#ouat rant

"Everything Looks Better (In Hindsight)" by insanetwin is a MASTERPIECE.

IT IS A WORK. OF. ART.

It was 93,060 words and 6 hours reading time worth of HEAVENNNN

THE WAYS IT DRIVES ME CRAZY, I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE

Regina Mills one of the MOST PATIENT AND SOFTEST AND MOST DAMAGED SWEETHEARTS IN THE WORLD

And Emma Swan is the most kindest and biggest darling YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE

I truly cannot tell you how many times I MELTED from the tragicness, the adorableness, the SHEER MIND-FUCKERY OF IT ALL

last time i was inspired by the ‘in the arrrrrrmmmsssss an angelllll’ (aka: every time a character died) bit. But this time i was contemplating either doing my favourite bit of ‘hey… hey ladies? HEY LADIES, WHAT IS UP WITH YOU TWO?!’ (aka: swanqueen are so in love, it’s not even funny) or the bit that goes ‘travelling between dimensions is FUN and EASY for the whole family’ (aka: ridiculing Gold’s entire life-work). I decided on:

These 6 were the first modes of realm-hopping that I could think of off the top of my head:

A magic bean (simultaneously the hardest item to find and something that everyone happens to find a way to get)

That random door in the Apprentice’s house (no but seriously why is it so awkwardly just there in the middle of the fucking house like that??)

Zelena’s slippers (kinda iconic that she could’ve saved Gold the trouble of orchestrating the curse but decided to not give them to him outta spite)

Pan’s shadow (remember when they trapped it in the coconut and then fused it to the sail of the Jolly Roger to leave Neverland? Wow, re-reading that sentence… no wonder I get taken the piss out of for loving this show)

The wardrobe that sent baby Emma and August to Maine (you’ll never catch me hating Marco for betraying everyone and prioritising the puppet over everybody’s lives, I respect the fuck outta him for that)

And finally… Jefferson’s hat (HAT. singular, not plural. BECAUSE NO, HE DID NOT HAVE MULTIPLES-)

Anyway, I know I’m missing MANY more, but i think Rumple feels stupid enough as it is, so let’s not get into those…

And if haley sees this- thank you for your service in getting this season 6 recap out, even though watching season 6 and making the video clearly had you losing brain cells by the end of it (understandable as hell, this season was really… a lot). And I’m glad you said Love Doesn’t Stand a Chance was your fav musical episode song because yes, that was the correct answer, good job there. Unlike the majority of the fandom, I actually really like season 7 so I hope it’ll be at least a somewhat enjoyable experience for you. But then again, maybe I just have terrible taste in tv shows…

Ouat ships I genuinely like:

Swanqueen (Emma x Regina) it felt like this was going to be the end game ship but like no that's not what happened. Honestly divorced but still in love vibes from these two.

Redbelle or beauty and the bbw(Red/Ruby x Belle). The chemistry was there, and I figured bc Red is the wolf or beast or monster that they'd end up together as Beauty and the Beast as a sort of twist. But no that's not what happens.

Hook x the floor(personal favourite) no I won't elaborate.

Goldenswan (Gold x Emma) again chemistry was there but nothing came of it. Besides some absolutely fire fanfiction. Emma would be good for him. They challenge eachother without stepping on toes.

Huntsman Swan (Graham x Emma) I loved this for as short as it was. It had been canon. Graham deserved better.

Granny's Crossbow x DA Spencer/King George. I love it.

Grumpyfairy (Nova x Grumpy/Dreamy). It's cute.

Ships I'm not bothered by:

Madbeauty (Jefferson x Belle) this is just something I ship on the side.

Firethief (Bae/Neal x Emma). Like Swanqueen I figured maybe this was the end game. But no. Of course not. No cutesy reunited love story. Just angst. Tragic boring angst not the delectable kind either.

Redcricket/Hopping Red (Archie x Ruby/Red) it's cute. The adorable Goth x geek couple.

Captain Beauty(Lacey/Belle x Hook). I can see this more than I can see Emma with him but it's still not like a thing. Lacey seems like the type to want adventure and freedom. And Hook can give her that. Plus she's into "bad boys" and she's supposedly Rumplestiltskin's Twuu Wuv. Hook would tap that for that reason alone.

Ships I don't care much for but simple exist:

Snowcharming (Snow White/Mary-Margaret x Prince Charming/David) meh. That gooey disgustingly sweet couple you see on YouTube.

Frankensnow (Mary-Margaret x Dr Whale) that one hook up you regret later.

Woodenswan Emma x August/Pinocchio. It's sad. Like the boring kind. Also it'd be built on plenty of lies.

Goldenqueen (Gold x Regina). Meh. The actors have beautiful chemistry but I feel like the characters would be so toxic together.

Ships I severely dislike:

Rumbelle Rumplestiltskin x Belle. It's so forced it's painful to watch. It's so painfully obvious Belle sees Rumplestiltskin as a project or something that needs to be fixed and changed rather than accepted. Emma does that. With like all of the "bad guys". Put simply Belle is in love with an idea of Rumplestiltskin and he's just that lonely in his suffering. She would not have returned if Regina didn't say anything.

Captain Swan (Killian/Hook x Emma). Forced again. I didn't like it. It didn't make sense to me. And Killian giving up a pirates life, something that he was literally raised into for some chick didn't make sense to me. He seems like the OTL is the sea kind of guy. It seems more like an asthetic ship than anything else. Those always seem to annoy me. Like this but without the development:

(Not mine. credits to owner)

Madswan (Emma x Jefferson). Idk I just really don't like it. Couldn't be because he kidnapped her or because he drugged her or threatened her at gunpoint...oh wait. It was all of that.

"I know I killed your horse, your father, and made your childhood miserable. Okay, then made you a criminal, slaughtered innocent people and villages just to hurt you, and tried to separate you and your true love. And when all that failed, maybe I cast a tiny curse that forced you to give up your daughter as soon as she was born to save her, not allowing you to get be part of her life, changed your entire personality, and forced you to live 30 years in a life where you were miserable. But it's all YOUR fault because YOU told a secret when you EIGHT years all to a woman I knew was tricky and manipulative, therefore smart enough to get information out of a naive child. Clearly, this is all your fault! You're the made me do everything evil and even added evil to my name."

Seriously, go to hell and stay there Regina. You're right she does play the victim and aggressor card.

IF she were to blame anyone it should be her mother--who manipulated and abused her whole life and kept her trapped after being the one to actually kill Daniel, and Rumpelstiltskin, who manipulated events to make sure she cast the spell when he could have done it himself when he discovered he had feelings for Belle--not that I would have wanted that, hell I love Belle and she deserved so much better, but I digress.

On another note, one of the grossest lines in the series finale was Regina talking to Gold's dead body saying "If anyone deserves peace and a happy ending, it's you." Like the guy makes 1 sacrifice, which barely counts because he wanted to die the entire season, and suddenly he's deserving of happiness? The guy literally tried to murder or deceive everyone for about 6 and a half seasons. Absolute bullshit. Again, season 1 Gold/Rumple was amazing. His storyline became SO predictable and repetitive though. I can be a good person, Belle, I SWEAR. Immediately isn't and does something terrible. Belle somehow forgives him (don't even get me started on this fucking shit. Truly disgusting) and he's like "I'll never understand how you always see the man behind the beast" andddddd repeat. The fact Adam and Eddy gave them a fucking Up style happy ending is actual bullshit and I literally watched that entire scene with disgust.

The best part about season 7 is adult Henry. I think the casting there was quite good and I love Alice a lot. Either way, I hate both season 7 and season 6 and I 100% understand and support the entire cast essentially quitting after how terrible season 6 was.

All this while Pan was hangin' around chillin' in Gold's Shop, making it his own...

How is that fair? Pan was the villain, Pan was the threat that Gold had to sacrifice his life to save everyone from. why was Gold the one to be tortured so horribly while all the other villains were hanging out having a semi life in a copy of Storybrooke?

After centuries of loneliness and isolation with nothing but memories of being abandoned and hated, after years of thinking his true love was dead and then after he finally found her and was barely able to reconcile with her and start over, she turned into Lacy who goaded him towards darkness. after years of having to fight the darkness inside, he now had to fight the darkness inside him as well as the darkness that Lacy was trying to bring out.

A few minutes after Belle returned to him he prepared to die for his grandson, while facing his worst fears (in Neverland). After finally facing his father and reliving his childhood trauma, and JUST when he thought that things will be OK and that he will not have to die. A few hours after he thought he was FINALLY content. Just when he HAD what to live for, he had EVERYTHING to live for, he was forced to let it all go, to sacrifice that good life and put himself up for eternal torture. A torture worse than any other villain had to endure in the underworld. Why? Because he was the dark one. Because by sacrificing himself he not only saved the town from Pan, but saved the whole world from his own dark curse.

So, gonna hijack your ask for a bit here Anon and go into a teeny almost rant about the last episode. Because the reason Robin was just there was because they didn’t share the episode equally like they should have done.

I don’t care what people say about Regina. The last episode SHOULD have been about everyone, including Alice and Robin and Killian. But despite the three of them being in the centre of two of the main stories this season, were all brushed over. The KnightRook hug was rushed. There was no real Curious Archer moment. The KnightArcher moment was sweet but it was still short when it could have been so much more awesome.

Even the ending, they were panned over like they were as minor characters as everyone else. They should have at least had the shot pause on them so we could see Robin and Killian both just turning and suddenly hugging Alice at the same time and just smothering her from either side because, you know, they can so why not.