A rare smile from the former Jedi Battlemaster, c. 25 ATC
My beloved beleaguered jedi knight <3
Indesa has taken my braincell and ran with it this past week, I now have an actual lore doc and history for her!
This was also part of an exploration of different outfits and hairstyles for her, especially as she progresses through her story.
This look in particular I'm picturing for her during her time with the alliance, during and post kotxx. She didn't get the outlander/carbonite nap treatment, and instead spent a lot of time fighting the eternal empire on the front lines (which compounded some issues she already had re. the constant fighting that had taken over her life).
Eventually after stepping back from the jedi order she wound up in the force enclave on Odessen. It became a place where she could work on slowly coming back to herself, and figure out what to do next.
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After all they've been through, I figured these jedi deserved a nice day out on Odessen :)
Featuring @crqstalite 's Cele and @understorysunflecks 's Mirris :)
Indesa has been making daisy chains, Mirris is talking about the plants around them, and Cele is Definitely listening - but the sun is warm and she's just resting her eyes for a moment...
~
I've been thinking about them hitting their breaking points and starting the process of recovery, and Indesa going hiking has been on my mind, so voilà! This happened :)
If Indesa ever stops charging forward, she will have to look back and face the things she has done in the name of the Republic.
Thoughts/lore beneath the cut :)
My experience of the knight storyline is that they keep flinging this 19 year old around the galaxy to fix their problems, without much care for How they get fixed.
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The "nothing bad happened to Indesa" au that's been running around my head this past week!
Essentially: an au where Indesa and her master (Master Taiden) weren't on Coruscant when it was attacked, her master lived, and she gets a taste of helping people in the wake of disaster after the blockade on Coruscant is lifted. Where she doesn't fall into a spiral of grief and throw herself into combat training, but continues on her journey of becoming a more typical, balanced jedi with the help of her master.
Where she's graceful and light on her feet and didn't lose her bubbly personality.
(lover girl by laufey has been stuck in my head this week, so it's now au Indesa's song by association lol. Idk if she's head over heels for anyone, but probably more just in love with life. It's about the vibes 🤌)
Taiden kept her well away from the fighting, she spent her time as a padawan helping with reconstruction and humanitarian missions - e.g. Taris, Ossus, etc. and continues the work after she is knighted. She's happy.
-> if you can hear someone snort laughing across the courtyard, it's probably Indesa
She can still hold her own in a fight but her domain is far more defensive, and she's no savant. And she would willingly lay down her life for others, no weighing of the cost/benefit she would just do it.
I've been thinking about what forces Indesa to give up the fight (she wouldn't do it willingly, I'm desperately trying to wrestle it out of her hands).
(cw: some light suicidal ideation in this one)
At some point, the years of fighting catch up to her. She doesn't get out of bed one morning.
Or the next.
Or the next.
Something in her breaks, she finds she can't push herself forward through willpower alone any longer.
And once she stops, the momentum that had been carrying her forward dissipates, and she can't bring herself to start moving again.
---
She's taken to the jedi, who try to help, but they all know who she is. She feels broken in their eyes, the fallen hero, she can't stand it. She doesn't want their help. It pains her to read of the battles going on without her. She hears names in passing of jedi who have been killed on the front lines. There is a feeling she does not name. (If it had been her, she could be remembered as a good jedi, not a broken one.) (If it had been her, then maybe she could rest-)
---
She leaves the temple.
(Against the advice of the healers, but she can't stand being there any longer. Feeling all those eyes watching while her life crumbles around her. It's too much.)
She wanders for a while, alone on her ship without her crew. T7 is the only one whose messages she responds to.
---
Eventually she winds up on Odessen; she has half a mind to get back into the fight. But despite the buzz around the base, the enclave becomes somewhere she can relax, can let her guard down. She's no longer the biggest name on the planet. She can walk past soldiers without being saluted, acknowledged.
It's a complicated feeling when she realises the fate of the galaxy no longer rests on her shoulders. (That perhaps it never did.)
hiiii!! how about change, body, and skill for indesa? c:
Change: if they could see how much they've changed over their life, coming face to face with a past or future self, how would they feel?
A young, pre- Treaty of Coruscant Indesa would wonder why she became so serious. Young Indesa is enjoying her time as a padawan immensely, she gets to go on adventures and learn how to use the force and look cool wielding a light saber!! So to see this older version of herself much more reserved, much more haunted, she wouldn't quite understand. She'd be impressed by how good she got at lightsaber forms though.
Burnout-era Indesa would struggle to recognise herself in the child in front of her. It feels like another lifetime. She can't meet the child's eyes.
Recovery-era Indesa has had more time to reflect on what she has gone through, on what has happened to her. Her heart still breaks to see her own face so young and full of hope. She hugs her younger self for a long while, trying to find peace with how much she has changed and been changed. She tries not to think about what she could have been.
Body: if they were made physically unrecognisable, what would they do?
If she was transformed into a different body, her first thought would be to run. She could be a different person, she could escape the conflict, she could be normal. These thoughts wouldn't last long, quickly replaced by guilt for thinking of abandoning her life, and her duty, so easily.
Skill: how do they deal with things they aren't good at? are they a harsh judge of their own work?
Indesa tends to put a lot of pressure on herself to be the best she can be, especially when it comes to relates to completing a mission assigned to her. If she could get a better result by pushing herself harder, what excuse does she have to not push herself harder? (It takes her a while to understand that this line of thinking isn't helpful.)
For more low stakes activities, such as cooking, or playing a game, she's usually more forgiving of herself.
