#oc:travis

Penn and I had taken to spending quite a bit of time at Travis’s apartment, lately. We didn’t want to fully move in to our fixer upper until the renovations for the smaller of the two of us were completed. And to be honest, the labor of assembling furniture and shoving boxes around had gotten to be too much. Especially in the blazing Texas summer heat. Penn had done his utmost to help in every way he could, but even his little feet had begun to drag by the end of the day, and we’d decided, fuck it… we deserved to have some fun.

Well, that had been the routine for just about every day this week, we’d work until we were too lazy and sweat soaked to keep going and we’d bring booze and food to Trav’s and veg out. Once I finally sat, propping an elbow up on the back of the couch and settling my fingers in Penn’s lap which he warmly took in his own small hands, I continued my sentence, “What’s on the docket for tonight?”

Travis responded first. I could tell I was going to hate the answer he gave just by the mischievous twinkle in his eye, “Well, the list recommended either worst horse movie ever or worst sports movie ever and Penn picked the horse movie.”

Penn piped up, like he was Travis’s hype man, “Zac fucking Efron is in it, Ev!”

“No!” I audibly groaned. The boys cackled with delight, “God fucking dammit, you two! You’re still bound and determined to watch every recommendation on that stupid list? Can’t we please watch something actually good, please??? I’m begging you! We only have so much finite time on this earth and you two idiots want to waste it watching every ‘worst movie ever’ for every sub-genre of film? Why?!”

Penn cleared his throat, dramatically before launching into it, “You probably don’t realize this about us, my sweet, wonderful, naïve love… but Travis and I are simple men. I know we hide it extremely well what with all our sophistication and charm… but, we don’t need your fancy art house films. We just want to get drunk and watch movies that are so bad you couldn’t recreate them that poorly if you actively tried. C’mon! Don’t be such a downer! Admit it, you thought ‘The Room’ was hilarious!”

“I did until I’ve had to listen to you quote it fucking nonstop everyday for a week!”

“Awww, c’mon, Ev! You’re just a chicken, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep…!” Penn fully embodied his performance of the line from the worst movie ever made, even trying his hand at the lead actor’s weird accent. I had to admit the whole display was pretty cute. It made me want to pluck him up and kiss him. But no, I had to stop myself. He didn’t get to win that easily!

“Travis, why? Why do you hate me? You know him.” I pointed to the tiny man perched between us, “He does not know how to shut up. He won’t stop doing this. Every day it’s like the same five quotes… over and over and over! He’s psychologically torturing me!!” I pointed a finger at my friend’s chest, “You knew this would happen didn't you? Are the two of you in cahoots to try and make my brain turn to mush by watching this garbage?”

Travis beamed, having way too much fun at my expense, “But this one is garbage… with horses!!! You’ll love it! It’ll be like old times! C’mon, Ev!”

******

“Old times? Have you guys seen this movie before?” I was situated between the two humans, each of their shoulders close enough for me to touch if I wanted. I loved my vantage point from up here. I was only a few inches shy of being eye level with these two people and I had a perfect view of the tv screen. Call me an agent of chaos but I loved teasing Eveline like this. It was fun remembering that I could actually make her squirm every now and again.

I noticed her stiffen slightly when I asked the question, Travis was the one to reply, seeming not to notice her shift in body language, “Hm? Oh, no. Not this movie. We’ve never seen it. I meant that Ev used to—“

“Travis? Do you want to watch your dumb movie or not?” Huh. What was her problem?

“Hey… what’re you so cagey about all the sudden?” I crawled on my hands and knees and leaned on her. I delicately stroked the thin fabric that covered her shoulder, giving her my biggest, most impressive puppy dog eyes. I knew all too well just how to get precisely what I wanted from her.

“Penn! Don’t you dare! Don’t look at me like that! You know I can’t say no to you when you look like that! It’s not fair! You’re evil, you know that??” She was shoving me playfully with her fingers as she spoke. So clearly whatever it was wasn’t that big of a deal. But still, curiosity got the best of me, I had to know!

I pulled out the big guns, and placed an outstretched palm on her chin, “Please Ev, I love you…. So much… and I just wanna be here for you through whatever Travis is very rudely insisting you reveal….”

“Hey! I thought you were on my team! And aren’t you doing the same—“ Travis was mockingly indignant.

I lifted a harsh finger in the air. If I could have reached I would’ve silenced his lips with my hand, “Ah, ah ah! Let the lady speak!”

She sighed, pinching my wrist between her fingers and kissing the palm of my hand sweetly, “You’re a wicked little man, you know that?” She opened her mouth to speak but Travis got there sooner.

“Believe it or not, but, Eveline was once a horse girl…”

I burst out laughing, “You? No! What? Really??” My head was ping-ponging from left to right, taking in the countenances of both people.

“Shut up! Fuck you both! This is why I didn’t want you to open your big mouth!” She shoved at Travis’s chest, making the whole couch shake a bit, I was beside myself, this was goddamn hilarious! She continued, moaning with embarrassment, “God! It’s so lame! What a stereotype right? A Texas girl who rides horses? Blegh! Anyway, I haven’t ridden since I was like 10, so, I don’t think it counts.”

Trav, once again, was quicker on the draw, “Oh, it counts!!!” Then, suddenly, a new idea popped in his head as he turned to face me, “Which I guess makes her more of a cowpoke than you are, Penn! Everybody knows you have to have experience with horses in order to consider yourself a true cowboy…. Or girl… or cowperson for people who don’t fall into those categories…”

I gasped, “Fuck! You’re right! I’m a total fraud! I’m not even from here.” I scrambled over to face Travis, making a big show of cupping my hands and pretending to whisper secretly to my copper-haired friend, “Don’t tell Ev this… but I’m a complete hack. I’m just a city boy hiding behind a hat… I have no idea what I’m doing! Man to man, you gotta help me out! I don’t want her to break up with me when she finds out I’m a liar!” All three of us cackled through this.

He said his first sentence in a faux whisper to me, before speaking at normal volume, “Well, let’s fix that, then! Let’s turn this cowboy into a cowman! Whaddya think, Ev?”

“Never say that ever again!”

Well now was my chance to stoke the fire because how could I not? “What?? Cowman????”

She buried her head in her hands, cringing at the stupidity, “It sounds like a terrible off-brand superhero!”

Travis continued, unfazed, “But, for real, I have an uncle with some land and a couple of horses only an hour’s drive from here.”

*************

I watched as Penn’s entire body stood at rapt attention. His eyes growing wide. I had to nip that in the bud, right now, “No… no, I am not taking him to a horse ranch… absolutely not! That’s just asking for trouble.”

“Awww, c’mon Ev….I wanna be a real cowman!!!” He sunk to his knees clasping his hands together and begging unabashedly. What is your deal little man?! Do you have no shame??

“No, you’re not gonna guilt me into this one… it’s dangerous. Even for humans it can be extremely dangerous. Can’t we just watch the dumb Zac Efron movie now?” Even though I asked it, I knew as well as they did that we were far past the movie, at this point.

Slowly at first and then gaining in tempo, the little man beside my shoulder started to chant fucking cowman over and over and over again. Travis joined him. My love and my best friend were having the time of their lives. That tiny troublemaker brought out the best and the worst in all of us didn’t he? I groaned,“Trav! Stop it! Stop encouraging him! Penn! Hush! I’m not budging on this! It’s not safe! Do you have any idea how big horses are?!”

Penn didn’t seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Instead he was crawling across the couch cushion as fast as his unsteady feet could carry him, before hand over fist, climbing on to my shoulder and standing at his full five and one quarter inches before my face. He placed a warm little hand on either side of the bridge of my nose. Kissing my sweetly, softly. I melted. I loved those little kisses with my whole being. I couldn’t help reaching around and stroking his spine with my finger tips. “Come on, Ev. My entire brand, depends on this. This is my identity we are talking about. What if my fans find out? Everything will come crashing down if I, Penn, do not ride a horse. Please, my love, my beautiful guardian angel, have pity on the poor man you see before you, in dire and desperate need. I’ll never ask for anything ever again. I can lie to my fans, but I’ll never be able to lie to myself. I must right this wrong.”

I rolled my eyes into the back of my skull, “Oh-my-fucking-god-fine.”

The boys erupted into celebration. Penn was literally jumping up and down, giving Travis a hilariously mismatched high five, fist pumping the air and dunking an invisible football… what an idiot. I’m deeply, passionately in love with a tiny idiot.