this just happend, it starts a bit weird but its just so you can understand:3 KEEP READING
Him: I mean I can't get tattoos anyway
Him: because we believe its not our body it's God's soooo I don't have permission to do it
God has given it to us I can't do whatever I want with it
Me: making me cry... kinda
Please no beating around the Bush. Just tell me
You should cry out of happiness
Baby get Here now before I cry
You know this makes me emotional
Your the best person in this entire world
Why do I even deserve to speak to such an angel
Me: *while crying* I'm literally the worst person you could talk to and you still say that
I just, fuck why is people so stupid how can they even think how oh sweetness God most hate me so much this this is so stupidly stupid and I I I I didn't even cared and I just I mean like OH GOD THIS IS HIS BODY I JUST no
Him: sometime you can tell me you don't think your pretty or you don't think you you did something right. But this is just one thing, baby this is one thing that you can't argue with ME about at all. Maybe with yourself or someone else. But with ME this subject there is no discussion how much of an angel you are. You are literally on the same level as an angel for this and to see... ok you see here's the part where I cry every time
Why do I cry about this so much
ME: BABY DON'T CRY YOU YOU DON'T CRY PLEASE
Him: I love what you are and what you have become and how much you have achieved
And it was such a dark place
I remember coming home each day
Me: fighting what baby??? LIFE? You shouldn't fight LIFE! You shouldn't try to end it or play with it!
Him: no you kept fighting death
You didn't let it completely take you
I don't know what you held onto
When everything in your life was at its lowest
You were so depressed and nothing and no one was with you
I don't even know what you held onto
But you pulled yourself out
I remember coming home each day and you would be crying and we would discuss how shit life was and I even remember you talking about wanting to end it and I remember that so much, there was such a heavy rain outside and I got back soaking and I was just crying onto my phone
But oh God, your an angel
Me: why where you crying?
Him: because I am so happy
Him: back then I was afraid
Any time something bad happens to you I would feel depressed to
Why I never spoke to my family
And why I had the therapist
Him: every Friday morning
School, the headmaster and my father
Me: you... you never told me
Me: I was already talking to you?
We have been talking for like three years now
Last year, the whole.. thing... with my family... And I could never sleep
Me: I'm so sorry oh my God
Him: it was all connected
I didn't helped you at all
Him: and how I never spoked to anyone in my family
Him: you don't understand
Him: it was from when you were still cutting and depressed
Me: oh my goodness I'm so sorry
Well the therapist and my dad and everyone was always asking me what's wrong... my dad would cry and beg ME to tell him, I never answered him becAuse I never really knew.all I knew was that I was freaking mad and pissed off and just hated everyone but yeah after a bit I realise what it was
I never told you because I thought you would feel bad. But I think that we are so close now that you will understand and not feel bad
I realised that it was always worse when you were worse and I was better when you were better. And ever since you had your pills and you stopped cutting as as you slowly got better so did I
So I will just say this straight out
Your depression was my depression.
Me: you can't expect me to read that without crying, I just hope you understand that
But do you understand what I mean when I say that your depression was my depression?
Me: I understand that I'm shit for everyone and that I shouldn't get close to anyone because all I do is fuck everyone up and that's why they alwAys end up leaving
Me: I'm pretty sure I didn't baby
Him: it means that I Love You so much that your pain became mine, I was sad because you were. I was angry at the world because you were. I cried when you did and laughed when you did.
This is why I cry every single time I think of you cutting
You're in a better place;I am in a better place
Me: ohhh Kay now I'm actually crying hard
Him: it means that every time I told you I don't know what love is and that we were probably too young to love I was lying
I know exactly what love is and I experience it daily
Love is when you feel someone else's pain. Love is when you feel someone else's happiness. Love is when you share someone's ups and downs. Love is what I have for you now and forever.
Me: ok now I'm laughing and crying because oh my God we are so goddamn stupid
Him: love isn't this thing that everyone thinks it can only be good. Love has a lot of pain in it to, but that's what makes it love, love would be worthless if it was easy. Anyone could have it with anyone
Me: oh my God how didn't I noticed before
Him: what didn't you noticed? :)
Me: BABY WE ARE IIIIIDIOTS
Him: I think we both noticed that long ago:3
Me: no, well yes, but now more than ever!!!
Him: right, yeah we are fools
But I'm a madly in love fool so let me be
Me: no I don't mean fools
Like complete and utterly IDIOTS
Him: what's the difference
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahhahhahahaha
I am sad. You get sad that I am sad. I get sad that you are to, sad. You get sadder that I'm still sad so I get even sadder. You get sad. I get sad. Do you understand this?
Him: hahahahahahahah yes I do
Me: WE WERE JUST BOTH BEING IDIOTS
M: AND shit I ALREADY KNEW
I JUST DIDN'T WANTED ACCEPT IT
Him: you were sad cause I was sad?
Me: DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW?!?
Answer my question please
You were sad cause I was sad?
Me: I was saddER because you were sad
It could be an ok day that If you weren't ok it would turn into a complete shot day
Him: but I always hid it and tried to make you happy
Me: yeah and you think I'm stupid?
Him: we made each other sad by being sad for each other
Me: OH MY SWEET HOLY LORD
Him: you... you... wait but this means that you love me
Me: I felt like fucking shit every time you said you didn't know what love is and that we were to young anyways because I actually knew what love was and love is you.
I can't be crying and laughing more oh my God
I just didn't realised that I knew
Now I realise that I knew
I can't believe you actually got sadder because of me
Me: well you didn't knew you were lying so neither did I! I got so much worst
Him: baby I only ever got sad in the first place because you were sad and cutting and yeah
Me: you hide your sadness well you're not the only on sweetea
Baby you can't actually believe I didn't knew it right?
Ofc I started the shit but we continued it
Then I stopped the shit so we... just stopped it
Oh my God why are we such idiots omg I love us
Him: umm heh so the thing is people are kind of like The Mentalist... what I'm saying is that is that yes ofc you would see through my ":)'s" and certain words which I used only when sad such as lol, yeh, k, great, and nah which I always used to show I was sad but obviously pretending not to be but that way you wouldn't see how actually sad I was. Like you didn't know I had a therapist or that I had been to the doctor a few times
Me: *video* you're a complete idiot
Oh goodness I didn't even knew that I know you so well
CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT AN IDIOT I AM
Me: OH BUT BABY! YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Do you believe me now that I LOVE YOU?
Him: yes. I always believed but I just didn't appreciated like that
Wake me up when it's 29th June *day we'll finally meet*
I love you forever and always
And... btw? What I held onto to get out of my hole? It was YOU
