#or weeks

in addition to really complex grief, liam's passing has also stirred up anxieties i have about life and death, about our limited time on earth and the pressure to do something with that time. i think we owe it to ourselves to feel grief thoroughly (rather than push it down or minimize it), but i think the next thing we can do -- when we're ready -- is live the life we would've wanted for those we've lost and not give into hopelessness or melancholy. i struggle with the concept of people just not being here anymore. it feels like an error in the matrix. or a flaw in human design. that someone can be here and their presence and their spirit can be so clear and indisputable and then in the next instance, and very quickly, just not be anymore. except it isn't true that their presence or their spirit simply vanishes. i do think it lives on in other ppl. and i do think that's why we have to go on living fully and fiercely in spite of loss. bc the act of living keeps them alive in some way too.

Ocean randomly: *aggressively blinks*