#pacience

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3P8zXV_lq4 

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Are you in control of your actions, thoughts or emotions? A little too often, we find ourselves trying to find the root of the problems we face. From small, daily misfortunes, to seemingly personal, ‘God is out to get me’ situations, we undoubtedly point the finger; more often than not, at everyone else except ourselves. Whether our abundance of patience or lack thereof may come from our upbringing, it's never too late to realize that you are completely able to manage the way you react to these occurrences. 

As a single mom, there is a constant war between acting on impulse, without a filter or remembering that you have the one audience member always watching you. Learning to be a more patient person is not only for myself, but for my son, James, to adapt into his character as well. It truthfully goes beyond that; it’s for the people who he’ll eventually be around. He emulates my behavior and I would hate for him to walk around living life with a mental magnifying glass focusing on every adversity that naturally comes his way. I not only have to instill in him to be a kind considerate person, I also have to prepare him for other people who might not have the same kind of considerate kindness we believe in. In life, much like in driving, you have to act defensively and offensively. What others may do to us, say about us, insinuate towards us really is out of our control. Power doesn’t come from negative actions/thoughts, power comes from choosing to not  to react to negative actions/thoughts.

  Recognizing that those nagging habits you once rolled your eyes at may also be yours as well, is a tough pill to swallow. It wasn’t until I continuously re-told the same story over and over again, that I realized I was doing what my mom currently does to me. Not to say that every habit you may pick up from your family and friends growing up is negative; it's important to realize how easy it is to treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Personally, I found myself allowing one small detail in my morning to dictate not only my entire day, but my interactions with co-workers, people who I served at work, even my family. Day after day of the same excuse as to why you “just couldn’t possibly have a good day today” becomes a weight on your shoulders. It eats away at your mind, your self conscious, your emotions...ultimately leaving you feeling depressed, isolated. In a way, it enables us to keep having a negative view of the world instead of holding ourselves responsible for having the ability to change it. 

I knew I wanted better. Better for my son, better days, better health, better memories, better relationships, better company, a better awareness of how we only have one chance to appreciate the beauty of life. By choosing to turn my back to negativity, I have grown to be more patient; anxiety no longer clouds my thoughts. When you’re used to reacting negatively, you’ll never find the appropriate way to handle serious circumstances. More often than not, the problem gets made out to be more than it truly is. I have adapted to being less judgemental, listening to others and making sure that I allow them to have a safe space to talk or think out loud. I offer my opinion only when it's asked of me, and I never force my advice on people who trust me with their issues. Being able to focus on a solution instead of on the problem provides a great structure that you can apply to several aspects of your life.  A few years ago I would not have been able to say I was in a place to hold a healthy romantic relationship; I was always angry, frustrated, a lot of my conversations were just complaints that drained not only myself but my partner. Focusing on positive changes in my life has aided my realization that in order to be happy with what a partner provides in a connection, you have to be happy with what you provide for yourself first.