#old journal

This is an old journal entry!

Mostly want to write about Qui-Gon (Star Wars) since he is a perfect example of what it is to be in a constant surrendered state.

When their submarine went somewhere unfamiliar & his padawan (apprentice) got worried about being lost, he calmly replied "The Force will lead the way"

When his spaceship broke down on an unfamiliar planet & he didn't have the local currency to buy the spare parts (& his powers to convince the merchant didn't work), he didnt:

Argue with the merchant & start a fight

Get angry & spiral into self-deprecating thoughts ("why does this always happen to me? Guess I'm just unlucky")

Give up or accept defeat. He didn't resign himself to being stuck on the planet for good & giving up his mission.

Freak out, panic, & start thinking of all the worst case scenarios of what this would possibly mean for his future

Notice how these responses are pretty common for reactive egos... And yet they don't add any value or help to the situation & only enlarge the seeming problem & give it further reality while creating avoidable stress & fear.

Instead, he:

Calmly accepted the situation as it was without concluding a meaning of defeat

Said "I'm sure a solution will present itself soon" & had full trust despite circumstances giving seeming evidence that things were difficult. He didn't see it as problem & so it wasn't one! He just rolled with it & let it be without resistance.

This is the behaviour & attitude of a total master! He was totally unshaken & undisturbed by the situation & didn't let it define him or sway him from his mission.

Surrender isn't truly giving up though giving up can result in surrender. At its core, its a state of being & mentality (a still and calm centre of allowing everything its 'being'), you remain centred no matter what happens externally & then from that centre, you can choose how to act (or not act) from a place of freedom & calm choice rather than being controlled or influenced by circumstances or ego.

I'm going to attempt to tag this with every single relevant thing I can think of, if I've missed anything please tell me.

I'm visiting my grandparents for the holidays and my grandmother has given me a lot of nice vintage and antique things, largely jewelery, usually not older than roughly 1940. I feel fairly confident it won't be damaged. What I'm asking for advice on is the other thing I've been given, which is a ladies' journal, or rather a collection of publications in one book, from 1875. It has no exterior covers and only part of the spine preserved, and contains stories, fashion plates, fold-out pages, &c. I haven't looked inside too much out of worry for the state of the book. If I'm remembering correctly it's American in origin, but I don't know the city of publication right now. For fashion it's getting tagged Victorian because that's what most people know the style as.

I can't check those detail things right now because currently the thing is encased in a very reinforced shell of foam board and packaging tape, I did take care to make sure the sticky side couldn't contact the book, and then wrapped in bubble wrap roughly an inch thick. When driving back I might just keep it in my lap so it can't jolt, but I'm worried the sunlight could damage it so I'm not entirely sure how to store it when at home.

Even though the fact that this seemed to be popular enough at the time makes me suspect I don't own the only copy in existence, I still have a vested interest in digitizing or scanning the journal somehow so that I can look at or share the pages without damaging the book from overuse or having it leave my possession. I absolutely don't want to damage it in this process. Outside of your typical equipment, my best bet is obtaining access to Huntington Library somehow to use some of their things.

So, digitization and how to actually store and handle the thing once it's home are my concerns. I really need some more expert archivists to help me out here. If you find error with my packing, please tell me so as well.

It went on: 'And then I'm going to get on with my life and find myself.' I find it so sad and angering that it would be another 20 years before I could find out that I'm autistic and have any chance of understanding the reasons for my anxiety.

This is my first year of doing a daily log journal and I've learned a few things from doing this.

It was useful to have this, but I rarely remembered to write things in it at the moment unless it was something I had to do. This is not a bad thing, I did at least managed to use it for its intended purpose. When I remembered to take it with me, and that is more of a habit I need to build I think than anything else.

I liked making mini schedules in my journal. Writing out when I woke up and when I started things and the general order in which things would get done I found useful to me. Doing this the night before using my Everyday Journal to inform me what I could, should or want to do the next day is useful.

There is a need to better build a habit in how to use these two journals in conjunction with each other and I probably need to think about that a bit more for next year.

It took a long while for me to use this journal because I wasn't using a page a day since the way I use it now and the way I used it in the beginning was very different.

But I think so far I'll upkeep a daily log journal, but that does beg the question of what to do with the last two months and this is my answer: