#notmc

That’s what your head tells you as you look at the drunk boy in front of you. Was his name Nolan? Noah? You weren’t sure. You barely even heard what he was talking about as the held the bright red cup, his eyes slightly hazy. He was probably already drunk. 

The party was a bit too much. It was your first– and possibly your last. The music was loud, and the people were clumsy and got drunk way too fast. You felt out of place, but what’s uni life without partying? You only wished Caleb were with you. 

That drew a sigh out of you, momentarily making Nolan (whatever his name was) pause. His lips curled into a lazy smile.

“Bored?”

“No, no.. just, you know.” You shrugged, tapping his arm lightly. “I’m listening, keep going.”

He nodded, going back to his topic of the baking competition he had. Caleb loved baking. He used to make you the sweetest apple pie, back then. You ate them in the garden, laughing and talking about future plans. About how he said he’d become a pilot and fly you around. About how you said you’d be an engineer and build the plane for him. It was all so sweet back then. 

It’s not like something happened with Caleb, you were still friends. You still hang out after class– even if his department is on the other side of the campus. You even have lunch together sometimes. The only difference is that it started getting harder and harder to pretend you don’t have a big, fat crush on him. Who would’ve thought all those “I’ll marry you”s from childhood would turn into an actual wish of yours? 

You smiled at that thought, and Nolan smiled back, probably thinking you smiled at him. Crap, you really need to focus, or else you’d give him the idea that you want him. 

“Wow, 20 minutes in and you finally smiled at me.”

That got a chuckle out of you. “Sorry, I’m usually a really smiley person, you know.”

“I do, actually.” At your confused face, he continued, “We’re in the same Physics class.”

“Oh! Right, right we do.” You nod, slightly embarrassed of your poor memory. “Sorry, the drinking makes it hard to–uh, decipher faces, i guess.” You shrug. 

He laughs, ready to reply back before someone bumps into him from behind, jostling his drink. You gasp, wine sloshing dangerously close to the rim.

“Woah, hey.” You steady him gently, suddenly very aware of how close his mouth is to your ear. “I’m—” You laugh again. “Everyone is drunk.”

He studies you for a beat, eyes dropping to your mouth. “I noticed.”

Your breath stutters. Not from his look. But from the way his bangs fell on his eyes, the way his head tilted slightly. From the way he reminded you of Caleb. 

You’re old enough to know this is the point where you should step back. Make an excuse. Put the drink down and apologise again and–

“Kiss me.”

The words leave your mouth before you could soften them. Before you could laugh and brush it off as a kiss. Nolan searches your eyes for a split second before pressing his lips. It was immediate, like he was waiting for your word. You body reacts on instinct, lips parting, fingers curling into the front of his shirt. For a few seconds you let it happen, let the warmth and pressure swallow you whole.

Then you pull back, breath uneven.

“No,” you murmur, almost to yourself. “No, no you– you need to hesitate.”

He blinks, “Hesitate?”

Embarrassed heat crawled up your neck. How were you gonna explain that you wanted him to acct like someone else? 

“Just–” You gulp “Just a second longer. Like you’re deciding.”

Something like amused understanding flickers across his face. Perhaps he thought you wanted to roleplay. He nods. This time he pauses. Just a beat. Long enough to make your chest ache. His eyes gaze at yours for a split second, then he kisses you again.

You melt into it, heart stuttering. That felt better, more familiar. 

“Your head,” you whisper against his mouth. “Tilt it a little. Yeah– like that.”

He adjusts without complaint, lips brushing yours again, slower now, deeper. His hand slides to your waist, fingers spreading–

“No, not–” You catch his wrist gently, repositioning it. “Here. A little higher.”

He lets out a quiet laugh against your lips. “You’re very particular.”

“I know,” you say, too quickly. 

You closed your eyes more firmly, clutching his shirt like a lifeline. Slowly, it felt more and more like Caleb was kissing you. You could imagine him holding onto you, bringing you closer, kissing you like he finally could, like he waited all his lifetime for it. You could feel it. From the way Nolan’s hands adjusted to your waist like you asked, the way he huffed and moaned quietly.

It hits you all at once, Nolan’s lips and Caleb’s memory, threaded through it.

You don’t even feel guilty when you finally pull apart. You just bury your head in his chest, arms around him. And even as you try not to let Caleb invade your mind, you don’t realise how you were subtly comparing his size to his. You only sigh at that. 

Nolan doesn’t move, just rubs your back for a moment. He said something but you didn’t hear it. Or if you did, you didn’t remember it the next morning when you woke up back in your dorm, hangover, head hurting. You didn’t bother checking your phone as it lit near you from a notification. Probably Nolan. You’ll have some explaining to do, but for now, you get up to the bathroom to wake yourself up. Some cold water would do you good. 

On the nightstand, your phone lit again. Another notification. And another. But you were too far to hear it.