Apr 19
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okay now that i’m several weeks out from it and back to normal. can i just say. the week leading up to my wedding i actually felt pretty chill and relaxed. it wasn’t until AFTER the wedding that all my anxiety hit me—like, first panic attack in months, barely sleeping, etc. and apparently that’s not super uncommon, especially in people with OCD/anxiety.
and idk, i guess im just sharing this as a heads-up to my fellow ocd ppl that sometimes when planning something big (not even necessarily a wedding) it comes AFTER the big event, and that’s normal, and that doesn’t mean you made a mistake—it means your body and mind were probably holding onto a lot more stress than you even realized, and now it’s gotta work its way out of you somehow. and it sucks! but you’re not weird or wrong for it.
the pain of my period cramps vs my ocd freaking out over the idea of taking an ibuprofen that's 1 day past the expiration date: FIGHT
my therapist wants me to start doing exposure therapy by reading (in small quantities) fiction about some of my triggers and like. i get it. her logic is sound. this will be good for me in the long run. there are books i've been interested in for ages that i've avoided for fear of causing a hurricane of intrusive thoughts and obsessive behavior.
but like. now i have to actually ease myself into that and accept the intrusive thoughts as part of the deal and fuuuuuuuuuck why can't ocd treatment just be like, you drink a gross protein shake every day and BOOM no more ocd.
ocd is so EMBARRASSING why did i just have a panic attack because my wife cleaned out the fridge
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I saw a little smudge on your desk, Theo. Might want to clean that up.
"Are you shitting me—where?? I just Windexed the shit out of—oh. Ha-ha, very funny, Matias..."
Shit isn't great out here but one of the most personally impactful things is that the events are reinforcing one of my most absurd, long lasting, and potent OCD compilations. Like it's one thing to have a voice in your head telling you a certain word must be said once a month at the start of the month or the month will be bad. It's another for the times you forget to be some extremely bad months on large and small scales.
me when I see the psychotic baddie with ocd doing his rituals: just like me fr fr 😍🥰❤️✨ finally representation for my mental illness