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Orc Sworn by Finley Fenn

This is a misleading line. It implies I was only idiot once, and that the only time was in the past. Maybe even the distant past. The truth is far from it. As a matter of fact, part of this post's argument is that I'm being an idiot right now. Even if I somehow am not, I was an idiot many more times than the once I'm about to relay, and will likely be in the future. But hopefully, I can learn from past mistakes. So allow me to relate this one time I was an idiot, as well as perhaps explaining its relevance.

In a server I was in at the time, someone posted a picture of a rainbow as seen from above. If you didn't see it I recommend you look up picture, as it's amazing. It's apparently an entire circle, which is really cool. Someone commented that it was like a force field protecting LGBTQ+ people. And that was when yours truly has opened his big mouth and said that they shouldn't have added that, rainbows are from everyone. So yup, my moment of stupidity was me being homophobic. Fun stuff.

From there on, things went downhill. I was asked why I said that, and tried to avoid getting into the conversation, until I was pressured to reveal what was my worldview at the time. It was rather homophobic, largely based on religious reasons. A Reform Jew who was also present hastened to note that Judaism isn't inherently homophobic. I was quick in contradicting them by pointing out the verse of the Tanach against sexual intercourse between two men. I was then told that this was a mistranslation - which has since become a berserk button of mine because please stop saying "mistranslation" in front of a person who actually read the original text, damn you. I was also told most Jews are atheists, which also became a berserk button for me to a degree because yeah. Hi. Orthodox Jew here. Can we actually engage with that point?

I was justly kicked out of the server for voicing homophobic opinions. I don't know what happened to the other participants in the conversation, but I rather think they were glad I was gone. A moderator on the server recommended I read Wrestling with God and Men by Rabbi Steven Greenberg - an Orthodox gay rabbi. So far I admittedly didn't quite see Rabbi Greenberg's argument so far, but I didn't finish the book yet. I should probably get back to it soon, this incident was a while back - nearly four years ago, by now. I also have since learned some things about homophobia, including that what I said, as well as pretty much every argument against homosexuality, is something every gay, trans, queer, ace or aro person has heard way too many times in the past. Which isn't the reason I shouldn't say such things - the actual reason is "don't be hateful" - but did knock me down a peg, as I said nothing they didn't hear a million times before.

The other side of the story is that it really hurt me as well at the time. Being me, I very much attempted to be rational. I enforced nigh complete radio silence on my side after the mods of the server were summoned, and I accepted their eventual judgement as just. I have certainly made undue comments, broke server rules, and thus deserved to be kicked out. That doesn't mean it didn't take a toll. Right after I was kicked out, I also turned to another server I was in at the time - which was also largely made of LGBTQ+ people, though I knew them for slightly longer than the people from the other server - and told them I should probably quit this server too, since I displayed homophobia in a different server. My reasoning was that if this is how they reacted there, this other server will likely also be better off without someone who is unsafe for them to be themselves around. In the end I didn't leave this server, not then. Ieft a couple of months ago for other reasons, but I'm still in contact (to a limited degree) with people from there. I don't remember how full were the details I gave them on the incident, and I am very much a biased party, but the conclusion was that I didn't break the rules of this other server. As long as I learned my lesson and didn't repeat this behaviour there they won't kick me out.

I'm bringing this up because I feel that the six lane jaywalking discourse had led me to a similar emotional state. Thus, I can only conclude that I made a stupid mistake in reacting to it. Again. This time it's not homophobia or any direct form of bigotry that I can think of, but I clearly didn't handle being sent what probably amounts to a hate ask well, and it may have led to unnecessary escalation.

So what I'm going to do next is try my best to not touch this topic for now, possibly until I calm down from this mess - which may take a while. I might find myself needing to reply to something, in which case I'll try to postpone it until I'm calmer. Thank you for reading, and have a good day/afternoon/evening/night.