#ownyourspace

This is a quick insight from the article How to improve self confidence at work originally published on March 26, 2025

Ever had that moment where you second-guess everything you say at work? You’re not alone. Confidence at work isn’t about knowing everything, it’s about believing you belong. So, here are nine ways to make that inner critic shut up and own your space like a pro.

1. Stop Overthinking. Seriously.

Your boss has not replied to your email typo 57 times. But you are. Why? Overthinking is a confidence killer. The more you analyze every move, the more hesitant you become.

✅ Quick Fix:

Ask: Will this matter in a month? No? Move on.

Use the 5-Minute Rule: Worry for 5 minutes, then take action.

Reframe it: Instead of “What if I messed up?” ask, What’s the best that can happen?

2. Speak Up, Even If Your Voice Shakes

Ever had a meeting where someone else shared a half-baked idea, and got all the praise? Meanwhile, you stayed silent, even though your idea was better? Stop that.

📢 Why Speaking Up Works:

People remember confidence, not perfection.

Harvard research shows that speaking up makes you seem more competent, whether your idea is perfect or not.

Silence = missed opportunities. If you don’t say it, someone else will.

💡 Try This:

Start with: “Building on what [Name] said…” (Eases you in.)

Take a deep breath before speaking. Slower = more authority.

3. Own Your Space Like You Belong

Women, especially, tend to shrink back. Ever had your point repeated louder by someone else who got the credit? It’s time to change that.

🔥 How to Command Attention:

If interrupted, say: “I wasn’t finished yet.” (No need to apologize.)

Stop saying “sorry” for things that don’t need an apology.

Sit tall. Shoulders back. Take up space.

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest, it’s about refusing to be ignored.

4. The “Fake Smarter” Hack

Want to seem more confident instantly? Pause before you speak.

🔑 Why This Works:

You sound more thoughtful and in control.

People listen more when you don’t rush.

Pauses make you sound smarter, no extra effort needed.

Try This: Someone asks, “What do you think?” Instead of blurting something out, take a breath. Say, “I see two key opportunities here…” Instant credibility boost.

5. Stack Small Wins Daily

Confidence isn’t built overnight, it’s built in small wins.

👊 Small Wins That Work:

Struggle with emails? Draft → Step away → Reread → Send. Small win.

Hate speaking in meetings? Start by adding one comment per meeting. Small win.

Feeling invisible? Keep a Wins List, every compliment, every success. Reread when doubt creeps in.

Small wins add up. Confidence follows.

6. Dress Like You Own the Place

What you wear affects how you feel. Science backs this up, it’s called enclothed cognition.

👗 Confidence Dressing 101:

Pick your power outfit, the one that makes you walk taller.

Choose a confidence color. Red? Black? Whatever makes you feel unstoppable.

Don’t just dress to blend in, dress to own the space.

The right outfit won’t solve all your problems, but it sure makes facing them easier.

7. Stop These Confidence-Killing Habits

Lack of confidence sneaks in with small habits. Do you:

❌ Over-apologize for no reason?

❌ Avoid eye contact?

❌ Sit in the back at meetings?

❌ Hold back ideas out of fear?

How to Fix It:

✔️ Replace “Sorry, but…” with “Here’s my take…”

✔️ Hold eye contact for 3 seconds longer.

✔️ Move up a row in meetings.

✔️ Speak before you feel 100% ready.

Confidence is built, not granted. Start acting like you belong.

8. Find a Confidence Wingman

Confidence isn’t a solo game. Find someone who hypes you up when doubt creeps in.

Why It Works:

Reality check: They remind you of your wins.

Pre-game pep talks before big meetings.

Live support: A nodding face in the room makes all the difference.

Confidence is contagious. Surround yourself with the right people.

9. Confidence Is Built. Not Given.

No one starts confident. They build it, one step at a time.

💡 How to Build It Daily:

Take one bold action today. Speak up, volunteer, ask for what you need.

Reframe fear: It’s not a stop sign, it’s proof you’re pushing your limits.

Celebrate small wins. Every time you do something scary, you grow.

Confidence isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you build. And you’re already on your way.

Final Thought

Confidence isn’t about never feeling doubt. It’s about showing up anyway. Taking up space. Owning your voice. And knowing that even the most successful people have questioned themselves at some point.

So, start small. Speak up. Stand tall. Celebrate the tiny wins. Because confidence isn’t a switch you flip—it’s a muscle you build. And every time you push past self-doubt, you get stronger.

There’s something oddly satisfying about knowing that people who already dislike me get even more irritated just by watching me live my life. I’m not doing it for them—I’m simply being myself, unapologetically, and if that bothers them, so be it. I won’t dull my shine or change who I am to make anyone more comfortable. In fact, it’s empowering to realize that their hate says more about them than…

Before we get to my ramblings... This quote kinda hits my hard.. Because I'm still trying to understand my mind.

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I've been trying to assess what it is about the actresses that I like.

The ones that I wish I could be like.

June/Anne Lockhart in Trolls (1986)

Michelle Rodriguez in

Resident Evil

Fast and Furious

Jane Seymour in Dr. Quinn

Jessica Biel in Blade 2

Jennifer Lopez in Enough

Mary Stuart Masterson in Fried Green Tomatoes (Idgie Threadgood)

Lori Petty in In the Army Now

I don't know.. I'm sure theres more - But.. These are the ones I thought of currently. What trend do you see in these characters?

I think …. I THINK… I might have figured out part of it…. They didn’t seem afraid.

The 'CAN DO' attitude with the ability to ACTUALLY 'DO'

There is a Presence to them. When they talk, people listen. When they walk in the room, they draw eyes (even if its just to notice them and nothing more). They could kick your ass in some way be it with knowledge wit or fists. Nothing gullible about them. Always had some kind of strategy for situations they knew were going to be ugly.

Well Hell! - I'm in the middle of work and this thought crossed my mind and I started writing and now it's going down a damn rabbit whole with water dripping from my face.  Hell of a way to start the day. I notice my head feels like a lot went through it, but looking back, I've barely said a thing. It feels like a lot to me.

Anyways… These People… Characters, that I aspire to be like… They were SEEN.  They didn't have to be mean about anything, but they could still make a very sound point. They were the ones that would catch the fist that wanted to punch them, or someone else and spin it around, Capable.

I don't know what that says to me though.

This  reminds me of how invisible I felt most of my life.

I considered maybe it was because these characters were strong, could whoop some ass. But I don't think that is it at all. It never felt quite right, and I didn’t have any reaction to that thought. But this one… Has me feeling very broken.

I noticed recently  how I promote this invisibility.  I'm working very hard at not feeling like if someone thought of me, that I have been an inconvenience to them. Accepting Compliments and the want to hang out with me instead of feeling like all interactions with me are more out of pity than actual enjoyment.

I can already hear my friends clamoring to say that is so far from the truth. And While I think a part of me knows this, its super ingrained in me.

"Oh! Don't fuss over me, I'll be fine" - Physically. I always look at Physically I will be fine. Never really considered Mental health.

"Oh! You didn't have to go through the trouble for me!" - Please - don’t put effort into making me feel like I exist. And yet - here I am yearning for that.

Effort.

I also I go for things that are "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" Gigs.  I wall flower or over share or feel like I suck the oxygen out of the room. For a JOB - I like the behind the scenes stuff, I even like being the agent level. But there is seldom recognition when you are the man behind the curtain. Seldom seen/noticed to be anyone.

You  don't make much money in those gigs. I hate being a Supervisor with required coachings and things like that. Its not natural. I will teach those who WANT to learn, I'm not going to force an uninterested party to pay attention just because its their job.  I'm Rambling and being very tangenty.

I had a conversation with my partner the a little while back about how I put so much into what I give. The thought.. Making sure whatever IT is, is carefully planned out to ensure that what ever I give is useful.  Ugh - I'm not explaining this well at all. At least this part. So were skipping it. You still get the mess of it though. Because - this is my blog. And yeah - it might be a diary/journal, but… Why do these have to be secret? Isn't seeing in other peoples heads sometimes helpful? To know you aren't alone? That you can find solace that you aren't the variant (so to speak)  or maybe you want to be the variant.  Or maybe you don't compare yourself to others because you have finally broke through this lack of self esteem and whatever else is the issue with us. Yeah. US.

You are part of this club whether you like it or not.

So on of the dawning realizations about these women.

They walk into a room with a plan and can execute that plan, They are determined, They Follow Through, Strong, Can use your help or do without it. They are what I would call "Bad Ass" - though I have learned in my years that not everyone defines things the same way.

Bad Ass: (My Definition): Strong, No Bull Shit, Catches Lip and Gives Lip back, Not Naïve, Action, Can hold their own in battle of wits, fists or otherwise. Skills that surprise others.  So I guess…. Well rounded?