#notmybestwork

Sooo i had an idea, but at the end i gave up and just rolled with it and ended with this

Inktober day 19 

Not really that satisfied with this one, but I don’t have time to redo it. Tomorrow I’m going to see “Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds” live, and so for today’s doodle I chose the song “The Moon is in the Gutter” for inspiration. I’ve always loved the lyrics to this song. It’s just such a perfect little song, the mood and atmosphere. I often get the first few lines stuck in my brain for no apparent reason.

**This is my entry for Choices Creates week 14. I know I’m submitted past the 4 pm deadline but wanted to try anyway. ☺️

Thank you to the fabulous @mermaidwarriorqueen and @hollyashton for hosting.

This prompt was way more difficult than I thought it would be. I used the song “At Last I See the Light” from Tangled as my inspiration.

This features Drake and my MC, Charlotte Westbrook. And I apologize for the length of this post. But still…I hope you enjoy! **

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“Excuse me?! You’re what?!” Bertrand raised his voice and clenched his fists at his side. His head was spinning and he was sure he didn’t hear his sponsored contestant correctly.

“Charlotte, there must be a way we can remedy this…you’re our only hope at rescuing our family, our house, our legacy in Cordonia!” Maxwell begged.

“Please know that I have thought about all of that a million times.” Charlotte explained, remaining calm. “I know what kind of position this puts you in and how it will look to everyone, but I cannot stay in this competition any longer. It’s not fair to Liam, or the other ladies, or even this country, for that matter.”

“I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Maxwell, you’ve done a fine job of ruining everything, as always.” Bertrand moved towards the door of Charlotte’s room.

“Well if you’re leaving, leave. Get out at once. I hope to never see the likes of you again. I would say it has been a pleasure, but it truly has NOT been. Maxwell, follow me. We will have to resort to plan B.” He walked quickly out of the room, leaving the door open just a crack.

“Maxwell, I – “ Charlotte began, but he cut her off mid-sentence.

“There’s no need to apologize. You’re a great person, Charlotte and you’re doing what you think is best. Who am I to criticize you? I must admit I was hopeful that you and Liam would be the perfect match…but clearly, your heart isn’t in it. I don’t blame you; I blame myself. Best of luck to you in…whatever it is you do when you get back to New York. I do hope we can remain fr—“

“MAXWELL! NOW!” Bertrand bellowed from the hallway. “Enough blubbering. We have a lot of work to do. Let’s go!”

“Bye.” Maxwell replied sheepishly, as he shuffled out the door. All Charlotte could do was wave as she choked back tears and prayed she was making the right decision.

She hated how much her decision to leave the competition would affect so many people. She was used to making up her own mind and only having to worry about herself. That’s just another indication that I have no business being married OR ruling a country. She told herself as she began to pack up her belongings.

With each item that she put in her suitcase, she reminisced. She came with one bag and one dress, but now had a lot more clothes, and friends (at least she hoped they were friends).

She dreaded telling Hana. Her plan was to sneak out somehow so she wouldn’t have to face Liam. How could she tell him that she didn’t love him like he loved her? She had been avoiding one on one time with him all throughout the competition.

As tempting as hedge mazes, cozy hot tubs and beautiful waterfalls were, she always said no when he offered to spend time alone with her. Her feelings for him just weren’t there and she couldn’t magically make herself fall in love with him even as hard as she tried…especially with so many other ladies chomping at the bit, ready to be queen - ready to love Liam in ways, she knew she never could.

Charlotte looked out the window with a heavy sigh. The sun was about to set and she knew she needed to leave first thing in the morning, before the next social event was underway and before anyone could notice she was missing.

As she sat on the edge of her bed, she closed her eyes and finally gave in to the weight of the emotions that had caused her to make this “irrational decision” as Bertrand had first called it.

Slowly, softly and quietly, tears began to fall down her cheeks. In an odd way, she savored the feeling of the burn in her eyes and their warmth on her face as they dripped down to her chin. This is what I deserve. She told herself. This is what I get. I knew I was in too far. I knew I was in over my head. Why didn’t I turn around? Why didn’t I say no before I even set foot in this place? The moment I got on that plane and saw him – I knew. I knew I couldn’t do this. Why did I let it go this far?!

Her mind immediately flew back to the day she stepped on the plane with Maxwell and the look of surprise on Drake’s face.

Seeing Drake again made her heart flip-flop, bounce down to her knees and up into her throat. She had been attracted to him immediately, the night before. There was something about him that made her want to know him more. His confidence. His assuredness. He was kind of a mystery, but she knew she liked him right away.

She also knew then, that it would be dangerous, or at the very least difficult, for her to embark on this journey with him around at all times. And at that time, she had no idea how much she’d have to see him, spend time with him, and how much she’d get to know him while trying to win Liam’s heart.

At first, when she left New York she told herself she had nothing to lose. And now that she was returning, she realized she had pretty much lost everything.

When she blurted out that he was “more her type” than royalty, she almost clasped her hands over her mouth immediately. Scolding herself and reminding herself she could not be “normal Charlie” anymore. She had to be someone else. Heck, people here didn’t even call her Charlie or know that it was her nickname.

See? No one here even knows the real me. This is for the best. This is the right decision!

She inhaled sharply, clenched her fists and stood up. Looking in the mirror, she wiped her eyes and reached for her make up brush to reapply some powder and blush.

“We always want to look our best. You never know when or who is watching you. Do not EVER leave your room without make up and a smile. Got it?” Bertrand’s voice rang clearly in Charlotte’s head.

“Screw it.” She said, throwing her make up brush back in her bag. “I’m going out however I want. Doesn’t matter now, anyway…”

She pulled her long, dark hair, up into a messy bun and wiped her face completely clean. She took the contacts out of her blue-green eyes, threw on her tortoise-shell glasses and changed into an oversized sweatshirt with leggings, before putting on running shoes.

The evenings were cool and breezy in Cordonia this time of year. She felt like running and that was just what she was going to do.

Charlotte quietly closed her bedroom door as she peeked down both sides of the hallway, silently praying she wouldn’t be seen.

She knew once the news spread about her leaving, and once people found out, it would be chaos. Part of her felt awful for what she would be putting everyone through…but another part of her felt free and she knew she was making the right decision in the end.

She made it outside through the rear side door, and soon found herself on a trail leading into the woods.

She took a deep breath and inhaled the evening air. It was crisp and light. It felt as though the air itself was filling her lungs with opportunity and possibility she hadn’t allowed herself to feel before. For the first time since she had set foot in Cordonia, she felt free.

Lightly, she started jogging, following the rugged path. She had found this trail one of the first nights she was in Cordonia and knew it well.

Her head began emptying of all kinds of thoughts. Seeing her friends once she got back to New York…sleeping in her own bed again…trying to find a job…calling her sister to tell her everything…and maybe even calling up her ex to see how he was doing.

Aaron. She smiled, thinking about her old boyfriend. Maybe he hasn’t moved on yet and we can – whoa. Do I miss him? Wait what?

Her feet came to a sudden halt. She tried to catch her breath, her hands on her knees as she hunched over herself, while shaking her head.

She mentally tried to push away those random thoughts that had entered her mind. What am I doing?! She asked out loud.

As she controlled her breathing, she stood up straight and also began to look around. The territory was all of a sudden unfamiliar. It was also getting darker, and colder by the second.

“Where am I? Her heart began to race again, although she remained still. How did I get off the trail?! Ugh!”

She let out a sigh of frustration as a group of birds flew up into the night sky, startled by her noise.

As she began to furiously scan the clearing for a path or anything marking the trail, she began to realize what danger she was in.

She had no way of reaching anyone and no one knew she was out there. She had never really been great in the outdoors. She knew she needed to stay calm, but also wondered how long it would be until she was overtaken by panic and anxiety.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” She kept telling herself, trying to remember which direction she came from.

A little while later, she had been wandering around for what felt like hours. She thought she was now back in that same clearing where she first realized she was lost.

It was now pitch black and the sky was filled with stars. She looked up and smiled. Remembering the night she became certain she was not in love with Prince Liam. She had always kind of known he wasn’t the one…but that night, in the snow, laying under the stars with Drake, sealed her fate forever and confirmed her feelings for him, instead.

Yes. He was a jerk. Not really pleasant, or really that kind, but he was deep. There were layers to him the he himself probably didn’t even understand. He probably didn’t even know those deep dark parts of himself exist.

His eyes were always sincere. Passionate. And anyone could tell within minutes of talking to him, that know he was genuine. Drake was someone who never said or did something just for the hell of it. He followed through for those he cared about time and time and time again.

And for whatever reason, he had been Charlotte’s rock throughout the whole competition experience. It wasn’t Maxwell or Bertrand, or even Liam, surprisingly. It was Drake.

Charlotte found an old uprooted tree and sat down on the stump. Adjusting her glasses to gaze up at the night sky once again.

She sighed and pulled her sweatshirt over her knees as she hugged them to her chest. Again she began to cry.

Knowing that Drake didn’t see her the way she saw him. Knowing he would never want anything to do with someone who was a “nobility-chaser” (that’s what he had once called people who follow the aristocracy around like paparazzi).

Sure, they never got a chance to really be themselves together. But they had a lot of moments. Smaller little glimpses here and there, interactions that lasted mere seconds, but were filled with emotion and care for each other.

Their relationship was doomed before it began, and now here she was throwing away a chance to be queen, all because of him.

She began cry harder and sob louder as she thought about all she would be missing; all that she would never know. She had to get out, she had to leave before she saw him and changed her mind.

Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine falling for Drake like this, but she knew to save herself (and to save her the embarrassment of knowing how he’d react if he knew how she felt) she had to find a way out of the woods and then out of Cordonia, for good.

Just then, a rustling in the bushes startled her. She adjusted her glasses on her nose and stayed still. She heard the rustling again and this time saw the bush move. Charlotte was breathing faster and faster; she closed her eyes hoping not to hear anything again but she couldn’t help herself from letting out a loud scream when she saw an animal dart out from under the bush. “AAAHHHHH!” Her scream echoed into nature as a gray squirrell ran off chattering across the grass.

“Make it a habit to scare the native wild-life, Westbrook?” She jumped up off the tree stump and spun around quickly.

She could hardly contain her excitement at seeing Drake standing there. With his signature smirk, arms folded across his chest, smug and satisfied with himself.

He was holding a red leash, attached to a black lab. Charlotte had never seen the dog before, but he was clearly trying to make his way over to her. Panting. Struggling to try and pull Drake towards her.

“Maxwell didn’t educate you on the native Douglas squirrel? That’s the national squirrel of Cordonia. Once a year there’s a ceremony where we honor the squirrel and he gets a little crown and a robe, it’s really great…It’s your next social so you should probably get a new dress. But I’d stay away from anything with fur…” Drake was quite pleased with himself and couldn’t stifle a laugh.

“Ha ha. VERY funny.” Charlotte retorted, rolling her eyes. How am I going to get out of this? I’m so thankful he’s here but what do I say? What do I do now? She cursed herself for ever leaving her room.

“What are you doing out here?” Both she and Drake asked the question of the other at the same time.

“I’m taking Max here for a walk.” Drake said as he crouched down and petted the dog. “Good boy. Sit.” He said softly as he stood back up.

“And before you ask, yes, he’s named after Maxwell. It’s supposedly his claim to fame. He’s still acts like a puppy even though he’s 4 years old…so a lot like Maxwell.” He joked and rolled his eyes, then focused again on Charlotte.

“You’re really lucky I found you.” Drake started. “You could have been eaten alive out her by ya know, ferocious squirrels or something.” After saying that, he realized Charlotte didn’t seem to be herself.

“Charlotte. What’s going on?”

He looked her up and down and had to tell himself for the millionth time that she was off limits. He had never seen her without make up, or with her glasses on. How have I missed this? He asked himself. How is it possible that she looks even better than she does every other regular day? He shook his head, trying not to lose focus, and went to her.

Charlotte was shivering in the cold night air as she tried to explain herself “I…I went for a run…and just got a little turned around, I guess…” She shrugged, somewhat embarrassed.

“You’re not as turned around and you think.” He explained. “You’re actually very close to the castle – it’s just on the other side of those trees.” Drake said, gently. He could sense something was up. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” Charlotte responded, tersely. “Can you show me the way?” She was anxious to get back inside and away from him.

“Not until you tell me why you’re really out here.” He took off his jacket and handed it to her. “Take this.”

Charlotte felt tears stinging her eyes again. It had been a day and she was not ready for this. Not ready to talk. Especially not to him. About anything. Especially not her feelings.

“It’s nothing and…thanks…for the jacket…” She paused, before slipping it on over her shoulders. She began to pace, walking around the clearing in the woods, trying to drum up either enough courage to be honest, or at least buy herself enough time to think of a lie about what was really going on with her.

“Westbrook.” Drake called out to her while her back was turned towards him. “Stop.”

She started to cry for what felt like the thousandth time that day, hearing him talk to her. She couldn’t help it any more. All the emotion, all the stress, all the frustration and confusion, she couldn’t keep it inside around him anymore.

“Why are you walking away from me?” Drake questioned, confused, wanting to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her everything would be okay. He tied Max’s leash to a nearby tree as his thoughts overwhelmed him.

He wanted to be with her, but he couldn’t do that to Liam. Did Liam even love her? He had so many beautiful women to choose from. Couldn’t Drake get the girl for once?

But really, who was he kidding? He had barely touched as much as her hand since she’d been in his life, yet everything in him wanted all of her in more ways than one.

As her silence continued, Drake walked towards her. Her back still facing him, he clenched his fists, then put his hands up on his head, thinking quickly about what he should do. He knew what the right thing to do was, but that’s not what he wanted. And he didn’t think it was what she wanted either.

Biting his lip, he put his hands back down to his side, only an inch or two from her. He could smell her perfume as the wind picked up. He closed his eyes and thought back to that night when they laid in the snow together under the stars. That was when he knew he was falling for her.

Charlotte’s shoulders shook as the tears kept coming. She wiped at her eyes furiously, taking her glasses off for a moment to try to dry her face. She didn’t want Drake to see her like this.

“Charlotte…” Drake grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around quickly, to face him, as he realized she was crying. She dropped her glasses as the force of Drake spinning her, made her lose her balance slightly. “I’m meant to go, Drake…I…I have to leave…I shouldn’t be here…”

Drake and Charlotte were staring deeply into each other’s eyes, his hands were still on her arms, his thumbs swirling in circles on hers, trying to keep her warm. He didn’t realize what he was doing or what she was saying. He was only focused on one thing.

He reached for her face and held her cheek in the palm of his hand while the other arm snaked behind her, around her waist. He leaned in for a deep and passionate kiss, while stepping forward slightly, to press her body up against his.

Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him too and gave in to his kiss with fresh tears still making their way down her face. She rested her forehead against his as she tried to catch her breath. She was in disbelief, adding this to one more crazy thing that happened to her this day.

“I’m sorry…” Drake whispered.

“I’m not.” She smiled up at him, unsure of what to do or say next.

“No, I’m not sorry for the kiss…” He sighed, looking away. “I’m pretty sure I broke your glasses…” He lifted his foot and picked up Charlotte’s glasses, the frame now bent and the lens broken.

“Oh no! Drake!” She reached out and held her glasses in her hands, sighing angrily. “Ugh!”

“It was worth it.” He smirked as he pulled her in close again. “Now what was this about you leaving?” He questioned, resting his chin on her head as he hugged her.

“Drake. You know we can’t do this. We can’t be together. You’re Liam’s friend, I’m supposed to be his queen…but I don’t…” She trailed off.

“You don’t want to be with me? Did I misread the signs? The signals? Dammit, Westbrook if you’re playing me, I swear I’ll…” She interrupted his rant with another kiss, this one more passionate and filled with emotion than the first.

“Does that answer your question?” She asked breathlessly, as she pulled away from him.

“Then why are you leaving?” He searched her eyes hoping for an answer that made sense.

“Really? You’re asking me that? Don’t you get it? I have to go! I don’t love Liam. I never will. We aren’t meant to be together and I can’t fake it. Especially while I’m here. And you’re here. It’s too dangerous and difficult for me to try to hide what I’m really feeling. People will be hurt. They already ARE hurt. I’m leaving tomorrow. I already told Maxwell and Bertrand. Everyone will know by morning.”

“How are you going to leave? Just hop on a flight back to New York? You think it’s that simple, huh?”

“Yeah. Why not? You got any other ideas?” She asked, exasperated, looking around as she heard a coyote or a wolf or something howl in the distance.

“Cordonia doesn’t even have a real airport, Charlotte.” Drake huffed, getting angry. “This is not New York City. You can’t just run away from all your problems by getting out of town, you know.”

“Forget it. You don’t understand. This is a mistake. Just take me back to the castle!” Charlotte said, raising her voice.

“Please. It’s getting cold, and late and I need to finish packing.” She started walking.

She took a few steps in silence, obviously annoyed.

“Wrong way.” Drake stood still, watching her.

“Why won’t you help me?!” She asked, finally reaching her breaking point.

“Look – I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I’m sorry if this ruins your plan. I know you think I’m shallow and weak and would do anything to be a part of this royal family here, but you don’t know me!” She said forcefully.

“Do your glasses help you think? Maybe you should put them back on and see…” He walked towards her again, smiling.

“I AM going to help you, if you would calm down and listen for a second. WE are going to go back to the castle, find Liam and talk to him. Together. Then we will find a way to get back to New York, or anywhere else it is you want to go. You won’t be alone. Ever again if I can help it. We’ll do all of this with each other. Side by side.”

“Drake…I, I don’t know how this happened…just…all at once…everything’s different…” She whispered, but smiled looking at him.

“Are you smiling too? I can’t see. Without my glasses or contacts I’m blind as a bat.” She laughed, quietly.

“I’m smiling.” He chuckled. “You may not be able to see me…but I see you. And you’re beautiful. I’ve waiting too long to say that.“