#oblivious!john

“Wot, you doing?” His gruff voice comes from behind you and you shake your hips a bit more.

“Oh Ghost!” You feign relief. “Thank god you’re here! I was trying to fix the sink myself and got stuck! Can you please get me out?” You sweetly ask.

You preen in excitement when large hands wrap around your waist, proud of yourself until you’re pulled out and standing up straight, facing Ghost. “You get stuck easy don’t cha?” He says before turning around to get himself a coffee.

You silently huff as you walk away.

~

Your next target is Gaz, knowing which exact day and time he does his laundry. You have half of your own laundry in a basket beside you as you stick yourself in the dryer. When the door opens you kick yourself feet out like you’re doing your best to escape.

“Christ love, you alright?” He asks and you hear him settle his own basket down.

“No Gaz! One of my socks got stuck and I ended up getting stuck myself!” Your voice echoes slightly in the dryer.

“Hold on.” He calmly says and before you know it, you’re free. He beams like he’s saved the day. “There you go!”

“… Thanks Gaz.” You grab your washing and head back to your room.

~

Next is Price, something a bit more daring. You crawl under his desk and wedge yourself between the small space between a filing cabinet and his actual desk, snug enough that it actually looks plausible that you got stuck for real.

Price takes longer than he anticipated to come back to his office but you recognise his gruff voice as he speaks to someone, presumably on the phone.

“Captain! Thank god you’re here! I was dropping off paperwork and knocked over some of your pens, I got stuck trying to get them back!” You tell him, trying your goddamn best to sound absolutely pathetic.

Silently he places his hands on your hips and a thrill rubs up your spine as he lifts. But it’s short lived as he keeps pulling you up until you’re no longer between the cabinet and desk.

You stand up straight and do you best to keep a neutral face when you see Nikolai with Price. “Thank you Captain.” You mumble and keep your head down as you walk out of his office.

~

Your last hope is Soap. You’re in the gym, half hanging out the window with your toes barely touching the ground. The window rests against your back, looking tight enough that it might be painful but you’re perfectly safe.

“Feckin’ hell bon!!” You hear Soap scream… you forgot to account the fact that all of them worry about your safety like their lives depend on it.

The frame is lifted off your back and his arm wraps around your waist as you’re pulled back inside. “Wha’ ye thinkin’?” He scolds checking you over for any injuries.

Even fucking Soap doesn’t get the hint!

~

You grumble as you dig through a deep drawer, trying to find a particular spanner in Nikolai’s collection. Why he has deep drawers? You’ll never know, just the fact that you’re bent in half trying to reach what you need.

“You okay, Malysh?” Nikolai sounds amused as he watches you balance on one toe.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just trying to reach something.” You grunt, fingers brushing the spanner.

“You sure, Solnyshko? You look like you’re stuck.” He rumbles.

“I’m not-!” You cut yourself off with a gasp when hands grab your hips, something thick grinding against your ass. A blush heats up your cheeks as you whimper.

“Definitely seem stuck to me… been needing someone to help, da?”

~

The task force had seen everything, part of the job. What they never expected to see when walking into Nikolai’s hanger was your feet hooked to the back of Nikolai’s thighs as you half hang into the drawer you seem to be stuck in. The man himself thrusting deep inside you as your moans and squeals echo everywhere.

Their jaws are on the ground when Nikolai reaches down and pulls you up by a fistful of hair, tongue delving deep inside your throat.

They weren’t mean to him. In fact, a few of them thought he was cute.

But Dean liked them. On game days, when they showed up to school in uniform, Sam often caught Dean eyeing them in the halls.

Then there was the one John had caught Dean with in the Impala.

Sam wasn’t sure what possessed him to sneak into the girls’ locker room. He wasn’t sure what prompted him to steal a cheerleader’s uniform. But back in the motel room, while Dean was in the shower and John was out getting food, Sam put it on.

The top was a little loose on him, as he didn’t have the chest to fill it out. The skirt was scandalously short, but he assumed that was the point.

Sam’s eyes snapped up when the shower turned off.

As the doorknob turned, he panicked. He looked ridiculous. Dean was going to laugh or think he was fucking insane.

“Sam?”

“Don’t laugh. I know it’s stupid, but-“

“Sam...”

“I know. I look stupid.”

“No... you look fucking amazing.”

Hunters knew the Winchesters from John’s reputation. Teachers knew the Winchesters from Sam’s praise and Dean’s condemnation. Truckers talked, not of John or his eldest son, but of the little twink that traveled with them. The one with the shaggy hair that sometimes covered his eyes. The one who smelled of cherries and latex. The one who would hop into any man’s car who promised him a “good time.” Sam was a legend. Truckers talked, all right.

“I ran into that Winchester kid in a bar when I was in Michigan.”

“D’you fuck him?”

“Yeah. He’s a fuckin’ screamer, ain’t he?”

This all started when I mused about Sherlock playing “Love on Top” for John as soon as he walks into 221B.

Oh and Sherlock’s wearing Queen Bey’s glorious hat from the video.

Then a bunch of people played along and graciously added song suggestions to what @i-read-good-books‘s called my johnlock oblivious!john playlist and and @the-7-percent-solution sort of “Songs for John” ficlet’ed it as we went.

So @johns-neck-kink, here’s all those songs in one place.

thank you to those lovelies and also @shipperpenguin88, @hollysprite, @irrelevantbl0g, @snogbox1, @heurtebizzz, @221bee-stalker-st, @imanidiotwithfangirltendencies, @propergenius, @artimes-chimes, @masterofhounds, and @zandalorscat (hope I didn’t miss anyone!) for contributing to my “ridiculously catchy pop songs that Sherlock plays in the flat for John when he can’t handle it anymore and decides to be Obvious.”

Love on Top // Beyonce

Talking Body // Tove Lo

Shower // Becky G

Dance for You // Beyonce

1+1 // Beyonce

Toxic // Britney Spears

I’m a Slave 4 U // Britney Spears

I Need Your Love // Calvin Harris

Hot Stuff - 12″Version // Donna Summer

Irresistible // Fall Out Boy

Physical // Olivia Newton-John

Let’s Talk About Sex // Salt-N-Pepa

Let’s Get It On // Martin Gaye

Work From Home // Fifth Harmony

Born This Way // Lady Gaga

Candyman // Christina Aguilera

Johnny Angel // Shelley Fabares

Johnny B. Goode // Chuck Berry

Whistle // Flo Rida

Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor) // Robert Palmer

Closer // Nine Inch Nails

All I Want for Christmas is You // Mariah Carey

Hips Don’t Lie // Shakira

Finally // CeCe Peniston

I Want Your Sex // George Michael

Sexual Healing // Martin Gaye

At Last // Etta James

I’m Not Gay // J. Pee

Insatiable // Darren Hayes

Careless Whisper // George Michael

Dr. John // MIKA

Marry Me // St. Vincent

oh god are we talking about Team Parent debauching John?? Are we???

oh fuck, all those little, confused noises he makes when Melissa pushes her slim fingers deep into his hole and makes sweet love to his prostate. These little, punched-out grunts as he helplessly lifts his hips into it and presses his face into the blankets.

The funniest part is that Claudia had used to do this to him. It's not the first time someone was stroking his responsive, plump prostate with so much loving care. It's just that he always makes those fucking, delicious noises. And it's so breathtaking to see a big man like him get all gaspy and shivery from just a couple, little fingers being warm and soft to his sensitive nerves.

Ugh and Chris pulling John's face up and letting him rest his head on his thigh. Just lets it rest there as his hard cock twitches right next to the Sheriff's nose. And he and Melissa just watch with slightly open mouths, so fascinated as John makes a soft, broken sound and nuzzles up to the thick, warm cock. Mouthes at it experimentally. Just basically makes out with Chris' dick until he's suckling at the tip and Chris is about to pass out.