fact that 3,000 miles away parties were all still the same.

“Bryan!” she shouted over the music and one of the Bay Boys turned to face her, away from the small group that had congregated around her. “What’s good?” she felt the liquor move her closer to the group, moving her against her own accord, moving her into the direction of people she knew would only hurt her in the long run.

“Oh, nothing. You know how it is.” He rolled his deep-set eyes and she arbitrarily thought that she had never seen him with his hair dry.

“I feel that,” she laughed along at the nonsense that one of the girls nearby had said, but entirely missed the comment. “You have what we talked about, right?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” he pulled a baggie out of his pocket, a few joints pre-rolled.

“Thanks, you know how it is-moving.” He didn’t but went along with it.

“No worries. Chad has the other shit-he’ll be around later,” Bryan smiled. He really wasn’t too bad, she thought. Or maybe it was the fact that he was getting her a new plug this far from home.

“Awesome. I’ll see you around,” she went to take her leave, the baggie firmly in her grasp.

“Totally. No more snaking waves, okay? A peace offering,” he gestured to her hand that held the joints.

“No promises!” she called over her shoulder, already heading upstairs.

All of the houses in Palos Verdes had the same layout so she felt as if she already knew where she was going. She dodged a few couples perched on the carpeted steps, leading to the second floor. She downed the rest of the tequila in her cup and ditched it in a stack that was forming on the top step. One of the joints already found its way to her lips as she searched out for an exit to the rooftop.

She waded into the bathroom, a girl sprawled out in front of the toilet, puking her guts out. Trying to be discrete, Y/N tiptoed around her, and the latch on the window was easy to undo. Finally gasping in the fresh air, she made her way onto the red-tiled roof. Her trusty Bic was in her pocket and she fished it out to light up. Yeah, it wasn’t much, but another thing to take her one step further from reality was worth its weight in gold. She sighed out the smoke from her lungs, her head already cloudy.

Without thinking, she leaned back, laying against the tile that dug uncomfortably into her back. Continuing to take regular pulls, reveling in the quietness, she started looking to the stars. It wasn’t something she did often, but she tried naming some of the constellations, recalling the map that once hung in her childhood room.

“Nah, that one is Orion.”

She nearly screamed, her bloodshot eyes widened at her newly acquired companion. He looked familiar, again probably only able to recognize him with wet hair and a surfboard tucked under one arm. To calm herself she automatically took another hit. “God,” she laughed out, recognizing her own paranoia. “You can’t just do that to people sitting on a roof. Could’ve fallen” She nodded to the perfectly manicured lawn below them.

“Oh, sorry,” he seemed to drift off, not unlike herself at the moment she supposed. “But, yeah. That one is Orion. And that one is Sirius.” He nodded to the night sky too generally for her to discern which grouping of stars he was referring to.

“Cool.” She started to lean back again but propped herself up on her elbows. There was a comfortable pause. “When did you get here?” she asked for her own curiosity.

“Like five minutes ago,” he laughed. “You kinda suck at astronomy.”

She laughed even though it really wasn’t funny, but her fingers were tingling and her head was hazy, so everything was okay. She nodded, perhaps a bit too exaggeratedly, to agree with...what was his name?

“Jim,” he shared simply. Oh, she didn’t know she asked that out loud. “You’re Y/N, right? I've seen you down at Lunada.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “That’s me.” She turned to look at her companion for the first time, realizing that maybe it was a bit rude to not have made eye contact yet. But it didn’t seem like he minded. He had a denim jacket wrapped around his shoulders and he was sprawled out a little too comfortable for the height they were perched at.

“You got a light?” he gestured with the unlit blunt between his long fingers.

“Yeah,” she fumbled around in her shorts but decided that the pocket was a bit much to handle right then. He noticed and let out a small laugh.

“We can just share instead,” he suggested and she handed over the joint she had been pulling from, scooting closer to him. He held it to his lips and she couldn’t help but feel a small chill go through her.

Yeah, she recognized him now. Medina’s brother-the hot one, her mind supplied. Really the only one that hadn't directly called her out for snaking, or surfing there, or being a girl, or existing in the same space as the bay boys. She nodded, mostly to herself, but Jim was saying something she didn’t catch.

“Why are you on my roof?” she asked, cutting him off.

“Your roof?”

“Oh, I mean, you know what I mean.” She gestured to the area around them, “ ‘s a weird place to be.”

“Hiding from my girlf-” he cut himself off. “From this- girl.” Even he didn’t know the right words for what he was with Heather. She absolutely thought them more serious than they were and Jim just didn’t want to have that conversation quite yet. So yeah, he was hiding. The layout of all the houses in Palos Verdes was the same, after all. He knew right where to go if he didn’t want to be found. He did it enough at home, he was practically an expert.

“Ohhh,” Y/N nodded in understanding. “She’s looking for you?”

“Yeah,” he waved his phone and Heather’s contact info was lit up, calling him. He declined the call. “I don’t even like her that much.”

“Ouch,” Y/N bit out. “Remind me not to get...involved with you.” It was his turn to bite out a laugh and pass back the joint that was quickly burning out. At that, she realized how close they were sitting. She swallowed on a dry throat and felt the heat radiating from him.

“I promise I’m not mean. She’s just,” he hesitated to look for the right words. “A. Lot.”

“I can see that,” she murmured and he declined yet another call from Heather. What she believed to be a moment of clarity stuck her. “Jim?”

“Yeah?” his head lolled to look at her fully, his hair flipping to cover one eye.

“Why does everyone here hate me?”

“Nobody hates you, Y/N. They’re intimidated because you’re honest. It’s not a common trait in PV,” he shifted even closer to her. “And I certainly don’t hate you.”

“This is the first conversation we’ve ever had. How do you know?” she shot back, ice leaking into her voice.

“I watch you. I watch you when you talk and when you surf, and when you laugh with Medina.” He looked at Y/N dead in the eyes, a little self conscious at what just slipped past his lips. “I don’t hate you. I just know it, that I don’t hate you and I wouldn’t hate you.” He leaned all the way back to lay down. She followed suit but kept her head turned to him. “See? You’re so nice. You’re sharing.” He looked to the joint she still held and Y/N let out a small giggle.

She took another hit and leaned close to him, the mix of alcohol and marijuana dulling her better senses. “Sharing,” she whispered without exhaling, keeping the smoke in her lungs for an extra second while Jim lined his lips to hers. The smoke left her mouth in light curls, which Jim easily inhaled, shotgunning anything she had to offer.

“Sharing,” he mumbled and took what was most likely the last hit off the joint, returning the favor. She leaned in and could taste the beer and weed coming off his breath. On instinct, her hand threaded itself into his disheveled hair. It was impossible to tell who closed the gap, but their lips met in the center. They both remained laying on their sides but Y/N wiggled closer to him, still. He pushed a leg between her thighs and she sighed into his mouth. His tongue glossed over her bottom lip, silently asking permission which she gladly granted.

She gently licked into him, placing the most gentle kisses along his jawline, cheekbones, and brushed their noses together. His hands found themselves on her hips, pressing her into him and he found himself unable to stop a small moan from escaping his lips, the high making everything all that more sensitive.

He noticed her pull away before he noticed the incessant phone ringing that came after, breaking the fog that had fallen over them. However, it wasn’t his this time, but hers. He looked to her with hooded eyelids and admired the way the light of her phone highlighted her cheekbones, her brow bone, the curve of her nose. Her eyes closed in resignation and she gave her head a gentle shake. “I have to go really fast, just some stuff I have to deal with,” she placed her hand on his cheek and he leaned into the touch without realizing it. “This probably isn’t the ideal location for this anyway,” she laughed lightly and looked around, surveying the bumpy tile and their precarious position.

As much as he liked the way her body curved into his, her warmth, he knew she was right. His tipsy mind disagreed insistently, however. “Jim,” she tapped his face and he realized that at some point he must have closed his eyes. “Come inside, I don’t like you being out here on your own.” She once again eyed the drop. He nodded blearily and took her lead climbing back through the bathroom window.

--

Some time passed and he couldn’t say where she had gone, or really where he had been. All he knew then was that he was on the kitchen floor with a bottle of cheap vodka in his hand and some of the other guys around him.

He vaguely remembered Medina asking him to come home, but he managed to evade her persuasion. In the back of his mind, he hoped she got home safe. Jim supposed that Heather must have left at some point, as well. And she wasn’t calling anymore, so that was a relief.

Despite the bottle in his hand, which he had clearly drank from going by the burning in the back of his throat, he was just at a pleasant buzz. The room swirled comfortably, mumbles from other people’s conversations, the thrumming beat of the music all acted as a backdrop to his floating thoughts.

Like being plunged into ice water, he remembered the small bag in his pocket. He’d used his remaining coke in the past few weeks but he’d remembered to top up on some mdma and xanax. He hated himself for how fast he stood, the room almost coming down around him, but one of the guys caught his shoulders to steady him. They shouted something unintelligible and ruffled Jim’s hair as he started picking his way through the crowd to find a slightly more secluded area.

He travelled upstairs, similar to how he had earlier but opted for a bedroom instead. He wasn’t sure if he’d manage to stay on the roof this time.

The room was small but packed with bodies, most of them sitting and smoking-probably trying to hotbox the place if their shouts at him for opening the door were anything to go by. It was an absolutely pleasant surprise to see Y/N sitting in the far corner of the room. Granted, she was surrounded by some of the other bay boys and some of the teenagers from around town. Maybe some were trying to welcome the new girl, but he was sure that most of the guys had other intentions.

He slowly made his way over there, not because of her, probably.

“Y/N, hey,” he called to her when he was close enough.

“Jim!” she smiled but he knew it was just the liquor. “Come, sit.” She tried to move over, but there was hardly any room. He saw her inch closer to Alex and his hand travel up her thigh. He almost retched.

To his surprise, she pushed Alex’s hand off nonchalantly and Jim continued to wade into the cluster, various friends giving shouts or hollers to his presence. He managed to sit across from her, his back leaning onto the boxspring of the bed.

“Did you do your...whatever it was?” he managed to ask.

“Oh, yeah. All taken care of. I’m free for anything now.” She grinned and he could feel his cheeks redden. “Are you still hiding?”

He hesitated before answering with a nod. “You shouldn’t have to hide.” She shrugged.

They managed inebriated small talk about his friends, the waves, and local gossip before Jim remembered the whole reason he came upstairs. The others had mostly dispersed and it was just the pair in the corner, sitting facing each other.

He fished the clear bag out of his front pocket and eyes the small yellow pills sitting within. He took one between his fingers and placed it in the back of his throat before washing it down with a sip of beer that he didn’t notice he was holding.

“Heyyy,” she eyed him skeptically. He immediately felt like a moron. Not only did he probably fuck up any chance he had with her but now she was going to think him a crack head or some shit. He started to attempt to explain himself but was interrupted with a small “Share?”

Relief washed over him and he managed a laugh, his blue eyes rolling. “Really?” he looked at her uncertain.

“Really. Be nice,” she said softly and crawled towards him on all fours. Jim felt himself harden under her gaze. He willed the tightness in his jeans away when she came even closer, kneeling in front of him, knees splayed open. Presenting a pill in his palm, he continued to eye her.

The pill sat in the center of his palm, offered to her but instead of taking it in her thin fingers, she grabbed his wrist. She leaned to bush her nose against his inner wrist and his spine tingled. “Y/N,” he managed to choke out. Humming, she licked a small stripe across where the pill was. He caught her gaze, heavy and dark, the small pill stuck to the tip of her tongue.

She quickly swallowed and moved impossibly closer to Jim, depositing herself on his lap, straddling him. “Thanks,” her voice husky and she ground her hips down into him. He let out a strangled moan and grabbed the back of her head, guiding her mouth to his. All teeth, they were desperate for each other, unable to coordinate their movements while the party still swirled on behind them.

--

Before Jim could really comprehend anything, he found himself in the back seat of his car, sprawled out. He couldn’t quite remember the walk there, but he didn’t mind. Jim was rolling and judging by the size of Y/N’s pupils and hurried movements, Jim would wager she was, too.

Immediately after the door was slammed shut, she was nuzzling him through his jeans, mouthing at his covered cock. He undid his pants and shimmied them down so he was just in his boxers. His hands found themselves tangled in her long hair, pressing her into him, desperate for any friction. Her open mouth wetting the thin cotton and making him even harder than before. She was letting out the smallest signs, the vibrations sending shivers up his spine, the pills they had taken making everything all the more sensitive.

“You really want me, don’t you?” he mumbled as she started to pull his boxers down, releasing his thick cock, already leaking with precum. In response she paused, and locked eyes with him before licking a thick stipe from his balls to his tip.

“Yeah,” she sighed, letting her lips ghost over his tip. She gave the weeping tip a small kitten lick, just to tease Jim who was practically already falling apart in the palms of her hands. “Just not as bad as you want me.” With that, she swallowed him completely and Jim keened into the sensation.

“Jesus,” he whispered, trying to keep it together as she slid her hot mouth over him. She was messy, hot, and everything he needed to distract himself. His hips started gently thrusting into her warm mouth when she popped off and let an obscene trail of saliva connect her swollen bottom lip to his aching cock. She rested her head on his thigh, leaving small kisses on the it.

She managed to slide out of her shorts in the awkward position between the front and back seats and slid her own finger to tease her slit while going back to work on Jim, feeling his weighted cock on her tongue, his tip brushing the back of her throat. She could feel herself getting wet, embarrassingly so. He was the hot one and from watching how he moved in his slicked wetsuit, she felt like she already knew his body.

A contented hum escaped her when she slid her slender finger into herself. Jim pulled her off and looked at her, open mouthed, between his legs, with her own finger in her cunt. He leaned over to her, slightly and rumbled, “I do believe that’s my job,” as he pulled her slicked hand out from her wetness. She let him take her hand to his mouth where he sucked her wet fingers, moaning from the taste. “You’re sweet,” he said as he kissed the tip of her pointer finger, when he was satisfied.

She found herself gasping when he grabbed her from under her thighs to rest hovering over him, straddling his thighs, his cock so close to her dripping center. She returned the favor of sucking on his fingers when he presented them to her. Unconsciously, she found herself, humming around them, as she got them wet with her saliva. Her hips tried for friction, knowing his cock was so close but he sensed that and held her away from him, whispering, “No, no not yet.”

“Please, I need you in me,” she gasped out, knowing she sounded desperate. Maybe it was the X, but god everything just felt so good. Too good. So good, she was futilely trying for any kind of contact. She tried to convince him with open mouth kisses on his neck and shoulders. At some point he had taken his shirt off, but she couldn’t quite remember. Not that she cared. Sure, everything was blurring and spinning and moving and that’s what made everything better than good. Jim was feeling the same, she could tell. Desperate for her, pupils blown and slack jawed, but trying to play it cool, tease her a little.

Jim’s now wet fingers came to the center of her and started to slide over her clit. She let out a shudder, sighed near the shell of his ear and she knew he was starting to lose patience, truly wanting to be buried to the hilt inside her. He didn’t enter her with his fingers, though, wanting his cock to be the only thing to be inside her that night.

“Jim,” she gasped when he finally placed his cock closer to her, finally touching her, he coated himself in her wetness.

“Hmm?” He looked all to pleased with himself, eyes darker than she remembered. “You want me in you? You want to be full of me?” he asked, playing innocent. She could only let out a shaky sigh and nod, resisting just stuffing herself full of him then. She’d play his game. Only because he seemed to damn good at it.

“Please, please,” she moaned and started grinding into him properly. He seemed to accept the movement and dug his fingers into her hips, increasing the pressure between the two of them. He almost snarled when she gave a particularly hard circle of her hips.

“You think it’s going to be that easy? I know what you’re up to,” he said but didn’t stop her movements. In fact, by the way his hands travelled to her ass and gave a firm squeeze, she thought he quite liked what she was doing.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, genuinely confused, but not caring enough to stop the swivel of her hips, the small bites she was leaving across his chest.

“The way you walk around that beach? My beach? In that little bikini?” He groaned into her chest and started pulling her crop top up over her shoulders. His teeth toyed with her nipple.

“Oh, so you really watch me, then?” she challenged, pulling back to look him in the eyes.

He maintained steady eye contact as he entered her in one quick thrust, causing her head to fall back and eyes to flutter shut. “Jesus, Jim,” she moaned out, her head still thrown back feeling so full of him. He gave her breast a bite, loving the fact that she would be marked by him come tomorrow. His fingers dug into the flesh of her ass and he pressed impossibly deeper into her before lifting her and slamming back into her again.

He set the pace fast, needing release sooner rather than later. Both of them, tripping and needy for sensation, he was really doing them a favor. He was rougher than she had expected, but that certainly didn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying herself. Feeling him fill her completely, stretch her just perfectly, she was blissed out. Between his quick, deep thrusts, and sloppy bites, she was feeling herself slip.

“You walk around in that little bikini like you own the goddamn place,” his voice husky, said into her neck, leaving more purple bruises in his wake. He unsuccessfully tried to hold back a groan, “God, you’re tight.” His pace was markedly sloppier, not that she minded as she was also fighting to keep to the determined rhythm. Something about his tone, the timbre of his voice shot pleasure through her.

It had to be the E. Everything was bright but blurry and sharp- and everything was opposite but made sense- and was perfect and their minds ran faster than their bodies could keep up- and it was perfect. It was exactly what Jim needed. Her. To fucking own her, even if just for the night.

“You know the other guys have tried to get with me, right?” She didn’t know why she said that. Perhaps loosened inhibitions? Her heart nearly stopped when she heard herself say it, almost like an observer, no longer in complete control of what she says or does.

“Oh I know, baby. I hear the things they say they want to do to you, but I also know that I’m the only one that’s going to do them to you.” His long fingers traveled back around to her front to circle her clit. “I know I’m the only one that can make you feel this good.” He gripped her ass tighter with his other hand and she rode him impossibly harder, happy she let the confession slip since she got that reaction out of him.

It hadn’t been long, and she knew that, but the build up if the evening had been so much. Feeling her heard start to swim on that rooftop with him had been enough to put her in the mood and from then, she was craving him inside her. The along with her heightened senses, she felt warmth pool in her, the familiar twinge between her thighs.

“Jim, I think I’m gonna-”

“Come on me. I want that pretty little cunt to come on my cock,” he grunted as his hips snapped into her relentlessly.

She did. She felt herself unravel, clenching around his length as he buried himself completely in her.

“Christ, Y/N,” Jim moaned out as he could feel her clenching but still riding him, giving herself over to her sensitivity. She seemed to know what he was getting at because she mumbled a small, “Go ahead,” against his lips.

He came inside her tightness while her mouth, on his, swallowed his moans, her teeth nibbling at his bottom lip.

He was sure that she’d have bruises on her hips and ass from how hard he was gripping her, but he just didn’t want to let go. Jim also stirred from the thought that he would probably be decorated in her marks, come the morning. It was some sort of juvenile pride, the fact that he got with her before the other guys could, not for their lack of trying.  

He pulled out of her, more gentle than he had been the entire night and he suddenly thought that maybe he was too rough, but she looked particularly blissed out so he figured it was fine. He had a bad habit of playing a little too hard when high.

Y/N’s eyes were glassy and resting at half mast as she manuverd herself to sit beside Jim, leaning herself over him, exhausted. He took her into his arms, just wanting to be near someone-just wanting to be near her. She was quietly laughing and it took him a minute to register that he was doing the same.

They exchanged a few more soft, small kisses after Jim had managed to recline the seat back completely, turning it into a makeshift bed-why he didn’t think of doing that earlier didn’t cross his mind. He pulled one the blankets he always kept in the back of the car over them, trying to shield her from the evening chill that still seeped into the car.

She passed out just a moment later, cradled by him, without another word. He couldn’t think of anything to say to her anyway.

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He couldn’t help but constantly be reminded of how much stronger she was. Of course, she was heartbroken that she didn’t have friends, but she did have the strength to not change herself for others’ approval. Jim couldn’t say the same for himself.

Coming in from his coffee- she wasn’t out there that day- he picked up his backpack and jacket.

“‘Dina,” he whispered, ear pressed to her door. He almost fell over when the door was ripped away from his face.

“Hey, we’re running late, let’s go,” she responded. She managed to smack him with her backpack as they snuck out the door, avoiding Sandy.It was a miracle that she even let him go to his classes.

The pair hopped into Jim’s car, a new Nissan SUV from Phil. A graduation gift his father had called it but Jim knew what it really was. It was a “Sorry we’ve been shitty parents and let you overdose, but here’s a material item that’ll make up for it” gift. Medina got a smaller Volkswagen beetle that she absolutely adored.

It had been three and a half years since his overdose. It really wasn’t even that bad, he thought. He had passed out at home, Sandy overreacted and he spent a night in the hospital. Then Phil proceeded to tell him that they wouldn’t be going to Paris and that he’ll do better.

Admittedly, it had been slightly better. With Sandy back on her meds she wasn’t as prone to mood swings and temper tantrums meaning Jim had slightly more freedom. It didn’t allow him to escape his responsibilities as ‘man of the house’ but things were almost manageable. Almost.

After everything, he had to be more careful. Withdrawal had been a nightmare but when his mind cleared he found that the memory was fuzzy. Turning back to booze, then weed, then pills, then coke, then everything at once, had been an easy decision. This time, though, he needed to be careful.

A few weeks into sobriety, his mother would inevitably forget about Jim’s problems, replacing herself as the center of attention in her mind, so hiding it from her had been a joke. “Oh, I’m just tired, mom. Long day at school,” he’d say as his eyes fluttered shut, laying on the couch with a comfortable blanket of haze clouding his thoughts. She ate that shit up.

His father was even easier. He had still moved out, but his relationship with Ava had ended a while back, now seeing some other redhead. He was never around, not that Jim wanted to see him anyway. But with him being a doctor, he had to make sure he was sober around the man. He’d recognize all the signs, especially knowing Jim was a user.

Medina. She was...complex. He had tried to hide it from her, he really did. She found out almost immediately and hadn’t said anything but he could see the pain in her eyes. The only response she gave was a “Be careful with that shit, Jim. You don’t know what you’re playing with,” bitten out on his way back to his room from the bathroom where he had just taken an oxy. All the warning he needed was written on her face every time she looked at him. He tried to ignore it, for his own sake.

It’s because of this that when she said, “Is it getting bad again? Please tell me,” while biting into an egg McMuffin on their way to campus that morning Jim almost crashed his shiny new car. She had begged to get breakfast on the way and he could never say no to his sister.

“What are you talking about, Medina?” he rolled down the window and looked out the windshield pretending to focus on the traffic in front of him.

“I know what you’re doing. I’m not stupid. But just tell me if it’s that bad again,” she tried to seem casual, sipping her iced coffee but it sounded a little too rehearsed.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry,” his teeth grit together. Turning into the parking lot of their university

“‘Cause I know when mom gets weird you get weird. I don’t think she’s taking her medicine again- since dad’s new girlfriend,” she hesitated not knowing what reaction Jim would have.

His fist slammed against the steering wheel, making Medina jump, spilling coffee on her corduroys. “I’m not ‘getting weird’ or whatever, okay?” he yelled. “Yeah, mom’s fucking crazy again, it’s whatever.” He pulled into a parking space a little too quickly and the car lurched.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” her voice was smaller than she wanted it to be.

Jim’s jaw was still tense, teeth clenched. He took a deep breath through his nose and rolled his eyes back. “I know you didn’t. I’m sorry for yelling,” he looked over to her and stuck his tongue out a little, the way that usually made her laugh.

She wasn’t laughing. “So it’s gonna be like that, then,” he leaned over and poked her in the ribs, right in the spot that tickled most.

“Jim, stop!” she shrieked, attempting to get away from his long arms. Her laughter bounced in the car. They both smiled.

“Now, go. I know you have ‘Adult Coloring’ or some bullshit,” he loved to make fun of her customized major, full of classes she was taking to one day do what she wanted most, travel and surf. It was a lot of photography, journalism, and some random classes for credits.

“It’s ‘portraiture’, I’ll have you know,” she called over he shoulder before closing the door. Through the open window, she smirked, “Have fun with your blocks or whatever you do.”

He let out a groan that turned into a laugh, “It was once!” he shouted to her back, walking to campus’ central. He had been trying to figure out the flow and perception of this one project he was working on, so yeah he brought out some Legos to visualize it. That’s architecture for you.

What she’ll never mention is that she distracted him and then proceed to spend the entire night on the living room floor trying to one-up each other's towers. Jim using what he had learned from four years of design and structural classes while Medina relied on ‘just staking them up until they fall.’ Her’s was taller by two blocks and she will never let it go.

Grabbing his backpack he decided to pull the small baggie of pills out and place them in an empty plastic cup, hidden under the seat. Out of sight, out of mind. He was almost off his last bender and held a small glimmer of hope that this would be the last time. The back of his mind was already itching for another fix, reminding him to be even more careful around Medina.

Planning for a long day in the library, still trying to find a topic for his senior thesis, he grabbed Medina’s unfinished iced coffee and headed into the beating sun with a brave face painted on.

--

No. No. No. He coughed up more bile, spilling from his throat into the toilet in front of him. It was disgusting, he knew, but he needed to rest his head on the seat of it, cool porcelain taming the heat that coursed through him. He dry heaved this time, causing the head-splitting migraine to reappear.

“Jim?” his mother knocked on the bathroom door. “Jimmy, are you okay?” The handle jiggled but it was locked.

“I’m fine, mom,” he breathed through his nose, trying to stare straight ahead to stop the room from spinning.

“I can hear you in there. Are you sick, honey?”

“Food poisoning. I’m fine.” Short words. Short sentences. The sound of his own voice making him want to smash his head on the tile, hopefully blacking out.

“Let me in,” she demanded. The thought of her being around him made him retch again, this time probably for the last time as there was nothing left to vomit up. But, from experience, he knew to sometimes just go along with Sandy rather than fighting. Especially when he was feeling like this, he had no fight left in him.

He crawled over to the door and managed to unlock it, Sandy not missing a beat and plowing into the room. “Jim!” She kneeled next to him and immediately put her hand over his sweaty forehead. Admittedly, her cool hand felt nice.

“It’s just food poisoning, mom. I’m fine,” he whispered and leaned into her- an instinct leftover from childhood. “Just need to sleep.” Chills wracked his body but sweat was clinging to every pore, the dark circles under his eyes almost red. His irises still shined a brilliant blue.

Sandy put her arm around him and helped to bring him to his feet. They shuffled into his room, his mother rambling about how California sushi can’t be trusted because so many of the people eat it, its mass produced.

Jim wished she would shut the fuck up.

He didn’t fully recognize how, but he was laying in his bed, tee shirt removed, blankets pushed off the mattress. In the fetal position, he slowly rocked himself willing the nausea away. He nearly lept out of his skin when Medina suddenly appeared, replacing Sandy.

“He likes to be alone when he’s sick,” Medina tried to reason to their mother, recalling when they were kids how Jim would always shy away from attention when he was sick, preferring to suffer in silence.

“He doesn’t like to be alone, he likes to be with you,” their mom spit out and turned on her heel, leaving Medina in the doorway holding a glass of water.

She made her way closer Jim, placing the glass on the nightstand. Perching on the side of the bed, she ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair, grimacing a little. He sighed under her touch and closed his eyes again.

“Thank you,” she whispered, mindful of his migraine. His eye cracked open and managed to convey his confusion. “I know what this is.”

“It’s food poisoning, that’s what it is. It’s that bullshit sushi we stopped for. Thanks for that,” he scoffed. She knew he didn’t mean any of it, that he was hurting. She could see his muscles twitch under his thin skin. They reminded her of springs, coiled and ready. His eyes screwed shut again and he nuzzled into her thigh. She could hear the small cries he was trying to hold back.

“We had the same thing for lunch, Jim. We split it,” she observed, letting him know his jig was up. She felt his head shake.

“Okay, then. It’s the stomach flu. Same thing, Jesus. Let it go,” he attempted to growl out but the intent wasn’t there. She held out the glass of water she had brought in and he was never more grateful for their twin telepathy ‘thing’. He managed to prop himself up and take a few slow sips. “Thank you,” he mumbled and handed the glass back to his sister, relishing the cool that washed down his throat.

Laying on his back he tried to stare ahead again, this time at the blank ceiling above him. He briefly thought about going outside to look up at the sky, but remembered that any sort of movement was practically impossible at the moment. His body ached as he had just run a marathon. Joints tight, frozen in place, he continued to lay on his back trying to regulate his breathing. 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out. He counted.

Medina continued to run her cool hands over his head and face. It only felt good because it was her. His other half, a strange extension of himself. Or probably he was the extension-Medina was already her own person. She didn’t need him anymore. His thoughts made him start rocking again, seeking any sort of primal comfort.

As if on cue, he felt the bed shift and she started to leave. Before she could, he managed to grab her wrist. “Don’t.” Only his lips moved. “Please.”

“I’ll be right back. I’m just getting more water,” she went to pull the blankets over him as the had shivers started despite his constant sweating. He nodded, content with her answer.

He thought that maybe he had finally started to drift off to sleep but was awakened by yelling. Sandy. At Medina, of course. Their shouts were muffled by the door and the fact that he couldn’t really think straight helped a bit, but his head still throbbed.

Sandy was going off about how Medina was always so judgemental towards her. Medina was snapping back with questions of why she wasn’t the ‘favorite’ twin. Sandy didn’t bother trying to hide it and plainly stated that she liked Jim better because he cared for her. Loved her. Medina started ranting about how this was just like last time. Last time, when things were Not Good. When Jim, the favorite, was Not Good. She suggested that maybe Sandy wasn’t that great of a mother if she didn’t love one of her children and couldn’t even manage to keep the one she liked from spiraling, practically killing himself.

Jim ground his teeth willing them to stop.

“This isn’t like last time for god’s sake,” Sandy screeched. “And it wasn’t my fault. Jim’s fine. Just like he was last time. It was a stupid mistake, once. He hasn’t touched that shit since, I’ll have you know,” she huffed. “Don’t make things worse than they are.”

Medina wasn’t about to out Jim. She was just trying to drop subtle enough hints that maybe Sandy would get the picture that things weren’t all that great.

Medina and Jim knew what was really going on in the other room. He was trying to detox from everything he had been taking in for the past few weeks. The two of them knew, and that’s the only thing that mattered.

Jim continued to hear them screaming from one thing to another. It was Sandy treating Jim like a husband, then it was how Phil was a bad father, then it was school, then Jim, then back to Phil, then Medina’s apathy, then back to Jim.

It always went back to Jim.

In a further attempt to block it out he rolled onto his side to his body’s dismay. Everything screamed in protest. When he opened his eyes he was greeted with the almost empty glass of water resting on the nightstand. His eyes narrowed in on the draw. Oh shit. Oh fuck.

To his horror and delight, he remembered the two small tablets he had pushed in the back of the drawer. For emergencies only, he told himself when he had placed them there. They went completely forgotten for so long he couldn’t even properly remember what they were. As if a puppet on a string, he propped himself up and opened the drawer, feeling the contents with long fingers. He felt the thin plastic and pulled the baggie out.

Directly depositing both of the pills on the back of his tongue, he used the last sip of water his sister had brought to swallow them. Shortly thereafter, he finally fell asleep.

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