#oops all angst

Abstraction can be recovered from

BUT

the damage to the mind data is permanent and the person who abstracted originally is gone forever.

So one day the circus folk go in to the tent and find that instead of the abstraction that was there last night, there's this new rabbit girl who has no idea who they are, who she is, and where they are.

Not-Jax now has to navigate this entirely new life with no knowledge of how her predecessor acted or who these people were to her. The values in the data are still there, influencing her behavior and attitude, but the actual memories that informed those values are missing.

Ragatha acts motherly towards her, and Not-Jax recoils, expecting abuse or degradation but not knowing why.

Not-Jax makes some rude joke towards Gangle, not actually intending to be mean about anything, but is suddenly confronted with Gangle's scared eyes and Zooble getting in her face, telling her to back off.

I swear, I want to do more shading, but I think my phone’s going to blow itself up if I do. It’s at 350 layers plus folders, and it currently takes over a minute to open… I’ll probably finish the shading later, but there’s a few other pieces I want to work on in the meantime.

Oh so you want to hurt, huh? Let’s do it

TW: Angst, Sadness, Abuse. This is going to be angsty, the actual cause of my 6 month break from writing was escaping a super abusive, narcissistic boss.

Acceptance

He’s too clever to be truly fooled by Lorroakan, but oftentimes we fool ourselves on someone else’s behalf so that we don’t have to accept a harder truth.

On some level Rolan knew immediately that he’d been deceived by the man he had idolized. But he didn’t want to admit it — not to anyone and certainly not to himself. It starts with excuses for the bad behavior — “he misspoke, he didn’t mean that, he’s just under stress,” and then comes the truly dangerous part — blaming himself. Lorroakan’s words become his own inner monologue, “Master wouldn’t have been angry if I’d been correct, he wouldn’t do this if I were smarter, if I were more prepared.”

And so Rolan works harder, pushes harder — just like his master wants. Lorroakan is a master manipulator, a narcissist of the highest order and he knows exactly what he’s doing. What he lacks in magical skill, he has always made up in the ability to control, to bend others to his will. When Rolan pushes harder for approval, Lorroakan knows he has him and that’s when the barest scraps of praise are gifted to the tiefling like a rope tossed to a victim in floodwaters. Rolan grasps, fights, pushes past the pain, he sacrifices just for those shreds of kindness.

Somewhere in his mind, Rolan knows this is wrong but there is nothing he can do about it anymore. Lorroakan owns him and his future — the fate of his family rests in the palm of a madman. His master may be stupid and cruel, but he knows you don’t need a collar for a pet if you break them first.

Rolan stops struggling, he stops dreaming, he stops hoping, he stops feeling — he just stops. He prays the numbness will extend to his body. It doesn’t and the violence only worsens.

Every day he plays a game that was designed for him to lose and it’s killing him faster than the beatings. He doesn’t even recognize himself in the looking glass anymore — he’s just an empty shell with dead eyes, covered in cuts and bruises.

He forgets what he’s living for until the moment you burst back into his life, bringing color and warmth back into his life for the first time in ages.

Happy new year - here is some ANGST!!!!! Its the resignation scene and neither of them are ready for this. :)

Snip below the cut <3