#onoki

Sasori: Grandmother, are you sure you’ve added enough seasoning to your stew? 

Chiyo, annoyed: Yes, boy. Perhaps you’d be able to discern that yourself if you hadn’t gone ahead with this puppet-body abomination.

Sasori: *sighs* It’s been over ten years, now. Can’t you ever let that go? And besides, you should be proud. If it wasn’t for your teachings and training, I never could have pulled off such a work of perfection. I —

Chiyo, hip-bumping Sasori away from the stove: Don’t you dare go blaming me for your lunacy. You know I never intended for this to happen. And speaking of things I didn’t see happening — you invited that boy over here again, haven’t you? That’s why you’re so concerned with my cooking, right?

Sasori: … Yes. And you needn’t keep referring to him as “that boy”; he has a name.

Chiyo: Mm. Deidara. Deidara who likes spicy food. Deidara with the clay birds and the quick wit and the “beautiful golden hair, the immaculate thread of destiny that ties your souls together”.

Sasori: Haven’t I asked you to stop reading my diary??

Chiyo: Stop leaving it open when I’m cleaning that pigsty of a room of yours, and I might. Look, my stew is flavorful enough for your little friend. Get out of my hair, go and set the table.

Sasori: *goes into the dining room and starts setting places for Deidara and Chiyo*

Sasori: He’s not just my “little friend”, grandmother. He’s, well, he’s become more. Quite a bit more. 

Chiyo: *coming in and setting a basket of rolls on the table* So I’ve gathered. Well, I suppose it’s much too late for me to do anything about it now.

Sasori: What do you mean, “do” anything about it? Why are you so against us?

Chiyo: Boy —

Sasori: Is it because he’s a man? Because you’ve known since I was a little kid that I’ve always preferred the company of others like myself, and you always made it seem as though it was acceptable to you.

Chiyo: That’s not —

Sasori: Or is it our age difference? Because, although he may seem very youthful, he’s very mature and intelligent for his age. Maybe even more so than myself, in some respects. And when he’s here, I’ve never heard him be more than the most polite and well-mannered to you. So I don’t —

Chiyo: It’s none of that, Sasori! For gods sake, he’s from Iwa! He was the student of that horrible, odious, lousy, arrogant son of a bitch Onoki!

Sasori:

Sasori: … Grandmother. Weren’t you and the Tsuchikage, well … rather close, in your younger days? Wasn’t he your … your romantic partner?

Chiyo, blushing furiously: You know, you’re worse with the irritating questions now than you were as a child, and that’s truly saying something. Get out of here, leave me be.

*Sasori sighs and leaves the room just as there’s a knock at the front door*

Sasori: Ah, you’re here! *takes Deidara’s arm and pulls him inside* How was the trip over?

Deidara: It was alright, hm. I remembered my hat with the veil this time, so I got a lot less dust in the eyes. Such a long walk made me really work up an appetite, though … *sniffs the air* Something sure smells good!

Sasori: Well, I’d like you to spend the night here, so you won’t have to make the trip back until morning. And my grandmother made her special stew for you.

Deidara: … Are you positive she’s okay with me spending the night? The last time I did, I swear she glared at me all the next morning.

Sasori: Don’t worry about that, love. *puts his arms around Dei* She’s just having trouble adjusting. It’s been only the two of us for so long, so I think it’s hard for her to see me with somebody. *stops and chuckles* Also, you have to account for her advanced age. Being in one’s late eighties must make it rather difficult to remember what love feels like.

Deidara: *sighs and puts his head on Sasori’s shoulder* I suppose you’re right, hm. I just wish —

*Chiyo enters the room and Deidara pulls out of Sasori’s arms, bowing his head to her*

Deidara: Lady Chiyo, it’s a pleasure to see you again, ma’am.

Chiyo: Mm. Dinner is ready, if you’d like to wash up.

Deidara: Yes, ma’am. Oh, before I forget … *reaches into his pocket and takes out a small notebook* My Master Onoki asked me to give you this when I saw you next. 

*Chiyo takes the notebook, and her face changes when she sees the first page*

Chiyo, voice uncharacteristically soft: I remember this. We used to sit on the cliffs and he’d think up these poems for me, then write them down in here. I haven’t seen this in better than fifty years! *starts walking to her bedroom, face buried in the book*

Sasori: Er, granny? Dinner?

Chiyo: *waves a hand absently at him* Yes, yes, go ahead. I’m busy, boy. *goes into her bedroom and shuts the door; in a while they actually hear her giggling*

Deidara: *sits at the table and starts helping himself to food* Ha! “Too old to remember love”, eh? Goes to show how much you know!

Sasori: … I can’t believe it. One second she calls him these awful names, and the next she’s swooning over some poetry like a schoolgirl? *shakes his head* How confusing.

Deidara: Like grandmother, like grandson, I guess.

Sasori: What do you mean by that??

Deidara: Sasori. You must have tried to poison me at least ten times before you asked me on a date, hm. 

Sasori: *chuckles and kisses Deidara’s cheek* More like two hundred and ten times, but who’s counting? Anyway that’s how I knew you were the one for me; your toxin immunity was such a turn-on.

Put them in little clothes~ and listen to boomer advice

I find myself wishing that Onoki and Iwagakure as a whole were introduced naturally in the Sasuke vs Deidara arc. Like imagine Sasuke knowing the rumors of Iwagakure’s dealings with the Akatsuki and going there to find whatever Akatsuki member he can lay his hands on to learn Itachi’s location.

We’re introduced to Onoki and his relationship with Deidara and how he remains fond of him and Dei still does missions for him as an Akatsuki even after the terrorist bombings. A direct link is made between the system and Deidara’s ideology without trying to make excuses for him either. Sasuke eventually confronts Deidara and he blows himself up with C0. The battle is probably away from the village but the shockwave is close enough to cause a lot of damage and deaths.