This quarantine is getting to my head. I’m acting as bipolar as ever and my motivation at an all time low. I have three unfinished final tests/papers due and mostly not started. Every attempt at work causes me to lose focus and daydream. The amount of work piled up from the semester that I can not grasp. I know I can do it, I know I can finish it. But can I? I’m an honors student who always tried her best at her work, but literally no exercise and staying inside constantly has caused so much mental strain. Even waking up at 5 in the morning for my 2 1/2 hour commute for my 9:30 class allowed me to have an easier time focusing then I do now. I would sleep so little in comparison to normal those nights, yet I was able to do so much in those days. I traveled all that way to a school where I have no friends and the only people I know I lived with previously and left because of the toxic conditions. At least those toxic conditions allowed me to hear other people and be around other people, even if they would not speak a single word to me. At nights I now sleep for 11 hours and still feel restless. No matter how much or how little I sleep I feel restless. Everything doesn’t feel real. Probably because everything I feel is through a screen. I crave human contact, human connection. Leaving my house because I am bored, not because I am out of food. Going to the mall because I can, going to Target because I can, going out to eat sushi BECAUSE I CAN. I miss that. The simple things.
