#oneweeklater

Written by @LostZariah.

[I had left ZeroSum with more questions than anything, meeting Ella, the girl who looked like an older version of me. I knew that I had no older siblings, while my Mahmen wasn’t the one who gave birth to my brother or myself, dad did bond with her. So in all other aspects she was my Mahmen, she raised me, helped me through my transition. And would soon be helping my brother through his once it was time. To say I felt a little lost was putting it lightly, there was no one I could really ask about this. If I brought it up to my father he would then know I had been sneaking out and doing the things that he had forbidden me from doing. 

That night was a few weeks ago, I still had her number in my phone but I had yet to put it to use. Not sure I was ready to hear the things that she would say. Or the questions she would ask. I know she had to be wondering as well as to what was going on. Why we looked so similar. Scribe I was not ready to deal with those questions and the answers that would follow suit. Tonight after my parents left I chose to stay home. Taking the chance to lose myself in my thoughts as I tried to figure things out. It was becoming rather annoying how not since the year after my transition I had not gone out with them. At first I did not mind, not always wanting to be out and dealing with it. The rules that were required to be followed, as well as the way I was expected to have dressed…… it really was not for me. I was aware though that it was becoming that time when I should be getting married off. That both excited and frightened me. I did not want an arranged marriage, but it was looking more and more like that was eventually going to be the only way I got a male. Or I stay single. Ugh both options were not up my alley. I did not like the options, I would rather have someone who wanted me because of that elusive bond so many of the race did not get to experience. It was a pipe dream, I know. But I couldn't help it at all. The tale of becoming bonded as well as seeing how father was with Mahmen, it made me want the same as well.

Tonight while I sat here at home I decided to raid my father's better scotch that he kept hidden away for those all too ‘important’ guests that tended to show up every so often. The bottle was easy to get out of his office, so I carried it and a small tumbler out to the pool. There I would be sitting enjoying the night air while drinking. Placing the tumbler on the table I opened the bottle and slowly, carefully poured just enough in the glass. It was strong stuff, the kind you would sip and appreciate. Which was what I would be doing. Leaving the lid off the bottle I grabbed my glass and took a rather slow sip. The burn did not really hit until after I had swallowed, the taste was even better. Even though I may not get drunk, I could appreciate it all the same. The night air was both welcoming and soothing. An odd mixture. Head tilting back, looking up into the sky I was able to occasionally see the stars through clouds that had rolled in. No matter how many times I pulled my thoughts away from it, the questions and the wanting to know more about Ella would burst to the forefront of my mind. 

UGH! A frustrated sigh left me as I was all too aware that my questions would not dissipate any time soon. Already knowing what it was I was going to have to do to find out answers. Pouring myself another drink, downing it rather quickly before my phone was pulled out and Ella’s contact information was glaring at me on the screen. She seemed like she was going to be the only person who probably would give me straight answers. ]

You should not have even waited this long, Zariah.

[Lecturing myself for the first time in years. Not even when I went out on the nights my parents were not home never happened. Grumbling I almost just tossed my phone into the pool, I was full of mixed feelings. However I knew that no matter what I was not going to be able to rest until I figured everything out. Pressing the button to make the call I put it on speaker just so I could get myself another drink. Choking on the liquid with Ella picked it up on the second or third ring.]