#owners

We had a lot of discussions last weekend. It was a trip, a long drive for Master and Mistress. I was driving them. I wasn’t their companion in the traditional sense of a partner, but rather a driver and a personal assistant.

Though it allowed us to have a lot of unfiltered chats, and the atmosphere was fun. I really felt like I was part of the household unit. But the feeling was different than you probably might imagine. It wasn't the warmth of belonging to a family; it was the sharp and a bit detached feeling, but at the same.. I felt like I belonged.

For these kinds of sessions, the Vow of Silence is usually paused. We need to check in, and my Owners need to listen to me. There is an update about the Vow too, but I will explain later.

I apologise in advance for a lot of words: my thoughts just keep coming and just wanted to capture everything. If it's confusing or not clear, I am always open to answer.

New name

One of the biggest topics of the conversation was the name. We shared our thoughts and feelings and discussed the new name.

My take on the name is that it is not a name in the traditional sense. Over the past few days, since the voting was completed, I have updated my profile and have already used it as my identifier. And I have to say, it is a completely different experience. It isn't just a label; it changes how I perceive myself and how I am perceived.

As I mentioned, the other names such ad worthless pig, Piggy Bitch, fuckmeat and other, they all had an identity. When you are called those things, you are still a person. You are a degrading person, a humiliated and dehumanised being, but you are you. You can have opinions. You can still be treated with a baseline of human decency. You are still a persona.

"That thing" is something different. You see, language itself helps! I naturally want to use the third person form here. "That Thing" is not about emphasizing my humiliating traits but it is about erasing the old me and transforming into something new. It is about losing myself and becoming something else. It strips away the "I" and leaves only the "it.". I didn't expect it.

I also find it interesting and even poetic that the final voting came down to competing two polar options: either reveal my real name forever, setting it in stone as the degraded person I am, or completely erase me. You chose the erasure.

But let's get back to our relationships. With Mistress entering onto the scene 1.5 years ago, our dynamic with Master was completely shifted. We were in some kind of strict D/s relationship, but it also implied I was his girlfriend. Mistress is not open to have me as his girlfriend, and our dynamic over the year has shaped into a full M/s dynamic where they own me as a piece of property together.

In this sense, we had a "breakup." My status was totally changed. I believe all of you noticed that our closeness with Master has reduced. I am not an equal partner, and I am not a partner at all anymore. Given all the preferences of all parties involved, this is the only way the relationship can work. It only works if I remain in the status of the property.

In this sense, I consider it luck of fortune that I am wired to like it. I need it so much. I crave it some way or another, and I was afraid I would never be able to get it. After all, in a usual M/s dynamic with two partners, you always have the need to have some kind of family in vanilla terms. You need to feel that you are part of a pair. And Master... he has the need.

But I don't, at least in traditional sense. Why I don't want to have it that way is a discussion of another dimension. But that is how I feel inside. Short version: now I feel myself calm about my future. I feel myself in my place. I am owned, it's decided, and I want to be owned until the end of my days. I assume, you never know and I can imagine people change their minds. But now, at 33 years old, I truly believe it is my way. I think about it and I believe I won't regret it. I should say probably even differently: I’d regret if I would live without it.

Returning back to Master and Mistress: they are not so "weird" as I am. They want to have a family, they need it. But now we come back to the paradox: Mistress is not open to have another woman in the relationship. Master and Mistress discussed it over and over the past year and it ended up at the agreement we all accepted. I am not a woman. I am not a girlfriend. I am not a partner and never will be. I am technical part of the household. And we need to make it this way.

And that's how the dynamic can only work: if we remove the "another woman" from the relationship. We should stop to perceive me as a woman. All of us. Master. Mistress. Me, myself. Everyone should believe the new reality, deeply and genuinely. If it won't happen, someone might leak the resentment or doubt, and it will destroy everything. We don't want it to happen.

Yes, all of that we discuss openly, in plain words, to make sure everyone is on the same page. We talk about Mistress's concerns, her hesitation and her feelings. About my inner desires and my fears. About Master's hesitation and vulnerabilities. To make the dynamic work, we have to be honest. We have to be open. And we have to talk. We can't allow a lie to sneak in. This way we try to make sure the mindset is rooted in our heads.

I have accepted the Vow of Silence and adhered to it for 5 months. I have accepted her decision and shaved my head bald. I wear the uniform of staff in the house. My sexuality is something they fully control.

And now... it's time for us to make the next step. I am not the person I used to be. Even half a year ago I was different. That voting... it is coincidental, but it gives the nice opportunity to move on.

We start to try to erase my identity. I am already referenced as property in terms of our dynamic. But now we are going to make it even deeper.

And I am not sure if the wmotional load is final, but it is a strange sensation, finding absolute peace in the realization that I am no longer in competition for affection. Mistress is the woman for Master now; that is a truth neither of us seems to doubt. I am not the "girlfriend" who tries to keep the spark alive or fears the intrusion of a third party. When I finally accepted that I am not a partner in the romantic sense, but an object in the service sense, a heavy weight lifted off my chest that I didn't know I was carrying. It is a liberation to stop pretending to be a romantic partner and just admit I am a piece of equipment. It feels incredibly healthy, almost like a form of freedom I never knew I craved.

And now being "that thing" feels right because it removes the pressure of human unpredictability. I have always been wired to seek hierarchy and ownership, but my previous confusion came from trying to fit that need into a container that simply didn't fit. By detaching my identity from a romantic narrative, I don't have to worry about jealousy or performance. My contentment comes from the clarity of the dynamic. I am not sad to lose my humanity in this context.That's how I feel.

There is a profound sense of security in knowing that the relationship structure is set in stone, no matter how strange it sounds. Mistress is the "new woman," and I am the background force that ensures the home runs smoothly. This arrangement protects them as much as it serves me. By stripping away my romantic identity, I am no longer a variable that could disrupt their bond. I feel completely at ease because I have found a purpose that aligns perfectly with my internal wiring. I am not waiting to be loved. I am being utilized. And in this strange logic I have never felt warmer.

That thing. That's what I am.

There is no the person I used to be. There is only thing. that thing.

What does it mean?

I am that thing not only on Tumblr, but also in real life. At home. at kink events. In front of kink' people. At public(under disguide).

That thing doesn't have preferences. It just exists to please its Masters. It doesn't have opinions that matter to them apart of its service. It thinks only what its Masters want it to think. Its body is not a body of an individual. It is being used only as Masters want it to be used.

It's some sort of CNC free use set to extreme level.

That thing is not a threat to the relationship similarly how the toaster is not a threat. A toaster doesn't judge, it doesn't want affection back, it doesn't threaten the connection between Master and Mistress. It is safe. It is clean. It is utilitarian.

That's how we are going to approach me and consider me in the relationship for the next 3 months and see if it works. I am effectively that thing.

Vow of Silence update

Another resolution is that thing is allowed to talk whenever it is asked a direct question or it has accepted a command now. The Vow Of Silence is effectively paused until further notice, because speech is more effective reinforcer of the mindset.

that thing returned to the operation mode when it acknowledges commands, notifies Owners if needed, may talk with people. The Vow has served its purpose, but may return if Owners decide so.

Time problem

I was doubting if I want to share it. It's complex topic and I don't want to spark discussions and whether I do everything right. But I thought... at least it needs to be explained. And I am content with the decision. That's what is important.

that thing is 33 years old. It's female, and its biology has biological clock that tick very loudly now. The commitment that thing does means that it might lose it's time.

It was decided that thing will start the procedure to freeze its eggs. Masters will cover the costs. It is to ensure preserving them in case that thing would like to have children in the future outside of the relationship if something unseen happens. Its commitment might risk become irreversible because of biological clocks and that prevents it.

Mistress proposed that. It is a gesture that ensures my commitment isn't absolute destruction of my potential, even if I never use it. It should help me avoid resentment, but that's perception Mistress has and it helps her to be more calm.

From my side it's not a question, I don't feel myself to be a mother material. The maternal instinct is simply absent. it is not a wound or a trauma, it is just a blank space. I have never felt the pull to nurture, to care, or to protect a dependent in the way that is expected of a woman. I looked at others and thought I am broken. And it felt like a failure of function on my part. But I think i finally ready to accept it and start to think of it differently. perhaps it isjust a different operating system entirely. I am not built to create life, but I can manage life. make it easier, serve a life. I am different. But I accept that.

This absence of the maternal drive is not something I struggle with now. it is simply a fact of my existence, much like having blue eyes or blonde color of hair. I have always been driven by the need for hierarchy and service. Career, efficiency, and submission have always been my true loves.

Attempting to force a maternal role would be a disruption of my nature, a friction that would eventually cause me to break. I understand this now. It is a logical conclusion: if you are not wired to nurture, trying to do so is a waste of energy and a source of constant cognitive dissonance.

By making this biological safety net a reality, Mistress removes a potential variable that could poison the dynamic. The logic is sound: if I were to be trapped by my biology, forced into a life I never wanted, resentment would inevitably fester. It would be a silent rot that would eventually destroy the trust between us. But because the option is preserved, because I know I could one day leave to have a family if I truly desired, I can be free of that burden. I can be fully, completely owned, knowing that my potential is not being crushed underfoot. This allows me to enjoy the service now without the shadow of a "lost future" hanging over me. It is a gift of total presence. The fact that I most likely will never use it is irrelevant. the knowledge that it exists is what would give me peace.

It's allow me to be that thing without the guilt of having thrown away a part of myself. I am owned, yes, but my autonomy is not entirely gone.

This gives Mistress the calm she needs, and it gives me the clarity I need. I don't want to be a mother. I want to be owned. And now, I can be that without any fear that I am sacrificing my entire existence in the process.

Conclusion

I hope the post wasn't too boring. I understand sometimes you join for light porn content, but truth is that if you really decide to follow the path, to dedicate your life to it, you stumble on choices that are too serious to be avoided.

That's why I've decided that it worths to be shared. I don't say that's the right way. It's my way. Yours will be different.

That thing is grateful to each of its followers who is with it. Thank you.

Always at your disposal,

Took Only Two Days to Finish to Show Off My Versions of Another Obscure Fairytale from the Brothers Grimm, likely suggested by a Certain Someone, with My Takes on the Animals and My Own Additional Number of the Human Characters.

The Bremen Town Musicians (c) The Brothers Grimm

Back to stay with our owners for Christmas!

12/25/24 8:25pm

Sprinkles: Bark! Bark! (Yep, Slash and I decided to go out and visit our owners through the windows of each of their rooms so we could meet up and get a big hug from them for Christmas or have some fun with them too, Slash flying with the bot and me tickling my owners, I learned better!) >:3

Made In Piskel