#opressor

Proverbs 28.16a

Poverty is a great temptation to people in authority, more than avarice itself.

Kinda funny when you die from your own poison, right?

I’m gonna tell you what.

For years on end I kept going crazy and running around in a circle. Wanting to kms and whatnot. Thought I was the worst and tried so hard to fit in your conception of who I was. Tried to be the best, and only people that knew me back then can tell you how much I’ve swallowed EVERYTHING for you.

How many things I do on a baily dasis that I wouldn’t do for anyone. How much of me I’ve given up to be who you want me to be.

Kinda understood you were playing mind tricks on me BIG TIME about 2 years in. No matter when, no matter what - it somehow turned out that I had given you access to my life, my personality , friends , family and I knew nothing about yours.

First step was telling me I was broken , which is easy given the fact that I’ve been destroyed before and usually keep my head down. You couldve done it the other way.. like he did. He told me I was beautiful. He told me that I was unique. He helped me find a job. He helped me feel better by introducing me to new hobbies and embracing my innate talents.

But you decided otherwise, so.

“let me help fix you” you said, after I begged to stay in your company since I was so fucking desperate for human contact and for someone that has same interests.  “You will need to let me inside, let me break you apart so that I can move everything into its right place” .

This is essentially when I signed my life sentence .

Fast-forward to today. I am miserable. You are happy and prospering. I choose to stay with you because I can’t betray you really knowing that you depend on me in one way or another. Thats how fucked up I’ve become.

I miss going out.  I miss chasing my dreams. I miss having my own life.