#numbloc

I'm just so tired and angry, I just want this to finally end and move on. I know my request to leave me alone might fall on deaf ears, I don't trust him to keep his promises of leaving me alone because he's proven to disregard such things in the past.

Numbloc, if you're reading this — don't interact, I've made it clear I don't want to speak to you or see you in my notes.

Soooooo

‎I don't know which is worse

‎Texting me asking what he should write in the apology and asking what his mistake was, then saying "those were just jokes" again, which is extremely tone deaf and just bizarre

‎Or revealing to me that he didn't even see my post describing my experience with him, me having to direct him to go read it and still receiving "ok but can you not block me" as a reaction to information about my suicide attempt

I'm used to having my identity and my issues ignored by him at this point.

Not a word in that apology about fetishizing me and my body because of my gender, about sexualizing me when I've told him to stop; or about sending me screenshots of personal conversations with other people, which once again I was against.

Not that it will change much, I was just hoping he'd acknowledge the things he'd said to me. But once again, just like it had always been in our conversations, he ignores my problems and refuses to talk about it. Completely skips it at this point. I'm just tired of feeling like it's not important just because of my gender identity, as he's made me feel like my dysphoria I've experienced because of him is just me overreacting and being unfair and dramatic. It just loops back to the exact same thing that made me attempt in the first place.

I will be okay though, what angers me more is the feeling of complete disregard for others I got when reading it. I still can't believe I had to explain to him that not being able to delete messages isn't the issue — the issue was sending these messages in the first place as these things shouldn't be said to anybody. But once again, I don't want to talk to him anymore, so I wasn't going to help him wrote any of this or explain his own actions to him.

I hope this is the last time I'm making a post about it as I want to keep it as condensed as possible without a million rant posts, but I am open to conversations in DMs/asks/comments. I'm in a much better mindset than what it used to be (survival made me snap back to reality real fast) so I hope I didn't spook anyone too much haha