A lot of people I know are afraid of the check-engine light on their modern personal conveyance. I can sort of understand why: it’s ominous, it’s cryptic and it appears at the worst times. I’m here to tell you that the check-engine light doesn’t mean shit, because cars are constantly testing us and deserve nothing but our lead-footed contempt.
Once long ago, I had a friend whose dog would play injured when it wanted extra attention. Somehow it had figured out through some past trauma that human beings are receptive to limping, crying, and rolling around on the floor. Often, it would pick the worst possible time to have a tantrum in public, and a scene would be created. Yet the dog would be fine, and help itself to pity Snausages offered by people who did not know of its tricks. A P0420 check-engine light code is pretty much the same idea.
Why are cars so starved for attention? This is because of their original purpose, race driving. Although the modern car has evolved to be a gentle, warm companion that features air conditioning, at heart it is still a fire-spitting nightmare that craves the thrill of hitting apexes and occasionally murdering race drivers and spectators. They need more stimulation than we are willing to give them on your average nine-to-five commute.
The next time that your car feels neglected and wants to throw a little hissy fit by showing its check-engine light at you, do what the Italians do. Floor the gas, weave through traffic, yank the handbrake to parallel park, do a heel-toe downshift in a playground zone. Your car will thank you, your mechanic will thank you, and now you’ll know exactly why the check-engine light is illuminated. Because it did so on your terms.
