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Tony placed a soft hand on my shoulder, "Look, this is just a theory, but it looks like Henry's ability is electric-based, specifically human electricity. The human body is a fantastic conductor, it allows it to spread. In fact, that's what our brains are running on right now! Our brains are firing off electric signals to relay information, and it seems like Henry was able to use this to get into our heads. Loki has his brain well protected from magical attacks, but... it seems even gods aren't immune to electric signals."

I sighed, "maybe you're right but... why hasn't he come to check on me yet? I don't want to be selfish and make him do all the work but-"

"He should know that would upset you and should at least try and comfort you."

I rubbed my face, "Am I being a bitch?"

Tony smiled, "No more than usual."

I slapped his arm as he got up to leave, both of us laughing for a second.

I tried to make the thoughts go away, to rationalize them out, but they kept echoing. His voice. I wish it was Henry's voice so that I could shove it all away, but it wasn't. It was Loki's voice that said them. With Loki's eyes gazing down at me with hatred. Loki's hands shoving me away. Loki's teeth bared at me in a snarl.

I groaned and threw one of my pillows at the wall and blocked the light from my window to try and take a nap. I felt exhausted from not getting restful sleep at night, maybe I'll sleep better in the day taking a nap.

"Oh, so violent today are we?" The voice that had been echoing in my head spoke from my doorway.

I sighed quietly, trying to decide what this conversation was going to be like, "Hello to you too. Where have you been?"

He ran a hand through his hair, "To be quite frank, asleep. Tell me, did the mission go that awry? I haven't slept that long for a very long time."

I sunk back into my bed, so he didn't know, "You could say that..."

"Hm, I'm sorry darling we didn't get him. You look upset. Is there anything I can do?"

The fact that he didn't know anything seemed to make the emotions bubbling inside of me worse, "If you're asking that question, then no, there is nothing you can do. Please leave and let me sleep."

He looked at me puzzled, "What does that mean?"

I sighed, "Nothing, just... please go."

"No no, I'm not going until you tell me what you meant."

"You don't have to keep acting like you care okay?! Your life debt is paid, now go away!" I felt bad for throwing something in his face that he didn't remember, but I was tired and sad, and just wanted to be alone.

"What? Where the hell did you get that idea?"

I looked him dead in the eyes, "You."

He just looked at me in shock.

"Now go." I didn't leave much time for him to obey, I just took some shadows and pushed him out the door and locked it behind him. I flopped on the bed and fell asleep.

Surprisingly, my mind was quiet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki just stared at the door, somewhat dumbfounded. He tried the handle and found that it didn't even wiggle. She looked so upset, and to find out that he might have had something to do with it? He had this overwhelming sense of dread grow within him.

It took him a long time for him to admit to himself that he cared for her, but then when he did, she was gone. He finally had a second shot to have this friendly connection with her, and now he might have messed it all up. He admitted to himself that if anyone would have broken them up it would have been him, but it hurt. The fact that he couldn't even remember what happened made it worse.

He touched his forehead to her door.

He needed to fix this.

The first step was to figure out what the hell he said. He ventured towards the kitchen, hoping to find answers in someone, anyone. Luckily he found a few of his teammates there.

"Hello sleepyhead," Tony greeted him, "do you want some food?"

"No... I-" Loki sat at the island, "I went to visit Y/n-"

"Did you apologize?"

Loki sputtered a little bit, confused, but knowing something had to be done, "no, I don't know what for!"

A collective sigh went around the room. Natasha grabbed enough glasses for everybody and helped Tony pour drinks.

"So, we know you didn't mean any of it, and Y/n knows at some level that you didn't mean it, but she's really hurting right now." Clint made eye contact with Loki as he took a sip from his glass, "and you might have just inadvertently made it worse by going in and not reassuring her."

Loki groaned, "I don't even know what I did!"

"We know."

Tony had Friday pull up the footage and let him watch it without interruption. As Loki listened to the footage, his face slowly lost its color. He covered his face and started to tremble. As the video ended, they asked if he was okay.

"I- I can't believe those awful things came out of my mouth." He took a shuddered breath, "How could this happen?"

"The simple answer is that the King  wanted to be a copycat of your brother, make himself manipulate some sort of electricity and that I'm working on a solution so you don't need to worry about it." Tony finished his drink in one big gulp.

Natasha grabbed his attention, "What you do need to worry about is Y/n. Everyone knows it is not your fault, but like Clint said, she's hurting right now. She really needs to hear it from you that those things aren't true... if they aren't."

"Of course not!"

"Well, no matter how hard she tries, she is having doubts right now." Natasha's expression held its regular stoicism.

Loki stood abruptly, "I've got to right this."

"Woah there cowboy," Tony placed a firm hand on his shoulder and sat him down again. "Friday, how is Y/n doing?"

"Y/n is currently sleeping."

Tony gave Loki a pointed look, "Now, we all know not to wake a lady, especially when she's upset. So." Tony removed his hand from his shoulder once he was sure Loki wasn't going to run away, "what you're gonna do is: we're gonna leave her a message for when she wakes up that you want to talk to her, when she is ready. Okay?"

Loki nodded.

"Okay, good. Now let's get you back to health with some food, you've been out for a while."

After they sent Loki on his way with his own thoughts, Clint and Natasha turned to Tony.

"That was weirdly healthy and well thought out of you, we're impressed."

Tony poured himself another drink, "What can I say? Pepper is one hell of a teacher."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki sat alone in his room thinking back to his memory of the mission. How did it all go so wrong? How could that bastard cause him to hurt one he cared about so deeply. He seemed to do so easily, which made it worse.

While he was wallowing and planning what he could ever say to make this better, a knock came to his door.

He pulled it open to find his dear little Y/n on the other side of the door. Her hair was a little disheveled and her face looked weary, but her eyes had a spark more life than when she pushed him out of her room.

"Uh, Friday said you wanted to talk..."

Loki stepped to the side, "Oh yes, of course. Come in, come in."

He offered her a seat and he took one of his own a little bit across from her trying to make her comfortable but trying to be direct.

He clasped his hands on his lap and leaned forward slightly, "The first thing I would like to say is I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes, "Loki-"

"No no, I'm not apologizing for Henry's behavior, for the absolutely dreadful things he said to you. No, I'm showing my deep regret that you had to hear them. To have them fall from my lips must have been horrifically hurtful." He shifted a little in his seat, "I just wanted to let you know that not one word spoken was true."

A sigh fell from her lips, and Loki could see that weight fell as well as if those few words help relieve even a tiny bit of her worries.

He continued, "You are the strongest person I have ever met, and to be honest, I'm just here for the ride to see what amazing havoc you're going wreak on his sorry ass."

That caused her to release a small giggle.

"In fact, um," Loki had to take a moment to look down at his hands to prepare himself, "those things he made me say couldn't be further from the truth."

Loki held her attention earnestly, "I know it may not be the best time to say this, that you may not be ready, or want this, but..." Loki took a deep breath and licked his lips nervously, "I can't have you think for another moment that I feel anything but love for you."

He watched as time seemed to slow down. His eyes followed the gentle movements of her face as she seemed to process what he said.

"Now if that love isn't what you want and need right now, or ever, then we can just be friends but I just needed you to know-"

Y/n reached forward and grabbed onto his hands, "Don't you dare hold that back from me." She pulled him forward gently by his hands.

Loki slid from his chair and kneeled in front of her on the ground. His hands became unclasped as he moved them to hold her face gently. Her hands stayed on his as he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears falling down her face.

"Are you sure? If you need to focus on... everything else then-"

Y/n shook her head, "I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on this, on you."

"But I've hurt you."

Her head shook again, "Then don't hurt me again and kiss me. Please."

And he did.

It was soft, tender, and so different than the world has been to them recently. Neither of them wanted it to end, but they knew that it wasn't a goodbye kiss.

It was hello.

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It didn't seem like one at first. I started to feel hungry a bit more, which everyone around me saw as a good sign. I was still a bit underweight from my time behind metaphorical bars. Everything was fine until my whole body just felt off, I felt tired and an ache started to form in my lower back.

I could brush all of it off until when I stood up and it felt like I had been run through my stomach by a jagged piece of shrapnel. I gasped and fell on my knees, hugging my stomach. Natasha, who was nearby, kneeled by my hunched form. I rocked back and forth as it seemed to help the pain.

"Hey, what's going on, are you okay?"

I just trembled and whimpered, "it hurts Tasha. Fuck, ow ow ow owwwwwwwww."

She looked my body over and then paused, "When was the last time you had your period?"

"Long long long time ago."

She sighed sympathetically, "Okay, let's get you to the bathroom."

"Yeah, I kind of feel nauseous."

She propped me up and walked me to the nearest bathroom, and luckily as I moved around I felt a bit better. She sat me on the edge of the tub and next to the toilet in case I felt nauseous again. She dug through the medicine cabinet and found some painkillers, quickly handing me a few with a glass of water.

"I'm assuming you haven't used a tampon for a hot minute so I'll go grab you some pads and a hot pad okay?"

I nodded and as she walked away I placed my head in my hands and prayed that the painkillers would kick in sooner rather than later. Luckily it took only a few minutes to get situated before I was tucked into bed, waiting for sleep to delay some of the pain.

"Why now?"

Natasha stroked my hair soothingly, "Well, you've had malnutrition for years even despite the serum, and then on top of that your body has been under a lot of stress. That alone would be enough to pause your cycle, we don't even know if they were giving you medication to stop it." She paused with a sigh, "This is a sign that you are recovering though, this is good."

"It doesn't feel good" I groaned

"Yeah, not gonna lie, that is one perk of the Black Widow program giving us hysterectomies."

I closed my eyes, "Why didn't Henry give me one?"

"I don't know."

I thought about it some more before an idea occurred to me, "I think I'm going to puke." I scrambled out from my covers before dry heaving a couple of times into the toilet.

"You okay?" Natasha followed me and sat on the edge of the tub next to me as I leaned against it.

I sighed, "Yeah, just thinking how knowing him, after he took over the world Henry would have wanted me to make, quote on quote, 'heirs.'"

"Oh, that is gross."

I hummed in agreement.

"Alright, let's get you taking a nap to wait for those painkillers to kick in."

The next day I was able to get an appointment with a Shield-approved and employed OBGYN (who knew, right?) who looked me over and said that everything was in order and working properly. She also prescribed me some birth control to help regulate my cycle and make my cycles manageable. She said that they could be a real bitch in the upcoming year since I had a seven-year gap.

But for now, I had to suffer through.

It was probably one of the worse cycles I had ever lived through. Loki tried to hover and help out, but Wanda and Natasha made sure to leave me alone. They were my knights in shining amour as they took care of me.

I also got creative in using my powers, discovering I could make an effective blackout curtain with my shadows. Since I can make shadows tangible, if I wanted to use a lot of effort, I could almost pinch and pull my curtain shut with my powers. I could also scoop up an object and bring it to me, but I didn't have enough grace to do it gently yet. A glass of water was out of the question at the moment.

It's amazing what pain and exhaustion can drive you to do.

I guess Henry did teach me something.

It was a blessing when my cycle ended. I was finally able to get back into the training room and try out some more uses of my powers that I had discovered when I had a visitor.

"Are you feeling better my dear?"

I lopsided smile graced my face before I turned towards Loki, "Yeah, I guess it's a good sign for my recovery process, but let me tell ya, I did not mind when my period went MIA."

"Hm, I'm sorry darling," he pressed a kiss to my forehead which was somewhat unlike him.

I tilted my head up with a raised eyebrow, "What's up? Is something wrong?"

He sighed and broke eye contact for a moment, "Nothing is wrong per se, but there is news." He paused for another moment, "we found him."

By the inflection of his voice, I knew exactly who it was. They finally found him, Henry.

"Where? Where is he?"

Loki grabbed my arms to hold me in place almost as if he was worried I would run after him right away, which I did give half a thought. "They're organizing a mission now, it'll be as soon as possible."

I was sure my gaze was intense, "I better be on that mission Loki. Henry is mine."

"And I'm sure you will be, just... be patient."

I nodded before turning to the target I was working on before.

It shredded into pieces too small for the eye to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was less of a fight than I had originally expected to be put on the mission, but I was not complaining.

My foot tapped against the floor of the Quinjet, my mind a million miles away. This was the moment that I had been waiting for. The moment I needed. When he, the bane of my existence, was gone, I could finally heal. I was healing, of course, but it was slow, and part of it was from the looming shadow he cast over me. While he was still alive, it was still possible for me to go back to him.

I couldn't do it again.

"Hey kid, how are you holding up?" Tony was doing some last checks before getting suited up, but he came over to check on me.

"As well as I can be I guess."

He sighed, "Yeah, I get that. What are you going to do with him once we catch him?"

"I'm gonna kill him."

He patted my shoulder, "Fair enough. Good luck, we'll be behind you the whole way."

"Thank you."

Sooner rather than later, we landed near the warehouse site. Near Henry.

The base looked similar to the rest of the Kingdom's bases. White walls, stark, but a little too quiet.

We had to split up into pairs to clear the whole building, each partner taking one side of the hallway to clear rooms.

Loki and I were back to back as we looked through rooms. His presence was calming to me as I knew he would always have my back. He wasn't going anywhere.

Until he did.

I was a door ahead of him, still finding a whole lot of nothing when the sound of mechanics appeared behind me.

I whipped around to see the hallway close off behind me and the same happened in front of me as well. It effectively blocked me off from everything.

Then, a voice I never wanted to hear again came to me. It almost felt like it was whispering in my ear.

"Hello Mistress."

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I've been living on smoothies for the past six months, then before that, I wasn't even sure if what I was eating was food. My stomach was probably not as big as it once was.

Despite this, I dug in anyway. I had forgotten how good food was, even though I've been out of that cell for a few meals now. I just kept eating to the point where I didn't notice everyone else coming into the kitchen.

"Hey Y/n, I wanna introduce you to the rest of the team," Tony placed a hand on my shoulder making me jump.

I quickly swallowed and wiped my mouth clean, "Okay."

He went around the room giving me names one by one.

"This is Vision."

He had red skin and didn't look human with a yellow stone in his head.

"He's an android."

Oh.

"That's Sam." Tony pointed at the man leaning against the counter eating a bowl of oatmeal. He raised his bowl in acknowledgment. He looked nice enough.

"You've met Wanda and Bucky."

I nodded at them. Wanda didn't look at me, but Bucky waved.

"Rhodey is over there." He lifted a hand. He looked older than the others, closer to Tony's age.

Tony looked around the room, "You'll meet Peter later, he's at school."

There was a blur of blue light that came from the hallway that headed towards the fridge before coming back to sit at the counter.

"And that would be Pietro, he's the guy you sparred with. He and Wanda are twins. Any questions?"

"The last time I asked a question under normal circumstances I got kidnapped seven years ago, so I'm good." I looked at Pietro, he looked a little tired, but otherwise alright. "Hey, nice to finally officially meet you, sorry I almost killed you the other day."

He glanced up at me, "Can't say I return the pleasure, and uh, thanks."

"That's fair."

"That was awfully nonchalant of you." Loki took the seat next to me, stealing a piece of toast. I was nearly full, so I didn't mind.

"Hey, I would have said the same thing if I ever got an apology from you."

"I have apologized."

"I don't remember it."

"You've said it yourself, you've forgotten a lot of things over the last seven years."

I tilted my head, "I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if you ever apologized. That would be cemented in my brain."

Loki hesitated, "I'll admit you weren't quite... in your right mind when I did it."

"Oh?"

"You were high."

I thought back, "Which time?"

I heard a snort from somewhere in the room; I had forgotten people were there to listen in.

"You were given a sedative for one of your checkups after the... incident."

"Ah. Still don't remember it."

He sighed, "Fine, I'm sorry."

I smiled, "Thank you."

There was a pause where I took another couple of bites of my breakfast.

"So, anyone wanna tell me the story behind that?" Sam said, looking absolutely baffled.

I side-eyed Loki, "Do you wanna tell them, or should I?"

Do we have to tell the story?

Come on Lokes, it's a funny story!

I don't find it that funny.

Oh, the God of Mischief, otherwise known as chaos, doesn't find a story, where he makes some chaos, funny.

...

"So who's telling the story?"

I glanced up at Bucky before looking back at Loki. He looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I guess I am." I slid the rest of my plate away from me, officially full.

"I'm not staying for this." Loki started to stand before I grabbed his wrist.

"Oh no, you don't. You're gonna sit your ass back down and listen."

"I could just teleport away, you know that."

I looked him dead in the eye, "But you're not going to."

He grumpily rested his head on his fist and didn't reply.

I looked around the room, making sure everybody was there. "Alright, so it goes like this. I'm just coming back from an infiltration mission, full-on Hydra gear, the whole setup. My superior, Agent Brian Fletcher-- how is Fletcher, by the way?"

Tony answered, "He's retired, got a nice cabin in the northwest."

"Good for him."

I continued the story, putting in a few more comedic details than there were. Tony and Loki looked at me suspiciously but didn't say anything.

"And so I'm lying there, can't breathe, and I'm just like, 'You son of a bitch, what the heck?'"

The room erupted in laughter. I looked over at Loki who had a small smile on his face while he looked at his hands on the counter.

I finished the story with grace and excused myself to my room. Social interactions were exhausting now and I still had to get used to "normal life." It was nice; having friends was nice. It's been a while since I've had some.

I lied on the bed--no, on my bed. The lights were dimmed as I tried to recharge a little bit. The bed was soft, I just sunk right into it, but it was almost too soft. Seven years of sleeping on a cot that was only a fraction better than the floor can do that to you. I couldn't get comfortable so I eventually lowered myself to the floor, sitting up against the side. The memory of the cots had stirred something in me.

"Hey, Jarvis?"

A voice that was not Jarvis answered me, "Jarvis has been incorporated into the android Vision on the team and is no longer in service. My name is Friday, is there something that I can help you with?"

I thought on it and mumbled to myself, "I guess his voice did sound familiar." I sighed before asking, "Do you have access to recovered Kingdom files?"

"Yes I do miss, what would you like me to look for?"

"Jasmine Okoro."

Friday paused as the AI searched the files. It then produced a hologram of the file in front of me. Friday began reading it out loud, "Prisoner D2- Jasmine Okoro. In facility from April 2010 to May 2014. Status: Deceased. Occasion of death: Duel. Final Opponent: Asset D1-The Queen. Results-"

Friday kept reading through the report, but I stopped listening. I just kept reading the status and the final opponent over and over.

I killed Jasmine.

Something under my skin started to feel unnatural. More than usual I should say.

"Friday, where's the nearest fortified room? Like a panic room? And the fastest route to get there."

I barely heard its instructions, but I made it there and locked the door behind me. The walls were white concrete and not entirely smooth. I stumbled to the center of the room before collapsing on my knees.

I forced myself to look at my hands as ink sprouted from my fingertips and spread up my arms. These hands killed my only friend while in hell. I pounded my hands against the ground, trying to make myself feel something. Something beyond the unexplainable feeling of my skin.

Eventually, it wasn't enough and I had to release even more. Spears shot from my fingers and shattered against the walls, but I still needed to release more. The anger, the despair, and maybe there was a bit of jealousy there too. She didn't suffer as long as I did. Most of it was the guilt and the grief that seemed to rot my insides.

A cloud of soot exploded from my body with such force that I could hear it hit the walls around me. I collapsed to the ground, trembling and exhausted. This was the first time I had used Noxy's powers. I'm not sure how I felt about it, and I was too tired to care.

Tears streamed down my face onto the ground and I shut my eyes tightly, cradling my hands to my chest. Everything felt empty, my mind, my heart.

I had never been more grateful that there wasn't a thought in my head.

~~~

Loki sat at the counter while everyone else finished their breakfast and dispersed to work on their own tasks.

"That's not really how that story goes is it?"

Loki glanced over to see that Pietro was the last one in the kitchen other than himself. "No, no it isn't."

"What's the truth?"

Loki smirked, "You're asking the truth from the god of lies?"

Pietro's eyes looked weary, but sparked in amusement, "We all know you're about as honest as the rest of us."

A glass of water appeared in Loki's fingertips, "I guess that's true enough, young one." He took a sip. "The truth is, is that I almost killed her that day. She had just gotten her big break to fulfill her dreams and I threw her back to the bottom of the ladder with that severe of an injury."

"And she's able to just laugh it off with you never really apologizing until now?"

"You'll find she's like that." He paused, "Understand, that she will apologize to you as many times as you require of her, but-"

"I get it," Pietro interrupted, "Y/n's got more pressing matters on her plate than a sparring match gone slightly too far."

Loki watched the young man appraisingly, "Quite right, thank you."

The room was quiet for a moment before Loki started to notice some faint noises. His eyebrows wrinkled as he tried to decipher what exactly the sound was and where it was coming from. He looked at Pietro, "Do you hear that?"

"The thumping? Yes, but I figured that was just tired hallucinations, but I guess not."

They both stood and started wandering, trying to identify where it was coming from until there was a louder sound, loud enough for them to feel in their feet. They paused and found that it had gone quiet.

"Friday? Where was that coming from?"

The AI recited what room and they found their way without much hurry, only a bit of curiosity.

They found the room and found it to be locked. Loki turned the knob without too much trouble after a wave of his hand. He cautiously peeked his head through the door to see if it was safe. Once he came to the conclusion that nothing was going to attack him he opened the door wide enough for Pietro to follow. Loki's eyes landed in the center of the room where he saw a huddled form.

It didn't seem to be moving.

Loki rushed to the figure and his breath of relief caught in his throat when he realized that it was Y/n, despite the fact that he saw she was breathing.

"Is she okay?"

Loki looked her over, "I think so... She appears to be sleeping. I can't find anything wrong."

"Well that's good," Pietro sat down on the concrete, "say, Loki, do you remember what color this room used to be?"

Loki subconsciously ran his finger along the floor before lifting his eyes to the ceiling, "I'm not entirely sure, but I do know it wasn't stained black."

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I rolled over to look at him, "You read the file."

He didn't answer me.

My body felt heavy as I stumbled out of my bed without much grace. Loki attempted to steady me, but I waved him off. Aches wreaked my body, my vision was foggy, and my hands trembled under the tap. I couldn't tell what temperature the water was, but that didn't matter as I watched black mix in the water. Ink bubbled from my fingertips as a hastily tried to scrub it off. I glanced at the mirror to see that ink was dripping from my eyes as well. A wall hit my back the others started to follow me to a corner, caging me in.'

A knock sounded at the door. I didn't remember closing it.

"Y/n? Please let me in, are you alright? You're making a cloud."

I found myself crawling through the black smoke that was apparently coming from me, trying to find the door, listening to Loki's voice. The door opened and light poured into the bathroom both from the outer room and the ball of magic light in Loki's hand. He kneeled in front of my huddled figure.

I rubbed at the black pigment covering my hands and arms. Please, make it stop. I couldn't use my voice, I was too deep in my own head. It felt familiar, a far cry from the freedom I supposedly possessed.

"Breathe my dear, you are in control."

I'm not, I'm not.

His arms wrapped around me, "Close your eyes, the darkness is your friend. Now focus on my breathing, focus on your own."

The light in his hand extinguished, the door closed, and the darkness I created enveloped me. My eyes fell closed, though it made no difference. I focused on the sound and feel of Loki's breath and attempted to synchronize with him.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but my eyes stayed firmly shut and I refused to let my thoughts wander anywhere but breathing.

"It wasn't your fault. I want you to know that. Do you?" His voice was soft in my ear, almost as comforting as the shadows were becoming.

I nodded and tapped my forehead. I knew it in my head. I shook my head and placed my hand on my heart. But my heart didn't believe me. I'm not sure why I did it, he probably couldn't see my actions anyway, but maybe it helped to admit it to myself.

"That's alright, the heart will follow."

My eyes snapped open, how could he see my response? I winced at the bright beams coming from the ceiling light. I looked around and found that the dark cloud I had created had dissipated. My hands were back to their natural color and my tears shone clear on my palm as I wiped them away.

"Are you feeling better?"

I nodded and took a moment with my eyes closed and my head against the wall behind me before I rose and trudged back to my bed. Mourning was exhausting. As I fell on the soft pillows I waved my hand to block out all the light.

My room was engulfed in a darkness that was almost more comforting than the blankets that surrounded me.

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I swallowed deeply suddenly aware of the bruise on my neck from where nanobots were injected into my body. Nanobots that could probably do a number of unpleasant things to me.

Nick turned to the team who was still lying on the ground, "I thought I told you to get her settled in her room and then get her ready."

"We were getting there eventually." Loki closed his eyes and stayed there with his hands beneath his head.

"I would appreciate it if you did it now so she can get it over with."

"Wait... what's going on?" I was confused since one, Nick wasn't totally fuming, and two, what were they getting me ready for?

"Some evaluations of your condition are needed."

Well if that wasn't the vaguest answer to ever be crafted from a Shield Director I don't know what is.

I stood and brushed my jumpsuit to remove the nonexistent grass sticking on it, "I guess let's get this over with." I started to walk towards the compound when another thought occurred to me, "All my stuff is gone... Isn't it." I turned back towards the group, not expecting anything but a yes.

"Nope."

"What."

Tony leapt to his feet before steadying himself against me, "Well, you know what saps these guys are so they just wouldn't let any of your things go in the trash."

There were some protests from those on the ground, but Tony didn't give them any mind and started to lead me back towards the compound, an arm around my shoulders. He lead me up a couple of floors to a door that looked familiar.

It looked like every other door in the compound.

"Do you remember this?"

"No?"

"Oh. Well, this was the room you used to stay in when you couldn't go back to your apartment."

"Oh," I swung the door inwards to see a fully put together room, "this... This looks exactly like my apartment room." I couldn't help but smile. It felt like home.

"Yeah, Natasha was very precise." Tony stood in the doorway, not wanting to intrude, "So, there's a suit on your bed, you're gonna be doing sparring first. Get changed into that and be back to the common room and we'll head over to the training room." He checked his watch, "you probably have twenty minutes before Fury gets too impatient."

I nodded, but then a problem occurred to me, "uh, how  am I gonna get this thing off?" I picked at the sleeve of the metal suit.

"When you're ready just say you want it off and it should relax into a normal suit you can take off." With that, he shut the door behind him and left me to my privacy.

I roamed around the room for a bit, admiring the little things that I had forgotten. There were pictures and little trinkets. I only hoped I could appreciate them like I used to.

The twenty minutes passed by quickly and before I knew it I was in the sparring area in the training room facing someone I had never met.

"Easy there сахарный, I'm not going to hurt you," he said it with a smile, but it only made my frown grow.

"Trust me, that's not what I'm worried about. There's a lot more salt than sugar here."

"Remember, this is just to see your condition Y/n, no powers are allowed, we will go until there is a clear winner," Nick's voice could be heard over the intercom as he sat from the observational area with the rest of the team.

And we were told to begin.

His steps were light, and a little bit quicker than needed, or expected. They were also more sure than mine were. I studied what he was doing as fast as I could, but it wasn't enough. His foot hooked around my knee and brought me to the ground, but I rolled across the mat to his other side. I snapped up to my feet and created some distance between him and myself to buy some time.

We circled for a little bit longer, watching, waiting. He lunged first, aiming for my waist. I twisted out of the way, tripping his feet in one fluid motion making him hit the mat.

The blood was rushing in my ears and everything else fell away.

There was only a young boy in front of me with the same objective as me.

To win.

He didn't even rise all the way off of the floor before he spun to trip me up. I landed hard, making me dizzy. He pinned my arms to the mat, but before he could pin my feet I pulled them up to my chest and kicked him off of me.

He let out a grunt as he flipped over me. I wanted to detain him as he was down, make this as painless as possible, but he was out of my reach too quickly.

Then it was back to circles.

My body was trembling, from adrenaline, strain, or something else, I couldn't tell.

This was the longest match I had been in for a long time. I felt bad for him. He was fighting so hard.

I better not prolong his pain any longer.

I had him in a headlock. I'm not exactly how. His sweaty blond hair was brushing my chin as I slowly cut off his airway. His hand frantically slapped my hand, and then the mat.

"Shhhh, it's okay. It'll be over soon," I swallowed. It was better this way. It was what he wanted.

It was better for everyone this way.

Hands gripped at me and ripped the boy from my grasp. Panic tore through me. I only knew of one person who wasn't allowed to win, it didn't end well for him.

I struggled and shrieked, "No! You sick bastard! I was doing it! You told me to win, I was doing it!" I clawed at the arms surrounding me, trying to hold me still, "Don't you dare take me back there! I did what you asked!"

Someone was trying to speak to me, but I didn't want to know what they were saying.

"You hear me Hen-" I was mid-scream when my world went dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Avengers sat in a room surrounded by screens of camera footage. All but one was playing different angles of the nearly deadly sparring match. The other was focused on the motionless form of Y/n on her bed.

They were silent, all too scared of what would come if they broke it. But it had to be broken.

"It seems they trained her, but I'm not sure I've ever seen training like that before." Vision was the only one brave enough to say anything, or it could be he didn't fully understand the gravity in the room.

"That's because it isn't training," that odd statement drew the attention of some of the group to none other than James Buchanan Barnes.

"That's survival." He stood from his seat and walked towards the biggest of the screens. It started from the beginning of the match and he pointed carefully at her feet, "You can tell this is training, but this isn't from Hydra. Her footwork is very similar to Clint's so it must be Shield training." He watched as she adjusted her position on the screen, "That uneasy shifting tells me that she hasn't done any formal training or technical sparring in a very long time, muscle memory is driving most of her motions, but it can only go so far."

No one disagreed with him.

The footage continued, "Right here is where I believe she forgot where she was." Bucky turned to face the group, "You're completely right Vision when you said you haven't seen any training like that before, because that isn't something you do unless you're desperate."

The Avengers could hear themselves in the footage yelling.

"He's tapping out. She's not letting go!"

"Stark! Turn her off!"

"What do you think she is? A damn toy?!"

"I said, turn her off!"

"Loki's down there, she's throwing a fit."

"You told me to win, I was doing it!"

"Hurry up Tony."

"I'm working on it!"

"Do you hear me Hen-"

The footage stopped and they were left in silence.

"That must have been what they told her when they told her to fight. They told her to win."

"Wait, are you telling me that she had to do this while with Hydra?" Bucky spun to Steve in disbelief, "What the hell did you think was going to happen, Fury? That she was just going to go 'ho ho guess we're gonna have friendly sparing match and not kill my opponent!'"

"It was necessary, unfortunately."

"Bullshit!"

"You not only put in jeopardy Y/n's sanity, but also Pietro's life. You're lucky he is only needed for overnight observation, Fury. I believe this meeting is over." Wanda stood from her seat and started towards the door.

"What are we going to do about Y/n?"

"How about I 'turn her back on' and let her figure things out. Locking her in a cage isn't going to do anybody any good." Tony looked pointedly at Nick.

He sighed and nodded, "Okay, do what you have to do."

With that, everyone exited from the room.

Natasha and Loki were next to each other when Bucky approached, "Hey, you two were awfully quiet. Anything I should know about?"

"No, we just figured that if we got involved in the mess, it would become..." Natasha trailed off.

"A whole lot messier," Loki finished.

They both had grim looks on their face, a cover for the frustration and worry boiling inside them both.

"We were planning on being there when Tony wakes her up," Natasha stuffed her hands into her back pockets, looking at her feet.

Bucky nodded and started to turn away with a soft smile.

Loki grabbed his shoulder before he could get too far, "Would you like to join us? I'm sure she would be glad to meet you."

"Not as glad as me for the opportunity."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One moment I was screaming, and the next I was lying on a bed, staring at the ceiling.

"So this is what it's like to have a control button."

"Terribly inconvenient isn't it?"

I didn't even move my gaze from the ceiling, "Like you would know."

"Afraid not, girlie," an unfamiliar voice spoke.

I shifted to lean my back against the headboard, "And I'm afraid that word doesn't apply to me anymore." I looked at Loki and Natasha, "Can you believe that I'm thirty whole years old?" I sighed.

"And life is unfair in that you didn't get to see a more than a few of them."

I reached out and squoze Natasha's hand, "But what do you expect? When has life ever been fair?"

There was a moment of silence before I decided to shake off the self pity.

"Alright, enough of that," I looked at the stranger in the room, "I'm assuming you're friendly since these guys wouldn't have let you in other wise, but I don't believe that I've had the pleasure."

He stood from his seat and stepped closer, offering his hand, "Indeed we have not, though sometimes I think I do know you with how much everyone talks about you. James Buchanan Barnes, miss, but you can call me Bucky."

I took his hand with a small smile, "All good things I hope. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you after all the shit I've seen, showing up like a ghost."

He laughed, "Yeah, something like that."

"Okay, sorry to be a party pooper, but how's the kid?" I swallowed deeply, scared of what I would hear.

"He's just fine Lady Y/n. He'll be in the infirmary for observation over night, but he'll be just fine." Loki's voice was overly reassuring.

"You know, I can always tell when you feel bad for me, 'cuz you call me that," I smiled at him, though I'm sure it looked forced. "I guess that's one thing we can bond over, a warm hello from the newcomer." I shot Loki a wink, making him groan.

"You are never going to let that go are you?"

"For as long as I live Princey."

Natasha was laughing with Bucky who was a bit confused, but intrigued all the less, "I don't think I've heard this story."

"Oh you will, but maybe not right now," I sat up straight and stretched, "at this moment, I want pizza, a burger, and french fries." I looked pointedly at Loki, "I don't care about my favorite smoothie anymore, I want solid food."

Natasha pulled me from the bed, "Your wish is my command, I was craving something anyway."

So the two of us dashed down the hall, me letting Natasha lead the way to the kitchen.

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