#ot7 fic

It has been the absolute-no-good-terrible-fucking-shit-bitch-cock-sucking week from hell and all you want to do is down a very large glass of cold water, shower in scalding hot water for perhaps too long, get dressed in your rattiest holiest (and comfiest) pair of sweatpants the baggy bambie tshirt you got from the discount racks at H&M, curl up on your bed, and smoke a joint before you fall asleep. 

Hopefully your neighbours won’t complain about the smell but quite frankly you don’t give a crap if they do. If anything else goes wrong then it will just be par for the shitty course. And you can blame it on Hoseok and Yoongi like you did last time. Though, the last time was their fault but that is neither here nor there. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You ignore it. You know it’s going to be Jimin or Namjoon asking if you’re okay. Again. You had needed a break from the group chat and apparently that was “concerning behaviour” (Jimin) and was worth a “check-in because everyone has bad weeks but you don’t need to lock yourself away” (Namjoon). The thing is that you are sure you do want to lock yourself away. The last few days of work stress which, of course, was accompanied by existential dread and wondering if this really was your choice in life or if you had fallen into this career path because of capitalism, or, if maybe, this was just okay because you could at least afford to pay for the thing you did love doing; your nephew’s birthday party was coming up, add onto that with the fact that your parents were aging far too quickly for your liking, and you were suddenly carrying a dark cloud on your shoulders that seemed to be made of nothing but negativity and you wanted to lock yourself away from everything. 

You wanted to give into the doubt and self-hatred that had taken advantage of all the self-care doors you had forgotten to close during the week and let yourself fall into the belief that all of your friendships, no matter how small, hated you.

So, yeah, you were going to ignore Namjoon and Jimin’s concerned text messages and you were going to fall asleep alone and wake up to hopefully a better day with less everything but more croissants and coffee. 

You felt bad for the ignoring and you knew that maybe you should let them reassure you that you were doing okay but hadn’t your therapist told you that self-assurance was more important than reaching out for reassurance? (She had also said that it was okay to reach out but you were ignoring that.)

You tapped your earbuds three times and skipped past the next several songs until you heard the familiar notes of a song that Yoongi had sent you just the other day with a text that had read: heard this and thought of you. You leaned your head back against the bus window and closed your eyes, hands wrapped tightly around the backpack on your lap as you let the music and the voice of the singer invade your head, swirling around and turning the volume of the lyrics on high until they drowned out all the evil words of the negative voices. 

You wonder, for the seventh time this week, why Yoongi thought of you. The two of you haven’t seen each other in person and you’ve not had the energy or nerves to text him asking why he thought of you while he listened to that song, but you have a mental post-it note to do so when your head is a little less foggy. 

Spotify selects the next song for you and the familiar strum of guitar starts. It’s a song you’ve listened to many times but suddenly the lyrics are for you. Written for you and your week. You try your best to stop the tears, wishing them back into your body, but they don’t listen and instead they fall slowly down your cheeks as you bend your head and bring the backpack closer to your face so you can cry quietly into the waxed canvas. 

Ten minutes later, a little embarrassment from standing up with red eyes and wet cheeks as you walked down the aisle of the bus to the door, a little forced pride still lingering as you pretend that you hadn’t just been crying on the bus, you walk up the stairs to your apartment. Your key sticks, as it always does, and you take a breath because you’ve already cried once in a public space and you’re definitely not going to be caught by the Ajumma who lives two doors down, because she will definitely ask you a million questions and you want to be left alone. 

That’s what you want, right? A soft voice asks somewhere deep in the recesses of your brain. Trying to grab your attention amidst the sadness. 

Finally the lock works and you open the door to seven pairs of shoes that are chaotically paired in your entrance. Your heart skips a little as you hesitantly take out your earbuds and the sounds filling your apartment hit you like a wave. 

There is music playing (jazz? Laufey maybe? It sounds like Laufey…), Taehyung’s deep voice singing along, the stove fan, what sounds like a metal utensil hitting a metal bowl in fast succession, and Hoseok’s loud wonderful laugh floating above it all. 

Toeing off your shoes and quietly setting down your backpack you walk gingerly down the short hall and around the wall into your kitchen. They must not have heard you struggle with the lock because they’re all busy and in their own worlds. Seokjin is throwing a small strand of spaghetti at the wall and watching it stick, Jungkook is mixing something that looks an awful lot like whipped cream with a whisk and not with your hand-mixer, Yoongi stands over the stove with chopsticks in hand staring down at the contents in your cast iron pan (a sauce of some kind), Namjoon and Taehyung are dancing together in your living room (some horrible version of the waltz), while Hoseok and Jimin are huddled over what looks like a small cake. 

Jungkook is the first one to notice you as he releases the whisk and massages his arm, face curled up in a wince. That is until he notices you and his fingers still. 

“You’re here!” he says with a smile before he looks around at the rest of the guys.

“I live here.”

Slowly, one-by-one the men glance up from their tasks and give you bright smiles. 

“Taehyung-ah!” Yoongi calls, “turn down the music. They’re here!” 

The music quiets and you give Namjoon and Taehyung a small wave, slowly turning to the rest of the kitchen. 

“What’s going on?” you ask. 

A smile threatens the corners of Yoongi’s lips as Jimin answers, “we’re here to make your week better.” There’s concern written on Jimin’s brow and your heart threatens to weep at that. 

“That’s…that’s not your-”  you start because it isn’t their job and they need to be reminded of this in case they’re doing this out of some sort of weird obligation to you and your sad brain.

“No, but we wanted to,” Namjoon says softly as he leans against the doorframe, arms crossing in front of him and you start to feel a warmth slowly start to slip through your chest. The clouds in your head parting just a little. “We’re happy to.” 

“Oh.”

“Now, go and change while we finish up,” Seokjin says commandingly, pulling a smile across your face as you nod. 

“Yes, sir.”

You turn to start your walk to your bathroom before you pause and look at Jungkook. 

“There’s a hand mixer in the bottom drawer beside the sink,” you say with a pointed finger. 

Hoseok’s laugh erupts filling the room and your smile spreads to a grin as you see Jungkook’s eyes go wide as he explodes “HYUNG! You said you didn’t see one!” 

Yoongi shrugs and gives you a wink, a soft smirk tugging up into his cheeks, before he turns back to the sauce in front of him.

Forty-five minutes later you’re curled up on your couch, full of pasta and cake. The warmth of Yoongi’s sweater under your cheek, Jungkook resting his head against your knee as he sits on the floor with Jimin, Taehyung, and Hobi. Namjoon has his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders with his hand resting on the top of your head like a comforting weight. Seokjin sits in a chair beside the couch watching the rather horrible and wonderful drama that everyone is watching. 

You’re not alone. Your friends love you. 

The negative voices lied. 

“Hey,” you whisper and you can feel Yoongi shift a little to look at you. 

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for the song.” 

You can’t see it but you know that he’s smiling that soft and kind smile he gets when he’s done something right. 

“Of course. I’ll send you more.” 

The negative voices lied. 

This is better than being alone.  

You’re not alone and your friends love you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon

My dearest y/n,

I know you don’t want to hear it (or read it) but I just feel like I need to let you know you were the love of my life, the light of my soul and the missing piece to my puzzle. You were everything to me and I fucked that up. 

I threw away the one thing I’ve been looking to find, destroyed the one good thing I ever had in my life to chase a glimmer that I thought was gold. But it wasn’t and losing you was a true wake up call. I was greedy and selfish, blinded by my own ego and insecurity to properly come to terms with my own indiscretion. I hurt you the way I promised myself to never do. I broke my wedding vow to you. Nothing I say or do can ever mend this.

To be honest, losing you is a fear that has always been there at the edge of my mind since the day I met you. You were so perfect, so beautiful, so charming I was melted butter in your hands. I fell in love with you faster than I can say “That’s crazy!” but I did, baby. I did. I saw our future together, the life I wanted to have with you, growing old with you. I could see the kids we would have, running around the house, little pitter patter of feet that I would miss when I have to go on my work trips. 

How stupid I was to have done what I did. I was weak and pathetic and gave in to lust and my alcohol-clouded mind. But she didn't mean anything, just a one time thing. Those two weeks put me through hell, wondering how to even come clean. I felt so guilty. What was even worse was the fact that my insecurity caused me to question if you in turn. I couldn’t deal with the blunder I made and had somehow wishfully thought that maybe you had done the same, that way the blame could be shifted. All those times I left you home alone for weeks on end, all those times I couldn’t be there for you.

It was unfair of me to go after your longtime friendship with Min Yoongi. I should’ve known better. I don’t know. I don’t know what was going through my head then. I wish I could take it all back! I wish I could go back in time and make everything okay again. But this is another wishful thinking. 

I miss you so much. The emptiness I feel grows too large for anything else to fill my heart. Any other new partners were just bed warmers; they’re not you. No one can ever be you. No one can ever take your place. And I think it’s fine like this. I’m better off alone. 

I saw a picture of our daughter on Yoongi’s Instagram. She’s gorgeous, just like her mother. I spent the whole night crying on the bathroom floor when I saw that photo. God, what have I done? My family. I broke us up before it even began. You must wonder why I don’t reach out, why I don’t want to see her, why I refuse custody. I’m ashamed, y/n. I’m ashamed of the things I did and I don’t want our daughter to have such a scum of a father. Don’t worry about child support, that will always come. It’s my new vow to you. I’ve set up a trust fund for her that should take care of her long after I’m gone. 

   Yoongi is a good uncle, I can tell. She seems to adore him. He’s a great father figure and it’s all she would ever need. I’m sorry for everything; the pain, the heartache, the betrayal. I can’t say it enough. But I can see that you’re happy now, happier without me. And it’s my only source of happiness, too. You deserve more, baby. You deserve everything I couldn’t give to you and everything that I took away from you.

I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you forgive me. I love you, y/n. I still do even after all these years. I don’t think I will ever stop and it’s the one thing I’ll take to my grave. 

Always and forever yours,

Namjoon.

Note: He never sent this letter, buried somewhere in the drawer of his home office. He had wanted to, even had it stamped. But he thought he had done enough damage. The letter is merely what he wishes he could have said to you.

Jin

To y/n,

I’m a piece of shit, I know. I’ve been told. Many times. But I’m a hot piece of shit. Okay, not funny. 

I’m writing this letter because I think you blocked me? And seems like you’ve moved, too. The new address your building manager gave me looks like a really nice house. Did you get married? If yes, congratulations. You’re a great girl, I’m sure you found someone just as amazing.

Look, I’m writing this to just apologise for what I did. It was a shitty thing to do, careless and selfish. In my defence, it started out all in good fun. You didn’t know who I was and I liked that. Compared to the usual screaming and frenzy when people see me, having someone who had no clue who I was, was refreshing. And you were cute and I had initially just wanted to tease you. I honestly didn’t know that it would turn out this way.

I lost a good friend because of this. And I don’t have many friends to begin with, being in this industry. Everybody seems to want to hang out with me because they want something. Money, usually. It’s a lonely life so don’t get famous, okay? Haha. 

I don’t know why I’m writing you this letter or why I’m desperate for you to have it. I’m not a bad person. At least, I don’t think so. The girls that came and went were only there because they wanted a glimpse of the glamorous life. But once they learn that it’s not so glamorous, they leave. I’m not one to brood over people like that but there’s been too many too much. It’s getting exhausting. It is exhausting. 

Then I remembered you. You who wanted nothing but an actual connection but I guess I haven’t had much of that so I didn’t recognise it at first. So I played that game, mostly for anonymity because I had liked that you liked talking to me as a person, a human being. But that was the extent of it. Anything else more was just an attempt at trying to exert whatever dominance I could to save my bruised ego, and for that I’m truly sorry. 

I don’t want to write too long but I hope you know this is sincere. Are you still not watching TV? Did you see my latest movie? You should. I look good in it. 

I hope you read this letter. If not, it’s okay, too. Whatever your choice is, I’m thankful for that brief moment when you saw right through me. I had needed that.

Sincerely,

Jin.

P/S: Btw, Jungkook had no part in this. I hope you weren’t too hard on him. He’s a good kid. I miss him.

Note: Jin had written a separate letter for Jungkook, sent via a postcard from Italy. The picture was a flag of Italy with the caption Grab Life by the Meatballs, in large capital letters. It was sent to Jungkook’s family home address.

Jungkook-ah,

I’m sorry I was an asshole. Where did you move to? I’ve been trying to find you but it seems that you just disappeared. Please, call me. Your hyung misses you and would prefer a hard knock on the head rather than this silent treatment. I fucked up, I know. But I want to make it right. You were like a brother to me and I’m sorry I let you down and hurt you. 

Call me, please. When you’re ready to talk. 

Hyung.

Yoongi

Dear y/n,

How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in awhile, but then again, I guess that’s kind of the point. 

Y’know, it’s funny. I thought I saw you the other day at the train station. But when I tried to find you, you weren’t there. I probably made you up, seeing things that I’ve been dying to see. Yeah. I really miss you. And I know I shouldn’t be saying this. You deserved better. 

You were right. I couldn’t see what I had until it was already too late. I was too busy focusing on helping others put the pieces of their lives back together that I disregarded the life we had that was falling apart. I did this to us. I ruined us. I was too blind and selfish, too righteous in my own way to even see the damage I was doing to you, to us. I should’ve been there for you, should’ve done more. 

I took your patience for granted, gambling away chances after chances, thinking that I was doing the right thing. But, please believe me when I say that I didn’t mean to hurt you. Breaking your heart was my biggest regret. I threw away a love that was given to me so freely and so unconditionally. I see that now but I know it’s too late. 

I hope you are happy wherever you are. I hope the next man gives you everything I couldn’t and didn’t. I hope he takes you dancing every weekend because I know you love to dance. I hope he knows that your favourite bouquet is anything with baby’s breaths in them and I hope he gets a ton of them for you. I hope he knows how much you love your kids at the kindergarten and I hope he loves the way your eyes crinkle whenever you talk about them. I hope he holds your hand and never lets go. Like I did.

I know I don’t deserve it but I hope that one day you’ll forgive me for being a weak man. You probably don’t want to hear this but I just want you to know that I still love you. I did then and I will always. You were the one that got away.

Yours truly,

Yoongi.

Hoseok

Hey!

So, um, I’m here in New York. Just arrived. But, uh, you didn’t tell me which hotel you’re staying at lol text me back soon! I got the stuff you told me to bring. Can’t wait to see you.

Hoseokxx

He deleted the last sentence before pressing send.

Jimin

Jimin had nothing to say. He had deleted all of your contact details after the night of the threesome. His business runs as usual, including the underground, private parties in collaboration with Taehyung. He had no regrets.

Taehyung

To my future bride-to-be,

You can run but you can’t hide forever. Not from me, baby. Even if it takes months or years, I’ll find you. And when I do, you’ll regret running away from me. I told you, marry me or you’ll never find peace and a life in hiding is nowhere near peaceful. 

Come back, while I still have the grace to forgive you.

Signed,

Your only saviour.

Jungkook

Hello, my love, 

It still feels a little weird to be able to call you that. But like a good kind of weird. I’m just grinning to myself while I’m writing this. OMG, I’m so pathetic it’s cringey!

Ok, so I told you I suck at writing letters but since you wanted one, here you go! But…I don’t know what to say so I’ll just say whatever I feel like saying, I guess. I love you. HA! You probably know this already but god, I love you. So fucking much. Since that first time I saw you. 

I know the way we met was bad and I wish I could erase all that part but I don’t wanna. If I erase all of that, we wouldn’t have met and I would never get the chance to get to know you and we wouldn’t be here today. But I want to let you know that not a day went by without you in my mind, not a day passed that I wish I wasn’t such a coward and had just come clean or talked to you. 

I know we talked about this and I know we’ve moved past this but it’s important for me that you know that you’ve always been there, in the back of my mind, in everything that I do. And I hope you’ll remain here forever and always. I want you with every step of the way moving forward. I love waking up to you, I love going to sleep with you by my side. I love that Bam loves you! And I love the way you call him your boy, too, sometimes. I think that’s cute. He’s our boy. It sounds like we’re a family with a son, hehe

Okay, my handwriting is just getting worse now so maybe I’ll stop? I can say everything else to you face to face. My hand is cramping up. 

Thank you for coming back into my life, y/n. Thank you for finding it in your heart to give me a second chance. I promise I won’t waste it. I’ll do everything that I can to make it up to you going forward. I want nothing but good memories between us. I know it’s ridiculous and that yes, we’ll have fights and bad times ahead but I know we can get through it all. Together. But can you please leave the laundry to me? I, um, have a specific method to it. Thanks ❤️

Anyway, I’m expecting a reward for this letter. Later tonight? :3

Love you!

JK

Note: he had kept Jin’s ridiculous postcard in a drawer, for safekeeping. He’s not sure to reply or not yet. But he’s glad to have it, a reminder that maybe, there’s a chance to mend that bridge.

a/n2: well, lmk what you think in the comments or ask as usual :) if you like, pls like and reblog ❤️

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