Some of the nation’s largest fossil-fuel companies, financial institutions, and utility companies are dumping shitloads of money into police departments through non-profit entities known as “police foundations.”

The U.S. Commerce Department has added 11 Chinese companies to an economic blacklist for their roles in China’s ongoing human rights abuses, specifically those against their Uighur population. 

In other China-related news, people in the United States are receiving weird packets of seeds in the mail that appear to be coming from China. 

Scientists at UC-Davis have altered the genome of a bull calf in order to ensure that the bull’s future offspring will develop as males. This shit is going to result in minotaurs, book it.

Finally, Russia appears to have tested an anti-satellite weapon in space last week. LEAVE MY SIRIUSXM ALONE, YOU RUSSKI BASTARDS!

Not so fast: U.S. restaurant workers seek ban on surprise scheduling. This seems like a reasonable worker protection, can’t wait to see how people get upset about it.

U.S. states move to allow children to use sunscreen at school without a doctor’s note. That’s a thing? Good lord, let them goop themselves up.

Disney has announced it will launch a hotel where guests become citizens of the galaxy in a Star Wars adventure, a fully immersive experience. Lusting after your sister however remains frowned upon.

Alaska Cops Defend Their 'Right' to Sexual Contact With Sex Workers Before Arresting Them. First, this is an amazing headline and second, this bill should be called the McNulty Act

As Paperwork Goes Missing, Billions in Private Student Loan Debts May Be Wiped Away. This story’s an amazing portrayal of incompetence, and another feather in the cap of for-profit colleges being the worst.

Israeli Christian kills teen daughter over relationship with Muslim. The boyfriend’s in jail but the article doesn’t say so I’ll just assume he was jailed for jaywalking and being Muslim.

His parents said he just needed to sleep. A SWAT team came instead. So this wasn’t a light-hearted mix up story like I had hoped. Fuck.

I forgot to buy our president a card for today so in lieu of a physical gift I’ll be sure to stop on my way home from work today and light a candle for Sweden recovering from its Friday tragedy.