#notia

Finding an exorcist wasn’t enough. Kaden knew that much. Hell, it was no good if there was no body to work with. That didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to have to deal with this portion of the plan, didn’t want to have to face the body of his friend. So he took a shot at the bar before looking around for Cordelia. He saw what should be a familiar face across the way. Sure, she looked like Nadia, sure, but something was off. The mannerisms, the movements, every inch of her screamed that she was someone else borrowing his friend’s body. He wasn’t sure why he thought there was safety in a public space, but he was hoping there might be some to be found. “Cordelia,” he said, placing a firm grip on her shoulder. “Long time, no see.” His hand closed tighter around her, likely bruising her body, but he wanted to make a fucking point. He was ready to grab her a lot more forcefully if he had to, but hell if he hoped he didn’t have to. “How’s it been, really? I’ve got a few things we need to chat about.”

The bartender was a terrible flirt, just the kind that Nadia knew she could get a drink or two or three out of without having to even start a tab. Not that she’d even got started when she felt a familiar presence behind her and a hand clamping down on her shoulder. She was kind of impressed with Kaden’s forcefulness. He really didn’t see his friend anymore when he looked at her, did he? The room chilled around them, but she shot the bartender a reassuring wink and turned to face Kaden. “Ohmygod, Kadie!” she said, eyes wide with excitement. She was careful not to react to the way he said that name. “It’s so good to see you, really. I’ve just been so busy, I couldn’t fit you into my schedule.” She put her hand on his and dug her nails in a bit to remove it from her shoulder. “A chat? Sure, totally.” She gave him an easy grin, let he know that he didn’t scare her. She was in control here. She was in charge. Especially after everything that had happened with Arthur earlier. “What ya wanna talk about, hot stuff?”

“A lot, actually,” Kaden replied with a smirk. “I’d say I missed you but that’d be a lie. And I’m an honest man. I would never lie to you like that.” The nails in his hand were nothing. If she wanted to inflict pain, she’d have to try harder. Not that he planned to encourage her, this was the same woman who stabbed and shot him. Sill, it wasn’t like he didn’t endure cat scratches on a near daily basis. He hardly even flinched at the pain. In response, he used his other hand to grab her wrist, gripped it tight, but not enough to break any bones. Hopefully she was aware just how easy it would be. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, Cordelia. But it’s over. Jig is up. Hope you had a good last night but it’s over.”

“Aw, Kadie, you’re hurting my feelings.” Nadia pouted. But she glared at him as his hand went to her wrist. Out. She needed a way out of this. “Is there a third option, maybe?” She looked around the bar. The bartender had moved away, but she was sure he’d come back if she screamed. She should scream. There was a beer bottle in front of her. A plan, half-assed and half-formed, came into her head. “Night’s hardly even begun, babe.” With her free hand, she smashed the beer bottle over Kaden’s hand, and then she started screaming. “Help! Fuck, please help me!” The dim lights in the bar brightened momentarily with her screams before settling back down, and Nadia did her best to pry Kaden’s hand off of her and move away. If she could make it outside, then she could get away, go to the apartment, and regroup. Maybe this was proof that it was time to leave, time to move on to greener pastures. Like the Bahamas. Or somewhere in Europe.

Kaden was prepared for a fight. He knew she wasn’t going to go quietly, as much as he wished that she might. As much as he didn’t want to damage Nadia’s body too much, he would do what he had to in order to get her to come with him. “Shit!” he cursed as soon as she smashed a bottle on him. So much for having one good hand. He clenched his jaw and held tight to her, pushed past the pain, ignored the blood that was pooling on it, and across his hand. It was possible he was going to break her wrist but he wasn’t going to fucking let go, not if he could help it. Shattered glass? Funny that she tried. He was dating a banshee. Shattered glass was nothing new. “Nadia Diaz,” he shouted over her. “You’re under arrest for theft, assault, and attempted homicide.” He pulled out his badge to show the room, just in case, along with his handcuffs. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.” She tried to run, almost slipped from his hand, but he reached out and cuffed her bruised and possibly broken wrist before he continued. ”You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” Say what she wanted, he was still a fucking cop and the badge was real so she could fucking try him. “We can make this easy. Or we can make this hard,” he reiterated, trying to lead her to the door.”

“You really wanna do this?” Nadia gasped out, teeth gritted against the pain in her wrist as Kaden pulled her hands behind her back. “You wanna play the cop card?” What kind of fucking game was this asshole playing, anyway? Arresting her? Sure, whatever. She’d been arrested before. He was doing more harm than good, speaking Nadia’s name and charges out into existence among these people. There was no help to be had, just anticipation and curiosity as the bar’s patrons watched on. The badge seemed to have the same effect in warding people off from helping as salt warded a ghost from a room.. She was alone in this, and it’d be easier to just go with him. “How are you gonna deal with this, huh?” She asked quietly as she let him lead her away, craning her head back to look at him. There was a knife on his belt. She would remember that. “Get your little empath back and what? Now everybody here thinks she’s a murderer. Or did you not think this through?” She went rigid and stopped moving, forcing him to stop as well, however momentary. “Why don’t you just let me go, Langley? Instead of fucking up what’s left of Nadia Diaz’s life?”

“I really don’t but I’ll do what I have to. This is ending, Cordelia. You’re done,” Kaden said in her ear as he led her out of the bar. Shit, it was almost a power trip watching the way part in the club as they made their way to the door. He didn’t normally pull stunts like this and he definitely didn’t normally do this sort of shit as an animal control officer, but no one in that bar needed to know that. He should try this more often. Once they were outside of the bar, he led her to his animal control truck. It wasn’t exactly the same as a traditional cop car, but it looked more official than his personal truck. He really hoped no one questioned him. Because this sure as shit was far from legal. He ran into her back as she stopped short. Putain. “Really? You think you’re the only one clever enough for a con, Cordy?” He huffed out a laugh and continued to escort her to the passenger seat, swinging the door open. “You think I’m actually taking you to jail? Fuck no. You’re going somewhere much worse.” That was probably stupid to show his hands so soon. He didn’t want to have to knock her out but, shit. He was probably going to have to knock her out. Putain.

“It ends when I fucking say it does,” Nadia snarled. He felt so fucking smug. She wanted to jerk her head up into his nose and break it, but she refrained. She wasn’t going to struggle anymore. She’d have to find another way out of this. “I don’t think you have the brain power to pull off a clever con, dumbass. Even if you don’t take me to jail, you’ve outed your pal as a criminal, a murderer. And I have killed quite a few people in this town, just an FYI.” She slammed her shoulder into Kaden’s chest and grabbed the knife while he was distracted. She’d been picking pockets for years. Taking one knife off of a man’s belt was child’s play. Then she all but fell into the passenger seat, turning back to him with a sneer. “You’re going somewhere much worse,” she mocked. “Cry me a fucking river. You can kick me out and put her back in, but I still win, and I can just find someone else, someone better.” She laughed. “Not that you’d notice if I just stayed though, would you? You didn’t notice for months.” She made her eyes soft, her lips pouty. “Mimes, like, totally suck! Of course we’re friends, Kaden! I’ll totally help you look for your girlfriend! Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s gonna be okay!” She let her face go blank. “You’re an idiot. An idiot. For all your claims to know her and care for her, you and everyone else were just as fucking obtuse as her goddamn parents. An emotionally constipated girl that she slept with a handful of times figured it out before all of her little friends. You only found me out because I let you.” Nadia looked at Kaden with pure hate, knife gripped tightly in her hands. But she couldn’t use it. She slipped it into the waistband of her pants instead.

“Sure it does.” Kaden didn’t really feel like arguing with her. It hardly seemed worth it. He wouldn’t have to argue with her for too much longer. “Have I? Really? To one bar, one bartender? I have a feeling that’s not going to matter much. I don’t have any evidence. Really a shame no one was able to hold Nadia. What a trage-” He let out an ouf as she slammed into his chest. He made sure his hold on her didn’t loosen for too long and she didn’t make a run for it. Thankfully, she slid into the passenger seat without too much argument. It was about as good a scenario as he could hope for considering. His face steeled as he watched her try to play him some more. She looked like Nadia but the more she spoke, the clearer it was that this was all Cordelia. “I didn’t notice, you’re right. But I know now. So it doesn’t matter how in the fuck any of found out. Really it was your mistake for not leaving town when you had a chance.” Once, she had been able to use her words to twist his heart, tug on his strings. Not anymore. “You know, you really need to get a new routine. This one’s getting stale.” Too bad she wasn’t going to get a chance. He pulled out a taser before slamming the door and heading around to the driver’s seat. Just in case he couldn’t deal with her bullshit babbling anymore.  

“Hello, roommate! I have arrived home!” Norma called out as she hung her pirate hat onto the coat rack inside the door. The entire apartment looked bare to her. Nadia had been pairing down her belongings and attempting to make it appear more human. She wasn’t convinced she was doing a very good job but the ghost in a mortal’s body was the authority on these matters. She supposed she’d have to trust them. She stepped inside and looked around some more. “Did you leave Tom on the porch again? That’s not very nice. We need to keep him until Christmas. I heard it, too, requires a turkey. And I cannot imagine having two of them running around.” She went to the sliding glass door and let the turkey back into the apartment. It was big and smelly but she had grown strangely fond of this large feathered creature. Maybe it was because it reminded her vaguely of a shriken. She wasn’t sure. “Are we going to have more lessons today?” she asked. “I have a pen and paper and everything this time. I’ve been told that is what students bring to classes. They also always have gum in order to make bribes of friendship and annoy teachers.” She reached in her back pocket and pulled out a pack, holding it towards her roommate. “Would you like some chewing gum?”

The lack of loud colors in the apartment meant nothing when there was a loud turkey and an equally loud Norma running around, but Nadia had been nursing a cup of coffee long enough that she only flinched a bit when Norma walked in. “Hi, Norma,” she said, a bit too tired for a proper greeting. She wasn’t sleeping much, these days, and… she wasn’t cold, she didn’t get cold, but her body sometimes reacted like it was, shivering for hours before she could get it to stop. She was fine, now, but it came and it went. “Tom?” The fucking turkey. “Oh, yeah! You know, it’s actually proper etiquette that, between the holidays, the holiday turkey is kept out of living spaces. Turkeys need plenty of fresh air, you know. And grass. Keep ‘em inside for too long and they get interior depression.” The turkey thing had been Norma’s idea, sure, but Nadia was rolling with it because, fuck, it was funny. Annoying as hell, but so, so funny. “Yeah, I’m down for more lessons.” They were pretty fun, especially when half the shit that came out of her mouth was made up. Sure, she gave Norma a few good pointers; she didn’t want the woman to get caught and end up killing this body because of some bad advice. “Yes, perfect. It’s always good to take notes. You’ll be quizzed on all of this, later.” She took a stick of gum. “Thank you. See, politeness. A very useful tool.” She popped the gum in her mouth and settled in for the inquisition. “So, what do you wanna know today?”

“Yes, Tom the Turkey. He informed me that was his name through a series of gobbles.” Norma started scribbling notes already as the turkey started to follow her around. “I think he also says that he much prefers the indoors, but we will take your advice into consideration.” She sat on the couch, sitting on the edge with rapt attention with her pen in hand, ready to learn. She would have to take good notes if there was going to be a quiz. Did she need a highlighter? She saw most people studying used one of those and they looked like fun. Oh, right. She had to pay attention. “Well you rearranged my apartment and I’m still not sure as to why. So more about that, please. And as well, I need to understand how a book of faces works. And why toks tik. And what a yeet is. And what humans shop for. There are so many shops and strange items to purchase, I don’t understand the value structure. Did you know that some rocks cost more than others? Why? They’re all rocks. It’s very odd.”

“You… understand the turkey.” It wasn’t a question, but Nadia still cast a doubtful glance towards the creature, looking into its beady eyes for a sign of intelligence. It, Tom, whatever, stared back. Even though the turkey blinked first, Nadia felt like she’d lost a battle of wills or some shit. “Well, thank you both so much for your consideration.” She looked around the apartment, grateful that it wasn’t in the same state that it’d been when she arrived, though it was still a bit odd. The flamingos had been allocated to outside, and she’d managed to get rid of most of those damn trophies. The furniture was better put together, though she didn’t have the patience to really build shit, and she’d short circuited the fucking apartment twice putting things together, but it looked less like an alien lived in the joint. Instead, it looked like an alien and their human roommate lived there. “Okay, so I rearranged things to look, like, more human. Yeah, yeah, all the shit here was very human, but too much human stuff makes you look… less human and more human impersonating. Also, some of that shit was old and obsolete. You don’t need it. Now it looks more liveable, you feel?”

Nadia chewed thoughtfully on her gum. “Okay, so a book with faces on it’s like one of those people from Game of Thrones that’ll steal your face and pretend to be you, but a Facebook is a website, like that town forum thing but with more videos of cats and babies. Uhhh, toks tik is, like, a clock metaphor, and to yeet is to projectile vomit, I think. Humans are dumb, but they typically make purchases for necessity and amusement, in that order if they’re smart.” This was something that she knew about. “Necessity’s like food, water, booze… Toilet paper and hygiene stuff. Amusement’s literally anything to keep them entertained for their short, short lives.” And she knew all about that, didn’t she? “Most of the stuff you’ve got here’s amusement purchases. You need more necessities. Some stores specialize in certain things, be it necessity things or amusement things. And the rock thing is all about rarity and aesthetic. Some rocks are more valuable because they’re prettier, shinier, or because they’re so damn hard to get a hold of. Then, of course, there’s paper money, where someone just wrote a number on a piece of paper and the rest of us are supposed to go along with it like chumps.” Nadia snorted. “Don’t get me wrong, I love money, but it’s fuckin’ useless.”

“Well I can’t be completely sure but he’s easier to understand than most humans, I will say that much,” Norma said. Tom gobbled in agreement before waddling off looking for seeds. The entire apartment felt oddly empty now that Nadia had rearranged it and had removed some of her belongings. They had all been meaningless but she had come to enjoy them and the sense of familiarity they brought. “Old? None of it was very old. All of it was from the last century at least. That is very recent, let me tell you. Nothing has even started to rust yet.” There was barely any dust, too. She had been very proud of this fact. Humans were always so dusty. As Nadia talked, Norma scribbled furiously, taking as many notes as she could. They were in a few different languages, mostly something that just amounted to furious scribbles. She wasn’t entirely sure what note taking actually entailed but it seemed like she was doing it the same way she had observed. It’s not like she needed to read these later anyway. “Food, water, booze. Booze? This is alcohol, correct? That is necessary? Interesting. I do find humans more tolerable when inebriated.” It made them drop their inhibitions and without those, they were far more prone to chaos. She did very much appreciate the improved hygiene over the years, she would say that much. Her face scrunched up in confusion again. “Wait, money is useless? Then why is it so often considered valuable and a thing that mortals will both risk and waste their lives on?”

“Seriously?” Nadia asked, marginally curious. “What does he say?” She watched the turkey, completely confused by the dynamic that he and Norma had going on but, really, it wasn’t the weirdest thing about her roommate. Norma was odd as hell, and that was saying something because some of the fuckers Nadia had worked with over the years had been strange. “Anything older than, like, twenty years is considered old. Some old things are good. Old might mean that it’s worth more, or is considered vintage. But, sometimes old is shitty.” She paused. “Phones older than, like, three years are very shitty.” She peaked at Norma’s notes, frowning at what looked like a mess of squiggly lines. What the fuck? Some of that couldn’t even be an actual language. “You gonna be able to study those later?” she teased. But then she sobered up. “Booze is alcohol, yes, and it’s absolutely a necessity. The drinking kind, not the medical kind. That kind’s not important. But it’s vital that humans have alcohol at least once a week, unless their lame and abstain from that kinda thing. But yeah, most people are way better to be around drunk.” It made them more fun and easier to manipulate. Nadia was a fan of doing business in bars. “Because people apply a fictitious value to slips of paper, and people think they’ve got to work themselves to death to get it, which is dumb. It’s just paper. Just, like, take it.”

Norma thought that Nadia’s question was very strange. “He gobbles a lot. And makes strange clucking noises. Your ears function, yes?” She shook her head. Did she think the turkey spoke in English? That was very silly. Tom made another gurgling noise and she nodded. “You’re right, Tom. Humans are simple minded.” She made a mental note (and a scribble in her notebook) to get Tom more grain. He seemed to enjoy it very much. “Twenty years?!” Norma shot up and practically dropped her pencil. “That’s so recent! Like a blink of an eye!” She let out a huge sigh and reached down for her writing utensil. “How am I supposed to remember what’s recent? That’s such a short time span, the next twenty years are almost here.” She broke the tip of the pencil at her next eplatantion. “Three years? Why do you bother having these gadgets if they are immediately outdated? Why bother? This is silly! That’s no time at all. Do you all really think a year is a long time? Like it matters? This is exhausting. How do you all live so slowly and quickly at the same time?” This felt hopeless. She threw her pencil away, behind the couch. It didn’t matter. “So all humans need alcohol to survive and I can just take their paper money. What about their plastic money? That one is mostly unlimited, right? The currency that is allowed on the small rectangular cards? I ran into some issues the other day but I think I resolved it.”

“Yes, my ears fucking function.” Nadia sighed. “I don’t think that the turkey speaks English. I was wondering if you spoke turkey. How the hell do you understand him?” Asshole. But she didn’t call Norma that, didn’t want to come off as too much of a jackass, even though Norma was the one to start the name calling with that simple minded shit. “Yeah, twenty years is pretty recent, I guess. In the grand scheme of things,” Nadia mused. “But not all of us live for… how long have you been around again?” She was hoping, maybe this time, Norma would say. She was beyond curious about her seemingly ancient roommate. “Technology upgrades at a rapid pace. New stuff comes out every few months, each thing better and more technologically advanced than the last. We’ve come a pretty long way from the invention of the wheel.” She laughed a bit bitterly. “Good question! I did the smart thing and just upgraded bodies when the old one expired.” She took a sip of coffee, glad that Norma was at least absorbing some information. “Yes, and you can, but you’ve got to be sneaky about it. It’s not taking so much as stealing. And you can steal the plastic money, credit cards, they’re called, too, but you gotta be especially sneaky, and you can’t use them for long, or you’ll be tracked. Credit cards are pretty simple: you use one, and they charge you for it. Not immediately, but eventually. I don’t use ‘em. I don’t trust banks.” They were only good for being robbed.

“I don’t speak turkey, I just understand the turkey. It’s very different.” Norma gave an exasperated sigh. It was far less complicated than being human was so it was strange to her to get such pushback about it. Tom agreed. She could tell by the ruffling of his feathers. “I lost track,” Norma said nonchalantly as she doodled severed heads and some intestines spilling on the floor, along with some nice bleeding hearts with knives through them. “Based on your current calendar, quite a few centuries, I believe. But there have been other calendars and other systems of time so it’s all rather subjective and silly.” She added some more blood splatters around the heart with a flourish of her pen. “The real solution would be to get a better, less human body,” she said, mostly to herself, with another sigh. “Can you upgrade bodies like technology? That’s only a ghost thing, correct?” She had a feeling if humans could, they would. They tried so hard as it was to appear less old and feeble as they progressively aged. “Stealing. That’s a thing that is against the human laws, right? Most of them seem to be very against that. I know there are many in different places but that one has always been frowned upon. Humans are very possessive despite the fact their goods and money does not go with them to death.” Her next doodle was a man dying by way of a small plastic rectangle. ‘What’s not to trust about banks, though? Is that not where the money lives? Which you need. Please explain.”

Nadia blinked at Norma, unsure if this was a topic she wanted to keep discussing. “Okay.” It wasn’t. She cocked her head a bit looking at Norma’s paper with raised eyebrows. Violent. She could get behind that. “Damn, okay. That’s, like, an impressively long time. And you don’t age or…” Norma didn’t look much older than Nadia Diaz’s body. At the most, Norma didn’t look any older than Nadia had been the first time she’d died. “Right, right. Super subjective. Very silly. Time’s an illusion, and all that.” She raised her eyebrows a bit. “I mean, you’re not wrong or anything, but less human bodies aren’t exactly easy to find, you know? Outside of this town, at least.” She kind of liked her humanness, too. It was familiar and useful. So what if she couldn’t light herself on fire or have supernatural strength? She could blend in, and humans were in an abundant supply. They trusted their own, even if they didn’t always realize that other species existed. “Yeah, it’s just a ghost thing. I kinda dig this body, though. She’s worked well for me for, like, over six years, now.” She wouldn’t give up this body without a fight, at this point. Besides, it’d literally die without her in it, now, since Nadia Diaz was gone. “Stealing, yeah. It’s definitely against human laws, but laws are subjective. What’s another person to tell me what I can and can’t do, you know?” She grinned lazily, leaning back. “Doesn’t matter. We like to look good, impressive, for the living. Nothing’s more exciting to most people than being better than everyone around them. Wealth makes them believe they’re better. And banks steal money. They all just work for big corporations and the government, and they’re fucking useless when people come along and take your money from you.” Like Nadia literally did all the time. “Why should a group of bureaucratic assholes be in charge of the value of pieces of paper? It’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Physically? No, not really,” Norma answered, eyes still glued to her paper and the hatch marks she was adding to the spleen sketch to add some shading. “For the most part I believe I look relatively the same as I did when I was last human.” The words always felt a bit like boiling water in her mouth. To admit she was ever anything so plain was shameful and never something she enjoyed advertising to her demonic cohorts. They all thought they were so much better than her because they had never once been mortal but it was not her fault that her near godhood was delayed a few years. It hardly mattered in the grand scheme of eternity anyway. “If you say so. You are right, however. There really is an overabundance of humans. I see why it would be much easier to acquire one of their bodies. But you should really consider a siren. I think it would suit you.” Norma tilted her head to get a better look at her work. She ripped the page out, crumpled it up and tossed it behind her before she started on her next set of illustrations. Norma was unsure if anything that Nadia was saying about these bureaucratic institutions were correct but she found herself nodding along in the appearance of understanding and solidarity, something they had gone over in the previous weeks. Questions were an indication of non human behavior, at least that was what she had been told by her current tutor. “So we steal money to be wealthy and toppled the banks. Very much noted,” she said, letting out a small sigh as she finally looked back up at her current roommate. “This is all very nice. Thank you. I appreciate you. But can you just show me how to find the cat videos in the world wide web again instead?”

People had to sleep. People with heartbeats, even faint ones, had to sleep, and Nadia was no such person, even if she was able to, occasionally, hang out with them. Regan had to sleep, Blanche had to sleep, and Sammy was kind, and sweet, but sometimes, sometimes, Nadia needed to be alone. Even like this, she was an introvert. But she liked being in places where there was life and light and noise. Even when she was younger and at home, she liked to take walks by herself, exploring the neighborhood where she lived. There was always light, always evidence of life. White Crest wasn’t Phoenix, though. Sometimes, the streets were just dead. But she wandered them anyway, trying to keep herself tethered in the moment. One foot, then another. She made sure her feet didn’t slip into the sidewalk, made sure that she avoided fire hydrants and light poles and cracks. If she didn’t pay attention, if she wasn’t careful, she’d end up blinking and it would be morning or mid afternoon. Losing time was the scariest. She didn’t know where she went, and she was so worried that one day she wouldn’t make it back. She moved her boot out of a weed that grew up through a crack in the concrete, concentrating more on her steps than where she was actually going.

 Remmy needed to find Nadia, and they needed to find her fast. She was going to do something stupid, or hurt someone, or someone was going to hurt her, and Remmy needed to help. They had to help. They’d failed Lydia, they couldn’t help Deirdre, and Constance was seeming more and more like a lost cause. There had to be at least someone they could help, right? There just had to be. Their feet pounded the pavement as they ran around town. They didn’t know where they were going, or what they were looking for, but they just needed to keep going. To find her. She had to be somewhere, but she was probably good at hiding. She was a criminal, after all. She’d hurt people, just like Lydia, just like Deirdre. So why did Remmy care so much? Was she really lying the entire time? They couldn’t decide. They just needed to see her, find her. They need to-- “Nadia?” They skidded to a stop. There she was, across the road, except-- she was see through. “Wait-- real Nadia?” They crossed the street quickly, dodging a car on their way. “I thought you were with Blanche? And-- oh, shit, sorry. Uh, I’m Remmy. Blanche’s friend. Are you-- what are you doing out here?”

 Looking up at the sound of her name, Nadia locked eyes with the stranger as they walked towards her, a bit surprised that someone could see her. Was this a stranger? They clearly knew her far better than she knew them and-- and they looked familiar. Like someone from a dream. “Real Nadi-- I mean, yeah, sort of?” She was, she was, she was. She was real. “Yes, I’m real.” She looked around, made sure that they wouldn’t be overheard. The street was pretty dead, aside from the two of them aside from the car that almost hit this person, causing Nadia to flinch and reach out like it’d do something. Though, maybe that meant that it was still quite dead. At least on her end. She was a bit confused. “I, uh, I’m staying with Blanche, I, like, bounce between her apartment and a friend’s cabin. But they sleep, you know, and I don’t, so sometimes I just… walk.” Remmy. It took her a second to process. Remmy. Nadia’s eyes widened, and she imagined she’d feel sick if she actually had a stomach. “Oh, god, fuck, you’re-- I’m so sorry, and we’ve-- I almost fucking killed you.” She put a hand over her mouth, and then she just stared at them. The way they’d started talking to her didn’t make sense. Why did they differentiate her as the real Nadia? “You… You weren’t looking for me, were you?” she asked quietly.

 “Shit, s-sorry, I didn’t mean like--” Remmy started, but immediately stopped, because they didn’t know what they did mean. “I meant you’re actually Nadia. Not...Cordelia Nadia.” It still felt strange saying the name and attributing it to someone who had asked to be called a different name. But Remmy supposed it wasn’t fair to Naida, either, to have her name stolen like that.  “What? Oh, n-no, you don’t have to apologize for that! It wasn’t you. It was, you know, other you,” a beat, “Cordelia.” They looked around the street, wondering if she was somehow nearby, “I-- no,” they admitted quietly, bouncing on the balls of their toes. “Sorry. I just-- I think she’s going to do something stupid again. And I--” how did they explain to Nadia that they might actually care about the person possessing her body? That they didn’t want her to suffer anymore than she needed to? Would Nadia hate them? They swallowed. “Is everything okay? I-- I mean of course it’s not okay okay, you lost your body, but I just mean…you look kinda lost.”

 “Hey, no, don’t apologize, seriously,” Nadia said, feeling bad for the way Remmy stumbled over their words. “But, yeah, I’m just Nadia.” It was a struggle, to imagine that someone thought of her and Cordelia as a… the same. Maybe the same was too strong of a word, but having the same face, the same voice. It reminded her, just a bit, about the fact that for awhile after everything with Kaden and Regan in the cabin, she hadn’t been able to tell where she ended and Cordelia began. “I was there, though. I remember… flashes. It might as well have-- I was there.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “You know, I didn’t know her name until pretty recently. You can-- I mean, she’s Nadia, to you. You can call her that.” She frowned, torn between anger and absolute fear at the thought that Cordelia could be doing something awful. “Of course, of course she’s doing something stupid. I mean, she doesn’t have anyone to stop her, and she’s spiralling.” Nadia looked away. “Not, like, that I was good at stopping her.” Did she really look lost? She looked around the street. She was lost. “I mean, it’s going? I’m, uh, it’s totally going. You? I mean, it’s been-- How long has it been? Since-- since. Are you okay?”

 “Well, I mean…” Remmy started, rubbing the back of their head, “even if you were there, I-I don’t blame you. Or her, really, but that’s...complicated…” they muttered, glancing down. They knew everyone else thought Cordelia was bad and nothing but, but Remmy had seen a side of her they supposed she hadn’t shown anyone else here. There was a lost, scared girl inside of all the rage and anger and loneliness, and Remmy just wanted to reach her. Just once. Remmy wanted to try and save her. “No, no,” Remmy said, shaking their head, “she’s Cordelia. She’s just...confused, I think. She died really young, and that’s-- well, I think anyone would be desperate for a second chance if they got it, like that. And I-- I wanna stop her. I wanna help her. I know she’s done some real bad shit and you don’t have to agree with me or even like me, but I--” they swallowed, “I think she deserves a chance to go peacefully.” Nadia’s next words struck Remmy a little painfully in the chest. They looked away. “I’m fine, really. I-- got over it, obviously. It, um-- there was a way to stop the poison, I guess. My friend helped me. So, really, I’m okay.”

 “Uh, thanks. Thanks,” Nadia said quietly. She didn’t know how they couldn’t blame her, or Cordelia. Cordelia had poisoned them. Cordelia had robbed people. Cordelia had killed people. There were a lot of things for her to be blamed for, a lot of things that Nadia would be blamed for. “Confused is… a word for her, yeah.” But she personally didn’t think that Cordelia was confused at all. “I was a lot younger than her when she possessed me for the first time,”  she muttered. Twenty-one, actually, in comparison to Cordelia’s mid-thirties or whatever. Not even out of college, not having lived her life. At least Cordelia had gotten to have a dazzling career. She frowned, though, but she wasn’t mad. If anything, she understood what Remmy was saying. “I’m not, like, upset that you want to help her. I mean, you know more about her than I do, you probably got to see a side of her that I’m probably not even capable of seeing in her. I don’t-- I don’t want her to suffer. She should get to move on.” She paused and looked at her feet. “I just don’t think that’s possible.” She sighed in relief. “I’m glad your friend was there. Morgan, right? She figured everything out pretty quick, you know. I, like, vaguely remember her. She cares a lot about you.”

 “And I was a lot younger than her when I died,” Remmy pointed out, “that doesn’t mean it wasn’t…” But they didn’t finish. Justifying Cordelia to Nadia didn’t seem quite like the right move. They shook their head. “All I mean is...it’s not meant to be comparable. And I-- I’m so sorry,” they deflated, “that that happened to you. I can’t even...imagine what it’s like, to have your life stolen.” Well, they could a little. Not in the same way as Nadia, sure, but their life had been stolen from them the second they signed those recruitment papers. And now, almost fifteen years later, they were finally getting it back. “Maybe it’s not possible anymore, but I-- I can’t just give up without trying. And if-- if she’s doing something stupid or bad, I might be the only person who can stop her. So I have to try.” It was that simple, really. They just had to try. “Morgan? Oh, um--” they looked around, then back at Nadia, “Y-yeah, she’s...yeah. I know.” Even if she hated their guts right now. Even if she looked at them like they were just as bad as Constance right now. They looked back at Nadia. “I-- I don’t want to like, leave you if you need help or anything, but I-- I really should go find Cordelia. You can um, come with if you want? She can’t see you, right?”

 “Wait, dead? You’re… That’s why you can see me, isn’t it? I’m--” Nadia laughed a bit anxiously “I think you probably know me better than I know you.” She didn’t think she was going to get used to someone knowing about her because of Cordelia, recognizing her even when she’d never met them before in her life. “I get what you mean,” she said. “I do. I really do. It’s not comparable, and she was-- is a person.” And people sometimes ruin lives. It was a thing. Cordelia was a piece of shit, but… Nadia would have felt bad, saying that in front of Remmy. “Hey, no, don’t apologize. You don’t have to-- It really could be a lot worse. At least I can actually try to return to my body.” That was more than Nadia could say for Cordelia. She did feel bad for the ghost. She did, she really did. But that didn’t change that Nadia knew she was going to have to be destroyed. “You’re a good person for trying, you know? You really are.” She watched Remmy for a bit, wishing she hadn’t said something that made them stutter like that. But when they asked if she wanted to join them, she just shook her head. “No, I can’t come with you. I don’t… She’ll know I’m there. I’ve been able to sense ghosts since the first exorcism, and she-- I think she’d recognize me.” The thought of that would have made her sick if she’d been able. She smiled softly instead. “I think I’m just gonna walk around for a bit more. It’s a nice night. But… I hope you find her, and I hope that you still recognize in her the person that you care so much about. You deserve that, Remmy.” She didn’t have to be an empath to see how kind they were. They deserved kindness in return.

 “Oh, um-- yeah,” Remmy stuttered, forgetting that being undead wasn’t really common knowledge, “I thought maybe you knew since...she knew.” Cordelia knew what Remmy was and she hadn’t told another soul, but she still wanted Remmy to believe she didn’t-- or couldn’t-- care about them. It was contradictory, really. “It’s-- yeah.” Complicated was the only word that came to mind, but it was more than that. “I-- I’m sorry she did all that to you. No one deserves that…” they shuffled a little on the sidewalk, looking at her as she explained why she wouldn’t come with. It made sense, of course she didn’t want to come with. Remmy suddenly felt bad for ever asking. “S-sorry, no, I-- sorry…” They back peddled a little, rubbing the nape of their neck. “It’s, um-- yeah. Thanks, I-- I hope she is, too. Just-- take care of yourself until you can get your body back, okay, Nadia? You-- a lot of people care about you.” 

 “We didn’t really communicate that much, surprisingly. Most of the things I know about her are from her feelings, or other people.” Or the things she’d done. Nadia almost didn’t know what to do with this situation, seeing the way someone actually viewed Cordelia in something other than a negative light. “Thanks,” she said, and she meant it. Remmy seemed so kind. She worried, for a moment, that Cordelia would do something to take that from them, but she had to hope that Remmy’s kindness was stronger than any bullshit that Cordelia could throw their way. “You don’t have to apologize, I swear. I even appreciate that you asked. I just… can’t face her. Not right now.” She would, soon, and she wasn’t quite ready to deal with that, yet. “I’ll do my best. And, uh, thanks. Take care of yourself, too, Remmy.” She paused, wanted to say more, to warn them, but she didn’t think they’d appreciate it. Instead she waved and walked off, and she hoped they found what-- who-- they were looking for.

 Remmy watched Nadia go for a moment, wondering if what they were doing was really right, or good. But they weren’t sure, either, that they had time to linger on that thought. After every other failure they’d been through, they felt as if they had to put everything they had left into this. Into helping at least one person. Into proving that they could be better than Lydia. That they could stand their ground on their convictions. Once Nadia was out of sight, they turned, and started back on their search. They had to find Cordelia, they just had to. They spent almost the whole night looking, they were worried dawn was going to break before they could find her. It was a good thing zombies couldn’t get tired. They spotted her, finally, coming out of a bar, and once Remmy stopped, they realized that a zombie could get tired, just not physically. Their heart felt heavy. “Nadia?” they called out, keeping a distance from her. She wouldn’t have known they were coming, she couldn’t feel their emotions. “I-It’s Remmy.”

 Honestly, Nadia couldn’t tell if her head was fuzzy because she’d drank too much or from the overpowering scent of someone else’s perfume. Or maybe it was from the heady feeling of being surrounded by so many people, so many emotions. But it was very fuzzy by the time she walked out of the bar. She didn’t even realize someone was calling her name until she looked up. She saw Remmy and smiled, momentarily excited to see a face that she knew liked her. Before she remembered that it wasn’t so certain that they liked her at all. The smile quickly faded, though she took a step forward, legs steady despite being pretty fucking drunk and in heels. “Heya, Remmy,” she said, putting a smile back in place. She was briefly reminded of the first time she’d met them; they’d found her in the middle of the night, then, too. She wondered if this was something they just did, wandering around in search of damsels in distress. “How’s it going?”

 Cordelia was drunk, Remmy could tell that much. They almost felt a hiccup of hope when she smiled at them, but it was washed away when the smile faded and her eyes turned sharp. They paused, unsure if they should approach. She wasn’t trying to shoot them or stab them, yet, so that was nice. Did she know how to kill a zombie? Would she try and kill them? They took a tentative step forward. “I was looking for you,” they said in lieu of answering her question. They were sure that wasn’t really what she meant when she asked it. “I just want to talk,” they said, taking another step, trying to not scare her off. If she ran, they supposed they could run faster and probably catch her, but chasing her down wasn’t really something they felt like doing at the moment. Or ever. “Can we go somewhere?”

 “Looking for me?” Nadia asked, and a smirk worked its way onto her features, cool and not at all kind. “Well, cutie, you found me.” Maybe the night was salvageable. She wasn’t going to kill Remmy-- after the first failed attempt, she didn’t even think she could. But she could still have fun with them, if they behaved. If they didn’t try to turn her in to that fucking medium. “Talking’s no fun.” She pouted, just a bit, as she walked towards them. Hopefully, she wouldn’t startle them away. She wished she could tell what they were feeling, even if they did wear their heart on their sleeve. Seeing wasn’t the same as knowing. She was close to them, almost close enough to touch. “Where do you wanna go?” she asked, voice practically a purr. “What do you wanna do?” She hoped this wasn’t some redemption bullshit, though she figured it probably was, unfortunately. As long as they didn’t try anything foolish, though, she wouldn’t have to fuck ‘em up. 

 Remmy could feel their throat beginning to close as Cordelia came closer. But they stood their ground, didn’t move. Swallowed the lump in their throat and looked at her with steady eyes. “I just said,” they pointed out, “I just wanna talk. And, I dunno-- make sure you’re not doing something stupid. You...kinda seemed like you were going to do something stupid.” Whatever that meant, Remmy wasn’t sure. They knew that Cordelia wasn’t a good person-- in life or death-- and that she was no a poltergeist, but something in them just wouldn’t let go of her. Something in them so desperately held on to the idea that they could do something to save her from herself. From the pain that she would surely endure if she tried to hang on to Nadia’s body. And maybe that was just it, maybe Remmy already ached so much for her knowing the pain they’d both gone through, and not wanting her to have to feel that again. “We can go to the park,” they offered quietly, “there’s some secluded benches.”

 “Well, damn.” Nadia said, but she wasn’t particularly surprised. “Like I said, talking’s no fun.” She narrowed her eyes, feeling indignant rage bubbling under the surface. “Something stupid? Like what? Be specific, Remmy. What kind of stupid things would I be doing?” She hadn’t killed anyone tonight, that wasn’t stupid. It wouldn’t have even been stupid if she’d killed someone; it’d have been thrilling. She almost regretted not going home with someone, especially with the way this conversation was going. She gritted her teeth, though, counted to ten, and then let out a sigh. “I wasn’t gonna fuckin’ do anything stupid. But, yeah, alright. Yeah. Park sound’s nice.” Fuck. She bent down, taking off her heels and losing a couple of inches. She looked Remmy in the eyes, motioning them forward with the hand that had her shoes dangling from her fingers. “After you, then.”

 “I dunno, getting yourself hurt,” Remmy said immediately, wondering where the bite in their voice came from. Wondering why they were still so concerned with someone who clearly didn’t want to be saved. “Falling out of more windows, maybe?” They waited a moment for her, wondering if she would even go with them, or if she’d turn and walk the other way the second they walked by. But they sighed and trudged forward, and motioned for her to follow, leading them down the street from the bar to the Common. It was always so eerily quiet here at night, like a bubble existed around the area that tried its hardest to keep out all the shit from the town. Remmy led them to a bench and sat down, hoping Cordelia would join them. “Are you...how are you?” they asked, suddenly realizing even after all their searching and all their worry, they had no idea what they actually wanted to say to her. 

 A look of mock hurt worked its way onto Nadia’s features. “That was one time. You ever gonna let that one go?” Truth be told, the sharpness in their tone wasn’t something that she expected or really liked. She knew Remmy was pissed at her. Like, it was a fucking given after the hurt their medium pal. But she’d hoped that they still saw enough of a person in her to not to express their anger. She stewed on that as they walked, Remmy’s back to her, briefly. She could’ve just walked away. She probably should have. But she’d liked them, once upon a time, before they’d hurt her. She wanted them to still like her, too. She sat beside them, angling her knees to brush against theirs. “Me? Oh, I’m doing fucking fantastic. New place to sleep, new jobs. I go out every night, have a ton of fun. I’m really living my best life, I think.” She’d killed four people, watched the life fade from their eyes. It was like she was adding more life to herself, everytime she did it. “What about you, cutie? You making it?”

 “No,” Remmy said with a shrug, “probably not.” They knew Cordelia wasn’t a good person-- she hurt people. She hurt Blanche on purpose. She was a poltergeist. She had probably killed people at this point. But Remmy couldn’t let go of the want, the need, to try and get through to her somehow. They were done watching people suffer. They just wanted one person to hold onto. Their eyes fell to their touching knees and Remmy swallowed. Once upon a time, they’d have liked this. Sitting here, talking to her. Being near her. Once upon a time, Remmy thought they might have actually liked her in a way more than friends. “So you’re happy?” they asked, looking back up at her. “I’m-- kind of struggling. Surprised you care to ask, though. I thought you hated me.”

 Rolling her eyes, Nadia snorted. “Of course you won’t.” Had she even thought, for a moment, that they would? No, Remmy didn’t seem like the kind of person to let anything go, even when it’d end up better for them. Hell, they’d seemed so sure that they could still help her move on, even when they both knew she was passed that point. Moving on wasn’t an option anymore. “Happy?” she asked, rolling the word over on her tongue. Was she? Depended on what qualified as happy. Killing, stealing, and just fucking destroying things gave her a major sense of satisfaction, but she didn’t know if that qualified as happy. Still, she gave them a large grin. “Babe, I’m ecstatic with the way my life’s going right now.” She let it shift off of her features just as quickly as it came, though, sighing sharply through her nose. “Should I not have asked? I don’t hate you, Remmy. You upset me, and I wanted you to fuck off, but I don’t hate you. I hate a lot of people and things and even places, but you’re not one of ‘em.” She actually didn’t know what she thought of them. She really didn’t hate them, but she was more lukewarm to them than she had been. She could still act like she cared, though. What she was hadn’t ripped her off all abilities to be a damn good actress. “I’m sorry you’re struggling. Seriously, you don’t deserve to.”

 The hesitation was all it took for Remmy to know Cordelia was lying. But they weren’t going to point that out. Blanche had said she was a poltergeist, she was beyond saving-- but here she was, sitting here, talking to them. Normally. She wasn’t hurting anyone right now, was she? Would she hurt someone else if Remmy let her go? Had she already hurt people tonight? They looked away. Lydia was unsaveable now, dead and gone and irredeemable. But Cordelia was still here. She still had a chance to change and do the right thing, poltergeist or not. Right? “That’s just life though, isn’t it? A struggle.” They looked back over at her, into her eyes. As if pleading with her to hear them out. “You really don’t hate me? I mean, I’m glad you don’t,” they sighed, “I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it, if you did. So many things have changed, so many people have hurt me. I don’t why I’m trying so hard for you, Cor-- er, Nadia…” They rubbed their head again. “Sorry.” Sometimes it felt like they didn’t know anything, anymore. They were losing so much, letting go of someone else, however cruel they might be, felt too painful.

 “I mean, sure, life’s a struggle, but it’s not supposed to be all the time.” Nadia would stand by that, especially now. “Sometimes it’s gotta be fun, you know?” Things had been mostly fun for her, lately. Or, least, boring, with brief flashes of fun that she chased like a hungry hound after a rabbit. She couldn’t handle boredom like she could before. She chalked it up to… not quite missing Nadia Diaz, but not being used to her not being there. Even when Nadia had been asleep, she’d still been a presence in the back of Nadia’s mind, and it was odd not to have her there. She had to fill the emptiness somehow. Dancing, fucking, killing. She had to fill it somehow. “No, I really don’t hate you. You haven’t really done anything hate worthy.” And they hadn’t, seriously. Hating them would be so easy; it was pretty fucking easy to hate everything, but she didn’t want to. Hating them would take time outta hating other things. She felt a muscle in her jaw twitch at their words, though, and she looked away. “I’m-- that’s shitty. I don’t know why you’re trying so hard for me, either, though. I mean, I’m hot, totally.” She sighed. “Cordelia Gregory is dead. Her body? Worm food. But Nadia Diaz’s heart’s still beating, and I’m the one that’s making it beat. Until I stop it, I’m Nadia. Okay?”

 Remmy was quiet for a long time. They didn’t quite understand why Cordelia wanted so badly to be Nadia. Not just in name, but in body, too, it seems. If she had loved her life so much, then why was she trying so hard to leave it behind. Remmy let out a long breath. They knew what they had to say was only going to anger or upset Cordelia, but they knew, at this point, it needed to be said. “But she isn’t dead,” they finally stated, turning a tentative eye to look over at her sat beside them on the bench, “she’s you.” They reached up, slowly, and put a hand on her chest, over her heart. “You might have Nadia’s body, but you’re still Cordelia, you know. It’s the spirit, the mind, that makes someone a person. Not the body. Not the fingerprints or the hair or the eyes. Cordelia Gregory’s body might be worm food, but she doesn’t have to be.” They looked into her eyes squarely, “You don’t have to suffer.”

 “Yeah, well, outside of this body, I’m pretty fucking dead.” Nadia looked down at where Remmy’s hand pressed against her chest, Nadia Diaz’s frantic heart beating in her chest. Because it was her heart, she’d won it fair and square but… it also wasn’t, and there was little she could do to change that. She leaned away, though she gave them a savage grin. “Cordelia’s dead, Remmy. You wouldn’t have liked her, anyway. Or maybe you would’ve, if your taste in people’s as shitty as it seems.” She couldn’t do this. Nadia looked away from Remmy, standing. “I’ve got nothing waiting for me but suffering, babe. I wracked up enough of it when I was Cordelia. Forgive me for trying to outrun it while I can.” Actually, all she had waiting for her was nothing. That’s all she had left for herself. “But, hey, I like being like this. I wanted this. Can’t complain for getting what I wanted.” Nadia gave them a wink. “It’s been fun, cutie, but I’ve got thing to do. I’ll walk you home if you don’t try and save my soul.”