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šŗšššššš: Ā Ā The one where Jungkook develops a huge crush on a Youtuber he found after falling into the rabbit hole of his recommended videos. Unbeknownst to him, you were also recommended to his hyungs.
š»ššš: Ā Ā Romance, Humor, Fluff, Youtuber AU
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Part 14: How to get closure (you will need: red liquor and a flamethrower)
(<<< part 13)
Due to his unsuccessful attempt at wooing you and successful yet accidental attempt at poisoning you, Jungkook hadnāt had the chance to see the inside of your apartament, only the hallway and a glimpse of an entryway. So when you let him into your living space, days after the unfortunate hospital date (could it really be a date, he wondered, considering the circumstances and the untimely interruption of Taehyung, who he had to shoo away from your bedside?), he could barely disguise his curiosity, staring at photos and assorted knick-knacks you had laying around.Ā
āDonāt mind the messā you said, the hint of a blush lighting your face as you pushed away a stray pair of shoes under the couch.
āI live with six other men,ā he reminded you gently. āIām familiar with messes.ā
He decided to withhold the information of what percentage of that mess was caused by him. That detail was inconsequential.
āI made browniesā you said, calling ahead of him from the kitchen, a plant-filled counter separating the two rooms. āThought it would be funny.ā
Well, if anything, Jungkook was glad you could both laugh at his near homicidal faux-pas. āSuicide?ā he asked and you laughed.Ā
āNutless. But that might change depending on how the day goes. I got a whole bag of peanuts ready to be shoved down my throat if it all goes south.ā You took a deep breath, extending the tray of chocolate treats towards him. āThank you again for being here, Jungkook. I hope Iām not getting in the way of your schedule.ā
Jungkook scoffed, hiding his vibrating phone with 46 unanswered calls from his manager and 10 Google Calendar notifications. āDonāt worry about it. I had a free day and Iām happy to help.āĀ
āFrom what he texted, he should be here in an hour or two, so we got some time. He wanted me to stop by his hotel, but I donāt care enough about whatever shirt of mine he has to go to him, so I asked him to come over. I just want to get this over with, you know? Closure or whatever.ā You sighed āSo, what do you feel like doing?ā
You both settled on watching silly videos on the living room TV, bonding over favorite creators and common tastes. For a moment, Jungkook (and you as well, or so he hoped) forgot why he was there. The casualness and domesticity of it all made it seem like a candid moment between friends or even - dare he dream? - a date.
He was building the courage to extend his arms over the back of the couch in a classic rom-com move, ready to disguise it as a yawn or a shoulder injury that demanded constant stretch, when you stood up, calling for a bathroom break. As you walked down the hallway, the doorbell rang and you called out āCan you get that? Itās too early, itās probably just Sam. Sheās always losing her keys.ā
Jungkook stood as well, fighting the disappointment at the opportunity lost and went to the door, still mumbling to himself.
But the person waiting on the side was definitely not Sam.
Now, Jungkook could admit that he was not the most unbiased commentator as his opinions were clouded by 20% self-confidence and 80% pettiness, but even with those factors taken into account, he thought you could do so much better than the man standing outside your door.
He wasnāt necessarily ugly, he just wasnāt Jungkook. A malady many a man suffered from.
āHi?ā the man said in english, looking around in confusion. āMaybe I have the wrong address ? Iām looking for Y/N.āĀ
Jungkook hummed, the universal noise of pettiness. āCome inā.
The guy shuffled awkwardly around Jungkook, who made no effort to move out of the way, arms crossed over his chest like the bouncer in a club staring at a fake ID. āYou must be Jackā he said at last in his accented English, closing the door behind him. You had quickly briefed him about Jack, going over some details like his name and how you met, but Jungkook didnāt ask too many questions. Partly to avoid bringing up any painful memories but also because his ridiculous, borderline draconic jealous and territorial tendencies made him stay away from thinking too much about your past relationship. Similar to other unpleasant things, such as warts or frat boys, he knew they existed but rather not dwell on it more than necessary.Ā
He watched as Jack shifted nervously, looking around the apartment, eyes lingering on Jungkookās shoes by the door, his jacket thrown casually on the loveseat and two cups on the coffee table, cataloguing his presence in your living space and what it could possibly imply. Jungkook decided at that moment, motivated purely by his own lack of forethought, that it was not in his best interest nor was it his obligation to correct any assumptions your ex made in his hopefully-soon-to-be-bald head.Ā
Before Jack and Jungkook could start a most likely tense and awkward conversation, you came out of the bathroom, a smile on your face that faded as soon as you saw the other man standing there. Jungkook held back a snort at your reaction.Ā
āJackā you said, pale even if he was an expected-ish guest.
Jack waved, a little less nervous with you in the room. āHi.ā he said with a strained smile. āHow are you?āĀ
Jungkook watched the wheels turning in your head as you thought over how much of the chaotic past weeks you wanted to share with the man responsible for a good chunk of all the chaos - nevermind the fact that Jungkook was probably the reason for the other half. āIām okayā you settled on at last, probably thinking I almost died! would be far too alarming.Ā
You didnāt ask how Jack was and he noticed. Jungkook wanted to high five you, but decided against it.
āI brought your stuff,ā Jack said, raising a medium paper bag. āJust a couple of shirts and knick-knacks. Some stuff you left at my momāsā.
You nodded, grabbing the bag in silence, placing it over the counter without checking what was inside. You didnāt thank him or asked about his mom, seemingly perfectly happy to make the conversation as difficult as possible. Jungkook wondered what could possibly have happened to turn a years-long relationship into the worldās most stale and one-sided dialogue.Ā
āCan-can we, hmā Jack stuttered, but if he were completely candid, so would Jungkook under your cold scrutiny. āCan we talk? Alone?āĀ
āNo.ā
Jungkook didnāt know whether to laugh or wince.Ā
āNo?ā
āI donāt really have anything to say to you.ā
āI have things to say to you.ā
āThen you can say it in front of Jungkook.ā
Jungkook, still struggling slightly to follow along the quick and foreign exchange, understood enough to decide that he wanted no part in that particular conversation. No one seemed to care much about his opinions on the matter though, but if he had a say he really wished he could either disappear or at the very least hide behind the kitchen counter.Ā
Not one for confrontations or awkward apologies, Jungkook. His last breakup, many years ago, happened over a short and straight to the point text. Instead of being offended, he was relieved for skipping tears and the prospect of voicing his grievances out loud, handing over his phone to Jimin, who was much better at scathing replies than him. Needless to say, he got blocked.
Jack was apparently just as avoidant, as he chose to hold back his speech and said only āIām sorry for how things ended.āĀ
Jungkook held back the gossipy bitch clawing its way out of his consciousness, holding onto the urge to ask how did things end?Ā
You nodded, pursing your lips. āYou should be.āĀ
Jack sighed, resigning himself to the fact that there was no salvaging to that particular situation, as you seemed more likely to eat a whole bag of peanut M&Mās before giving him any grace. āIāll stay in Korea for a couple more daysā he stepped back, heading to the door and you followed him with careful steps. āLet me know if you want to talk.ā
āDonāt hold your breathā you closed the door forcefully, giving Jungkook one last quick glimpse at Jakeās dumbstruck face before it shut. For good measure, you threw a single house slipper at it. āThatās closure, I guessā you murmured.Ā Ā
āDid it feel as satisfying as you thought it would?ā
You shrugged āAs satisfying as it could get without a flame thrower.ā Leaning into the closed door, you turned back towards Jungkook āIām sorry you had to be here for this. Must be awkward for you.ā
Terribly so, but Jungkook only smiled. He had had enough international interviews to know how to deal with awkwardness. The trick? Space out and let Namjoon speak. If a question is directed at him, spew non-sense until the microphone is taken away. Look good while doing it.Ā
Unfortunately for him, his emotional support Namjoon was not available at the moment, so he had to make do with spacing out and looking great.Ā
āItās okay. I wish I couldāve done more.ā
āYou being here was enough. I felt calm enough to stand my ground. Iām - Iām not usually this harshā you sighed, āI feel like I owe you an explanation.ā
āItās okay, really-āĀ
āDo you drink?āĀ
Jungkook blinked. āIām sorry?ā
āAlcohol. Do you drink it?ā
Jungkook thought back to only a couple nights ago, when he fell asleep holding onto a bottle of Soju and a bluetooth microphone as the karaoke version of the Camp Rock soundtrack played on his TV like a lullaby. āSporadically.āĀ
āGreat. Iām gonna need itā you power walked towards the kitchen, pulling a bottle of red liquor out of the fridge as well as a couple of Sprite cans and he instinctively knew that whatever concoction those two liquids would create when combined could fuck up as small sorority. āBottomās upā.
***
You didnāt open up about your relationship right away, deciding against the immediate trauma dump in lieu of easing Jungkook into your lore. First, you drank. Then you talked, keeping it casual, discussing career dreams and light hearted ambitions. āIĀ really wanted to be in one of those Matt Steffanina videos when I was youngerā he admitted after a healthy sip of the dangerously sweet poison you offered him, and you nodded sympathetically. You wanted to be a Buzzfeed editor or a RuPaul judge, you confessed in commiseration. Neither happened. It was their loss, you both agreed.
You drank again and someone (most likely Jungkook) suggested busting out the karaoke machine, neighbours be damned. As it was, singing your heart out to some ballad or other turned out to be a real bonding opportunity and soon enough you and Jungkook were both jumping on top of the couch. While he hopped around to the beat of Daechwita, of all things, you thought to yourself that you had never connected to someone so fast, so there mustāve been something to be said about the social prowess of shared microphones and alcohol.
Then you drank. Again. And that wasĀ when the details started getting a bit fuzzy, the spaces between happenings and timelines escaping you, leaving blank spots in your memories. When did you and Jungkook settle on the carpet, despite the perfectly comfy available couch? Who ordered the fried chicken you were both happily munching on and, most importantly, who paid for it?Ā
āHe cheatedā who started this conversation? You couldnāt remember, all you knew was that the words were slipping out of your mouth before you could stop them, encouraged by the heavy weight of Jungkookās presence. āHe traveled a lot because of his mom. She was a researcher of a very specific biology field that I couldnāt pronounce right now even if you paid me to and he didnāt want to leave her all alone, because his dad died when he was much younger. Thatās why I started vlogging. It felt like a way to connect with him. And it worked until it didnāt.āĀ
You let out a long suffering sigh, taking Jungkookās silence as an incentive to keep going. āHe hadnāt been home in months and I could feel things getting, I donāt know, stale? He didnāt call as often and it hurt me to admit I didnāt care. I knew it was all coming to an end and I was reading myself to let him go. He had a flight scheduled home in a couple weeks and I was going to do it then. But one day his mom called me, bless her heart. She told me that she missed me and how she was sorry that we had broken up.ā You paused, as if remembering the call, leaning back to rest your head on the couch's cushions and closing your eyes. āShe said she didnāt like his new girlfriend as much as she liked me. Thatās how I found out.āĀ
With your eyes still shut, you carried on in a suspended moment of drunk catharsis and self-reflection that only eating chicken on the floor could bring: āI know I was about to break up with him anyway, but him cheating and lying to his mom, who I loved by the way, felt like such a slap to the face. Before he was my boyfriend he was my friend and I wanted to keep that sentiment, you know? I felt like he ruined our chances at an amicable break up, like I couldnāt keep our happy memories because they were all tainted. I-I made that video to talk myself into⦠Well, not forgiving him, but maybe letting go of all that resentment? I felt like I didnāt have the right to be that upset if I was just waiting to break up with him anyway, you know?ā Jungkook let out a non-committal noise. āBut he called me after it all and he was so blase about the whole thing. Barely apologized. Kind of implied that it was my fault. So I thought, fuck letting go. I will hold on to my anger like a buoy in a storm. Let it guide me towards the path of self-actualization by throwing a shoe at my door. At least it wasnāt at him.āĀ
Another unidentifiable noise followed and you smiled. āYouāre such a great listener, Jungkook. Iām not usually this open with people and Sam always says Iām too introverted for such a loud person but I guess I just feel comfortable around you. Is that weird to say? Maybe Iām just too drunk, but I feel like being around you makes me forget all of that anger. In fact, it makes me really happy and I think⦠I think I want to keep, you know, being around youā you blushed. āIs that okay?ā
When there was no answer, you opened your eyes, scared of an incoming rejection. And found Jungkook fast asleep, drooling on the carpet.Ā
***
Sam arrived much later, for once not forgetting her keys. As she stepped into your shared apartment, she couldnāt help but notice the odd quietness, the living room silent but for soft snoring. She walked around the couch, avoiding the raspberry flavored vodka bottles and KFC buckets that littered the ground and smiled machiavellianly at the touching scene splayed out over the soft carpet.Ā
Before you two could wake up, she took a picture and forwarded it to the six contacts she had stolen from Junsuās phone. Then she turned in for the night, leaving both you and Jungkook on the floor, locked in each otherās arms.
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